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A slew of problems, help!

KamiKami Registered User regular
edited September 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Okay, I'll try to make this as basic as possible, although things get complicated quickly.

I've lived with my girlfriend for the past year or so, and we've been together for nearly three years. We've had a very good relationship, and clicked really well not only as a couple, but as seperate individuals. I have a very good job at a very big company, and I enjoy my work. However, I'm sure you all have a friend who has a bit of a curse: They don't have many problems in life, but whenever one hits, about thirty others hit, all at the same time.

This is me.

Two days ago, I learned that my job has turned into exactly the opposite of what it normally is. Instead of selling merchandise with inbound sales calls, I'm now doing outbound customer service calls, telling these people that their product, the one they spent thousands of dollars on, won't be delivered to them until God knows when. Shitty.

Last night, the double-whammy happened. I get a phonecall before leaving work, telling me my grandmother had a stroke. She's had Alzhiemer's for the past few years, and she's been in and out of reality. After this stroke, she's pretty disabled, and slurs her speech tremendously. She also tried drinking peroxide, thinking it was water, until we had her flush her system out with water. Thank God she lived through that, right? Right!

Then, after getting home to my girlfriend, we 'have a talk'.

She dumps me.

Now, there's this trifecta of bullshit that can't get any more ridiculous, and I'm trying to know exactly what to do. I'm still living with my girlfriend, and will have to until fucking May of next year, unless I want to pony-up a few thousand dollars to pay my half of the lease off. I can't take care of my grandmother, because of my *now* shitty job. I'm very, very frustrated, and getting very depressed, as I don't know what to do, and there seems to be nothing immediately hopeful happening in my near future.

I'm calling alot of friends, staying out more, and generally trying to keep my mind off of things. I'm formally trained as an illustrator, so I doodle in my spare time. I also play guitar and game, so I'll have plenty of distractions.

However, knowing I'm going to a shitty job, coming home to my ex-girlfriend, and not being able to take care of my grandmother is killing me, and I can feel depression creeping in.

Help?

Kami on
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Posts

  • UseskaforevilUseskaforevil Registered User
    edited September 2007
    im sorry man that really sucks. my grandfather went pretty quickly after he started being unable to take care of himself but that really upset me even for the 2 weeks. but theres really nothign you can do. you would need to give her 24hrs a day care, and know enough about her condition to treat her properly, which would probably mean being a RN. im sure she wouldnt have wanted to take over your life anyway, my mom has told me if she ever gets weird she wants to be dragged out to mexico and shot over controlling all of her kids lives.

    as for the job, is it going to get better ever? do you really feel like just riding it out and seeing? if not look for a new job while keeping this one, much easier said than done but if you;re never going to be happy at it then why stay if you find something else?

    i'd aslo try my ass off to sublease if you can, maybe even talk to your landlord about gettign you out of the lease, ive had a couple landlords i got along pretty well with and if you can find someone else sometimes they don't really care. i'd also try to be as civil as posible with the ex, a shitty roomate is awful, and girls are great at making your life hell if they want to

    i dunno man, start likeing ska? its at least more fun to celebrate failure than to wallow in it.

  • NakedElfNakedElf Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Transferring the lease/selling your portion/subletting/whatever is definitely the way to go on the roommate situation. Don't let yourself feel trapped when you aren't.

    As for your grandmother, that sucks balls, I'm sorry. But to be frank, living with Alzheimer's sucks. I think at the point where you're mistaking peroxide for water, it's safe to say that the brain function has slid to a point where continued living is not really all that pleasant. (I'm speaking here from the perspective of someone whose had a terminally ill parent for over a decade. Not only is there basically nothing I can do, I would give my left testicle if I could speed up his death and finally put him out of his misery.)

    As for your job, is it possible to talk to your boss about switching positions? Or else start looking for a new one...

    Good luck.

  • dispatch.odispatch.o Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Kami wrote: »
    Okay, I'll try to make this as basic as possible, although things get complicated quickly.

    I've lived with my girlfriend for the past year or so, and we've been together for nearly three years. We've had a very good relationship, and clicked really well not only as a couple, but as seperate individuals. I have a very good job at a very big company, and I enjoy my work. However, I'm sure you all have a friend who has a bit of a curse: They don't have many problems in life, but whenever one hits, about thirty others hit, all at the same time.

    This is me.

    Two days ago, I learned that my job has turned into exactly the opposite of what it normally is. Instead of selling merchandise with inbound sales calls, I'm now doing outbound customer service calls, telling these people that their product, the one they spent thousands of dollars on, won't be delivered to them until God knows when. Shitty.

    Last night, the double-whammy happened. I get a phonecall before leaving work, telling me my grandmother had a stroke. She's had Alzhiemer's for the past few years, and she's been in and out of reality. After this stroke, she's pretty disabled, and slurs her speech tremendously. She also tried drinking peroxide, thinking it was water, until we had her flush her system out with water. Thank God she lived through that, right? Right!

    Then, after getting home to my girlfriend, we 'have a talk'.

    She dumps me.

    Now, there's this trifecta of bullshit that can't get any more ridiculous, and I'm trying to know exactly what to do. I'm still living with my girlfriend, and will have to until fucking May of next year, unless I want to pony-up a few thousand dollars to pay my half of the lease off. I can't take care of my grandmother, because of my *now* shitty job. I'm very, very frustrated, and getting very depressed, as I don't know what to do, and there seems to be nothing immediately hopeful happening in my near future.

    I'm calling alot of friends, staying out more, and generally trying to keep my mind off of things. I'm formally trained as an illustrator, so I doodle in my spare time. I also play guitar and game, so I'll have plenty of distractions.

