Tangled Web.

Saiga

Okay, this is more or less a "I know what I want to do, but what should I do?" sort of threads.

Backstory:

I've known this girl for around two years now, we hit it off right away and talked non-stop, we realized we liked each other as more than friends, dated for a short period and stopped due to her schedule going to hell with theater/school and she felt like it was going to kill me in the long haul, I protested, but she closed it off.

We talked still, not as much, but we worked back up to the usual by Spring. I had been in a relationship with a girl that all of my friends thought was crazy, I now know is crazy, and it was terrible to say the least, it made me a complete mess. Right when I was losing touch with reality, had just ended said crazed relationship, the girl who I had known for all of this time was there for me, she knew what it did to me and I could tell it had an effect on her as well, we started talking more than ever before now.

Over time and a lot of thinking, I realized the reason I had dated the crazy girl for a period of time was because she was obsessive, I knew there was no way she would leave or think about leaving, of course I now know she was lying through her teeth the entire time.

So after realizing why I had dated someone else, I realized the man source of my pain and overall suffering was because I missed the girl I had known all along, that I had realized that I was worse off than if we had decided to continue dating through her schedule. Before I could even tell her, she told me how she felt, I realized we both loved each other, not in a shallow or predictable way, but in a way that a year apart had made us.

I know now that the time we split paths prepared us, it matured us, changed us in a lot of ways, but now we fit together more than ever.


So cut to right now, she is in a training period for theater, is barely home and gets home ready to crash, so we are stuck with texting during her off time in the day, and short phone calls before she gets to sleep. I know she needs me, I know I need her. Her friends however have decided to make it hell for me, they want to literally question me in the upcoming week(s) and they're going to do it when they meet me, they are literally make a list of questions, and to put them at ease and get them off her back, she approved and helped organize it.

So here's where the conflict rears it's ugly head :

My holy-shit-bad-vibe-sense went off at the fact that things have changed, emotionally displaying wise with her at times due to her crazy friends. Also, she approved of this all, knowing it would put me on the spot with people that don't like me off the bat, and it sounds like if I don't pass their crazy interrogation meeting, I am screwed.

Sorry for rambling through out this all, just a lot to explain.

Any suggestions?

FunkyWaltDogg

It's hard to give any advice that you can use. She should have told her friends to butt the hell out as she is competent to make her own relationship decisions. Unfortunately, that doesn't help you at all.

This interrogation sounds like it could only end poorly, but she does sound like a nice girl, so it may very well be worth the trouble.

Szechuanosaurus

Tell her friends to go fuck themselves.

Seriously, when they start to ask questions, just look at them like they are crazy and maybe a bit retarded. Then say 'Go fuck yourself'.

Because basically like you say, they are out to catch you out or something. And that's just fucking dumb and should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Saiga

Thanks for the advice, all of it so far pretty much spells out what I am thinking right now and what I will probably end up doing.

But, yeah, I am seriously thinking about asking her she needs to have them happy with her personal choices to be able to make them. Plus I was with her about a week ago when she was telling one of her friends about how we were hanging out and she was really happy, this was all in a text, to which her friend replied with 'OMGWTF' essentially.

So yeah, I know her two friends which want to 'interrogate' me don't want me to like me in the end, so they won't like me no matter how it goes.

Szechuanosaurus

Eh, some people just strongly need validation from their peers. If the girl really loves you, though, then she should be able to get over it. I mean, if her friends have some genuine issues with you then I can see them wanting to protect her but if they're just opinionated, meddling bitches then she just has to realise that.

Saiga

I thought they were just wanting to protect her at first, I expressed my happiness for her having great friends that watched out for her, then I was basically told I was still un-determined and un-trusted by her friends. I am honestly getting the whole "We don't care who you really are, but we're going to make sure we are right either way in the end." kind of vibe.

More or less I think the 'Attempting to gain their trust and support' ship sailed some time ago, now they want to find me and shoot me out of the picture in a timely and organized manner.

My main worry is that everything is riding on me passing this pretty much already determined test, and that if I fail it I will lose everything we worked so hard to establish. We had been expressing our feelings for each other fully for a while, right when we were about to officially start dating, she said "I'm a complete moron for this, I care way too much about what my friends think. I can't go any further until they get off my case." and then things got much less clear and much more complicated.

