My ex's wife recorded this song. It's got a great title and is a genuinely good revolutionary folk song by one of many looking at a precarious 4 years ahead. Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers
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Indie Winterdie KräheRudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered Userregular
edited January 2017
hmm
I suppose I'll write it here, more as a way of working out my puzzlement than out of any need to let anyone know what my Hot Takes are (and twitter is a poor format for long form writing)
I don't get people who aren't cis? like, I can't even encapsulate that, theoretically. Gender has always been a non-issue for me in that It Is That It Is, burning bush style
that said, I don't pertain to have all the answers, and just because I can't conceive of something doesn't mean it isn't real or valid. I see no reason why gender or its presentation aren't negotiable or alterable, even if for me, personally, they aren't
that said, I especially don't get "genderfuck". placing yourself somewhere on the binary, be it the edges or a point in the middle, is something I can understand. saying "I don't even know where I belong on this spectrum, but I know where I don't feel comfortable on it" is
well, frankly, alien to me
I don't doubt the authenticity of Quinn's coming out. heaven's know they've been through enough drama in their life without the need to add to it pointlessly. but I find that I can't quite realize the struggle they and others like them are going through since the whole ordeal is simply beyond my knowing. it all feels a bit unreal.
When I first came out, I wasn't sure exactly how to describe my gender.
All you have to go on is feelings, some of which are clear (e.g. I don't want to be X) and some of which aren't.
There's no character status screen that you can check.
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Sharon Begley
For me personally, I have found a lot of value in practicing just accepting things. I try not to need to understand something in order to be empathetic.
it's kinda like u know that gender is a performance & u aren't much of an actor, or that this part wasn't written for u
Or in my case, you're a decent actor and pretty happy with the part you've been given, but some of those other actors look like they're having fun too and you want to get in on that.
basically once you accept that gender is a bullshit concept that people made up everything else falls into place
It's not really a bullshit concept, just that you have to understand it's a loose social thing and seeing it as just two things defined by some aspect of birth is pretty myopic.
basically once you accept that gender is a bullshit concept that people made up everything else falls into place
It's not really a bullshit concept, just that you have to understand it's a loose social thing and seeing it as just two things defined by some aspect of birth is pretty myopic.
Yeah, gender being an arbitrary thing made up by humans doesn't make it bullshit. Labels and categories can be important to people. It's just that it's important to understand the limitations of gender as a concept and how not to apply it.
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Caulk Bite 6One of the multitude of Dans infesting this placeRegistered Userregular
edited January 2017
I kinda just need to get this out there. I've intimated a lot of this in bits and pieces, recently, but I want to kind of consolidate it.
The notion of wanting/needing sexual contact has always escaped me. I tried it, sure. Between the ages of 14 and 25 I gave it a go every now and then, but in the decade plus since then? Nothing.
People find that to be super weird, and I can understand that to a point. But then there's the insistence/expectations from various places that it's just a phase and I'll jump right back into the mix. Like, guys I don't know (usually on the job) will try to engage me in the old "yeah I bet you know how party, know what I mean?" Which I have to reply "Well, I get the gist of what you're implying, but no". What follows is an incredulous grilling about my (lack of) sex life, usually ending in a declaration that I have some kind of superhuman self-control. I've learned to just leave it at that, because further refutation just makes the conversation go longer. Other times people assume that I'm married with kids (maybe I look the the age for it?), despite no evidence to support such, and are oddly surprised to find that assumption to be false.
Family is a similar matter, though most have taken a hint that I'm likely a lifelong bachelor. I still get the odd occasion of an extended family member asking if I have any girlfriends (note the plural, and the implied assumption of being straight). I don't affirm the question, but I am getting tired of having to explain that while I have friends who are girls, I don't have "girlfriends" (I don't bring up the other side because I just don't want to deal with that).
Now, here's the part that is strange for me: I'm not now, nor will I ever be precluding the idea of being in a relationship with someone where sex is a thing. I still have attraction to particular people/types of people (best guess would put me close to pan). I just feel no need to actively look for such.
