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Weirdest Fucking Thing Ever

naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
edited September 2007 in Singularity Engine++
So, Captain Cthulhu, myself, and some of my friends were out at the War Room, in Seattle. We were doing the usual...drinking, dancing, bullshitting out on the deck. Well, I have to go to the bathroom, so I head downstairs. I head into the men's room, and right behind me comes this older lady, with a plaintive look on her face.

This sad, sad woman, old enough to be my mother, clearly cannot wait for the 20-person queue for the women's room. So I let her go ahead of me. This is where it gets interesting. This dude and his friend come in, walking past me to the urinals. They find out that I let a woman in front of me in the men's room, and they start giving me shit. I start pitching it right back. Lady comes out, washes up, and leaves. As I'm heading into the stall, one of the guys is all, "I'm sorry for giving you shit, man. Let me buy you and your friends a round. Find me when you get out."

I'm all, "I don't accept drinks from men in bathrooms. Kind of my policy."

He comes back with, "You don't know who I am, do you?"

"Uhhhh...no. No idea."

"I'm Lofa. [ dramatic pause ] Lofa Tatupu."

Now, I am no big football fan, but I live in Seattle, and Lofa Tatupu is a pretty well-known guy. I get an incredulous look on my face, and he shows me his left arm, which is covered in a simple but massive Polynesian-looking tattoo. I guess this is meant to be proof, but I am not really convinced. So he repeats his offer, "Seriously. Find me when you get out. I'll get you and your friends whatever you want."

So I leave, tell my friends about the strange, crazy man in the bathroom offering to buy us all drinks, and claiming to be Lofa Tatupu. But when I see him again, just a few minutes ago, at last call, he is surrounded by a swarm of people. And when I got home, I checked it out.

Motherfucker wasn't lying. He actually was Lofa Tatupu.

Weird. As. Fuck.

tl;dr Strange man in bathroom of Capitol Hill club offers to buy me and my friends whatever we want. Introduces himself as Lofa Tatupu. Turns out to actually be him.

naporeon on
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Posts

  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    At what point did the mansex happen?

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  • IpseDixitIpseDixit Treat me like a pirate And give me that bootyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Did you get your drinks though? This is very important.

    ipsesignew.jpg
    Flickr - PSN ID - IamTetsuo - Steam
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  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    BigDes wrote: »
    At what point did the mansex happen?
    Haha.

    You know, even at the club, when I told my friends, they said the exact same thing.

    But it was just so weird to have some really rich guy throwing out fliff like a sultan, and then actually having him turn out not just to be name-dropping.

    ·
  • CG FaggotryCG Faggotry Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    It's the little things.

    bulbesssigfinal.jpg
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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    So he was the woman in the bathroom? I'm confused.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
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  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I think the woman is merely the catalyst in this tale.

    steam_sig.png
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  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    No no.

    He came in to use the urinal, while I was waiting for the woman I let in finish up in the stall.

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Well Lofa does sound like a girl's name. I didn't know that the seahawks had trannies on the team.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    BigDes wrote: »
    I think the woman is merely the catalyst in this tale.
    Apparently she was still in there, later.

    All yelling at people to wash their hands.

    Strange fucking woman.

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  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    That is awesome, Nap. PS I'd love to kick it with you Seattlites at a bar or club some time.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
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  • AHH!AHH! Registered User
    edited September 2007
    You didn't accept a drink from a burly man?

    what are you some kind of antisocial fag?

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  • Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    So how long was his penis?

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  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    It was kind of awesome, but also really fucking strange and surreal.

    I did not believe it was him until we were all leaving, and he had a huge swarm of people seeing him off. Then I GISed him, and sure enough, it was the same fucking guy.

    Seriously, it was the strangest fucking thing that could ever happen, being offered drinks by an NFL linebacker because I let a woman go in front of me, and was good-naturedly pitching him shit.

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Geeze nap, way to not take the hint.


    He wanted to slip you a roofie and get some chin nuggins going on.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    And Volyu, you should totally come and hang with us sometime. We have get-togethers at Cap's usually once or twice a month, and there's also Cap and Nap's Old-Timey Sunday Afternoon Long Island and Nacho Social.

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  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Geeze nap, way to not take the hint.


    He wanted to slip you a roofie and get some chin nuggins going on.
    No, man.

    That was entirely the hint I took.

    Some of us still have colons, though, and need to protect them.

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  • edited September 2007
    there are words but i don't know what they mean :(

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  • ObbiObbi Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    chin nuggins

    the term "chin nuggins" still makes me giggle to this day.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    naporeon wrote: »
    Geeze nap, way to not take the hint.


    He wanted to slip you a roofie and get some chin nuggins going on.
    No, man.

    That was entirely the hint I took.

