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Unhealthy Obsession *update on page 3*
tuscloud311
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
**update found here: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?p=3291470#post3291470**
Girls are miraculous creatures....they work in such mysterious ways dont they?
so lets kick this off. I've been working for the same company for almost 5 years now. This girl has been working here for as long as i can remember, so approximately 4-5 years as well. This type of job is a white collar job...working at a desk. I'm a Software Test/Support for the entire company, and she is a scientist in one of our labs.
First time i made contact with her, was when i was fixing her software in her lab. She actually stood next to me and watched me work, and asked me a lot of questions about myself, not about work or anything. It went really well. she seemed like she really wanted to know about me. I asked about her and it was a good conversation. She had to get back to work (as i usually try NOT to work), so we parted ways.
Then this is the weird part, which may be the cause of my obsession. See....by this time, i thought she was just a beautiful girl...kind of like a physical attraction. But....but now....
she tends to...for lack of better words....NOT know who i am anymore. I pass her in the halls and i say "hey <name>" and she either keeps walking like she didnt hear me, or i dont know. Some times, when i know i got her attention, she will say "hi" back. IN FACT, one time, i went out to her lab again to do some support for her like i did previously....and she said "are you Erik or Aaron?" (Aaron is a co-worker who does support with me).
im baffled by this, and like i said...this may be the reason for me to be lusting after her....EVERY time i see her, my heart drops as though im in high school again. HIGH SCHOOL...its as though i just discovered girls.
i find her body VERY sexually appealing and she is so quiet and innocent....i really dont know.
basically, i dont think anything will come out of this, so im asking how to get over this kind of obsession....what can i do to prevent myself from getting so...nervous around her? i dont have contact with her every day, but i do SEE her every day.
i'm 21, shes probably around 26
Girls are miraculous creatures....they work in such mysterious ways dont they?
so lets kick this off. I've been working for the same company for almost 5 years now. This girl has been working here for as long as i can remember, so approximately 4-5 years as well. This type of job is a white collar job...working at a desk. I'm a Software Test/Support for the entire company, and she is a scientist in one of our labs.
First time i made contact with her, was when i was fixing her software in her lab. She actually stood next to me and watched me work, and asked me a lot of questions about myself, not about work or anything. It went really well. she seemed like she really wanted to know about me. I asked about her and it was a good conversation. She had to get back to work (as i usually try NOT to work), so we parted ways.
Then this is the weird part, which may be the cause of my obsession. See....by this time, i thought she was just a beautiful girl...kind of like a physical attraction. But....but now....
she tends to...for lack of better words....NOT know who i am anymore. I pass her in the halls and i say "hey <name>" and she either keeps walking like she didnt hear me, or i dont know. Some times, when i know i got her attention, she will say "hi" back. IN FACT, one time, i went out to her lab again to do some support for her like i did previously....and she said "are you Erik or Aaron?" (Aaron is a co-worker who does support with me).
im baffled by this, and like i said...this may be the reason for me to be lusting after her....EVERY time i see her, my heart drops as though im in high school again. HIGH SCHOOL...its as though i just discovered girls.
i find her body VERY sexually appealing and she is so quiet and innocent....i really dont know.
basically, i dont think anything will come out of this, so im asking how to get over this kind of obsession....what can i do to prevent myself from getting so...nervous around her? i dont have contact with her every day, but i do SEE her every day.
i'm 21, shes probably around 26
tuscloud311 on
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B.net: Kusanku
You have to just train yourself to see her as a coworker, if you can try and even forget her name, or don't call her by her name. Eventually she'll just be someone you walk past in the halls.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Keep in mind that if you ask her out and she says no, you get that awkwardness at work.
Yeah, either ask her out, or just forget about her.
i really dont know much about her, but i keep having dreams and stuff about it and its driving me insane.
Ask her out or forget about her? well, how do you forget about her? i sure as hell dont know.
By asking her out. It sounds like I'm being snarky, but I'm not. If she doesn't have any photos or anything of her SO, then it's not unreasonable for people to think she's single.
if you want to see, PM me. i dont want to make it public.
If fact she's not into you at all or she wouldn't have forgotten who you are. You can ask her out, but she will decline and then you'll just have to deal with that bit of awkwardness as long as you work there.
No, they're just people. Frankly, you sound like you need to get out more.
I still think you are just better off letting this fish float on down the stream.
pleasepaypreacher.net
but what the hell? i need to get out more because i have an obsession over a girl? wh-wh-what?
