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Cause to worry? (Return of the sex thread)

Folken FanelFolken Fanel J.2CWhen's KoFRegistered User regular
edited June 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Yes this is another sex thread in H/A.

So my lady friend and I have been having the sex quite frequently. (I'm 23, she's 21.) She's currently on the pill so I haven't been using a condom. However, I've had reservations about orgasming inside her. So much so that I would pull out rather than doing so. Well last night was particularly more passionate than previous nights and she didn't get off me right away when I said I was about to cum, and I went ahead and came inside her. I instantly had a D: and I told her that I really didn't want what just happened to happen.

Now, from day one, she's told me that it was ok, and even gone so far to say that she wanted me to do it inside her. She's been on the pill for quite some time now, and in addition to that, she has some kind of medical condition where she gets her period less frequently than most women (say once every 3 months as opposed to monthly.) Despite all this, I still worry about the prospects of getting her pregnant.

Now I know what some of the responses to this dilemma might be: (a) if you're so worried about it, don't have sex or (b) wear a condom, silly. Well here's the thing, she loves sex. I'm loving it too. I don't think I could just give it up cold turkey at this point. I think it would put a serious damper on our relationship. As for a condom, this brings up another issue. This issue has gone from a "I don't feel comfortable doing this" kind of thing, to her saying "Well why don't you trust me when I say its ok for you to do it?" I think that by using a condom as this point would be saying that I don't trust her.

So here it is: how irrational am I to have said the things that I said. I know that the pill is about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy, but damn, I'm the kind of asshole with the luck to be that 1%. Someone please educate me about the pill.

Please, please don't let this thread devolve into a debate about the effectiveness of the pull out method.

Folken Fanel on

Posts

  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    There's not really any call to educate you about the pill as you seem to have your numbers pretty much accurate.

    Is there an ever so slim chance of a lady getting pregnant while still being on the pill? Yes there is.

    Now, there is also a greater chance of her never getting pregnant while on it. So please keep that in mind.

    Using a condom is in no way saying that you don't trust her. Her even suggesting that is very very irresponsible on her part...and really, not fair to you at all.

    You can explain that you trust her, but there is no way that you can control the factors of chance or biology. If you're not comfortable having sex without a rubber, don't have sex without a rubber. I get that you like sex. I get that she likes sex. However, what you really need to get is that you like your own state of mental health in one piece more than any of that.

    Before me, my current girl was all about the pull out method. Didn't like condoms and wasn't on the pill. Yeaaaa...I don't do the pull out thing and let her know that. There is nothing in this world worth my sanity and the chance of getting her knocked up. So I explained to her that it's condoms or no sex. Since we first got together she has started the pill. We still use a condom. Why? Because at this point in our lives we're not ready for a kid. It's really that simple.

    I certainly wouldn't call yourself irrational, but I do think you need to have a talk with your ladyfriend about how you really feel about all of this and be strong about it. Your peace of mind at the end of the week is far better than getting a little play.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail Satan!
  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    The pill is way more effective than the condom so you really should have nothing to worry about. Just make sure she takes the pill.

  • EntriechEntriech Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Something you should do if you haven't bothered already is to have a discussion with her about what plans are between you two if the unthinkable should happen and she does end up pregnant. Not only is it smart to do in case she does actually end up pregnant, but having had the conversation, knowing where you both stand and what would happen might help you relax more and worry less.

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  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Get some fancy condoms (not crappy ones you buy at Target -- there's a handful of older threads around here, I always recommend Beyond Seven and Rough Rider UltraThins) and get used to orgasming inside her. Then see about mixing it up a bit.

    As for the responsibility aspect, tell her that you trust her but you're in a place in your life where you can not risk having a kid at all. I mean, the pill is very effective but there are various random things that can cause it to be less effective, such as antibiotics, or if she ends up missing a day for whatever reason. And, as the angle i would approach it, you could say that the pill is her part of safe sex, and you'll wear a condom as your part, so that you're both taking responsibility in it.

    Many men have sex without a condom with women who are on the pill and never get the girl pregnant. But if it's a mental issue for you, and you'll enjoy sex a lot more if you're wearing a condom as well, it just makes sense for you to start wearing one, even if it's only so you can get used to orgasming inside of her.