Edit: So one of her friends had recently added me on MySpace, this being one of two that want to question me. So I felt the need to do a bit of snooping, through comments left on his profile, publicly left so I wasn't really snooping, and I came across comments basically saying "So when are we interrogating [her name]'s guy?" And they gave me the general vibe that they want to really scare the shit out of me, and due to the fact that they are going to try to, I am purposefully going to be overly calm, thus they will look insane/crazed during the meeting.

Xaquin

What exactly will they be questioning you on .... fuck them. A relationship isn't a job interview and you should tell them that.

The whole thing sounds screwed up.

Saiga

Yeah, at first I was worried about the I impression I will give her friends overall, then I realized her friends give me the impression that they are just plain crazy and act similarly to the 'others' on LOST.

At the moment my plan is to go through with the questions, remain reasonable and agree to answer them all honestly as I was going to from the get go, but if they get too crazy I am going to turn to the girl (Who will be present) and ask why it is really necessary.

Szechuanosaurus

This could all just be some fucking stupid girly fad they picked up from Cosmo or The OC or some shit. They will probably ask questions like 'What is your favorite colour of Chocolate?' and then cast some bogus sexual-preferences assessment off the back of that.

If that's the case just play along. If they try to genuinely cross examine you, up-end the table and storm out.

Saiga

Yeah, I told one of my close friends about the plan tonight, he just got back in town from staying with his girlfriend a few towns away. Basically his reply was "I'll wait in the general area, do my own thing, if things get a bit too strange, give me a ring and I will be by with my car." While that sounded a bit extreme at the time, I think it might be a good plan for if things don't go quite so normally.

Also one of the friends is someone I have never met, straight up gay guy (play-on phrase, oho.) and I have been told is a bit arrogant and otherwise strange.

So at the moment my current prediction looks like something out of a terrible romantic comedy, one of those 'Holy shit, that guy is willing to go through the most ridiculous and far fetched things for the girl, it really sucks to be him.'

FunkyWaltDogg

Saiga wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, all of it so far pretty much spells out what I am thinking right now and what I will probably end up doing.

But, yeah, I am seriously thinking about asking her she needs to have them happy with her personal choices to be able to make them. Plus I was with her about a week ago when she was telling one of her friends about how we were hanging out and she was really happy, this was all in a text, to which her friend replied with 'OMGWTF' essentially.

So yeah, I know her two friends which want to 'interrogate' me don't want me to like me in the end, so they won't like me no matter how it goes.

Is she aware that her friends are going into this with the outcome predetermined? Maybe you could talk her out of this.

I hesitate to give specific advice as I've never been in such a whacked out situation, but you might remind her that you're dating her, not them. Her happiness is what's important in this relationship, not theirs. Assure her that you would never dream of telling her who she should be friends with, so why should her friends get to say who she can date?

Saiga

FunkyWaltDogg wrote: »

Saiga wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, all of it so far pretty much spells out what I am thinking right now and what I will probably end up doing.

But, yeah, I am seriously thinking about asking her she needs to have them happy with her personal choices to be able to make them. Plus I was with her about a week ago when she was telling one of her friends about how we were hanging out and she was really happy, this was all in a text, to which her friend replied with 'OMGWTF' essentially.

So yeah, I know her two friends which want to 'interrogate' me don't want me to like me in the end, so they won't like me no matter how it goes.

Is she aware that her friends are going into this with the outcome predetermined? Maybe you could talk her out of this.

I hesitate to give specific advice as I've never been in such a whacked out situation, but you might remind her that you're dating her, not them. Her happiness is what's important in this relationship, not theirs. Assure her that you would never dream of telling her who she should be friends with, so why should her friends get to say who she can date?

I had never thought of it in that sense, thanks for suggesting bringing it up to her in that way. That really helps, next time I talk to her I might bring it up in the lightest way possible. (She's a bit worn out due to the training lately, so I don't want to cause a big deal, but I know how to avoid doing that.) But that really does sum up how I feel in this situation overall.

Bryse Eayo

Dude. Hold on. Don't do ANYTHING yet. Play along. You could be screwing a whole lot more up by preempting and making a big deal out of this. People's friends can be crazy, yeah but the good lady-friends know it and will ignore it. And I say if you play along chances are you will get HUGE brownie points from the girl.

Infact, I can see anything you do now as a detriment to your chances.

Honestly, just be a good sport.

And you know if she seriously lets this affect her decisions you now know she's half crazy and not worth your time. "Tests" go both ways.

JeffH

How old are you?

