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What do you do when a friend owes you a large amount of money?

EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
edited September 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
I have a friend who owes me over 1000 for breaking something of mine over a year ago, I don't want to get into too much detail, but I am thinking about just asking for him to give me some of his items to deduct from his debt. The items will not cover his debt but reduce it by 1/3 so its not like he still wont owe me. The debt looming over him does bother him and sometimes causes us to fight over the money because I do bring it up when ever he goes out and buys something. He went and bought something that could have paid most of the debt off which he didn't need at all, it was a luxury item that doesn't even get used.

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Posts

  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Clearly, if he bought a luxury item he doesn't even use instead of paying you back, it doesn't bother him that much.

    That being said, if you can easily agree on a value for the "stuff" he'd be giving you, whatever. If not, I wouldn't bother, and stick with cash.

  • flatlinegraphicsflatlinegraphics Registered User
    edited September 2007
    money between friends is money lost. you either get the money or keep the friend.

  • mastmanmastman Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    money between friends is money lost. you either get the money or keep the friend.

    nonsense. Real friends pay because they want to pay you back because it's the right thing to do.

    Explain to him that it's not very fair to you that he hasn't paid you yet. As a friend, he should realize that. If he's not a friend, a small claims court might realize that.

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  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Oh man, years ago, my best friend had this idea that he got to pay back loans to me, on whatever schedule he felt like. Luckily they were small loans, like a movie ticket, and these days I won't lend him money, or I'll pay for something and won't ask for anything in return.

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  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    money between friends is money lost. you either get the money or keep the friend.

    agreed. You have to 1) think of it as an investment, and 2) decide what's more important, the investment in the money or the investment in the friend. Is this a guy that you're going to be hanging with ten years from now? If you think that's even a remote "yes", then don't worry about the cash unless you're really struggling for money. If not, then take some shit and settle the debt.

    Here's what I do...
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  • mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    money between friends is money lost. you either get the money or keep the friend.

    This is generally the way it goes. If he's made no attempt to pay at least part of it back, and is spending money on shit he doesn't need, he never intends to pay you back. Something you'll just have to deal with. But if you try to force the issue, you will likely lose him as a friend...also just how it goes.

    So now you have to decide if having him as a friend is worth a grand.

    Part of the problem is that some people just don't feel much responsibility to pay to replace things they break; it's not like he bummed a grand of cash off you. You're talking about what I'd assume was accidental damage to something, and a monetary arrangement that wasn't agreed on before this damage occurred. Granted, most people that aren't dicks will try to pay for shit they break by accident...but sometimes even halfway decent people won't. Again, something you have to deal with. See above.

  • mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Oh man, years ago, my best friend had this idea that he got to pay back loans to me, on whatever schedule he felt like. Luckily they were small loans, like a movie ticket, and these days I won't lend him money, or I'll pay for something and won't ask for anything in return.

    Yeah, loaning money between friends doesn't generally work out well. I rarely ask to borrow money from a friend; I'll just ask to "bum" it. Not huge amounts (we're talking $20 here and there)...but the point is that I'm making no promise to pay it back within any time frame. When I bum money to friends, same thing...I never bother to mention payback.

    Luckily for my friends, I'm the kind of guy who always pays back, and generally promptly. If I bum 10 bucks for a beer and a dog at a baseball game, you can bet your ass I'm buying next time we're out. People realize this, and thus I never have any problem bumming money off friends. Similarly, I've learned which of my friends will hit me back, and which won't...oddly, when the latter ask for money I'm usually "broke." If you know what I mean.

    Point being? Actual loans between friends don't generally work. Same generally goes for family.

    Though, like I said, this situation seems even more precarious, since we're talking about accidental damage and not a cash loan.

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Also, I've got to ask... what did he break? If it's something technological chances are it's a lot cheaper now, and regardless of weather or not it cost you a grand then chances are it won't today, so we're talking about less money. Details....

    Here's what I do...
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  • taliosfalcontaliosfalcon Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    mcdermott wrote: »
    money between friends is money lost. you either get the money or keep the friend.
    This is generally the way it goes. If he's made no attempt to pay at least part of it back, and is spending money on shit he doesn't need, he never intends to pay you back. Something you'll just have to deal with. But if you try to force the issue, you will likely lose him as a friend...also just how it goes.

    So now you have to decide if having him as a friend is worth a grand.


