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Great Moments in Tabletop Gaming
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That gives me an idea for a witchhunters henchman...
Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: WaffleMous#1483
So the current situation was that a town was rebelling against the king my party (all humans/half elves) worked for, and we were there to lead the army in a siege. This town was completely evil, and our thief snuck in and managed to find out (and almost died in the process) that this city had been raising these super zombie things and hiding them away. The party had fought one before, it was magic immune and ignored non-magic armor, and there was roughly 500 of them hidden in 4 grain silos. He reports this to us, but session was over for the night.
We had a two week hiatus to think about what to do-obviously these things were going to kill our 5000 man army, and probably us as well. I come up with this plan, and work out some math with my friend who's getting a masters in aero engineering:
Have a mage cast fly on me. I go above the towers, and cast conjure animal. A whale.
Turns out that a sperm whale's terminal velocity is a little over 3000 mph. Now, I couldn't get nearly that high on one cast of fly, but I managed to find some similar stats on gravity bombs for energy and estimated I could make a 50 foot radius crater where the whale hit that was 40 feet deep. Plus whale bones=nasty shrapnel.
Unfortunately, the plan never got to be used for a variety of factors, and my DM said it was the stupidest plan he'd ever heard. But i still plan on using it someday
This is hilarious to everyone else, so much so that I leave in a huff, get in my car and speed away... only to spin out and take down a light pole. Failed my driving check, apparently.
I still have the character. My favorite one ever.
Fixed.
As it goes with most groups, we were "blessed" with a player who thought he was god's very gift to gaming. So, after launching this genius decides to pull a dramatic strafing run through the dreadnauts hangar, complete with cheesy goodbye speech etc etc. Well, he also has the unfortunate affect of causing the rest of the squadron to fly after him on a sudden rescue mission, screwing up the plot and royally pissing off the GM at the same time.
While all of this sappy dialogue is going on, the enemy ship gets closer and closer to firing on the terran settlement, so naturally I went and did the most logical thing possible....fired off a pair of nuclear missles towards the ship's hangar. Of course, while I was a safe distance away from the ship when it blew, the rest of the squad was still dealing with Mr Dramatic, so a half dozen two year old characters found themselves a wee bit close to a nuclear detonation. Whoops, silly me. :twisted:
I hope it's okay that I'm laughing my ass off at you.
Not with you... at you.
Recently, I've been GMing a Mage: The Awakening chronicle. My players, at the behest of a Werewolf sept, began to investigate a warehouse that had been erected in their territory and was believed to be a source of toxic waste, poisoning Gaia. Under cover of night, they sneak up to the side of the warehouse, and use a correspondance rote to peek inside.
Inside are several Tremere vampires stocking and cataloging toxic waste barrels. There is also a small forklift. One of the characters, a Dreamspeaker with a heart of gold, contacts the spirit of the forklift in order to get more intel. In the course of the conversation, she convinces the forklift that it is being mistreated by the Tremere and it should rise up against it's oppressors.
After a few minutes of this, the forklift buys into the Marxist ideal and rises up in revolution against those who keep him down. Caught by surprise, the vampires are impaled by the forklift's tongs, run over by its treads, and the building itself is heavily damaged as he begins ramming the support pillars. An orgy of blood and viscera erupts, all this while the Dreamspeaker girl, who is 5' tall, cute as a button, and generally a pacifist, is chanting "Kill them! Kill them all!"
Long story short, the cabal adopts the forklift, give him a new name ("Forkie"), and I am stuck with having to roleplay a semi-sentient forklift NPC.
"Roll for initiative."
One of my friend's characters had the ability to regenerate but only when arroused... At one point he lost his arms and legs in an explosion but being spongebathed in the hospital by the nurses made them grow back...
We also had a war inside of a Wal-Mart, which involved me getting my ass handed to me by a store clerk by having some of the worst die rolls in the history of tabletop gaming... And someone felt the need to set off a bomb in the feminine products aisle, causing an old woman to be killed by a projectile flaming tampon...
Errm... Sure you weren´t playing Paranoia?
you win the thread.