I have no doubt that all this is linked inextricably to my mild/high functioning autism.
While I'm not precisely eager to put a definite label to that, I do recognize the utility in having one that fits, as a conversational shorthand. Does anyone happen to have any ideas as to what that would be?
Nah man, plenty of people are squicked out a bit by sex. It's not just an extremely intimate emotional connection (which is important. I'll never understand casual sex) but it's...kinda gross? Anyone that can't understand another person's reticence to pursue sex as vehemently as American males are expected should seriously take a chillaxative.
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Caulk Bite 6One of the multitude of Dans infesting this placeRegistered Userregular
Nah man, plenty of people are squicked out a bit by sex. It's not just an extremely intimate emotional connection (which is important. I'll never understand casual sex) but it's...kinda gross? Anyone that can't understand another person's reticence to pursue sex as vehemently as American males are expected should seriously take a chillaxative.
It's not really a squick thing, though. More a lack of interest in pursuing sex/a relationship.
Nah man, plenty of people are squicked out a bit by sex. It's not just an extremely intimate emotional connection (which is important. I'll never understand casual sex) but it's...kinda gross? Anyone that can't understand another person's reticence to pursue sex as vehemently as American males are expected should seriously take a chillaxative.
It's not really a squick thing, though. More a lack of interest in pursuing sex/a relationship.
It would be a form of asexuality/aromanticism, as I understand it. I've been single for about 10 years now, besides a couple of dates that lead to a friendship and a couple of nights that ended up in a good ol' pash sesh. My extended family started asking about partners in a more gender neutral way a while ago, which is good. I haven't decided whether I'm ace or just lazy, but it takes me a long time to decide anything, especially about myself. Check back in another 10 years and I might have an idea.
I like the concept of 'gender non-compliant'. Like, there's an IEEE standard for gender but that also means it's possible to be non-compliant with the standards, but also interoperable with them when required.
basically once you accept that gender is a bullshit concept that people made up everything else falls into place
It's not really a bullshit concept, just that you have to understand it's a loose social thing and seeing it as just two things defined by some aspect of birth is pretty myopic.
Something interesting is, with the latest National Geographic, they had a whole "gender" issue. It had stuff about trans folks, non-binary folks, and a whole lot of stuff in general about the international struggles of women. But one interesting thing that I wasn't aware of, discounting the possible exception of the concept of "two-spirit" folk, is that there have existed and continue to exist cultures where gender traditionally, culturally is something other than a binary. Don't get me wrong, most of the places don't have free, self-deterministic gender expression as the cultural norm. But they don't consider gender as a binary. They might have three culturally recognized genders. Or four. Or five. Or etc.
And it's just... I don't know, it was nice. Reaffirming to know that there are places in the world where folks had at some point realized, and accepted that Man/Woman was a gross oversimplification hundreds or even thousands of years ago. Makes me think you really can change most people's minds, eventually.
I think Tube has made some rules about mental health stuff, so this may not be the *best* place for it, even if we'd probably be among the more sympathetic
maybe spoiler it? I wanna read it, regardless
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I mean it's definitely not suicidal or depression stuff. But we don't have any real threads for it, so... I'm gonna ruminate on publicly posting it for a bit. Let other people chime in first. I certainly don't want to take the focus off other people with more thread-appropriate issues.
Okay, I'll spoil it in case people don't wanna hear about my Problems
Basically I'm just running into issues where I think I have pretty severe ADHD. I've always had difficulty focusing, but lately after thinking about it for a bit, it's affected me a LOT. Like, I think it's a significant portion of why I've bought so many damn games lately - I just lack an ability to focus on ONE thing, and whenever I'm playing a game, in the back of my head I'm telling myself that I could be playing Game X instead of Game Y, or if I just had Game Z then that will be something to keep me busy for a while. It's also why I've racked up such a large amount of credit card debt because I just keep buying things! I'm doing a bit better lately because I just keep reminding myself of all the shit I already have and how adding another game to the pile is really not needed, no matter how damned cheap that game may be.
