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Weirdest Fucking Thing Ever

naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
edited September 2007 in Singularity Engine++
So, Captain Cthulhu, myself, and some of my friends were out at the War Room, in Seattle. We were doing the usual...drinking, dancing, bullshitting out on the deck. Well, I have to go to the bathroom, so I head downstairs. I head into the men's room, and right behind me comes this older lady, with a plaintive look on her face.

This sad, sad woman, old enough to be my mother, clearly cannot wait for the 20-person queue for the women's room. So I let her go ahead of me. This is where it gets interesting. This dude and his friend come in, walking past me to the urinals. They find out that I let a woman in front of me in the men's room, and they start giving me shit. I start pitching it right back. Lady comes out, washes up, and leaves. As I'm heading into the stall, one of the guys is all, "I'm sorry for giving you shit, man. Let me buy you and your friends a round. Find me when you get out."

I'm all, "I don't accept drinks from men in bathrooms. Kind of my policy."

He comes back with, "You don't know who I am, do you?"

"Uhhhh...no. No idea."

"I'm Lofa. [ dramatic pause ] Lofa Tatupu."

Now, I am no big football fan, but I live in Seattle, and Lofa Tatupu is a pretty well-known guy. I get an incredulous look on my face, and he shows me his left arm, which is covered in a simple but massive Polynesian-looking tattoo. I guess this is meant to be proof, but I am not really convinced. So he repeats his offer, "Seriously. Find me when you get out. I'll get you and your friends whatever you want."

So I leave, tell my friends about the strange, crazy man in the bathroom offering to buy us all drinks, and claiming to be Lofa Tatupu. But when I see him again, just a few minutes ago, at last call, he is surrounded by a swarm of people. And when I got home, I checked it out.

Motherfucker wasn't lying. He actually was Lofa Tatupu.

Weird. As. Fuck.

tl;dr Strange man in bathroom of Capitol Hill club offers to buy me and my friends whatever we want. Introduces himself as Lofa Tatupu. Turns out to actually be him.

naporeon on
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