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Moving across the country for a spouse's career?
Stick49
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Posting under an alt and avoiding specifics for corporate Google-Fu reasons. I realize being as vague as I'm about to be may be counterproductive to providing specific advice, but please bear with me.
My wife and I currently live in a large northeastern US city. She has been a corporate strategy consultant since she graduated undergrad about 8 years ago, and she is very, very good at it. She's been one of the fasted promoted people in the history of her company, and she is very well compensated for it. That said, she's never been sure that she wanted to continue along that track; moving to Partner (potentially within a few years) would mean transitioning to more of a relationship/sales oriented role that she has zero interest in.
She was recently contacted by a headhunter working for a major software company located in a large northwestern US city to take a significant role on one of their internal strategy teams. This role is in a vertical that she is very passionate about, would have great exposure to senior management, and would mean working with very senior women who have advanced quickly through the company (this is hugely important to her). She went out there for an interview last week. Despite telling her their decision making process typically took around 5 days, her prospective boss called her later that evening and offered her the job immediately. They followed up the next day with an offer that was, frankly, a bit insulting; it represented about a 50% cut in total compensation, albeit with a generous signing bonus and an incredibly generous relocation package. We raised our concerns about moving across the country for a job with that kind of pay decrease, but there was limited room for negotiation. The company has very rigid salary bands for given job roles/titles and, given company bureaucracy, the job was the job. That said, they came back the day after with an offer that was ~25% higher and an even more generous signing bonus (about 50% higher). The headhunter (for what it's worth) said that she'd never seen this company make a counter offer this aggressive. They seem to be as highly motivated as they can, within their means, to get her on board. The new offer would represent a 30-35% decrease in her current compensation.
We've run the numbers on what we currently make versus what we would be making and we're comfortable with what they mean; our standard of living won't change much, we can afford a comparable home. We're projecting to save about 11% less overall. Even when/if we have a child, the projections support this move well enough. It's an opportunity she's really excited for, and it's a chance for us to live in a new major US city.
So at this point it comes down to me and my comfort level with the whole thing. For my part, I've been involved with project/product management of mobile software development projects for the past 5 years. While I'm good at what I do (or so I'm told), I don't have a whole lot of on-paper experience, particularly in product management which I've been only doing in an official capacity for about 2 years. That said, I've been told that I should have no shortage of opportunities in this new city given the work I've been involved with. I've also talked to my boss and our CTO/CEO about working remotely from the new city and they're totally on board with doing whatever I need to do, but I think they see the writing on the wall and realize it's not going to be a viable long-term solution for any of us. I don't love my job, but I'm learning a lot and I'm given the opportunity to really drive change and process well above my experience level. I'm worried that I won't have that experience elsewhere.
There's also the part where she doesn't have many friends in our current city and thus isn't particularly attached to it, and has never wanted to live here long term. I'm not attached to the city per se, but two of my best friends of the past 15 years live here. Moving across the country with be a huge adjustment in that regard, in addition to potentially losing out on my current opportunity for professional development. It would also mean moving further from our families (in other east coast cities), but that's not a huge factor for us. We also do have some friends and family in/around the new city.
I guess I'm just having trouble evaluating everything that goes into this decision, which is a bit overwhelming; it's the biggest life change I've made since moving to our current city in the first place to be closer to my now wife. Would appreciate any advice people can give me, which could range from comments on the career elements to the mechanics of moving from a northeast city to a northwest city. Thanks in advance.
My wife and I currently live in a large northeastern US city. She has been a corporate strategy consultant since she graduated undergrad about 8 years ago, and she is very, very good at it. She's been one of the fasted promoted people in the history of her company, and she is very well compensated for it. That said, she's never been sure that she wanted to continue along that track; moving to Partner (potentially within a few years) would mean transitioning to more of a relationship/sales oriented role that she has zero interest in.
She was recently contacted by a headhunter working for a major software company located in a large northwestern US city to take a significant role on one of their internal strategy teams. This role is in a vertical that she is very passionate about, would have great exposure to senior management, and would mean working with very senior women who have advanced quickly through the company (this is hugely important to her). She went out there for an interview last week. Despite telling her their decision making process typically took around 5 days, her prospective boss called her later that evening and offered her the job immediately. They followed up the next day with an offer that was, frankly, a bit insulting; it represented about a 50% cut in total compensation, albeit with a generous signing bonus and an incredibly generous relocation package. We raised our concerns about moving across the country for a job with that kind of pay decrease, but there was limited room for negotiation. The company has very rigid salary bands for given job roles/titles and, given company bureaucracy, the job was the job. That said, they came back the day after with an offer that was ~25% higher and an even more generous signing bonus (about 50% higher). The headhunter (for what it's worth) said that she'd never seen this company make a counter offer this aggressive. They seem to be as highly motivated as they can, within their means, to get her on board. The new offer would represent a 30-35% decrease in her current compensation.
We've run the numbers on what we currently make versus what we would be making and we're comfortable with what they mean; our standard of living won't change much, we can afford a comparable home. We're projecting to save about 11% less overall. Even when/if we have a child, the projections support this move well enough. It's an opportunity she's really excited for, and it's a chance for us to live in a new major US city.
So at this point it comes down to me and my comfort level with the whole thing. For my part, I've been involved with project/product management of mobile software development projects for the past 5 years. While I'm good at what I do (or so I'm told), I don't have a whole lot of on-paper experience, particularly in product management which I've been only doing in an official capacity for about 2 years. That said, I've been told that I should have no shortage of opportunities in this new city given the work I've been involved with. I've also talked to my boss and our CTO/CEO about working remotely from the new city and they're totally on board with doing whatever I need to do, but I think they see the writing on the wall and realize it's not going to be a viable long-term solution for any of us. I don't love my job, but I'm learning a lot and I'm given the opportunity to really drive change and process well above my experience level. I'm worried that I won't have that experience elsewhere.