2nd story:
I was playing some old school warhammer many years ago. My opponent cheesed out with a beefy character on a beefy dragon. This model could slay an army by itself. I had a wizard which casts a gateway spell. A magic gate opens....you move your guys in....open the exit to the gateway somewhere on the board ....pop your guys out. I also had a mind control type spell. I opened the entrance to my gateway, mind controlled his dragon, flew him into the gateway......canceled the gateway spell, and never made an exit.
GM: Ok you are all together and your master appears and tell that you need to go north. What do you do?
All: We go north.
GM:Ok you are all dead.
Player1: But what happe...
Player2:I have this ability th...
GM:YOU ARE ALL DEAD.
End game. Let this be a lesson, do not piss someone off if you want him to be the GM.
Other time I was playing a Half Orc on DnD. To make a long story short we were able to kill an air elemental because I kept a rotten egg that was part of the breakfast in a lousy inn we stayed. The people in the party who had long range attacks and spells were having trouble seeing the elemental until I threw the egg at it. There is another lesson here, always take everything you can, you never know when it will be useful...
golden
Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: WaffleMous#1483
Alas, I have no tabletop stories to share. I guess I could try to communicate stories that I've heard from other sources, but they would probably be full of holes and lacking in pizazz.
They also took down some sort of special Dark Eldar character. Unsure of the name, because we all called her The Bitch.
They deserve medals.
Needless to say, that player was kindof irritated with me.
We had this pictionary contest in grade 8 once. Beforehand, we made a bunch of signals for words that were difficult to act out. One was people (wiggle your fingers), and one was art (draw a square in the air and scratch your head in thought). We were hoping that a signal for "people" would help in situations like acting out, say, a baseball stadium.
We made it to the finals, and our list of four words included People and Art. We got the four words in less than 10 seconds.
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:shock:
Boardgames eh? I was playing Beyond Balderdash with my family one time, For those that dont know what Balderdash is, its a game where one person gives you a word, everyone writes a definition for it and gives it to that person, and you vote on which one you think is real... You move forward if you guess the right answer or if someone votes for your fake definition... Its fun... Beyond Balderdash adds categories like Movie Titles(you write a plot summary), Dates(you write what event happened that day), Names(You write what someones famous for), and Initials(You write what those initials stand for)...
Well, the category was initials, they were AAAA, so, I had to make something up for that... My grandma was reading the answers that time and is looking at them and asks my mom "What happens if someone guesses it right?", and Im surprised someone actually wrote the write answer... Even more surprised when my completly fucking random guess was the right answer... I had to double check the card to make sure she wasnt joking... The right answer was American Association of Aardvark Aficionados... Yes, it exists, and I still dont know how the hell I got that right...
Axis and Allies!
We're into hour 5 or so, Russia has packed up and gone home as Germany (me) has completely overrun the borders and taken the capital. America has a good force in China, and is building up massive amounts of troops. He's about to start across Europe and own me. England isn't really doing crap, poking around Africa a bit every now and then trying to save up cash. JAPAN on the other hand, is making for the California coast...having lost everything but his home island. Now America isn't watching California (on the right side of the board), he's thinking of Europe and of winning in about the next half hour. So Japan steams into San Francisco, dumps 2 tanks and a few infantry off, and proceeds to pound America's lowly 2 infantry on defense duty. Next turn, he takes the factory and starts producing troops IN AMERICA.
America however, is unfazed, he marches on toward me in little ol' Germany. The next turn comes around, and Japan moves around the board: "WHAT?? The board wraps around?! AH CRAP!" America proclaims. Since the board splits up America on the edges, he thought that Washington DC (on the left side of the board) was all safe and protected, he thought WRONG!
Within 3 turns, Japan had seized America
Man I miss A&A, that's an awesome game with the right people.
Jarth-Undead Mage
MK:DS friend code: 201.923.105.361
We divide up the territories, roll to see who goes first, and get our secret missions... My friend Shane, who rolled to go first, looks at his and starts laughing, proceeds to conquer North America and Australia due to starting with most of them, and wins the game... On his first fucking turn, none of us even got to do anything...
