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[Phalla] Through The Greatwood - Finale: A Hero's Return (Good Guys Win!)

LocusLocus Trust MeRochesterRegistered User regular
edited September 2007 in Critical Failures
Opening Narration, Part I:
Spoiler:
Opening Narration, Part II
Night One Narration. Narration Addendum.
Night Two Narration.
Night Three Narration
Night Four Narration
Night Five Narration
Night Six Narration
Night Seven Narration
Final Narration

Player list:

1. Jester313 - Disloyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Poisoned
2. DËTHKÖK - Disloyal Actor from the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
3. MrBallbaggins - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Throat Slit
4. Hakkekage - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Overdosed and stabbed
5. visiblehowl - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
6. DevoutlyApathetic - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Throat slit
7. precisionk - Loyal Soldier of the World's Edge - Overdosed
8. Niceguy Myeye - Devout Convert of the Transcendent Truth - Furic'd
9. Frosteey - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Overdosed
10. PsychoCucumber - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
11. iamtheaznman - Loyal Mercenary of the Iron Gate - Furic'd
12. Bliss 101 - Devout Convert of the Transcendent Truth - TehSpectre'd
13. Fembot - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Beheaded
14. Zot - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
15. Ardor - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Poisoned
16. Grundlterror - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Overdosed
17. Telcus - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Stabbed
18. Nion - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
19. Elendil - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Throat slit
20. thorpe - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
21. DamnedLibrarian - Devout Convert of the Transcendent Truth - Stabbed
22. Gorilla Salad - Loyal Knight of the Lightning Warrior - Furic'd
23. TehSpectre - Loyal Ranger of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
24. FreeAgent - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
25. Typhus733 - Furic's Confidant and Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Stabbed
26. Balefuego - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd (inactivity)
27. Anaximander - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
28. Xevo - Reformed Thief from the Gray Wolf - Dagger'd
29. zal - Loyal Citizen of the World's Edge - Furic'd
30. Squashua - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Stabbed?
31. B:L - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
32. robothero - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
33. durax - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
34. cheez - Loyal Mercenary from the Iron Gate - Overdosed
35. Oatway - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Frozen (inactivity)
36. TrueNeverborn - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - TehSpectre'd
37. Variable - Loyal Mercenary of the Iron Gate - Frozen (inactivity)
38. Zerinan - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Furic'd
39. Raakam - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Stabbed
40. Plutonium - Loyal Soldier of the Gray Wolf - Throat slit

Locus on
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Posts

  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    telcus wrote: »
    I think Telcus provides us a great service. I mean, pigs are delicious but lacking in spices.

    However, pig/Telcus hybrids, now that would be some damn good eatin.

    I'm the other, other white meat.
    Soylent Telcus - Yum
    Hardy food for a soldier
    You can taste the man

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Soylent Telcus - Yum
    Hardy food for a soldier
    You can taste the man
    Haiku poets vote for DA.

  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Ragamuffin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    I am gonna vote for my buddy, DevoutlyApathetic.

    Why not.

    Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

    This is some kind of plan to get me killed, isn't it?

    Now now, when have I ever gotten you killed? :P

    efsx.jpg
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Soylent Telcus - Yum
    Hardy food for a soldier
    You can taste the man
    Haiku poets vote for DA.
    D A is a jerk,
    never vote for the D A
    that way lies despair

  • MrBallbagginsMrBallbaggins Registered User
    edited August 2007
    Soylent Telcus - Yum
    Hardy food for a soldier
    You can taste the man
    Haiku poets vote for DA.
    D A is a jerk,
    never vote for the D A
    that way lies despair

    I concur. You should probably just vote ballbaggins.

    Preacher wrote: »
    Something tells me this story ends up with Ballbaggins fucking his house again.
  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Plutonium wrote: »
    Xevo wrote: »
    God Hakke, with that avatar and all those fancy trimmings, you are simply irresistable now! What a clever ploy to stay alive in a Phalla... =P

    <3 Browncoats

    You can thank Plutonium for this. He rekindled my obsession with this damn show and has pretty much stolen 25 of my dollars by alerting me to the presence of the new Serenity DVD.

    Also Marx that haiku warms my heart into a malleable quasi-viscous substance, :D

    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    DËTHKÖK wrote: »
    D A is a jerk,
    never vote for the D A
    that way lies despair
    Coward. A real Haiku master would have found some way of fitting my full name in there. It'll fit in that middle line (just).

    Edit: And that "the"? Totally gratuitous. What is DA? Some kind of Office? "Hi, I'm The DevoutlyApathetic." Sure....

  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Hakkekage wrote: »

    Also Marx that haiku warms my heart into a malleable quasi-viscous substance, :D
    Random Poetry
    Great fun, but it's dangerous
    Gonna' get shanked - damn

  • MrBallbagginsMrBallbaggins Registered User
    edited August 2007
    !Retract Dethkok

    You win this round.

