This is probably going to be a long story.
I let my mom's boyfriend (we'll call him Joe) borrow my car this morning so that he could do his errands. He said he would get it back before 4:00 so that I could get Persona 3 later today. But then I get a call from my brother (we'll call him Jack, he's also 17) telling me that I need to go with him to Kroger to get money out of the bank. I don't know why, but when he comes to pick me up I find out that he's dropping me off at a bar to pick my car up. Joe's going to stay there so that he can meet up with my mom. Joe called Jack up to see if he could do this (Jack has band practice, with a break period lasting from 2:00 to 6:00, and we're doing this now at 3:00). Joe says that he asked Jack if this was okay, and Jack said "yes."
But while I was driving with Jack, he apparently wasn't, as he was pretty pissed off about doing this (this has so far been the only time Joe asked him to do something like this). He was calling him a "fucking pothead, alcoholic failure" along with a lot of other usages of the word "fuck." His girlfriend occasionally tried to calm him down, but she mostly kept out of it. I find out he needed the money to pay for photos, but before that he makes me think it's a "charge" for driving me there.
I get dropped off, talk to Joe about how Jack was acting (I think at the time I was seeing if Joe had given him an unfair request). I don't go into any specific details, and just tell Joe that Jack was angry and upset. Joe said Jack was supposed to have plenty of time, and that he even offered to pay him $5 to drive me there (Joe gave me $10 to give to him). So I get my car, drive to Krogers, pick up the money at the bank, and then head home. I end up right behind my brother, and when we get home I honk to get his attention. He storms over, yells at me, and tells me that after I talked to Joe, Joe talked to mom, and mom more-or-less chewed out Jack (it was mostly because of the "charge," I think, but I don't think I told Joe clearly enough it was mostly for photos). I give him the money anyway, and he says, "You're dead to me."
I'm feeling guilty at this point, and drive over to my aunts to drop off some stuff she needed. I talk to her about what happened, including my brother's last comment, and she tells me to not worry about it. Before I leave, I ask her to not tell mom about anything, because I didn't want a repeat of what happened a few moments ago.
I go to the mall, get the game, come home, and find out mom's been trying to get a hold of me. We talk, clarify some stories, and I find out my aunt told my mom about what Jack said to me. At this point I'm being told everything is kinda calm, and my mom apologized to Jack about getting on him. I find out later that mom and Jack had a text conversation about what he said to me (I guessed he tried to lie about something), and it ended with him accusing mom of hating him and wishing he was dead, loving Joe more. She told him to come home after practice, he told her he wasn't going home to a place where his mother hated him and Joe acted like "his fucking father", so she got to school with Joe, and took his car. She said he could get a ride from his girlfriend's father to go to her house if he didn't want to come now, but she wanted him home in twenty-four hours. The reason she was being this hard, from what she told me, was because she wasn't going to play along with what was looking like a "either Joe goes or I go" game, and also because he was acting like an ass in general.
Eventually, he texts her and says that he's sorry for blowing up at her, and says they just need some away time from one another. So he comes by with his girlfriend and her father to pick up some clothes and get some stuff out of his car, and tells them that he needs to talk to me. They go out the door, and he essentially accuses me of ruining every moment of his life because I end up doing or saying things that end with him in trouble, and that the whole thing was my fault, and that I'd probably never see him until his funeral.
So right now I'm not sure how to feel about everything. On one hand I feel guilty because if I had never said anything in the first place, this could have probably been avoided. On the other hand, I don't know if I should get blame for the stuff he says, or how he acts. The former feeling is made worse by the fact it's happened before: I sometimes complain about the way Jack acts and what he says, and also end up telling things that, I suppose, were meant to be kept quite (usually by accident, other times because I didn't think at the time it would be that big a deal). This usually ends with him blaming me for getting in trouble or yelled at, and saying that I'm trying to do it.
So assuming he does come back in a couple of days, is their anything I should say, or do? Should I just forget about that last comment of his?
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If this was me I know I'd just pretend like the argument never happened and everything would eventually return to normal.
I can't see you doing anything that would make the situation better.
It's called being 17.
Leave him alone if he's that goddam stupid.
Satans..... hints.....
I seriously wouldn't worry about shit like this that he pulls. He either is a dick or is acting like that to get attention or something. Who the hells knows. Just don't let him drag you into his idiocy.
