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Let's Play: Dark Crusade (56k eats PLASMA FIRE!)
MechMantis
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, Stormwatcher has abandoned his (as far as I can tell), so guess what I'm doing?
Yes. I'm STEALING IT.
Update 1
EDIT: Spoilered images due to V-scroll issues.
I also just stole the entirety of his OP. Because I'm a bastard.
So. Same rules: I want a commander name, and an honor guard unit name.
And maybe some direction. Or maybe a race, if you guys feel like torturing me. I'll default to Tau if there's a tie or no race votes.
Yes. I'm STEALING IT.
Update 1
EDIT: Spoilered images due to V-scroll issues.
Stormwatcher wrote: »So you wanna know all about the Dark Crusade, but you're too lazy or too cheap to actually play the god damned game?
Fret not! For I, Storm the Watcher am gonna play it for ya. Again. That's how awesome this game is.
I'm not DoW or DC expert, but I know a few things. Oh, I'm gonna let you guys make a few decisions along the playthrough.
First one: I need a name for the Commander guy.
Now, Onward with the LP:
THE GAEM!
DoW: Dark Crusade is the latest expansion for the award winning... Aw, crap, screw the back-of-the-box blurb.
DC is a great RTS from Relic, the guys who made Homeworld before and Company of Heroes later. So they're guys who KNOW how to make the best RTS.
DC, like DoW and CoH, focus on the tactical squad level of war, and resources are gathered by capturing Strategical points and making Power Buildings. No peons, mines or harvesters. Depending on the race you're playing, you might even depend on your fontline soldiers to establish and mantain the supply line. It's really very tactical.
The major difference from vanilla DoW to DC, aside from the two new races (Tau and Necron), is that it offers a new campaign mode very similar to Risk or Rise of Nations, a big world map with territories you can conquer in whatever order you want. The strategical map play takes place in turns where you can move OR attack and/or buy more troops for your territories. You have ONE mobile army, led by your commander, but he doesn't need to be there on defense missions. The SEVEN races fight a bloody war to conquer the entire planet of Kronus. Who will win??????!!!!
Here's the map:
Each conquered territory offers some kind of benefit. The "normal" territories unlocks a new elite troop squad to your Honor Guard roster. The honor guard is important because whenever you attack a new territory, you already start with them on the mission map, so it's a free, instantaneous army. That can help you rush on of the enemy bases in some territories, but more about this later.
The special territories give you an extra perk or power, like Fury (attack twice per turn), Spaceport (attack almost any territory FROM any territory), so on.
And then there are the home bases for each faction. The home base combat takes happens through a scripted mission, much like regular Campaign missions in DoW and Winter Assault. Regular territories play like computer skimishes, and special territories have specific win-conditions. The home base missions are not REALLY hard, but they're really, really long.
But enough talking.
THE CONTESTANTS!
The original 4 races from DoW
Imperial Space Marines
Marine Intro of awesomeness. 200k people died in the making of it. Just because.
Mostly every race in this game is a bunch of fucking fanatics, but I'd say that these super genetic enhanced cyborgized warriors take the Zeallot of the Year prize in the Fundamentalist Illustrated Magazine. They're like an order of monks that were custom made to slaughter shit like there's no tomorrow, and carry forward the will of the Immortal Emperor. They usually wipe entire planets just because someone made a joke about the big bloke. And they're supposed to be the GOOD GUYS.
Marine Bad Motherfucker Commander
Game-wise, the Space Marines are the ultimate generalists. The have the most "standard" game flow, and their basic infantry squad, the vanilla space marines, can kick the hell out off mostly anything. Vehicles, infantry, buildings, be it in melee or long range, they can kill it all. Space Marines don't rely much on vehicles, although they have a few remarkable ones, like the whirlwind and the walkers. I really like playing them.
Marine Death-dealing Machines
Chaos Marines
Chaos Intro. Oooo, scary.
These guys are Space marines that were corrupted by the demonic forces of Chaos during the Horus Heresy. They look like, guess what, demonic space marines. They're VERY EVIL! I don't know much about how they play, but they have more specialized units.
Chaos Commander needs to see a dentist, like, right now
Chaos Units. Very Chaotic, don't you think?
