[Cards Against Humanity] 2: Electric ___________: GAME 2 GOING. TAKING RESERVES!

Erin The Red

chamberlain wrote: »

I think crumbs that look like Kevin Bacon Bits should get an honorable mention.

I mean, I'd put them on a salad.

Careful you don't have any prosthetics. I hear too many kevin bacon bits will make your foot loose.

Cythraul

Erin The Red

Apologies for delay. I start new job today so I'll TRY to find time for update but if not it'll have to be this evening

Cythraul

You had one job OP...














and now you have 2! Grats!!

Erin The Red

Having problems with A heart that is two sizes too small and that therefore cannot pump an adequate amount of blood. ? Try Another goddamn vampire movie. (sir fabulous)
Having problems with When you fart and a little bit comes out. ? Try The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili’s.® (egos)
Having problems with Apologizing. ? Try Suddenly remembering that the Holocaust happened. (anialos) (*)
Having problems with Passing a kidney stone. ? Try A vagina that leads to another dimension. (cythraul)
Having problems with SNES cartridge cleaning fluid. ? Try Crystal meth. (heffling)
Having problems with The size of my penis. ? Try A robust mongoloid. (megafrost)

@chamberlain , what is your most proven problem solving technique?

chamberlain

Remembering the Holocaust always makes me want to apologize

Erin The Red

Anialos gets the point on this one with an unexpected guilt trip!
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow _______ at the country club.

Get those answers in while I frantically try and balance an ongoing pbp game with severely diminished free time!

Erin The Red

I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow Dry heaving. at the country club.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow Seething with quiet resentment. at the country club.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow Paying the iron price. at the country club.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow Jeff Goldblum. at the country club.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow The mere concept of Applebee's®. at the country club.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On". at the country club.

@Anialos, please enlighten people as to the new decision made by the Country Club Chairpeople's Committee for Community Cohesion and Collaboration in Celebration of Continued Citizenship. The CCCCCCCCCC does not have time to reiterate things to everyone, you know.

Anialos

The penny whistle solo is banned after several members wives disposed of expensive jewelry.

chamberlain

Gentlemen!

The penny whistle solo was my answer and my prize for winning with be assuming hosting duties for our dear @TheRoadVirus who has better things to do than put up with our repulsive answers. I should have his card information tonight and will get the game moving again.

Erin The Red

Really sorry about this, folks. This job is eating all of my downtime and when I get home the last thing I wanna do is touch a computer. I leave you in good hands and with sincere apologies

chamberlain

And here we go!

@Cythraul, the rng god says that you are the new judge.

@Heffling, @Megafrost, @Egos, @Sir Fabulous, @Anialos

You all have to make up for lost time.

I drink to forget _____

I am sure that Cythraul will be accepting bribes in the form of hard liquor.

chamberlain

@Egos drank so much that he forgot to tell me what he was drinking to forget about.

Start again!

chamberlain

I used to be able to binge drink and make it to work the next day. I am told they were good times.

I drink to forget The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East. (Sir Fabulous)
I drink to forget The black half of Barack Obama. (Heffling)
I drink to forget The Tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card. (Anialos)
I drink to forget A botched circumcision. (Egos)
I drink to forget Getting teabagged by a fifth grader in Call of Duty. (Megafrost )

@Cythraul would never do such a thing. I hear he is a teetotaler.

Cythraul

I drink to forget Getting teabagged by a fifth grader in Call of Duty.

chamberlain

Copied here because I cannot edit the OP...

Current Game: Play to 8 points
Game type: ___ judge


Cythraul: 4/8

(Heavy breathing) Luke, I am The clitoris.
My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of Heteronormativity. and A homoerotic volleyball montage.
Hey, you guys want to try this awesome new game? It’s called Letting yourself go.
In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group for all eternity.

Heflfing: 4/8

Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of Dorito breath. has denied your request for A night of Taco Bell and anal sex.
Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their Being fabulous.
You killed my father. Prepare for A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.

Megafrost: 5/8

Revealed: Why He Really Resigned! Pope Benedict's Secret Struggle with Pork products.
Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience Gwyneth Paltrow's opinons.
Nothing says "I love you" like All this liquid in my mouth.
I drink to forget Getting teabagged by a fifth grader in Call of Duty
Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically Super Yoga for Genetically engineered super soldiers.

Egos: 5/8

Uh, hey guys, I know this was my idea, but I'm having serious doubts about The hot dog I put in my vagina ten days ago.
You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Evolving a labyrinthine vagina.
My new favorite porn star is Joey "The Stig" McGee.
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Cuddling.
In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from The wrath of Vladimir Putin.

Sir Fabulous: 0/8

Anialos: 4/8

Just saw this upsetting video! Please retweet!! #stopAngelsInterferingInAnOtherwiseFairBaseballGame
Having problems with Apologizing. ? Try Suddenly remembering that the Holocaust happened.
Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy Space muffins by the poolside.
What really killed the dinosaurs? Magnets.

chamberlain

It happens to the best of us. But not all of us enjoy is as much as Megafrost does.

@Megafrost is the new judge!

New card:

You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about ________.

@Cythraul @Heffling @Egos @Sir Fabulous @Anialos

Have you eaten up your insurance deductible yet? You will...

chamberlain

@Egos The Doctor will see you now.

chamberlain

@Megafrost The doctor will see you know. This is not going to be an easy discussion.