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
You have no fucking idea. If I had written down everything that happens with him and all of his friends during the school year, I'd have enough material for a Lifetime television series.
Also, he was pretty convinced before I like getting him in trouble and trying to "ruin his life." Tonight's events could more or less make it that much worse.
Just ignore him and let him continue thinking that you ruined his "whole, fucking life" with such simple acts.
He is leaving home and severing all communication because you said what he said about someone to them.
He will be back, almost guaranteed.
1) You try to resolve tensions with communication like any mature adult
2) The telephone game causes a misunderstanding between your mother and brother, your brother goes emo
3) Your mother tries to amend her mistake, your brother goes emo
4) Your mother tells him to fuck off with the emo-ness, he apologizes
5) Your brother goes emo on you again.
Would this have happened if you just turned a blind eye and pretended like nothing was wrong between your brother and your mother's boyfriend, no. Were you at fault for doing what you did? Probably not. Maybe you weren't clear enough when you talked to Joe or something, seeding the initial misunderstanding, but it seems like your brother has issues with Joe anyway, and I tend to believe that it's better to expose the issues and force people to work them out than to let them linger and fester. It seems like at least he's made your mother aware of this issue, which seems like a step towards resolution. It could be that this event causes your brother and Joe to come to some sort of understanding, and years later, he'll look back on this and say, "Wow, if it hadn't been for you, I never would have become best friends with Joe!" Of course, he could also be some dramaqueen who's shit-stirring to suck all emotional energy from those around him. Oh well, only time will tell.
Anyway, you didn't do anything wrong. And just let him stew in his emo-ness for now. Teenagers don't take advice or constructive criticism very well in general, and it seems your brother is being especially touchy.
Why is the brother being a drama queen?
Poster, feeling a bit guilty about all of it, talks to his aunt, swears her to secrecy so as to avoid it going back to mother and a repeat happening, and the aunt then goes and tells it to his mother, which causes the mom and brother to have a talk, where the brother reveals his true feelings, that he thinks the mom loves the boyfriend more than him, etc, etc, jealousy, what have you.
Mom wants brother to come home after he's done with some practice thing at school, brother doesn't want to, mom doesn't want to deal with "he goes or I go" shit, takes his car, and tells him to get a ride from his girlfriend, brother "apologizes" to mom but apparently didn't mean it, and blames the poster for "ruining his life."
In short, the brother hates his mom's new boyfriend and is using the poster as an outlet for something to get angry at.
EDIT: If anyone can explain all of the details enough in a shorter way, go ahead.
Dude, just stay in your room until you're 18 and no longer on the set of jerry springer. You can tell when you're getting upset over a bunch of specifics of a trip to an atm you've got someone in the family that needs to simmer the hell down.
You make it sound like your brother. Do you think it is your brother?
And don't worry about the "you're dead to me" shit. That's got some weight when you tell your fifty year old pops you're gay and that's why you joined the navy, but not when you tell your little brother that because you're having a weird afternoon.
I host a podcast about movies.
your brother sounds like a fucking drama queen - you're dead to me? hahaha.
i seriously would have laughed in my brother's face if he had said that to me.
(btw - you're all DEAD to me.)
*storms off*
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA now get the fuck back here or you're out of the inheritence.
But seriousely, don't worry, you can't do anything about it, you did the right thing. Its your step dad and your mum who made it a bit messier than it should have been.
Tell him he's right - you are going to ruin his life. That you will make it your lifes purpose to deny him his dreams and crush his hopes. Tell him his pain is all you want - all you've EVER wanted.
Then record his reaction and put it on youtube.
LOL yes yes please do that!!!
don't take the 'i hates you!' thing to seriously. right now he probably DOES hate you, but it won't last forever, leave the lil guy alone, he'll run out of heat eventually. what i would do is let him know that you don't hate him, ONCE. then let him take the next move. don't push him because it will just give him the openings he wants to yell at you; sadly, siblings are usually the only people we can get away with screaming at like that and not really have repercussions.
Another bit of advice: Don't tell your mom's siblings (i.e. your aunt) things you don't want your mom to know. I had a similar episode and I don't spill the beans in front of my uncle anymore.
Oh, hey I'm making a game! Check it out: Dr. Weirdo!
Honestly, your bro has no reason to act that way, he's just being a typical teenage twit. You aren't responsible for how he acts.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Yes. Tell him to grow the fuck up and get over himself.
