Dealing with a loss

BornToHula

It's a little hard to find support right now for this kind of thing. But bear with me. Last night I had a friend, an assault victim, pass away after being on life support for twenty hours. He was leaving a nightclub and was hit really hard on his head by some homophobic guy. It's a little hard to deal with just out of the sheer fact that this touches everyone I know. I'm not using the term lightly either, this fella knew everyone.

I'm more possessed by anger, but the anger isn't going to control me to the point that I do something foolish. It's hard to think something this horrible could happen to one of the people I know, one of the people I've shared a beer with and asked to take care of people in my absence. After being so disconnected from that circle, I'm thrust back into it for the sheer fact that someone needs to help others cope. I've dealt with too much loss to be oblivious to the motions. This is a new one for me though.

To those who have been affected in a similar way, how do you cope? How do you cope with the knowledge that someone you have physically touched has been murdered? Does having the murderer brought to justice ever bring the kind of closure you seek?

I got torn up last night and downed half a bottle of vodka. I'm really hoping to not do it again tonight.

Creepy

Same thing happened to my wife's uncle, except they didn't quite kill him. He was on life support for months until he finnaly died. Never regained consciousness I don't think. Kids who did it mostly went to jail and not for near long enough.

Pure and simple, your friend wouldn't want you screwing yourself up over this. He'd want you to continue living a good life and enjoying yourself. I know it's hard now & you may never totally get over it but with time you'll be able to deal with it (i.e. not have it consume you like it's doing now) better than now.

If brought to justice you might feel a little bit better, but not much I think. He'll probably eventually get out of jail and have a shot again at life, unlike your friend. That option was taken from him. Hopefully he'll get to rot in prison.

Do what you can NONDESTRUCTIVELY (especially to yourself) to take your mind off of things. I game. I game HARDER when something like this happens as I am able to lose myself for hours at a time without being constantly reminded of the loss. Reading, movies, etc don't work as well as something always seems to remind you of the missing.

Do what you can for the other people who are feeling this now, too. That pays off in spades.

Good luck man. Surviving something like this is hard too.

BornToHula

I just exploded on a friend of mine. She was acting too irrationally for me to handle, so I just exploded. There was some good news despite it all though. The guy that did it is in custody.

Thanks for the words, I guess I'm off to the golf course for a little while. At least it'll take my head off of it.