You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Switching to Geico®. (Heffling)
You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Queefing. (Cythraul)
You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Actually get shot, for real. (Sir Fabulous)
You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Moderate-to-severe joint pain. (Anialos)
You can't wait forever. It's time to talk to your doctor about Evolving a labyrinthine vagina. (Egos 8-) )

Megafrost

For evolutions of labyrinthine vaginas lasting longer than 4 hours, seek immediate medical treatment.

chamberlain

Congratulations @Egos, I look forward to your lecture on the evolutionary advantages of a labyrinthine vagina. Is that where duck's got their spiral penises?

On a more serious note:

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for ________.

@Megafrost @Anialos @Sir Fabulous @Cythraul @Heffling

Do any of you have six fingers on your right hand?

chamberlain

@Egos, you're on the brute squad? Prove it.

My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for Charging up all the way. (Anialos)
My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for Team-building exercises. (Sir Fabulous)
My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world. (Heffling 8-) )
My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for A CGI dragon. (Cythraul)
My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare for Survivor's guilt. (Megafrost)

Egos

Because in this bizarro variation he says "for" instead of "to". Montoya also allows others to dispense justice for his family: like the Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world .

Maybe he chatted up the dad 0_O?

chamberlain

@Heffling knows that the Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world asks all the right investigative questions. Like 'How,'

...I'm sorry.

@Egos @Anialos @Sir Fabulous @Cythraul @Megafrost

Save us from my Dad jokes by considering this money making prospect:

Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically ____, but for ____.

chamberlain

Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically @Sir Fabulous , but for turning in his cards.

chamberlain

First, an apology to both the affected players and the innocent virgins hurled to their fiery deaths. There was a mix up in the cards department. It turns out watching Joe Versus the Volcano while dispensing new cards is not a good idea. All involved will be duly compensated, by which I mean, you get nothing.

@Heffling Answer quickly so we can move past my incompetence and the surplus of the pure and crispy.

Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically Throwing a virgin into a volcano, but for Altar boys. (Egos)
Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically The Little Engine That Could, but for An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation. (Sir Fabulous)
Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically Super Yoga for Genetically engineered super soldiers. (Megafrost 8-) )
Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically The four arms of Vishnu, but for Self-flagellation. (Cythraul)
Let me tell you about my new startup. It's basically Throwing a virgin into a volcano, but for The Patriarchy. (Anialos)

Heffling

The only way for the super soldiers to unlock super sayan is through super yoga. I hear it's super.

chamberlain

@Megafrost proves that you can sell anything on QVC as long as you know who the audience is. Free shipping, a yoga tape, and the point.

@Cythraul @Heffling @Egos @Sir Fabulous @Anialos

While watching television at 3:00 AM you have come across the following commercial:

Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy ___ by the poolside.

SexyTRV would be an acceptable answer that I will give bonus points for. @TheRoadVirus

Erin The Red

D'aw shucks

chamberlain

@Megafrost What did you enjoy most about your last vacation?

Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy Space muffins by the poolside. (Anialos 8-) )
Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy A tribe of warrior women by the poolside. (Heffing)
Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy Another shitty year by the poolside. (Cythraul)
Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy A gentle caress of the inner thigh by the poolside. (Sir Fabulous)
Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy Flesh-eating bacteria by the poolside. (Egos)

Megafrost

SPACE MUFFINS.

They're like muffins... IN SPACE!

chamberlain

@Anialos enjoyed the 'special' muffins and for that he gets the point.

@Heffling @Cythraul @Sir Fabulous @Egos I have a confession to make:

My new favorite porn star is Joey "______" McGee.

chamberlain

Everyone has their secret turn ons. @Anialos which of these is yours?

My new favorite porn star is Joey "Vigorous jazz hands" McGee. (Heffling)
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Dying of dysentery" McGee. (Megafrost)
My new favorite porn star is Joey "The Stig" McGee. (Egos :P )
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Excalibur" McGee. (Sir Fabulous)
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Lactation" McGee. (Cythraul)

Anialos

Some say he's got a two foot dong, some say he can make someone orgasm just by looking at them, all I know is he's called Joey "The Stig" McGee.

Heffling

I have to share the joke line I sent in with my submission:

You put your right hand in, you pull your right hand out. You put your right hand in, and you shake it all about...

chamberlain

Anialos wrote: »

Some say he's got a two foot dong, some say he can make someone orgasm just by looking at them, all I know is he's called Joey "The Stig" McGee.

How you doin'.

chamberlain

Thank you @Egos for a picture that I will never, ever get out of my head. You win the point and I lose my mind.

Everyone else gets to deal with this depressing thought:

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with ______.

@Anialos @Sir Fabulous @Cythraul @Heffling @Megafrost

chamberlain

@Egos Choose and perish. Gozer the Gozerian commands it.

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with A big hoopla about nothing. (Sir Fabulous)
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with Dave Matthews Band. (Cythraul)
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with Piece of shit Christmas cards with no money in them. (Megafrost)
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist. (Heffling :? )
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with Demons and shit. (Anialos)

Egos

Honorable mention to demons and shit, but

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LGu1sOvxYs&feature=share

The world ending in an m night shymalan plot twist is amusing

So M night wins again

chamberlain

@Heffling is the new judge, but I wouldn't trust his taste, I heard he liked The Happening.

@Sir Fabulous @Cythraul @Megafrost @Anialos @Egos

Let's see how up to date you are on modern conspiracy theories:

What really killed the dinosaurs?