After staying away one night, my brother has come home. He is still really pissed at me. He still blames me for everything that's happening since I "started the chain of events" by letting Joe borrow my car, and by talking to him about Jack's behavior. He's convinced that I hate him, want him dead, etc. Any attempt at explaining myself is falling on deaf ears (I told him I told my aunt about his "dead to me" comment, and that I asked her to be quite, but he thinks I'm lying). And since he has ulcers, he's telling me all the stress has made him lose a lot of blood via his bowels, and that if he dies in bed it'll be "on my head."
He's also convinced mom wants to send him to Indiana, with his dad. I'm not really sure about this, as his source is a text message saying something to the effect of "if you can't straighten up I'm sending you to live with your father," but the thing is this is something she threatens him with whenever he's acting up like my older brother (not listening, doing what he wants and getting upset when he can't), and I'm very sure she's not really serious about it. Either way, he said something about "meeting in court," so I don't know if that's where he thinks he's going, or if he actually wants to change his guardianship from one parent to another.
Finally, I got a glimpse at his beef with Joe. According to Jack, Joe yells at him and mom. I don't really know the circumstances of the former, but the latter does have some truth: mom and Joe occasionally spat about things, but they seem to get over it fairly quickly and mom tells me he just needs to get used to "living with kids." He's also pissed at how Joe likes to take mom to bars all the time "to get drunk." I don't know how drunk they are when they get home, if at all, but I've yet to see any kind of verbal or physical violence stemming from this.
I'll probably find out more tomorrow.
EDIT: Another thing about Jack's beef with Joe yelling at him...we've hardly seen hide or hair of Jack the last couple of weeks. Maybe a few hours all together. So I can't see any big arguments between Joe and Jack happening recently.
Very much so.
Or just wait for him to. Although this is pretty immature for a 17 year old.
Tell him that life is not all about himself and that it's your own damm buisness on who you wish to lend your car to (though I'm still not sure how you lending a car to someone causes all this). And do you know what, if he acted rude and obnoxious towards me, I'd talk about it to other people as well. Is he allowed to dump all on you and then just let you bottle it up? Because it seems like he is having a great time spreading shit round himself.
Next up would be his ulcers. He's the one being angry at you not the other way round. He has a choice he can either calm down and not worry about this shit. Or freak out and shit blood. None of your behaivour has caused any of this. He needs to grow the fuck up and take control of his own life.
Finish up with that he's your brother and you will always be there fore him. But not while he is keeping up with this douchebaggery.
Then say the discusion is over and wander off.
Satans..... hints.....
Really, it sounds a lot like he's just upset your mom has a boyfriend and is taking it out on you. If it helps, know that his treatment of you most likely has absolutely zip to do with you; you're just a safe target when he wants to act out. Just ignore it while he's being a dick and make an effort to hang out with him (not necessarily to have a heart-to-heart or anything, just chill out). To slightly misquote a wiser source, your brother's not mean, he's just adjusting.
I would suggest, however, in the future not involving anyone else when he acts like a prick. Give him less to bitch about. Have you tried hitting him when he pulls this shit? I'm not exactly saying you should, but it did wonders for my brother and I's relationship.
Does your brother really think that you want him dead? If so is he on drugs? cause it sounds like he is on board the paranoia train.
NEXT TIME ON THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS
i went through the same kinds of things with my brother like 8 years ago when we were teenagers. if it still hurts you after a couple days (and i know it can) then try talking to him about it. ask him what makes him think you would want to ruin his life etc etc and help him get his head straight. a lot of his emotional frustration more than likely stems from feeling like everyone is against him, starting with your mom, then joe, and then you. if anything, let him know you're "on his side", so to speak.
but really, you'll both be laughing about this in your twenties over a couple beers.
That's what I thought too. Like on drugs not in the good way where you can handle it.
All of us are are pretty certain he's not doing any drugs. When I talked to Joe last night, the conversation kinda drifted to his ulcers (I was kinda scared at the possibility that my brother could actually bleed to death, because I heard he also vomited blood at band practice) and Joe said that what scared him was that Jack was acting like this "while sober." When Joe was Jack's age, he would act the same way when he was high or drugged up.
I didn't tell anyone what he said last night, at any rate. This morning I heard mom and Jack talking to each other, but couldn't catch what they said. I'm hoping a lot of stuff got straightened out.