    However, knowing I'm going to a shitty job, coming home to my ex-girlfriend, and not being able to take care of my grandmother is killing me, and I can feel depression creeping in.

    Help?

    Depending on how far along your grandmothers illness is, you may not be in any sort of condition to take care of her at all. That's best left for professionals, and quite honestly you should be spending the time you have left with her doing the good things, not changing diapers.

    You can get out of a lease, it's not against the law to break it. You probably wont get your deposit back. If there's a waitlist to move in at your complex though, you wont be stuck paying for more than a month or so. It's the law that the property owner has to make an effort at re-renting the apartment.

    Also, who is on the lease? Both of you? If it's just you... kick her ass out and get a roomate. The job thing sucks, but it can ALWAYS be worse. You're not happy with your job, but at least you have one. You can always find another, and it's not yet an emergency (financially?) that you need to.

    So, keep an eye out for another job.

    Look into breaking the lease or kicking your ex girlfriend out.

    I am sorry about your grandmother, but it's out of your hands and there's no reason for guilt.

  • KamiKami Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'll definitely speak with my landlord about getting out of the lease. There's just one problem: I'm not sure where I'll go. I have no family within a four hour radius, and my friends are either already living with someone, or living on campus.

    Both of us are on the lease, though I signed my name as a cosigner.

    Many thanks for the advice, guys. Keep it coming, please. :^:

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  • MuddBuddMuddBudd Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Look for a cheap apartment then. Maybe one of your campus friends wants to move out of the shitty dorms.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hold on, here. She broke up with you. Unless you want to move, she needs to be packing her shit up, so that she can move out, while you look for a roommate to sublet to. Put an ad in the paper and on Craig's List if you can't find a friend who wants to move in with you. As long as there's no break in the rent, your landlord should be fine with you doing this.

    Stick with the shitty job for awhile, while you get your living situation squared away. Once that's done, start looking for a new job, while continuing to work at your current job.

    I don't know what to tell you about your grandmother, man; that sucks. Really, though, it needs to be your grandmother's children's responsibility, not yours.

  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'm with Thanatos... Thinatos on this. If she wanted out, she... well she should be looking for the way out. Where you are living should be just fine.

    The key here is to not give up what you have at the moment, if only to stay afloat. The job may be shit, but it's better than being unemployed. Don't back out of that, and don't back out of the apartment. If it somehow has to be you leaving the apartment, then do so when you know where you're going after. Trying to leave ASAP could bring up other issues.

    My question is how she's responded to the news of your grandmother, if only to get a better perspective of her.

    My prayers out to your grandmother. Hang in there dude.

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  • Chop LogicChop Logic Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'm sorry, that really sucks. Better you find out about your girlfreind now though rather than having to waste anymore time on her.

  • FawkesFawkes __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    Kami wrote: »
    They don't have many problems in life, but whenever one hits, about thirty others hit, all at the same time.

    Yer, been there, it's not great. I sympathise.

    Can't offer any advice for the specific problems, but as to dealing with the whole clusterfuck: sit down, work out which ones you can do anything about, and prioritise those for which you can do something. Work out what that something you can do is, for each one individually. Next day, sit down again, work out how those solutions might affect each other & change accordingly.

    Then just deal with one problem at a time, and fuck the other ones off to the back of your mind however you can. Dealing with one at a time is the best route to maintain sanity.

    jclast wrote:
    Well shit. To the edit-mobile!
  • CojonesCojones Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Thinatos wrote: »
    Hold on, here. She broke up with you. Unless you want to move, she needs to be packing her shit up, so that she can move out, while you look for a roommate to sublet to. Put an ad in the paper and on Craig's List if you can't find a friend who wants to move in with you. As long as there's no break in the rent, your landlord should be fine with you doing this.

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  • KamiKami Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Thanks a ton guys. Time to update.

    I'm getting my life back in order. Yesterday, my girlfriend brought up the fact that she wanted me to leave. We had a pretty heated discussion, and she realized what a jackass she was for breaking up with me and kicking me out. I did alot of soul-searching (as corny as that sounds), and I finally found out what I want to do.

    I'm moving. Out of state. I'm starting over, essentially, moving in with my father. This will give me many, many options:

    1) I'll be under a secure roof with family again
    2) I'll be able to start my social life from scratch, essentially.
    3) I'll be able to get a new job, even though it may be waiting tabls, retail (which I'm decent at, actually), or anything that's not a call center job.

    I feel relieved, honestly. I'm getting away from my shithole job, and I'm going with the flow. I don't know what to expect in Texas, but I'm actually looking forward to having that feeling of adventure. I've been tied down to mundane tasks for far too long, it seems.

    Also, I've been reading alot of books, and they've helped as well.

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  • CryogenCryogen Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Good for you. I remember reading your thread last week and thinking it was a crummy situation.

    Its really good to see someone taking a positive approach and DOING something about a series of unfortunately timed events. Keep your chin up and i hope it all goes great for you.

  • inertinert Registered User
    edited September 2007
    good for you man, good for you :)

    Hell hath no limits, nor is restricted itself to one place; for where we are is Hell, And where Hell is, there must we ever be. ~ Marlowe
  • supertallsupertall Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Don't let her stick you with any of the rent, and get your name off the lease.

    Congratulations though on the fresh start. Best of luck.

  • VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I know here in Wisconsin, a landlord has to make a good faith effort to replace you when you move out. The time frame for that effort is listed as 3 months, so if you moved out now, you would only have to pay through Oct, Nov, and Dec. Don't let the landlord bully you into paying 5 extra months worth of rent if you don't have to.

    And if you're not on the lease, then you can claim its not your responsibility to pay the rent and just not pay anything. She would have to take you to a civil court to get any money back, and the odds of a judge ruling in her favor would be pretty low.

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