she sold my beagle to a farm because she couldn't be fucked to take basic care of him
she used to beat me with kitchen utensils and sacks of potatoes until i got big enough to fight back
she was super fundy right wing christian and refused to let me even watch wholesome cartoons (ren and stimpy was 'satanic')
PS my mothers death affected my dad so deeply that he, 27 years later, refuses to show even basic emotion
something switched off inside him
You know my Dad had a temper and we'd all get a smack now and then but he was from Iraq and even as a kid I kinda knew he just thought that's what parents did. But seriously a sack of potatoes? Jesus christ. At best that was a ten pound blunt object. Like I am amazed you are alive Beasteh. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
My father had a temper
A belt was the softest thing he would use everything from a golf club, a broom to a garden hoe I was hit with. I still remember the fist he put through the wall into the next apt cleanly because he was that angry.
Really it was sad that we got along better as adults than as father and son.
It was this and other reasons is why my mother made me take in essence a oath that I would not hit another person out of anger or just because.
My dad would leave us in the car in the parking lot in the middle of summer for 4+ hours while he tied one on in the local pizza restaurant/bar.
Mom liked to completely destroy everything in the house if she decided it wasn't clean enough.
Hilarity!
Sorry to hear that. This one goes out to you.
Meh. My parents were a god damn joke and hilariously stupid when it came to kids but it never crossed into the horror stories that some people have to deal with. Nothing sexual, no repeated physical abuse (although dad did like his belt whipping).
For ACTUAL funnies:
Dad would always buy me model cars for Christmas and Birthdays and then put them together himself. I finally bought HIM one for his birthday and you would have thought I had just shit in a box for him he was so offended.
Whenever we went on a weekend trip, right as everyone was in the car, Mom would yell out OH WAIT and them run back in the house to call people. She would be there for as long as two hours. To this day, none of us have any idea who she was calling or what it was about and she denies ever doing it.
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KakodaimonosCode fondlerHelping the 1% get richerRegistered Userregular
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
She needs that scope. What if the home intruder is 50 yards away?
JebusUD on
I write you a story
But it loses its thread
+1
KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
My parents were (well, are) pretty great. My Mom is the best, but she never understood video games. I was 6 when the atari 7800 came out and I wanted it! Oh how I wanted it! but it was not to be. As I got older, I wanted an NES. but it was not to be. Then when I was 11, I wanted a SNES. but it was not to be.
OR WAS IT?!
(It was not to be) For on christmas day 1991 I opened a SNES shaped box to find a brand new atari 7800! The friends I had that still had any atari games gave them to me out of pity.
eventually, I mowed enough lawns to buy myself a SNES (1994 or 1995) (about when PSO was coming out). My mom said she'd buy me a game for it, but the day of, my sister broke her glasses and there was no money. I was pretty bummed as we were driving away to someplace. My mom asked me to grab something that had rolled under my seat.
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
18.5 inches? That's gonna be shit for shooting trap...
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
18.5 inches? That's gonna be shit for shooting trap...
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
I think that's the second shotgun in resident evil 4
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
I mean, I could tell some stories involving my dad and me
But the much more interesting ones are the ones my dad tells about himself, because it is shocking that he lived long enough for me to start existing
my dad was involved in a prank war with a friend in college that escalated from small things to my dad filling his room entirely full of printer paper crumpled up in balls when he knew the guy would be bringing a date back to his dorm
said friend retaliated by sneaking cigarette loads (small explosives that pop when you smoke a cigarette down some of the way) into my dad's cigarettes
you're supposed to use one, he put about 15 in one in a pack
Dad ended up using that PARTICULAR cigarette while he was on his motorcycle
My mother cooks. Not just preparing food for her family, but cooking for the love of cooking. She will spend hours in the kitchen, before presenting the results to the family. All kids say there Mom is a good cook, but my mother could be a professional chef and I do not say that out of mere love for her. She's the type that can eat at a 5 star restaurant and later recreate it at home.
This is both good, and not good. Because she loves cooking she doesn't stick with the same recipes, but is constantly trying out new ones. She buys stacks of cookbooks. She subscribes to cooking magazines. She watches cooking shows. She experiments. She will then take whatever new recipe she is trying and make the family eat it. The dishes that are a hit with the family go into rotation and will be made again to the delight of everyone. Those that are not...
Everyone in my family has eaten many wonderful and HORRIBLE things. Parts of animals you normally don't. Things that creep and crawl and swim and fly. Dishes you can't pronounce the names of, or dishes that you can pronounce and wish you couldn't. Food that can taste you back or stare into your soul.
The rule in the house was never 'you must clean your plate' but instead 'you have to try it.' You must be witnessed at least putting one bite in your mouth, chewing it up, and swallowing.
Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
My parents were mostly great, but they had/have some weird religious hang ups
Like, I wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter
I spent a lot of my childhood trying to make sense of it, since it couldn't have been the magic aspect of it, since literally every other thing with wizards and witches were okay
And then when I started playing D&D in high school they whipped out the 80s era hysteria and tried to keep me from playing it
Eventually I did read Harry Potter, and told my parents there was nothing to worry about, to which my dad replied "Yeah, I'm still not sure about that"
When I was in middle school, there was some sort of heroquest-esqe game with D&D branding that my brothers and I wanted. We had already gotten Heroquest for a group present some Christmas prior, didn't see an issue.
When we asked my mom for it, she gave us A Look and just said no, and we'd talk about it later. That night, my mom and dad sat us all down and told us the story of some kids who played D&D and ended up running around in caves under their hometown and killed each other and that was why would couldn't have the game.
Seriously.
0
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
A few years ago my mother decided that she needed something more than the .22 pistol in the house for all the times when my father was away on business trips. She mentioned it one time on the phone and I was just kinda, "Ok mom."
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
I think that's the second shotgun in resident evil 4
Nope, that's based on a Benelli M3 Super 90. Ada's shotgun is a pistol-grip Mossberg 500 with a vertical grip on the slide, though.
My parents were mostly great, but they had/have some weird religious hang ups
Like, I wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter
I spent a lot of my childhood trying to make sense of it, since it couldn't have been the magic aspect of it, since literally every other thing with wizards and witches were okay
And then when I started playing D&D in high school they whipped out the 80s era hysteria and tried to keep me from playing it
Eventually I did read Harry Potter, and told my parents there was nothing to worry about, to which my dad replied "Yeah, I'm still not sure about that"
When I was in middle school, there was some sort of heroquest-esqe game with D&D branding that my brothers and I wanted. We had already gotten Heroquest for a group present some Christmas prior, didn't see an issue.
When we asked my mom for it, she gave us A Look and just said no, and we'd talk about it later. That night, my mom and dad sat us all down and told us the story of some kids who played D&D and ended up running around in caves under their hometown and killed each other and that was why would couldn't have the game.
Seriously.
Yeah my mom pulled that crap too. I bought the stuff anyway.
Not my parents, but a story about my uncle is that he and a couple of friends were expelled from Rice University in the 70's for assembling and firing a model cannon in the dean's office (sans shot).
Not my parents, but a story about my uncle is that he and a couple of friends were expelled from Rice University in the 70's for assembling and firing a model cannon in the dean's office (sans shot).
Not my parents, but a story about my uncle is that he and a couple of friends were expelled from Rice University in the 70's for assembling and firing a model cannon in the dean's office (sans shot).
My dad spent a year at University of Missouri-Rolla and in that time stole a backhoe and fired a cannon through a frathouse. He swears he left of his own accord and didn't get expelled, but I have my doubts
I didn't have any real weirdness growing up. My dad was a prosecutor, but not nearly as much of a hardass as you would think. But god help you if you tried to argue with him or got caught in a lie because he would be on you like a bulldog. He was quite the raconteur and was big hit with all of my friends because he had all kinds of cool murder stories.
The only real weirdness was where he would draw the line on what I could watch. By and large he let me police myself, so I grew up on plenty of Mel Brooks and action movies. But he hated Beavis & Butthead and refused to let me watch it. He also refused to let me watch Natural Born Killers, which I had no interest in until he forbade it, so of course I watched it as soon as I could. Really should have listened to dad on that one.
to preface the amount of fucked up I am I'd like to confess that this is an alt. I'm afraid that someone who knows my mom will read what i write and tell her about it.
My parents are freaks: they hardly watch any internet porn
My parents not only never watch porn but also taught us that porn is very bad to look at.
Shocking. Parenting these days....
But I'll be honest, sometimes I've looked at porn out of pure curiosity. And it's interesting. Of course I was eventually caught at age 14 and was put on very strict Internet restrictions as a result. (like I couldn't get online at all unless someone was right there watching where I went to online).
Posts
You know my Dad had a temper and we'd all get a smack now and then but he was from Iraq and even as a kid I kinda knew he just thought that's what parents did. But seriously a sack of potatoes? Jesus christ. At best that was a ten pound blunt object. Like I am amazed you are alive Beasteh. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
A belt was the softest thing he would use everything from a golf club, a broom to a garden hoe I was hit with. I still remember the fist he put through the wall into the next apt cleanly because he was that angry.
Really it was sad that we got along better as adults than as father and son.
It was this and other reasons is why my mother made me take in essence a oath that I would not hit another person out of anger or just because.
Meh. My parents were a god damn joke and hilariously stupid when it came to kids but it never crossed into the horror stories that some people have to deal with. Nothing sexual, no repeated physical abuse (although dad did like his belt whipping).