I'm mainly just trying to figure out how I treat this. I know medication is an option, but... I'm still avoidant of that for whatever reason. I'm trying to do CBT which helps but I still slip up from time to time.
It's killing me because I don't want to want to buy stuff all the time. I really don't want to feel bored when I'm playing a game, especially since I *know* I'm not bored, I'm just thinking about whatever game I theoretically could buy next and how good THAT game is gonna be. Whenever I buy something new I feel immense guilt immediately after the satisfaction of 'purchasing new thing' has left. I shouldn't want to do it that badly given how bad I always feel afterward.
Again, I am doing a bit better than I was, but ugh, it's such a slow process that I can feel how easy it is to fall off the wagon, as it were.
I suppose I'm not looking for advice so much as I'm looking for a way to vent, hah.
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Have you been diagnosed? Are you medicated for it?
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
No and no. But I've looked at the symptoms and I match a fair few of them - anxiety, difficulty focusing, lack of restraint, difficulty prioritizing, etc.
I'm definitely going to try and see a doctor or therapist soon. I just hate the idea of spending more money currently, even though I know it would be best in the long run.
Honestly Mori it sounds like good fodder for an H&A thread (aside from "I don't want advice"). It's a perfectly reasonable thing to post, but you're right that SE doesn't have much of a place for it and this is more of an LGBT specific space.
Completely aside from the horrific intent of that proposed bill, the scientific understanding forming the basis of it would be laughable if it weren't coming from the people who have the power to actually enact this stuff.
No human being has a Y or X chromosome, or indeed any chromosome IN their DNA.
It makes as much sense trying to pass a law about construction regulations and referring to buildings being found within bricks or concrete
basically once you accept that gender is a bullshit concept that people made up everything else falls into place
It's not really a bullshit concept, just that you have to understand it's a loose social thing and seeing it as just two things defined by some aspect of birth is pretty myopic.
More specifically, most or all of the cultural things we associate with gender are constructs.
Some have basis, some are really arbitrary.
The more willing you are to see gender outside of those restrictions, the easier it is to see yourself clearly.
Completely aside from the horrific intent of that proposed bill, the scientific understanding forming the basis of it would be laughable if it weren't coming from the people who have the power to actually enact this stuff.
No human being has a Y or X chromosome, or indeed any chromosome IN their DNA.
It makes as much sense trying to pass a law about construction regulations and referring to buildings being found within bricks or concrete
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I see a future in henching for Khoo
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Khoocoa Puffs
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers
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Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
I suppose I'll write it here, more as a way of working out my puzzlement than out of any need to let anyone know what my Hot Takes are (and twitter is a poor format for long form writing)
I don't get people who aren't cis? like, I can't even encapsulate that, theoretically. Gender has always been a non-issue for me in that It Is That It Is, burning bush style
that said, I don't pertain to have all the answers, and just because I can't conceive of something doesn't mean it isn't real or valid. I see no reason why gender or its presentation aren't negotiable or alterable, even if for me, personally, they aren't
that said, I especially don't get "genderfuck". placing yourself somewhere on the binary, be it the edges or a point in the middle, is something I can understand. saying "I don't even know where I belong on this spectrum, but I know where I don't feel comfortable on it" is
well, frankly, alien to me
I don't doubt the authenticity of Quinn's coming out. heaven's know they've been through enough drama in their life without the need to add to it pointlessly. but I find that I can't quite realize the struggle they and others like them are going through since the whole ordeal is simply beyond my knowing. it all feels a bit unreal.
I don't know. shit's weird.
All you have to go on is feelings, some of which are clear (e.g. I don't want to be X) and some of which aren't.
There's no character status screen that you can check.
Or in my case, you're a decent actor and pretty happy with the part you've been given, but some of those other actors look like they're having fun too and you want to get in on that.
Yeah, gender being an arbitrary thing made up by humans doesn't make it bullshit. Labels and categories can be important to people. It's just that it's important to understand the limitations of gender as a concept and how not to apply it.
