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Great Moments in Tabletop Gaming
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I've noticed her reading up on the cost of equiping her cannoness with a retinue of celestians to act as fodder since then. I suggested that she just pick up an inquisitor lord and his retinue for a stronger HQ unit, but she mumbled something along the lines of "no boys allowed in my army" and went back to studying her codex.
Our party (six PCs and a Troll NPC) was fighting some powerful drow in the armory of an old underground palace. Our Paladin was able to weaken quite a few with Turn Undead and Healing Circle. Our half-troll rogue was backstabbing left and right, while my archer character missed. A lot. Our half-Yuan-Ti Barbarian was busy charging two drow spearmen when the only magic-using drow began casting a spell. The Paladin’s innate evil-meter went off the scale, and warned the rest of the party. The drow finished casting its spell, and reached out towards the rogue and troll NPC!
The rogue dodged out of the way, while the troll critically missed his reflex save. Suffice to say, the drow touched him and he died a very painful death! The DM told us it was a level-draining spell, and so us PCs proceeded to –carefully- kill the drow mage.
We were all bummed because the troll NPC was quite cool- he was a veritable storehouse of illegal information and items. He also was a drug dealer. (Our Paladin didn't know this, but I’m sure if he did he would have smote the troll where he stood.)
Now, the half-troll rogue and barbarian were casual friends with the NPC, and thus were somewhat distraught at his untimely demise. They decided to bury him. This is where the story gets odd.
The rogue and barbarian players told the DM their plan, and the DM told them that the troll’s body crumbled into dust when they touched it. Now, any normal PC would lament at this unfortunate event and move on. Not in this case.
The two players looked at each other, and then explained the DM their plan:
The troll NPC was a known dealer of drugs, poison and various other questionable substances. It was also known that the troll NPC ingested some of the very drugs he sold. Thus, his corpse would no doubt be riddled with strange and dangerous compounds.
Thus, they planned on taking the troll NPC’s ashes and storing them in a bag. So they could sell them later. As drugs. They also discussed trying to ingest the troll’s remains themselves, but decided against it. They much rather would prefer the gold certain people would pay for such –ahem- substances.
After hearing the two players explain their plan, the DM’s jaw dropped. Everyone at the table began to laugh uncontrollably. The DM actually let them do it, reminding them to not let the Paladin see them execute their plan.
We haven't found anybody who would want to but the “substance†yet, but I’m sure we will.
-Buckaroo Banzai
Wait. An Ithorian?
</pedanticSWgeek>
Ithorians are force sensitive too.
Every race in the Star Wars d20 game is Force Sensitive (and by that I mean able to take the Force Sensitive feat). SO, theoreticlaly mind you, I could have Gungan Jedi or Ewok Jedi. Gungan Jedi would get a smiting from the force for merely existing, while I'd actually be rather interested in someone playing an Ewok Jedi...
Ewok Jedi? Meh. =\
They fail because they should have killed him with fire, or the aquatic, kid friendly variant thereof.
The first thing they do to Jar Jar is shock him. I mean, I want those guys to be my friends.
Star Wars D20: We found a working protocol droid in abandoned warehouse. We had plans to bolt an enormous screwdriver to its crotch and introduce the galaxy to droid snuff films. His trademark would be to scream out in a "Macho Man" Savage voice, "Screw...DRIVER!"
White Wolf: Nothing makes a better mobile bomb than a hobo strapped with C4 and the instructions, "When you the leader shakes your hand, press this button." Hobo-bombs 4-ever!
Rifts: The party had just discovered the town they stopped in was for the most part populated and run by werewolves.
Me: Jason, what are you doing?
Jason: I'm running into the general store and grabbing whatever silver bullets they have.
Me: Jason, you are in a town owned by WEREWOLVES.
Jason: ...And?
Me: (sigh)
Another story about Jason's character (a cyborg with guns implanted in his arms). I can't recall the countless times when the party was captured and their weapons confiscated that he would forget he had two weapons as BODY PARTS and claim they were confiscated as well. :roll:
Well, you see Mechanoids are SDC and Saiyans are MDC...
God, we put the "art" in "retarded" back then.
The most efficient wargear layout for a Cannoness, if I remember correctly, is a Blessed Weapon, Bolt Pistol, Jump Pack, Melta Bombs, and Mantle of whatever. Alternatively you can replace the Blessed Weapon with an Eviscerator but I'm not sure it's really worth it as striking last kinda sucks.
Anyways, the rich guys has maids, and nothing important is happening, so Jacob, my mind-mage-cult-leader, uses his magic to help persuade one of the maids to sleep with him.