    Preacher wrote: »
    Something tells me this story ends up with Ballbaggins fucking his house again.
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    D A is a jerk,
    never vote for the D A
    that way lies despair
    Coward. A real Haiku master would have found some way of fitting my full name in there. It'll fit in that middle line (just).
    Your words can sting, jerk
    DevoutlyApathetic
    made me cry all night

  • cheezcheez Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Pfft, pig fucker, you've got nothing on me. I fuck my sisters.

    This obviously makes me the best candidate for incestigator.

  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Ragamuffin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Marx is a dip
    No one trust that big douche
    D A is awesome

    HAH

    efsx.jpg
  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Your words can sting, jerk
    DevoutlyApathetic
    made me cry all night

    Hahahahahahaha

    :^:

    A++ would chuckle heartily at again

    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Marx is a dip
    No one trust that big douche
    D A is awesome

    HAH
    Fisticuffs, good sir
    We shall settle this like men
    At dawn, TehSpectre.

  • telcustelcus Registered User
    edited August 2007
    Rolling in the mud
    With skin so pink and so smooth
    My lover goes oink.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MrBallbagginsMrBallbaggins Registered User
    edited August 2007
    Vote Telcus.

    Preacher wrote: »
    Something tells me this story ends up with Ballbaggins fucking his house again.
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    A beautiful day
    Where we all talk in Haiku
    Brings tears to my eyes

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Your words can sting, jerk
    DevoutlyApathetic
    made me cry all night
    See, you had to put that Jerk in there? Replace that noun with an adjective and that'd be alright.

    I suggest Grand, Lord or King. Take your pick.

  • cheezcheez Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Dethkok, keep it up
    But don't fuck up the meter
    You did twice thus far

  • XevoXevo Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Shall we continue
    To only speak in haikus
    Until this thing ends?

  • visiblehowlvisiblehowl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Hello, good sirs! What a fine morning for a phalla!

    You should !vote for visiblehowl and here's why.

    Whenever I try to do something on my own, I end up screwing over my side. Thus, if you elect me, you can trust me to ask exactly what the village wants me to ask, because I'm too afraid to do anything sneaky!

    Vote visiblehowl! Trust his fear!

    DogSig.gif
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    cheez wrote: »
    Dethkok, keep it up
    But don't fuck up the meter
    You did twice thus far
    Churning out Haiku
    It is not easy, my pal
    But for you, I'll try

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Pah, if Howl does ask
    it will be incorrectly
    done, regardless what.

  • LocusLocus Trust Me RochesterRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Clarification: Any actions that you make via PM must be sent in by the voting deadline of 11 PM EDT. This does not count for the investigation, which may be undertaken any time after results are posted.

  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Haiku? Bah! Fuck that
    Prose and shit is where it's at
    Oh God I'm so crass :(

    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Ragamuffin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Marx is a dip
    No one trust that big douche
    D A is awesome

    HAH
    Fisticuffs, good sir
    We shall settle this like men
    At dawn, TehSpectre.

    We will fight todayTwo will enter, one will winTactics are my life

    efsx.jpg
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Haiku? Bah! Fuck that
    Prose and shit is where it's at
    Oh God I'm so crass :(
    What is the number
    of beats in a sad smiley?
    Ask not; fear to tread.

  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Marx is a dip
    No one trust that big douche
    D A is awesome

    HAH
    Fisticuffs, good sir
    We shall settle this like men
    At dawn, TehSpectre.

    We will fight todayTwo will enter, one will winTactis are my life
    You fail, my friend
    Your lack of line breaks - Victory
    I am Haiku King

  • visiblehowlvisiblehowl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Pah, if Howl does ask
    it will be incorrectly
    done, regardless what.

    Man, that's the worst haiku I've ever seen.

    You didn't even try to make a complete sentence, you just deleted nouns and prepositions until it fit into the haiku meter.

    If you're going to do it crappily, don't do it at all.

    And even I can manage to copy and paste a question and an answer. It's not THAT difficult.

    DogSig.gif
  • precisionkprecisionk Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I !vote DevoutlyApathetic for leading naughty investigations.

    I am hot for him. I haven't seen him in a leadership position, since....well I don't even think he has ever held one.


    Go go DA!

  • LocusLocus Trust Me RochesterRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Get this to the top of the next page so I can post Narration Part Deux and go to bed.

  • telcustelcus Registered User
    edited August 2007
    Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink
    Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink
    That was too easy.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Man, that's the worst haiku I've ever seen.

    You didn't even try to make a complete sentence, you just deleted nouns and prepositions until it fit into the haiku meter.

    If you're going to do it crappily, don't do it at all.

    And even I can manage to copy and paste a question and an answer. It's not THAT difficult.
    Artistic license, poets claim.
    Grammar for lessor men.
    Art knowns no limits.

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    precisionk wrote: »
    I !vote DevoutlyApathetic for leading naughty investigations.

    I am hot for him. I haven't seen him in a leadership position, since....well I don't even think he has ever held one.


    Go go DA!
    I haven't since Communist Phalla.....where I was voted to the council even though I was the sympathizer and did my best to bring them down from the inside.