Orkz
Ork WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
The orkz are a green fungus (seriously) that speak like stereotyped english lower-class cockney football fans, and not like jamaicans at all, no sir, and shout a lot. They're usually stronger at melee than ranged, and can field ridiculous numbers of troops. The big difference is that they need to build WAAAAGH towers and earn WAAAGH points in order to build more guyz, on top of earning requisition points and power. They're pretty funny to play with. Especially when they chant "orkz orkz orkz orkz".
Ork 'Ead'Unter WARBOSS
Ork Unitz (sorry)
Eldar
Eldar Intro zzzzzzzzzzzzz
The eldar are an Elf rip off. The very old race, humankind was still pooping their diapers when the Eldar were colonizing the galaxy (and fucking it up too, by creating the Chaos Gods because all the eldars were fornicating drug addicts). They have extremely specialized troops, each kind of squad or vehicle is good at ONE thing and completely suck at anything else. They can teleport around and look really weird, sorry, original. They have lots of vehicles. They're supposed to be good guys too, but meh, I find them to be a boring lot. The Eldar do have some very cool units, anyway.
Eldar Commander (wooo hot)
Eldar Units. So sleek.
The NEW race from Winter Assault
Imperial Guard
IG Intro. They're all gonna die, even if they win.
While the Space Marines are the nearly immortal, elite, dedicated warrior monks of the Empire, the IG is composed of individually weak and cowardly conscripts. The basic squads suck at melee but have decent guns a LOTS of soldiers. They also have kickass vehicles, including the biggest motherfuking tank in the game. The IG have some cool squad upgrades and a few strong heavy infantry types. They can be pretty annoying as enemies in skirmish game.
IG Commander. Thinks he's Wolverine.
IG cannon fodder. I mean, troops. Meh, who am I fooling.
Challengers approaching!
Tau
Pew pew pew Intro. Erm, PEW PEW PEW PEW
The Tau are the Mecha Anime "inspired" communist aliens. They're the closest you can get to a really GOOD side. They have awesome troops with awesome suits and really cool vehicles. The strange thing about the Tau is that they're the only race who can't fucking build turrets. They have just the Strategic Point Listening Posts and their units as a defense force. I'm going to play with them, because they're fun to play.
The actual Tau guys can't really fight melee at all, but they have lots of friends, like the Vespid, who're the insectal flying DEATH, and the Kroot, who're tribal crazy killer hippies. They jump like crazy, and beat people up with huge Sand People 18th Century rifles. The Tau Commander has ZERO melee damage, but rains deathly lazoers over his poor enemies.
Neon Genesis Commander O'Kais (he's Irish!)
Gundam troops. oops.
Necrons
Necron Intro. Introducing you to the damned darkness.
The Necros are the coolest and weirdest race in the game. They're a bunch of egyptian-inspired psycho skeleton shaped robots who just wanna wipe all life from the galaxy. They actually managed to do it once, and have been sleeping underground since them. The sad thing for us, the living, is that they've awoken. And they wanna do it again. They might well succeed.
Necron Commander. He just wanna bring you peace. The peace of eternal slumber. That's DEATH, stupid.
The Necron are also weird gameplay-wise. They don't use the precious Req. Points for much. Instead, they rely solely on Power Generators... They do need to build Listening Posts on captured RPs, in order to reach 100% build speed. At first, they build shit veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery slowly, but after capping and LPing 5 points, they get back to full speed. Other weird things include: Their soldiers CANNOT cap points, only their worker units can. So you actually have to build lots of them cute beetles. Oh, their infantry squads get NO weapon upgrades, the fallen soldiers can resurrect, all units are built at the HQ building which is also their Über-unit (and it kicks a LOT of ass), they have units who collect dead necrons and spawn new squads from their innards.... They're all around fucking awesome.
Necron army. They're like MEANER cousins to the T-800 Terminator.
This is it for the first post, but I already have more than enough stuff for two more updates. Than that OTHER GUY will take over for a bit. A tiny itty bitty bit.
I promise more funny and more game info. Now you peeps need to help me chose the Commander's name, and a name for the first honor guard unit. NOW.
I also just stole the entirety of his OP. Because I'm a bastard.
So. Same rules: I want a commander name, and an honor guard unit name.