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  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    What you're doing now is not an effective way of decreasing the chances of an accidental pregnancy; that is, if you're not going to use additional protection, you might as well just finish inside her, as opposed to pulling out.

    If a < 1% chance of pregnancy is too much of a risk for you, you need to be communicating that to her. There are solutions that don't involve putting balloons on your junk (like spermicidal lube) that might do the trick for you.

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  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    I know it's a terrible method to use, but I thought that a "proper"(hah) pull-out method, and in this case it's already coupled with birth control, actually had a pretty low chance of failure, because I think precum has a very low fertility rate.

    rodq.jpg
  • Folken FanelFolken Fanel J.2C When's KoFRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Septus wrote: »
    I know it's a terrible method to use, but I thought that a "proper"(hah) pull-out method, and in this case it's already coupled with birth control, actually had a pretty low chance of failure, because I think precum has a very low fertility rate.

    Regardless of whether or not its true, I'm no longer considering it as an option. At this point I'm trying to decide whether or not I should just wear a condom or get used to cumming inside her. As Eggy mentioned, its very much a mental issue more than anything else, so any information I could get regarding birth control would be very much appreciated.

    I'm getting conflicting advice from my close friends as well. One (who uses condoms) told me that its just not worth the risk, while my other friend has a girlfriend thats been on the pill for the past 6 months and hasn't had a problem at all....

    Thanks for all the responses so far though. Keep 'em coming.

  • happysharkhappyshark Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Septus wrote: »
    I know it's a terrible method to use, but I thought that a "proper"(hah) pull-out method, and in this case it's already coupled with birth control, actually had a pretty low chance of failure, because I think precum has a very low fertility rate.

    Regardless of whether or not its true, I'm no longer considering it as an option. At this point I'm trying to decide whether or not I should just wear a condom or get used to cumming inside her. As Eggy mentioned, its very much a mental issue more than anything else, so any information I could get regarding birth control would be very much appreciated.

    I'm getting conflicting advice from my close friends as well. One (who uses condoms) told me that its just not worth the risk, while my other friend has a girlfriend thats been on the pill for the past 6 months and hasn't had a problem at all....

    Thanks for all the responses so far though. Keep 'em coming.

    Oh noes! You'll just have to get used to cumming inside a girl. Whats wrong with you man??? Finishing inside your girlfriend is the best thing in the world. Shes on the pill. Shes not going to get pregnant. Dump your baby batter inside of her every time and dont worry.

  • CojonesCojones Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    You shouldn't worry about it, if she's regularly taking her pill then there shouldn't be any real cause for concern with finishing inside her.

    Using the same logic you employ you should never have had sex with her in the first place seeing as it's still entirely possible to concieve when pulling out.

    Don't worry about it man.

    Oh, and there are no "proper" pull-out methods.

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  • CaswynbenCaswynben Registered User
    edited June 2007
    If you have sex, period, there is always that slim ass chance that she will get pregnant. Tubes tied with a condom? Still possible, given the way that the effectiveness of birth control is calculated. There's probably someone out there who has gotten pregnant in these circumstances. The pill is ridiculously beyond effective. It is not like everytime you have sex, you are rolling a die with 100 sides on it and if you roll a 1, she gets knocked up. It means that if you take 1,000 women on the pill having sex, with no guarantee she is taking it properly, in tests, a handful of them got pregnant over a large amount of time.

  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Oh right, I forget about that. The 99% success rate takes misuse of the pill into account?

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    The whole "don't you trust me" thing on the condoms really rings some alarm bells in my head, personally. Like, "don't you trust me to be able to mentally control my ovaries?" That would be making me very, very nervous.

    But yeah, that 1% isn't each time you have sex, it's over the course of a year. If she actually is on birth control, the odds of her being pregnant after that are miniscule.

  • Folken FanelFolken Fanel J.2C When's KoFRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Thanatos wrote: »
    The whole "don't you trust me" thing on the condoms really rings some alarm bells in my head, personally. Like, "don't you trust me to be able to mentally control my ovaries?" That would be making me very, very nervous.