One pathetic roll and two in-game minutes later, Jacob is feeling stupid and the maid is leaving the bedroom looking more than a little displeased.
=\ He never tried to sleep with a maid again.
Well they were about to before Qui-Gon was all like, "Nah."
XBOX LIVE - VAULT BOY 42
Yeah, but... they're pacifists. What does he do, trip people up and apologise profusely for it? :lol:
Naturally, we search for this hidden portal, which is relatively easy with a moon elf sorceror with detect magic magic and 6th sense for hidden portals.
We find it, go in, but post our bard near entrance, to telepathicly warn us when the other party comes in. We explore, find a few rooms with some monsters, we kill them, we find an exit into the woods near the castle, and lastly come upon a room with a big tome on a pedestal in it. There are 2 fungii in the room, but we kill them without much trouble.
Turns out the tome is protected from theft by elementals, and while we do manage to fight of the first 2 waves (2 wind elementals and earth elemental) we get hurt pretty bad, our barbarian down to 6 hp, the half-orc monk to 5hp, the thief also hurt, and i'm slightly injured.
The sorceror wants to see what shows up next, at which point the bard warns us the other party was coming. We hide in the passage leading up to the woods exit, and send in the thief to spy on the other party.
The thief throws a 3 for move silently. We pretty much figure we're in trouble, and the sorceror decides to throw 3 oil potions, while the barbarian lights a strip of cloth with his tinder box.
The thief runs back to us, trying to escape, and slips on the oil. 3 of the enemy party come running after her, the barbarian throws the flaming rag, and sets alight the oil with the 3 of the others in it. At this moment the sorceror casts colour spray and sleeps all 3. The other 2 are around the corner, so me and the half-orc monk use ranged weapons on the sleeping mage, killing him.
Next round, the thief recovers from the fall, shoots and arrow and the cleric coming around the corner, critical hit. The sorceror shoots his bow, and kills of the cleric. Our bard comes charging from the castle at the thief, damaging it. We shoot our bows / throw javelins (The thief apparently rolled low init), and we knock it unconscious again. The fire runs out, we take away the weapons of the sleeping fighters and hold them prisoner, stabilize 2 out of 3 of the fallen enemies, loot all of them, have the 2 fighters carry the 2 unconscious people back to castle.
Turns out, we were supposed to figure out the odds were to heavily against us, and run into the forest to continue the story line. Instead we killed of the rival party without them even attempting a single attack against us. I don't think anyone on our side rolled lower then a 14 for anything this fight.
So, I'm in my mech(I can't remember what type) standing on far side of a sandy hill. I can't see my opponents and neither can they. I decide to go prone and crawl over the hill and into some trees just past it. While in the trees one of the other guys says:
"You don't have to be prone anymore, because your in the trees you get almost as much protection standing up as you doing lying prone in an open space."
So I get up, almost immediatly after getting up I trip and fall. The ammo pouch on the back of my mech hits a tree and explodes. I tried to escape but just as I was about to my mech explodes sending me flying directly onto the battlefield whereupon one of the enemies shoots my lifeless body full of holes.
We tried to come up with a logical explanation for how this could have happened. Our best was that a monkey threw a banana at me. This happened litterally three minutes into the game.
Sixty -40- on Origin for some ME3 goodness.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/brilliantinsanity/
The DM had decided that since magical items were harder to break, the bottle wouldn't shatter like normal. The wizard however, decided to keep bouncing it on the floor, and eventually it shattered. We then discovered what the wizard had inadverntantly done: created a bottle of endless wine. When she broke it, that left an uncontained portal to the demi-plane of alcoholic beverages in the middle of our guest room.
Three barrels, six destroy waters, one fireball, and a LOT of mops later, wer were no longer quite so welcome in the govenor's palace.
<3
Sixty -40- on Origin for some ME3 goodness.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/brilliantinsanity/
A friend in my gaming group wanted to try his hand at DM'ing and chose to run a Rolemaster campaign for us. Never having played it, I was willing to give it a go. We spend a couple hours of the first game just making characters because Rolemaster is just stupidly overcomplicated (and a number of us weren't too familiar with the rules).
Characters done, we set out. Now my guy was this weird sort of caster guy who could (eventually) summon things from other dimensions, travel to other dimensions, and the like. But following RPG tradition I was a level 1 caster and basiclly a useless gimp. Well I did have one offensive spell, light bolt I believe it was called. It was the weakest offensive spell in the game though.
We accomplish some "get the plot going" stuff and we're away. Well we wind up in this place and encounter a huge demon. Running wasn't an option so I switched to my fight reflex. I figured we were toast, and heck, a damp match had more firepower than my character. But I was going to go down fighting.