And maybe some direction. Or maybe a race, if you guys feel like torturing me. I'll default to Tau if there's a tie or no race votes.
MechMantis on
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Shas'O Kais and I pulled off some epic shit. EPIC.
Oo\ Ironsizide
Everyone loves souless killer automatons.
And they look good in green.
That and the jump-capable reviving Necron Lord along with some Flayed Ones kind of really breaks all the campaign missions involving assassinations.
...
Necrons are cool, but they lack the sheer energy of some of the other races. Play Orkz.
MKDS Friend Code: 476-802-986-689
AC:WW Friend Code:3823-1420-6253
Pokemon Friend Code: 3222 2050 0417
Honor Guard name Hulkz
Commander name SMASH.
Or the other way around, your preference.
Commander: Gluteus Maximus
Honor Guard: Steel of the Empire
Come on, do it. Fucking do it.
ORKZ: 8
Race has been decided! WAAAAGH!
Commander Name
Mad Doc Teef (Yes, I Orkified it. DEAL WITH IT.)
Honor Guard:
1.Electric Mayhem
2.Hulkz
3.Steel of the Empire
4.Fuck Yeah Ninjas
5.BIG MONKEY
Please suggest more Honor Guard titles. I will NOT be able to use them all, most likely... and everyone knows that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
Commander: Col. McAwesome
Honor Guard: Fuck Yeah Ninjas
'Cause, you know, monkeys.
Commander names added. We might have Dr. Teeth as our commander.
Likewise with the Honor Guard units.
Commander: Dr. Teeth
Honor Guard: Electric Mayhem
I'm keeping the band together damnit.
It's going into a list. I have decided that. As of now. Gimmie another name, and I'll add it.
Commander: Sgt. Floyd Pepper
It's only honor guard units that can't be voted for! :P
you can see where I'm going with this, no?
You guys are all sissies.
Milquetoast is pretty cool, though. I'll add your vote in.
EDIT: If I get 8 Ork votes, I'll start it tonight.
august: Vote in.
WE'Z GONNA PLAY DAH ORKZ!!
WAAAAAGH!
PSN ID : DetectiveOlivaw | TWITTER | STEAM ID | NEVER FORGET
EDIT: Uploads done.
OI! NARRATOR, GET DAH WARBOSS RIGHT, YOU GROT! Dere's no chance o ma enemies seen dis, so CREDIT WERE CREDITS DUE!!
'Ere we 'ave ma boyz. *sniff* Isn't dat beautiful? Look at all dat DAKKA!
And 'ere we have ma Rok, da way we Orks travel from place ta place.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!
Now, for you 'ummies to see wat I look like, or, well, wat my figure'ead look like:
'Ees da stompiest Ork around. Maybe even more stompy dan me. But I don't tink so. Cause I got more smarts dan him. I could make my own personal Stompa suit if I felt like it. But I don't.
Dis is 'im wit wat I can give 'im. See dat list on da right? Ya, I can build dat stuff. Depending on 'ow good 'ee does, I might make 'im a present.
And DIS is da map o Kronus! We 'ave two choices at da moment: One, we 'it doze Tau boyz to da NORTH a couple a times wit our Choppas. Cause dere no good at Choppin and Stompin and Smashin. Shootin, dey got down.
OR, we could 'ead to da EAST, and fight dem Chaos boyz. 'De're prett good at everythin'. Deys got whirly bitz on 'deir choppas, and dey got dem "Bolta" thingies. Nasty stuff if 'oo get 'it wit one.
So, ma fellow Doks and Meks... Were too?
Head north!
(And if dis iz the awesomeness uv da communtary for da Orkz, I'm glad yoo took 'em!)
Oo\ Ironsizide
WUT IS DIS! A 'UMMIE! SHOOT 'IM! SHOOT 'IM NOW!
We go afta da bigga one to showz dat we iz da Orkz, and den we make da bigga one all Orky.
ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ
PSN ID : DetectiveOlivaw | TWITTER | STEAM ID | NEVER FORGET
Tau makes more sense first, but Chaos are more fighty (higher territory strength) so more fun for the boyz.
EDIT It's TIED, you filthy GROT! Just as I made ma announcement!
(Okay. This is it. No more votes.)