Vrtra Theory

What is this "meeting"? I mean, is someone calling you and telling you they'd like you to meet them at such-and-such a time so they can ask you a bunch of questions? Is the girl herself saying "my friends want to meet you at such-and-such place"?

The whole thing is strange. I, personally, would tell the girl her friends are strange. If she asked if I would meet them, I'd tell her "no." If they called me personally and told me to meet them, I'd tell them "no."

You've already told us you're a busy guy. I'm guessing you have better things to do than encourage her over-protective friends' absurd bullshit.

witch_ie

Another thing you could do is just smile and simply say..."I like [insert girl's name here]. She is sweet and nice and etc....Don't you think so too?" Since she'll be there, she'll think it's sweet and potentially realize how silly her friends are being.

Honestly, there's no justification for her friends to set up a "meeting" to cross exam you. Meet you, spend time with you, make sure you're an okay guy...sure. Other than that, it's just plain silly and ridiculously dramatic.

winterwitch

witch_ie wrote: »

Another thing you could do is just smile and simply say..."I like [insert girl's name here]. She is sweet and nice and etc....Don't you think so too?" Since she'll be there, she'll think it's sweet and potentially realize how silly her friends are being.

Honestly, there's no justification for her friends to set up a "meeting" to cross exam you. Meet you, spend time with you, make sure you're an okay guy...sure. Other than that, it's just plain silly and ridiculously dramatic.

Its sound very High Schoolish...and you can tell her firends that. Its one thing to be concern, but another to vailidate one's own feelings for someone through a group vote. She broke up with you the first time around. Hell if anyone needed to be questioned its her. Are her feelings really straight and true. etc..etc...

Saiga

Update :

Crazy ex-girlfriend made a new MySpace under a new name, using some anime fanart as her default instead of putting any pictures of herself, she used to his to contact the girl and try to win her over and basically told me she would find a way to get me to herself.

Unfortunately my lolMySpace skills allowed me to find her (crazy ex), she didn't even know I knew she was doing this, so her getting caught red handed made her realized she didn't have a chance in hell to get me to trust her, thus she left the girl in question alone, I pretty much said "Game over" and she left.

Woohoo craziness.

FunkyWaltDogg

Good job, I think?

Saiga

She had just been bent on doing something like that for a few months now, she does anything she can to watch me online, however this time I was quick enough to spot her. To be honest it wouldn't matter if she contacted anyone, she is very dramatic in the 'high school' way and all of my friends know she acts extremely childish and only wants to get her way.

FunkyWaltDogg

Did the interrogation session ever happen?

Saiga

Not yet. Though I am thinking it's slowly disappearing. Her friend made a witty comment on how he gets to decide if she dates me or not, I called him a dick for acting like it was a joke, then told him I would never tell her who to not be friends with, but that if I ever did, he'd be on the list.

Bit blunt, but it stopped him from being a prick.

Saiga

Okay, this is a major update.

I just talked to her, I had a lot to tell her, it wasn't at all harsh, I had just recalled what she told me a few weeks ago, it was along the lines of this :

"I don't care what my friends think, I will be happy, I mean what would you do if your friends hated me?"

I then told her "Well my friends expressed their worries and doubts, but told me they rather have me happy than miserable and depressed, so they said go for it." This prompted her to tell me my friends don't care as much as her's because they don't make my decisions.

That's not weird at all! Then she goes on a long rant about how her friends are amazing because they don't let her decide on things on her own and they help her control her life. At this point some good PA advice flashed in my mind :

ABANDON SHIP

Thus I did, things are actually better now as well.

FunkyWaltDogg

Yikes! I'd have to say you made the right call.

Saiga

Well prepare to hear one of my many cinematic experiences.

As a rash and otherwise stupid move I gave her a key, now this key I bought is a replica of the key from Pirates of the Caribbean, thus supposed to be a key to a chest that holds one's heart. Now she has the key, and I need it back, thus begins the movement to get the key.

My life truly is never dull.

Szechuanosaurus

Or, you know, just leave the key? Because that's the dumbest reason I've ever heard for maintaining contact with a nut-job.

Alistair Hutton

Szechuanosaurus wrote: »

Or, you know, just leave the key? Because that's the dumbest reason I've ever heard for maintaining contact with a nut-job.

So far Szechuanosaurus's advice has been spot on. Why deviate now?

Although he did say it was a 'cinematic' reason - maybe it's the only way he can stop the bomb... before the orphanage blows!