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Want to ask a girl out, but I'm not sure when to do it.
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Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Last weekend I ran into a friend of mine who was with a friend of his that I'd never met before. I sat with them on the train, and discovered that this (female) friend of his is someone I would like to ask out. We've got a ton of stuff in common, she's cute, and lives really close to me.
He tells me she's single, and she likes guys who share her interests. I figure this is good for me. I got her MSN from him, and we've talked a little on there, but I've only seen her online once.
Next month, a group of us, including her, are going both to the Evil Dead musical and to a comic con. I don't know if I should ask her out for coffee or for lunch now, or wait until after these group activities are over.
If she turns me down, it might be awkward to do all of this stuff together, but there will be other people present. But because there are other people present, those won't be the best times to get to know her better.
It's been a couple years since I last did this so I'm not really sure what the hell I'm doing. Should I keep hoping to catch her on msn, talk to her a bit, see how things go in a group, and then see if she's up for doing something alone? Or show interest now before we get into any sort of friend zone, so she knows what my intent is?
EDIT: I'm 26, not sure exactly how old she is but within a couple years.
He tells me she's single, and she likes guys who share her interests. I figure this is good for me. I got her MSN from him, and we've talked a little on there, but I've only seen her online once.
Next month, a group of us, including her, are going both to the Evil Dead musical and to a comic con. I don't know if I should ask her out for coffee or for lunch now, or wait until after these group activities are over.
If she turns me down, it might be awkward to do all of this stuff together, but there will be other people present. But because there are other people present, those won't be the best times to get to know her better.
It's been a couple years since I last did this so I'm not really sure what the hell I'm doing. Should I keep hoping to catch her on msn, talk to her a bit, see how things go in a group, and then see if she's up for doing something alone? Or show interest now before we get into any sort of friend zone, so she knows what my intent is?
EDIT: I'm 26, not sure exactly how old she is but within a couple years.
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The Evil Dead Musical Is awesome.
I have to agree with this. Asking and being rejected doesn't mean that things will be awkward afterwards, if you get in early. It's more likely to be awkward if you have known each other for years.
Too true. The less importance you place on a single request for a date, the less you will agonise over not getting the "Yes" answer.
So the return is far greater then the failure.
Good to hear -- a friend of mine wrote the play adaptation.
To the OP: Definitely ask her out first. Like, now-ish. This has a few advantages: Firstly, you're sure that she's single now. She might not be by the time the musical rolls around. Secondly, if she shoots you down you'll have a few weeks to get your sense of humour back about the whole thing, and the musical/con will be less awkward. Thirdly, if you're waiting until afterwards, you're going to have so much time to think about what you'll say and how you'll say it and when you'll say it and what she'll say and etc etc etc etc, that you're likely to be a nervous wreck by the time the day comes along and, consequently, less attractive.
Capisce?
I suggest asking her to go out to dinner with you. There a several good ways of doing this:
"man I'm starving, what do I want to eat though?"
<she might answer with a suggestion or ask a question regarding what you like to eat, or comment on whether or not she, herself, is hungry>
if she suggests a place then say "that actually sounds pretty good right now, care to come along?"
if she asks a question about what you like or are in the mood for say "X sounds pretty good right now actually, care to come along?"
if she says she isn't hungry then this is a bust and you can try and salvage by saying "Well I'm going to go grab some X to eat, maybe we can do lunch (or dinner) tomorrow."
if she says she too, is hungry you're golden, ask if she's hungry for anything in particular, if not then make a suggestion and say, "Well since we're both hungry lets go over to X and grab a bite together, my treat."
if she IS wanting something in particular then say "that sounds pretty good, we should go grab a bite, my treat."
Seriously, my general advice is such situations is as soon as humanly possible. Asking somebody out on a date isn't the same as asking somebody to marry you...you really don't need to wait until you're sure you're compatible and get to know each other and all that. That's the purpose of dating. I've asked several girls out over the years after as little as a half-hour (or as little as 10 minutes)...and they've said yes just about as often as no. And a couple turned into long-term relationships. I'm pretty sure the "no's" would not have suddenly said yes if I had waited longer, either.
So yeah. Now. The end.
Plus really the only thing you're accomplishing by waiting is increasing the chance that somebody else will ask her out first, and she'll end up not being single by the time you get around to asking her. Because even if she likes you, and would like to go out with you, she's not likely to turn down another guy she'd also like to go out with just to wait around for you.
tRockmonkey: that all sounds a little forced to me. I think I'd rather just ask if she wants to go grab lunch or a coffee.
I've never really dated before, all of my past relationships I've kind of just fallen into, so this is all pretty new to me. I think I'll just be direct about, though.
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