For ACTUAL funnies:
Dad would always buy me model cars for Christmas and Birthdays and then put them together himself. I finally bought HIM one for his birthday and you would have thought I had just shit in a box for him he was so offended.
Whenever we went on a weekend trip, right as everyone was in the car, Mom would yell out OH WAIT and them run back in the house to call people. She would be there for as long as two hours. To this day, none of us have any idea who she was calling or what it was about and she denies ever doing it.
I go back to visit them and at some point she decides to show me the shotgun she picked up. She goes and gets it and comes back with a fully kitted out Mossberg 500 tactical shotgun. It's got everything on it. 18.5" barrel, pistol grip, folding stock, barrel light and a reflex scope.
I just kinda look at her and she says, "Well I wanted to get something that would be sure to get the job done."
And she sure did.
She needs that scope. What if the home intruder is 50 yards away?
But it loses its thread
OR WAS IT?!
(It was not to be) For on christmas day 1991 I opened a SNES shaped box to find a brand new atari 7800! The friends I had that still had any atari games gave them to me out of pity.
eventually, I mowed enough lawns to buy myself a SNES (1994 or 1995) (about when PSO was coming out). My mom said she'd buy me a game for it, but the day of, my sister broke her glasses and there was no money. I was pretty bummed as we were driving away to someplace. My mom asked me to grab something that had rolled under my seat.
18.5 inches? That's gonna be shit for shooting trap...
The house is the trap
I think that's the second shotgun in resident evil 4
Oh ho ho. What a fun childhood. Ho ho. Hee hee
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
my dad was involved in a prank war with a friend in college that escalated from small things to my dad filling his room entirely full of printer paper crumpled up in balls when he knew the guy would be bringing a date back to his dorm
said friend retaliated by sneaking cigarette loads (small explosives that pop when you smoke a cigarette down some of the way) into my dad's cigarettes
you're supposed to use one, he put about 15 in one in a pack
Dad ended up using that PARTICULAR cigarette while he was on his motorcycle
He crashed but lived
Goofs!
This is both good, and not good. Because she loves cooking she doesn't stick with the same recipes, but is constantly trying out new ones. She buys stacks of cookbooks. She subscribes to cooking magazines. She watches cooking shows. She experiments. She will then take whatever new recipe she is trying and make the family eat it. The dishes that are a hit with the family go into rotation and will be made again to the delight of everyone. Those that are not...
Everyone in my family has eaten many wonderful and HORRIBLE things. Parts of animals you normally don't. Things that creep and crawl and swim and fly. Dishes you can't pronounce the names of, or dishes that you can pronounce and wish you couldn't. Food that can taste you back or stare into your soul.
The rule in the house was never 'you must clean your plate' but instead 'you have to try it.' You must be witnessed at least putting one bite in your mouth, chewing it up, and swallowing.
When I was in middle school, there was some sort of heroquest-esqe game with D&D branding that my brothers and I wanted. We had already gotten Heroquest for a group present some Christmas prior, didn't see an issue.
When we asked my mom for it, she gave us A Look and just said no, and we'd talk about it later. That night, my mom and dad sat us all down and told us the story of some kids who played D&D and ended up running around in caves under their hometown and killed each other and that was why would couldn't have the game.
Seriously.
Nope, that's based on a Benelli M3 Super 90. Ada's shotgun is a pistol-grip Mossberg 500 with a vertical grip on the slide, though.
Yeah my mom pulled that crap too. I bought the stuff anyway.
But it loses its thread
My dad spent a year at University of Missouri-Rolla and in that time stole a backhoe and fired a cannon through a frathouse. He swears he left of his own accord and didn't get expelled, but I have my doubts
I didn't have any real weirdness growing up. My dad was a prosecutor, but not nearly as much of a hardass as you would think. But god help you if you tried to argue with him or got caught in a lie because he would be on you like a bulldog. He was quite the raconteur and was big hit with all of my friends because he had all kinds of cool murder stories.
The only real weirdness was where he would draw the line on what I could watch. By and large he let me police myself, so I grew up on plenty of Mel Brooks and action movies. But he hated Beavis & Butthead and refused to let me watch it. He also refused to let me watch Natural Born Killers, which I had no interest in until he forbade it, so of course I watched it as soon as I could. Really should have listened to dad on that one.
My parents not only never watch porn but also taught us that porn is very bad to look at.
Shocking. Parenting these days....
But it loses its thread
But I'll be honest, sometimes I've looked at porn out of pure curiosity. And it's interesting. Of course I was eventually caught at age 14 and was put on very strict Internet restrictions as a result. (like I couldn't get online at all unless someone was right there watching where I went to online).