Man. ive seen SEVERAL pretty girls who talk to me, and i dont have dreams about them or whatever.
I'm sorry, im going with a "negative" mister raptor sir.
yeah, but that was then...this is now.
but it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong today, probably won't be the last either...
Well not to be an ass, but I am starting to see a pattern with your behavior and women. Perhaps you should look and see if you have mental health covered in your health plan and talk to a psychogolist. You seem to be on a pattern of self destruction with female relationships, and it isn't exactly healthy.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Yeah, the girls are weird mentality should have died in middle school. People are weird, women are just people, they're going to be weird; but they're also just people. Not miraculous. There's your problem.
let me reword what i want:
how do i not be obsessive over a girl? what do i do to get myself out of that?
She's not into you. If she was, she wouldn't forget your name or otherwise not know who you are. She would find a way to swing by your dept and shoot the shit with you, hoping something happened.
That doesn't mean you can't ask her out. But just ask her out or forget about her. Either she's got a boyfriend and you might as well find out, or she's single and you can go out for coffee. Or she can shoot you down.
But how are you going to know if you just sit in your cube and obsess over her? What does that get you? What's the end point of the obsession?
It's easy to pine for pretty girls, but it doesn't accomplish anything.
so i basically have 2 options, 1: ask her out, or 2: dont and....?
i mean, dont get me wrong, im not trying to avoid asking her out. but in the meantime, this isnt healthy and i want it to stop. is there anything i can do to ...subdue this feeling or not?
please PLEASE disregard my past, im not mental. the only reason i brought up that "girls work in mysterious ways" is because *I* have never dreamed of a *guy* the way ive dreamed of her. yes, people are weird. girls are people. i understand all of this. If i were gay, i would say *guys* work in mysterious ways.
ugh. nevermind, bickering aside. all i ask is for some relief of this obsession and for people to disregard my past.
pleasepaypreacher.net
problem is, i see her every day at WORK. so i mean its not exactly something i can avoid yanno?
maybe im asking too much.... Time will heal it? any mental exercises? haha
pleasepaypreacher.net
I'm married, and I've got a picture of a cenote and another of a praying mantis that landed on our porch up. Neither are my wife.
Your obsession is fueled by the idea that, maybe, you have a chance with her. If you just assume you don't have a chance, you can't obsess over it. And don't do the pity-party "no chance," where you tell yourself that it's cos you're ugly or fat or a loser, just no chance in that she's not into you or she's not available.
You see that most of the advice above is "just ask her." That really means that either you find out that she's willing to give it a shot, or you get shot down and HAVE to move on. If you just assume you've already been shot down, by her ignoring you in the hallway, it's already done.
i subconsciously walk down her cuble isle and glance over. im serious when i mean i dont do it on purpose. Kind of like going for a walk and thinking about a LOT of stuff....you look up and say "damn, howd i make it here? i dont remember walking this far" kind of thing.
so...avoid her. ill work on that.
If something happens where it seems like SHE comes to ME for a conversation, then maybe ill try to ask her out then. but in the meantime, its not worth me walking up to her if she seems uninterested.
avoidance...avoidance...hm.
Best bet - see a therapist to figure out why you've developed this obsession. Even if the two of you were dating, being obsessed would kill the relationship quickly. That shit is highly toxic.
Otherwise, maybe... Since obsession is an imaginary relationship with this girl focus on the real person there. The one that doesn't flush the toilet, or picks her nose and eats it, or listens to coldplay. Learn about the human behind the ideal you've got in your head. If that doesn't end the obsession try to focus on your other real relationships with friends and family. Try and attempt relationships with avalible women.
I think your making this thread is just another way to obsess over her. Just talk to her for christ's sake, stop overthinking it
i have no problem talking to anyone, but...the last few times that i DID talk to her, it was awkward simply because she like...didnt know me, or didnt seem like she had time to talk or something i dont know. it kind of turned me off to the idea of talking to her.
Seriously. PJ is right. You don't like this girl. You don't know shit about her, its not possible. You're lusting after her, and obssessing over a made-up personality you've pegged on to her physical form. That's not a basis for a relationship. You need to go get some relationships counselling. Not crazy-person head-shrinking, just someone qualified to coach you out of bad social habits you've developed.
No -> GTF over it.
Yes -> Make babies.