I play with 2 guys from my D&D group on occasion, it would rock if one of them could take a turn in less than half an hour. Every full round we play takes at least an hour.
Russia for life though. I guess the greatest moment for me was using 3 bombers as Britain to basically shut Germany down for a good 4 or 5 turns by getting etremely lucky on my bombing runs.
LoL: failboattootoot
thats prolly lelith hesperix :wink:
edit: damn i was beaten
but can a firewarrior squad take down a talos?! :twisted:
(i realize they cant even hurt it, which makes it even more fun when i open a portal right in front of the tau and 3 of them pour out, oh i am an evil bastard)
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
psh thats because russian dice sucked, they were weighted so they died a lot
I once blew up 4 U-boats with my transport though... :oops:
So the ST of our General WoD chronicle decides he's going to move everything over to the new set of rules they released. He allows one player to keep her Corax, he keeps his own hunter and I get to keep my Nosferatu and Get of Fenrir.
However, at the start of the new story, the Corax and Get are being held by some Fomori in a hidden lab underneath a college. So my Nosferatu and two mortal hunters go to the rescue.
The lab is beneath an ivy league school - I think Harvard - and the plan of action is that the Hunters load up in the back of a sizable truck on motorcycles, and my Nosferatu backs it up close enough so they can bust through a window.
My Nossie, however, does not know how to drive. All goes somewhat well, though, and no one gets hurt, although a truck ended up blasting into the main lobby of an ivy league school.
The hunters get out and go do their violence thing, while I go to the school's computer system and find out where our friends are. I find there's a hidden cargo elevator, and they go to it to find band of guards in their way. One hunter still has his motorcycle.
So, he decides the logical thing to do is try and get as much speed as he can, and flip over, sending his bike ( but in his plan, not himself ) sailing into the elevator to dispatch of their would-be dispatchers. He fails his roll, and his leg gets stuck on the bike as it goes uncontrollable.
The other hunter - who has a dice pool the size of god since he's been played about ten years - luckily blasts the other guy in the leg, knocking it off the bike before it went into the elevator with a bunch of guys with guns, or did something equally as bad.
They do their thing, and a little later we get an unconscious Corax and Get in our party then. We drag them to the back of the truck and put them in the back. I go off into the night, one hunter gets on the remaining bike, and the other drives the truck.
While they're leaving, black vans and other bikes appear behind them. About three vans and four bikes.
The ST decides his char is too cool to die or something, and tries to use one van's front like a ramp for his bike and shoot down at it while sailing over.
He fails, miserably. He rolls to see if his char can land safely. Fails miserably. So it's a "..." moment.
And either it's a rule in the book or his own make that a player can roll 1d10 to save someone's ass. He told me to roll, and that I need a 10 for him to survive. I get it, and he ends up on the sidewalk beaten to shit but alive.
But now he's stumped as to how we can survive. So I suggest that maybe my Get can wake up. He accepts the idea.
So one of the guys on a bike tries to open up the back of the truck. It's then opened by a very, very pissed off seasoned Garou in Chrinos. The driver freaks and leaps off his bike. My Get picks it up, and in the most insane sequence of successful feats I've ever managed to pull off, swings the thing like a swallow and leapfrogs from vehicle to vehicle causing carnage.
Long story already too long, my Nosferatu happened upon both the characters, and got them back to their hideout safe and sound.
Sorry if that poor excuse for a tale wasted anyone's time.
That'd be her. How did two people guess the same thing; is her nickname actually The Bitch?
I'm not sure HOW I killed her, but I did, but to be fair, she already had a wound on her when she whirled into my troop. Her close combat skills could not save her from being killed for the Greater Good, though!
You made that?
nah, you forget about cruellagh the vile or whatever her name was, but lelith was the only one worth taking.
yeah... if she is wounded that means she lost the shadow field... so she was like any other wych, they aren't hard to kill... a vindicare took down an entire squad of wyches in close combat once... i cried.