    But yeah, that 1% isn't each time you have sex, it's over the course of a year. If she actually is on birth control, the odds of her being pregnant after that are miniscule.

    I think the "dont you trust me" thing was more of a "don't you trust that i take the pill every day and am responsible about it" more than anything else.

    There are some times that we have sex where I get off first, and other times she gets off first and she gets so sensitive that we have to stop and then she starts apologizing because I couldn't get off. Lately she's been warming me up with some handjobs and oral sex so its been damn near impossible to get her to orgasm first, since I'm already half-way there by the time we start having sex. I offer to go down on her too, but she always declines and says she doesn't care and that she just wants to make me happy. On one hand I'm thinking, shit did I just hit the jackpot with this one? I don't have to do a damn thing! But on the other hand, I want her to get off from time to time too.

    This is what makes it difficult. By declining to ejaculate inside her, I think she feels like I'm denying her when she tries to give me the most pleasure she possibly can. I can't decide if this is something I just need to come to terms with or if the juice is even worth the squeeze. I think I might ask her if she has a plan in the event she gets pregnant... maybe a morning after pill or what not.

  • CrayonCrayon TejasRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Dunno if anyone has said it, but try to watch for girls who are quite adamant about getting you to orgasm inside her. There is always that creepy creepy possibility that she is baiting you to stay with a small lump of baby and hate.

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  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    I hate to admit it, but crayon has a point. Hell, there have been threads here that have proven exactly that.


    Either way, Folken, it's still about how comfortable you are with things.

    Oh..and the morning after pill is not a "oh, hey..she's pregnant. whoops let's go get it" thing like you describe. The morning after pill, commonly called Plan B, is more for the situation of "whoops the condom busted and she wasn't on the pill." or "whoops, she's on the pill and forgot she was taking antibiotics." things like that. It is in NO WAY a method for dealing with a lady you just got preggers.

    You both are putting a lot of stock as to where you end up cumming. Wrap it up, be confident about your choice, and make love to your girl man.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail Satan!
  • MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    You seem to have your head on straight when it comes to the chances for various birth control methods. You also seem to recognize the incredibly remote possibility of conceiving with multiple methods in place. However, this strikes me as more of a personal - rather than a sexual issue. You've said multiple times that you don't feel comfortable ejaculating inside of her, leave it at that.

    You don't strike me as the kind of guy who would force his girlfriend to do anything she didn't want to do. If you were adamant about eating her out, because you were convinced it would give her the greatest pleasure ever - would you start lay on the guilt trip if she said she didn't want it? Your girlfriend seems to be confused about what you do and do not like. From what I can see, you enjoy sex - you do not enjoy ejaculating inside of her during intercourse.

    I think you need to stress to her that you simply do not feel comfortable ejaculating inside her without a condom. From what I've read (please, correct me if I am wrong) it is her who's making the big deal about this, not you. You need to sit down and explain to her (using 'I' language) that you don't feel comfortable ejaculating inside of her. Make sure that you stress you do trust her in the relationship (hell, you trust her enough to have sex regularly), but you need to put the emphasis that ejaculating inside of her without a condom is not something you want to be a part of.

    If she doesn't respect that then I think you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship and consider what else she may not respect in the future. Sex is one of those things where both people need to be on the same page to have a successful run - it seems to me that your girlfriend isn't quite listening to what you have to say.

    I am in the business of saving lives.

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  • SesphohemeSesphoheme Registered User
    edited June 2007
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Is there an ever so slim chance of a lady getting pregnant while still being on the pill? Yes there is.

    Now, there is also a greater chance of her never getting pregnant while on it. So please keep that in mind.

    Yea, my girlfriend has been on the pill for the four years we've been sexually active, we normally used condoms, but there were times that we didn't.

    A few months ago, she came down with strep throat and was put on antibiotics. These antibiotics caused her birth control to be ineffective. We're assuming that's what caused our unexpected pregnancy, but nevertheless, we've had no problems at all in the past.

    You seem to realize the importance of various ways to prevent pregnancy. With that said, I agree with everything MegaMan001 just said.

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