Brief interlude to explain combat in Rolemaster. You roll a 20 sided die to determine a hit. Rolling high is good. Rolling a 20 means you get a critical hit. If you get a critical hit, then you move on to the critical hit charts to determine the degree of critical hit you achieve. The gem in Rolemaster and Spacemaster are the critical hit charts. The descriptions of the various crits is pretty damn funny depending on the type of damage done.
Back to the story. So I fire off my crappy light bolt spell as I prepare to spend another two hours making a new character. I roll a 20. Whee, so now I get to roll on the crit chart. I roll another 20. This means I get to move on to the next crit chart (they go in quite deep). Next roll was high, but not another 20. However this was suficient to completely vaporize the demon. And our DM, in an attempt to be fair, allows this to happen. Though as it turns out, we weren't supposed to fight this demon (though with me there, you'd think he'd have known better, I was never one to waste words when there were butts to be kicked). He never ran his rolemaster campaign again though.
Well probably not the best of stories, but it's what I got.
This happened quite often in my case. Our DM had a fetish for caves. Asteroids, comets, moons, planets...anything that could have a cave invariably would, and any cave that could have a sizable force of zentraedi scouts waiting happily unaware around the next corner invariably did.
Later generations would see me upgradeing the melee capabilities of any mech I was given once I had the rank to request modifications. My favorite was the Beta VT I had modified to change the wings into CADs (vibroblades). It worked well, not only because of the cave fetish I mentioned earlier but because he believed that Invid would also prefer going hand to claw rather then sitting back at range launching beams and missles.
I was playing a dual-class Figher/Ceric (of War) character who usually wielded two scimitars (they were the symbol of his god, and this was before I knew who Drizzt was, I swear!). However, the party was travelling on horseback, and we were attacked by some giants.
After a tough fight, we rout the giants, and the two left are running. Being a cleric of war, I decide to run them down from behind with a spear I had.
After a critical fumble, and a missed Dex check, I manage to get up to the giant, then stab the spear into the ground at charge speeds (on the horse), and promptly polevault myself face-first into the ground. The giant, took enough time to turn around and pound my head into the ground with his club, then kept running.
I lived, but it was close. Never leave the party
We had just beat down the bad guys, and we needed a ride home, since our car was now scrap. We decided to hail a cab, which turned out to be a bad move. We climb in, the cabby takes off.
Storyteller: "You hear some strange noises form the front seat of the cab."
Us: "crap. initiative *roll*"
Storyteller: "*roll* You lose" "As you fumble towards your weapons, the cabby's head turns around, his eyes glowing a sickly green. He takes a deep breath, and *roll* his head explodes."
Us: "bwah?"
The best part about the whole thing was that the story teller missed not a single beat. He said it as if it were exactly what he had planned. He showed us the roll, five ones. Ouch. We then had to figure out how to get into the front seat and take control of the speeding cab, then we had to deal with the very Pulp Fiction situation we were in.
That one wasa a story we talked about for a long time afterwards.
Another one happened two weeks later, playing Vampire. We had invited another player who was not part of our regular group. Apparantly, his favorite thing to do was the seduction sequence, at which he was horrible. The first step was to give a pick up line. He rolls for success, and botches. Without blinking an eye, he delivers the line "Baby, you make me want to masturbate." The intended victim rolls for a snappy comback, and botches as well. She replies "Yeah, me too." The rest of us die laughing while they make their way to the dance floor.
Yep they snuck up and Coupe De Grace'd the level 18 Cleric. Turns out they where all followers of Hextor, a Cleric, a Fighter, and a Sorceror. Yeah...I'd rather just play.
Then Pony went incommunicado.
We're outside in the swamp and surprise surprise, she makes a run for it. We follow her into a bog, and then she manages to knock us out one by one. Fortunely several lucky crits later, she's dead and victory is ours.
Magical full plate, woot! Now, what to do with this body.. hmm.. we are very hungry and getting tired of rations, also while she IS dead, her body is still a sexy 18 charisma elf....
Long story short, we nicknamed ourselves the Cannibalistic Necrophiliacs after that encounter.
We were playing with two big open areas separated by a canyone with a bridge over it. First round, her orks got in their trucks (trukks, whatever) and got all the way over the fucking bridge. I had all my units rush in on the first assault turn. Apparently I was getting lucky that day, because I lost at most 1/4 of my guys, and I almost completely wiped out her army. Oh man, Terminators rock SO hard.
I wasn't an elf.
But yes, that was fucking awesome.