People find that to be super weird, and I can understand that to a point. But then there's the insistence/expectations from various places that it's just a phase and I'll jump right back into the mix. Like, guys I don't know (usually on the job) will try to engage me in the old "yeah I bet you know how party, know what I mean?" Which I have to reply "Well, I get the gist of what you're implying, but no". What follows is an incredulous grilling about my (lack of) sex life, usually ending in a declaration that I have some kind of superhuman self-control. I've learned to just leave it at that, because further refutation just makes the conversation go longer. Other times people assume that I'm married with kids (maybe I look the the age for it?), despite no evidence to support such, and are oddly surprised to find that assumption to be false.
Family is a similar matter, though most have taken a hint that I'm likely a lifelong bachelor. I still get the odd occasion of an extended family member asking if I have any girlfriends (note the plural, and the implied assumption of being straight). I don't affirm the question, but I am getting tired of having to explain that while I have friends who are girls, I don't have "girlfriends" (I don't bring up the other side because I just don't want to deal with that).
Now, here's the part that is strange for me: I'm not now, nor will I ever be precluding the idea of being in a relationship with someone where sex is a thing. I still have attraction to particular people/types of people (best guess would put me close to pan). I just feel no need to actively look for such.
I have no doubt that all this is linked inextricably to my mild/high functioning autism.
While I'm not precisely eager to put a definite label to that, I do recognize the utility in having one that fits, as a conversational shorthand. Does anyone happen to have any ideas as to what that would be?
It's not really a squick thing, though. More a lack of interest in pursuing sex/a relationship.
It would be a form of asexuality/aromanticism, as I understand it. I've been single for about 10 years now, besides a couple of dates that lead to a friendship and a couple of nights that ended up in a good ol' pash sesh. My extended family started asking about partners in a more gender neutral way a while ago, which is good. I haven't decided whether I'm ace or just lazy, but it takes me a long time to decide anything, especially about myself. Check back in another 10 years and I might have an idea.
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Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
And it's just... I don't know, it was nice. Reaffirming to know that there are places in the world where folks had at some point realized, and accepted that Man/Woman was a gross oversimplification hundreds or even thousands of years ago. Makes me think you really can change most people's minds, eventually.
I have some things I want to unpack but I also don't wanna make it about me
maybe spoiler it? I wanna read it, regardless
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
I'm mainly just trying to figure out how I treat this. I know medication is an option, but... I'm still avoidant of that for whatever reason. I'm trying to do CBT which helps but I still slip up from time to time.
It's killing me because I don't want to want to buy stuff all the time. I really don't want to feel bored when I'm playing a game, especially since I *know* I'm not bored, I'm just thinking about whatever game I theoretically could buy next and how good THAT game is gonna be. Whenever I buy something new I feel immense guilt immediately after the satisfaction of 'purchasing new thing' has left. I shouldn't want to do it that badly given how bad I always feel afterward.
Again, I am doing a bit better than I was, but ugh, it's such a slow process that I can feel how easy it is to fall off the wagon, as it were.
I suppose I'm not looking for advice so much as I'm looking for a way to vent, hah.
I'm definitely going to try and see a doctor or therapist soon. I just hate the idea of spending more money currently, even though I know it would be best in the long run.
Tumblr | Twitter PSN: misterdapper Av by Satellite_09
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
No human being has a Y or X chromosome, or indeed any chromosome IN their DNA.
It makes as much sense trying to pass a law about construction regulations and referring to buildings being found within bricks or concrete
More specifically, most or all of the cultural things we associate with gender are constructs.
Some have basis, some are really arbitrary.
The more willing you are to see gender outside of those restrictions, the easier it is to see yourself clearly.
We're actually seeing physical evidence popping up that gender is specifically a designation of the human brain, and not solely a matter of sexual anatomy.
I've brought this up in discussions on this before, when trying to emphasize why the overall body doesn't have the final say on gender.