There's also the part where she doesn't have many friends in our current city and thus isn't particularly attached to it, and has never wanted to live here long term. I'm not attached to the city per se, but two of my best friends of the past 15 years live here. Moving across the country with be a huge adjustment in that regard, in addition to potentially losing out on my current opportunity for professional development. It would also mean moving further from our families (in other east coast cities), but that's not a huge factor for us. We also do have some friends and family in/around the new city.
I guess I'm just having trouble evaluating everything that goes into this decision, which is a bit overwhelming; it's the biggest life change I've made since moving to our current city in the first place to be closer to my now wife. Would appreciate any advice people can give me, which could range from comments on the career elements to the mechanics of moving from a northeast city to a northwest city. Thanks in advance.
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Working for a larger company. I would probably make the change in the same position, if they were doing something really interesting.
If you can telework for a while, even better. I know someone who moved to California, and moved to a teleworking job, and that was a year and a half ago, apparently everyone is really happy with the arrangement. He isn't going to move up in the company, but he is well paid and likes not having to commute.
At the very least I'd say visit the city for a long weekend and look around at the actual neighborhoods. Pretty good chance you may not have a completely realistic idea of cost of living. It varies quite a bit in a few cities up here.
Working with industry veterans that are women sounds like a thing that while good in theory relies on her enjoying the job only if she enjoys working with those people. Looking forward to working with someone is always a good thing but I'd need to find more than that as a reason to move across the country. Especially if the job is identical and the only real difference is my bosses gender.
Well, the job is certainly not identical
Unfortunately I don't really have time to visit the city (we have to decide by end of day tomorrow). Everything I've heard about the city suggests that I would like it (the weather sounds hit or miss, though that's true for very different reasons where I am now), but I won't really have a meaningful opportunity to explore the city. I'm talking to a lot of people I know who either live there now or have lived there, and might look for some sort of video tour to give me the best idea I can have at this point. I'm not the kind of person that really gets into the particulars of where I live, given that I spend the vast majority of my time in front of a computer anyway.
We've done a fair amount of research (or as much as we could have in the time we've had) into costs of housing, childcare, schools, cost of living, etc. in the new city and are pretty comfortable with what we've seen so far.
honestly with 0 kids i would say its worth a shot.. if she is as good as you say. finding a new position later on after getting experience won't be difficult
Edit: Buying a house in Portland or Seattle in an okay location right now you would probably need 450,000$ or more. Outside of very specific industries the pay hasn't kept up with housing prices at all.
it also sounds like you can manage career-wise. especially if you can do remote work while you look for a job there.
That said, just ensure it's the right fit for the both of you. Tough without visiting.
2) Going from consultant to internal usually means a pay cut everywhere I've heard about it. If she has no interest in doing Partner-level stuff at a consulting company, she is going to have to make this jump at some point.
3) Seems like a decent shot if the costs about even out.
I agree that I would probably move though, in your situation.
Since then, Portland has become The Place To Be and housing prices have gone crazy without a commensurate increase in wages.
I had an interview recently with a Portland company, doing the same thing I'm doing now, made it through the interview, they loved me, offer was exactly 50% of what I'm making in a much cheaper town. The response when I tried to negotiate up was "well, our office is right downtown so people want to work HERE"
Seattle is saner. Make sure you live on the same side of the lake as you work on.
Update - As of this morning, we are officially accepting the company's offer. We're both incredibly excited.
As some posters were able to guess, we are planning to move to the Seattle area. We'll be moving from Boston. At this point it would be great to get feedback from people who have made similar moves about what we can expect in terms of cultural differences, what kinds of places we should be looking to live, etc.
Congrats! My friend and his wife made the same move and love it out there.
Only notes I feel qualified enough to comment on:
1. Seattle Freeze - look it up and just be ready for it. West coast is different culturally, and Seattle is it's own world.
2. Sun lamps - get one, as it can go 3 months without sun and you need the right light spectrum to avoid SAD.
As someone who lived in a Boston for a few years, just replace Boston Aggressive, The Sox, and the Patriots with Seattle Passive-Aggressive, the Mariners, and the Hawks, and you'll be fine.
I was recently flown out to the Portland area for an in-person series of interviews at That Big Chip Company That You're Thinking Of, and, yep. Cost of living would have more than doubled for a position that would have paid maaaaybe $10k/year more.
I got some bites from people in the DC area a few months ago. What's wrong with working in the DC area?
they just did layoffs too sooooo
Nah, they were in Hillsboro Oregon in fact about a mile from me. They keep building new facilities and keep hiring folks on work visas. I would say most people in the apartment complex I live in as well as nearby are here doing contract work at Intel, Nike or Salesforce.
And lack of a sense of real community secondly.
Oh.
Well, hi neighbor! I just moved to SE from Seattle in February, still trying to figure out which forumers are down here.
Um... how's it going?
HEY, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?!
DC and the surrounding area traffic is terrible. Driving into DC from anywhere sucks and is expensive. Using the metro to get in can be horribly unreliable and ultimately depends on where you live vs where you are going.
It's also an expensive area... not like San Francisco expensive, but it's still not cheap.
Taken altogether, you really do need some good compensation to make a job in DC worth it.