    So I even have experience in a way.

  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Ragamuffin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Meh, my work has PA blocked and I have to type though a proxy.

    It messes up my text sometimes.

    efsx.jpg
  • P10P10 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    For Sale - Rat on Stick
    Delicious meat; Portable
    No meal is finer

  • visiblehowlvisiblehowl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    precisionk wrote: »
    I !vote DevoutlyApathetic for leading naughty investigations.

    I am hot for him. I haven't seen him in a leadership position, since....well I don't even think he has ever held one.


    Go go DA!
    I haven't since Communist Phalla.....where I was voted to the council even though I was the sympathizer and did my best to bring them down from the inside.

    So I even have experience in a way.

    Does "running a fake network as a bad guy" count as a leadership position?

    DogSig.gif
  • LocusLocus Trust Me RochesterRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Opening Narration, Part II

    TehSpectre could hear the voices from a fair distance off, but he had no way to tell whether they were the voices of friend or foe. Unsure of how much longer he could survive in the Greatwood alone, he decided it was worth the risk to approach the group and see with whom they were aligned. As he drew closer, he saw that it was a relatively large group. He estimated about 40 people were standing there, surrounding a fire that was just beginning to grow. It was clear that these people were soldiers, but in the darkness of the evening he still could not discern whether they were from the Gray Wolf or from the World’s Edge. He decided to edge closer to the clearing to see if he could overhear their conversations. He could only hear bits and pieces. “Like nothing I’ve ever seen…” “Was it planned?” “Such things just do not happen randomly…”

    He didn’t recognize any of the voices, but now he was fairly certain that these were men of the Gray Wolf. Still, he was cautious. The Massacre did not happen randomly, he was sure of that. This meant that someone within the Gray Wolf was plotting its demise. And for all he knew, that person was standing among the gathered soldiers. He turned his attention once more to the conversations, to see if he could find any familiar voice in the crowd, anyone that he knew he could trust for certain. All that greeted him, though, was silence. It took him but a moment to find out why, as he heard a voice that he certainly recognized come from the other side of the crowd.

    “Gathered soldiers!” Sir Furic called. “We are in a time of crisis. Our army has been crushed, and we are stranded here in the Greatwood with few supplies and even fewer arms. If I am correct, we 40 here are the only ones who survived the battle.”

    “Forty-one, Sir,” TehSpectre called as he emerged from the woods. Several of the soldiers turned to look at him, but none even went to try and stop him to see if he really was a Gray Wolf. Had their will been broken already?

    “Good,” Sir Furic replied. “We will need all the help we can get if we are to survive this ordeal. Together, I believe we can make our way through the Greatwood, and back to the Frostlands. Together, I believe, we will all return safely to our families who are waiting for us.” A murmur went through the crowd, the first rumblings of spirit being built up yet again. That was the effect that Sir Furic had on his men. Even in the face of a disastrous defeat, they believed he could do anything. They were willing to follow him anywhere.

    “Now,” Furic continued, “let’s set about getting ourselves back home. First..” He trailed off as he turned around to face the Greatwood. Over the crackle of the fire all could hear a faint rustling noise, and what sounded like uneven footsteps approaching from the woods. Furic unsheathed his sword, one of the few still intact, and stared intently into the darkness. The sound stopped momentarily, presumably at the sight of Furic in battle position, but suddenly a body burst forth from the trees and collapsed at the feet of Furic. The men immediately recognized him as Sir Hylian.

    “Sir Hylian!” Furic cried as he dropped to his knees. “What happened to you? I saw you escape from the battlefield.”

    “We are betrayed!” Sir Hylian gasped, echoing his words from earlier in the day. It was then that Furic noticed the blood flowing from Sir Hylian’s neck, as well as a second bloodstain near his abdomen.

    “Yes, we know. We all know,” replied Furic. “Did you receive these wounds in battle?”

    “You do not know,” Sir Hylian continued. “You do not know… there are hunters among the wolves. Find them. Find the hunters…” Sir Hylian’s voice trailed off and his body went limp in Sir Furic’s arms. The knight stood up and turned to face the crowd of men.

    “You heard what Sir Hylian said. Hunters among the wolves. Spies. They must have been the ones responsible for the massacre. They must have been the ones to kill Sir Hylian. And they must still be among us, here to finish the job.” A murmur went through the soldiers again as they contemplated what this all meant. “No! Do not despair. We will find these hunters, these spies. We will flush them out, and we will kill them before they kill us. Be wary. Find those who plot our doom and bring them forward so that we may mete out justice for them. Choose one of you to lead our investigations. Choose one you trust. We must find these spies, my brothers. Remember. We are the wolves. We are the hunters.”

  • XevoXevo Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Haiku? Bah! Fuck that
    Prose and shit is where it's at
    Oh God I'm so crass :(

    Though fairer of sex,
    Your filthy tongue makes you seem
    Like one of the boys!

  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Poast poast poast poast poast
    Poast poast poast poast poast poast poest
    I am maeking it

    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
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