To everyone else in this thread: I know it's H/A, but let's leave assessing the guy's mental condition for someone that's not just some other ass hat on an web forum (ie, not you).
Because any dude who asks a girl out based on her looks needs counselling? Some people go on dates to learn more about people. You don't have to already know you're perfect for each other.
we need to really find out what the issue here is, heh. Perhaps i am developing a situation in my mind where "things will work, i need her now".
Perhaps i have a crush?
Perhaps i am mental and i have some...i dunno, disease that makes me lust after a pretty girl (um?)
whatever the reasoning may be, what is the best approach? Talk to her casually? direct approach like some are suggesting "hey, want to go get some coffee at lunch/weekend/inserttimehere?"
Or avoid her like others are suggesting? Out of sight, out of mind?
While i understand people have different views, i would appreciate some sort of agreement as advice, rather than 20 posts with 20 different theories on if im jacked up, a wuss, or my past GF was crazy.
THANKS!
Perhaps you're just not used to attractive girls being nice to you and, from your first interaction, you've built up an infatuation in your mind that isn't really based on much. I've done that plenty of times, and I don't think it means your crazy... you might have some self-esteem issues, but then, who doesn't.
The issue is, any time you put someone on a pedistal or elevate them above you, especially when it is based on nothing but a fantasy or persona you are percieving, you are going to be disappointed. Honestly, my advice would be to keep lusting after her in your head, then go out and interact with more people outside... eventually the infatuation will fade. If you persue it and she rejects you, you'll be crushed and working with her may be awkward. If she says yes, well, is there any way she can live up to the ideal you've built up in your head? If not, it will probably end badly, or you'll have to do some serious readjusting.
TLDR: You aren't mental... you just can't think of anything good to do.
Way to be completely unaware of how his situation comes across to normal people there champ. If he'd been chatting with her regularly and she actually knew him by name, he could go for it. But he clearly barely registers on her radar and hasn't had sufficient social contact with her to be able to do this without coming off as a weirdo. He's a bare step up from asking out someone he sees on the bus every day. The odds of getting a yes as opposed to a disbelieving laugh or a faceful of mace are very low, and anyone who did say yes is highly likely to be pretty dysfunctional themselves.
You appear to have a similar lack of ability to appreciate this situation from another's perspective to far too many people in this thread, and none of you are actually helping this guy. You're just setting him up for a fall.
You're not mental, you've just got shit social skills. Its fixable, so get it fixed.
kind of like getting a very small taste of cake....you want the rest of it if it tastes good right?
I thought she was cute, and she "gave me" a conversation. i want the rest (aka for me to continue the conversation...not straight to a date/sex).
maybe not, i dunno.
Since then, it has become very clear that the conversation meant more to you then it did to her, yet your infatuation with her seems to have grown, rather then abated. What does that say to you?
i....want to talk to her?
fuck man, i suck at tests...i dropped out of college.
Wait - so you're saying that this guy is dysfunctional - but a woman who maces a guy just for asking her out isn't? Are you seriously saying that mace is a valid response to that? Please tell me you're not. Because that would make you dysfunctional.
As far as an actual point - she used to know his name, but has just now forgotten it. They are not complete strangers, and interact in an office - definitely a step up from strangers on a bus. Just because you personally need a complete biography and 100 hours of chatting before you'll consider a date doesn't mean that other people won't.
I'll admit that there are dates and then there are Dates - it doesn't have to be a full on romantic evening. He could just ask her to go to lunch to get to know her. Is that creepy?
You appear to have a lack of ability to appreciate this situation from another's perspective, and you're not helping the guy.
Okay... take the post you just responded to, and the one I made before that... then put them both together.
You don't "just want to talk to her..." you've idealized her and the conversation while she has completely and utterly forgotten about you. Frankly, there is NOTHING good that can come from that.
The simple fact is that women are not the enemy, nor or they superior or inferior to men. Any advice or outlook rooted in placing women on a pedestal (or consigning them to a gutter) is fundamentally flawed, and really good only for precipitating disaster.
That said...tuscloud, you seem to have a bit of a pattern with women. I am not a therapist, but I think it's clear, based both on this situation and the trainwreck with your ex, that you would be well-advised to develop a healthier attitude about both yourself and women (whom you routinely identify as attractive for a very narrow range of attributes: willingness to have sex, physical attractiveness, and interest in MMORPGs) before you go about trying to do anything outside of very basic dating and group activities.
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