    Some of us still have colons, though, and need to protect them.

    "My ass is a mysterious crevice in which neither snake nor worm shall ever crawl, lest the hallowed walls of the bowels of Jericho come crashing down."

    WiiU: munkusbeaver
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    naporeon wrote: »
    Geeze nap, way to not take the hint.


    He wanted to slip you a roofie and get some chin nuggins going on.
    No, man.

    That was entirely the hint I took.

    Some of us still have colons, though, and need to protect them.

    "My ass is a mysterious crevice in which neither snake nor worm shall ever crawl, lest the hallowed walls of the bowels of Jericho come crashing down."
    I like the cut of your jib.

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  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    naporeon wrote: »
    And Volyu, you should totally come and hang with us sometime. We have get-togethers at Cap's usually once or twice a month, and there's also Cap and Nap's Old-Timey Sunday Afternoon Long Island and Nacho Social.

    If you let me know a week in advance (so I can properly schedule around work's assfuckery), and can guarantee parking, I will so be there for one of those.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
    ·
  • ObbiObbi Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    rarely do you find a person who's not a fan of Munkus' jib

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    ·
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    naporeon wrote: »
    And Volyu, you should totally come and hang with us sometime. We have get-togethers at Cap's usually once or twice a month, and there's also Cap and Nap's Old-Timey Sunday Afternoon Long Island and Nacho Social.

    If you let me know a week in advance (so I can properly schedule around work's assfuckery), and can guarantee parking, I will so be there for one of those.
    Well, the Socials are every Sunday, at the Canterbury, at 7pm.

    And you will definitely find parking within two blocks.

    Parties at Cap's place are usually spur-of-the-moment, but I will see what I can do. Also, there's no trouble parking within feet of his house. Ever.

    ·
  • trentsteeltrentsteel Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Who tthe fuck is Lofa Tapatu?

    I'm assuming he is from professional sports of some kind.


    I like you faggots because I thought you shared my hatred of professional sports.

    http://www.botsnthings.com/
    I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!

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  • trentsteeltrentsteel Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    One time I worked at a movie theatre. Some black dude came up and ordered popcorn from me.

    He left and my coworkers were in AWE.

    "That was the JIiiizzzz," the whispered, "THAT WAS THE FUCKING JIIIIIIZ!!!"



    This freaked me out. I would not talk to them.


    Turns out he was some big-time foorball player named Gizmo something.

    http://www.botsnthings.com/
    I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!

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  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    tatupu rocked the fuck out of cadillac in the bucs game

    I was sad

    STEAM
    Spoiler:
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  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    More like Keyser Soze.

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
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  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    SE++

    Zero to gay jokes in one point two posts.

    scarab you have mental problems
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  • 150cc150cc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Lofa Tatupu is a good dude

    He was at USC while I was there

    He left for the NFL so that he could help to support his family

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  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    He seemed like a good dude, but I in no way believed it was him until well after the whole strange incident.

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  • CriticalCritical Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I played in a golf tournament with Mosi Tatupu a few years ago. Cool guy.

    edesig.jpg
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  • tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    trentsteel wrote: »
    Who tthe fuck is Lofa Tapatu?

    I'm assuming he is from professional sports of some kind.


    I like you faggots because I thought you shared my hatred of professional sports.

    uh

    he is a professional linebacker in the NFL for the seattle seahawks

    he played linebacker for USC and he is really good

    ·
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Obbi wrote: »
    chin nuggins

    the term "chin nuggins" still makes me giggle to this day.

    chinnuggins.gif

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
    ·
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Speaking of people with names from the South Pacific, when I was very little, I had the back of a Wheaties box with Manu Tuiasosopo on it on my wall.

    I was absolutely fascinated by his name.

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  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Fun fact: Lofa Tatupu's father is Mosi Tatupu, who was a pro bowler running back. The natives in the Treehouse Of Horror segment "King Homer" chant his name, which is translated on screen as "The blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice."

    There, I feel I've added to this conversation now

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  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    some day i'm going to be so famous that i'll be all like
    "don't you know who i am ... i'm mully."
    and even if you've never been on the internet
    you'll know

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  • CervetusCervetus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I've lived in Lynnwood all my life (ok, since I was two; I was in Kent before then) and I've never heard of Lufi Tatapu.

    The libertarian response to anything is, "Sure, that works fine in practice, but it doesn't fly in theory."
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  • Bloods EndBloods End Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Who?

    i don't listen to hip-hop or whatever you kids call it these days

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • WeaverWeaver From here, I can see nine realms.Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Man Eric I would have been all up over that mans bar tab.

    S5MQegC.jpg
    Steam: weavermatic
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  • OrestesOrestes Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Guys, who the flying fuck is Lofa Tatupu?

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