    Part of the problem is that some people just don't feel much responsibility to pay to replace things they break; it's not like he bummed a grand of cash off you. You're talking about what I'd assume was accidental damage to something, and a monetary arrangement that wasn't agreed on before this damage occurred. Granted, most people that aren't dicks will try to pay for shit they break by accident...but sometimes even halfway decent people won't. Again, something you have to deal with. See above.

    it really doesn't sound like he's much of a friend anyway. If someone owes you a decent amount of money and won't pay it back even though its within their means I really can't see them being worth keeping as a friend anyway

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  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'll just say I know you want to be repaid, but acting like a nagging spouse, "I do bring it up when ever he goes out and buys something," probably isn't the best way to go about it.

    I like the idea of him buying you lunch a few times ($1000/ X Big Mac meal=heart attack ftw), and just cutting the loss if you want him as a friend.

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  • YodaTunaYodaTuna Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    But seriously, what kind of friend does a grand worth of damage and then never pays you back?

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    YodaTuna wrote: »
    But seriously, what kind of friend does a grand worth of damage and then never pays you back?

    I'd still like to know the level of damage done... I mean are we talking about dropping your sony camera and you wanted to buy a new one instead of fixing the old one, or are we talking about backing your civic over a curb and ripping the bumper off... for god's sake man.... what happened!?

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  • imbalancedimbalanced Registered User
    edited September 2007
    And if you're worried about the money over the friend, I would suggest being more "professional" about the whole thing and making him sign a payment plan. It's a little assholeish, but at least in the back of his mind he will know he needs to do something incremental to pay you back. Plus if you have to go to court over the payment issue, you will have an easy victory.

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  • SoonerManSoonerMan Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Loans with friends is one thing... a friend breaking some shit of yours is another.

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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    Also, I've got to ask... what did he break? If it's something technological chances are it's a lot cheaper now, and regardless of weather or not it cost you a grand then chances are it won't today, so we're talking about less money. Details....

    He crashed my car and the cheapest place in town wants 1200, thats a fucking Spray Glow and they will do a shitty job. A good place in town wants 2700.00 to repair the car.

    He was trying to do the right thing because I passed out at a party I threw in an illegal area. If a cop saw my car in the no parking area, I would have been in a ton of shit but on the other hand I didn't ask him to drive it drunk, I was passed out at another friends house a few miles away when he hit another person car which he owes money on.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Also, I've got to ask... what did he break? If it's something technological chances are it's a lot cheaper now, and regardless of weather or not it cost you a grand then chances are it won't today, so we're talking about less money. Details....
    He crashed my car and the cheapest place in town wants 1200, thats a fucking Spray Glow and they will do a shitty job. A good place in town wants 2700.00 to repair the car.

    He was trying to do the right thing because I passed out at a party I threw in an illegal area. If a cop saw my cop I would have been in a ton of shit but on the other hand I didn't ask him to drive it drunk, I was passed out at another friends house a few miles away.
    o_O

    Do you not have insurance?

    Edit: ah, drunk. Nevermind.

  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    Thinatos wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Also, I've got to ask... what did he break? If it's something technological chances are it's a lot cheaper now, and regardless of weather or not it cost you a grand then chances are it won't today, so we're talking about less money. Details....
    He crashed my car and the cheapest place in town wants 1200, thats a fucking Spray Glow and they will do a shitty job. A good place in town wants 2700.00 to repair the car.

    He was trying to do the right thing because I passed out at a party I threw in an illegal area. If a cop saw my cop I would have been in a ton of shit but on the other hand I didn't ask him to drive it drunk, I was passed out at another friends house a few miles away.
    o_O

    Do you not have insurance?

    Edit: ah, drunk. Nevermind.

    Yeah, not only that if I called the cops and made a report or anything I would have went to jail, he would have and about 5 more pople.

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  • VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    If you do decide to go the item route, make sure you get it in writing that he is trading you the items in exchange for a certain amount off the debt he owes you. Without it in writing, he could theoretically go to the police and file a report for stolen property and you will be forced to give it back. In fact, I'd get him to sign something stating that he owes you $XXXX for crashing your car.

    Cheapest solution would be to go to one of the daytime court shows and file a suit against him. If you win the case, the show itself pays you so your friend doesn't have to be out any money, but it will be on his record that he lost that civil suit.

    But yes, getting money from most friends is a big pain in the ass that doesn't end well. Theres a rare few that will pay back, but they usually don't borrow or do something stupid to owe the money in the first place.

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  • SageinaRageSageinaRage Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Wow. I was going to come in here with my 'what kind of friend borrows a grand and doesn't pay it back?!'

    But then I read the backstory. You should write that money off.

  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    Veevee wrote: »
    If you do decide to go the item route, make sure you get it in writing that he is trading you the items in exchange for a certain amount off the debt he owes you. Without it in writing, he could theoretically go to the police and file a report for stolen property and you will be forced to give it back. In fact, I'd get him to sign something stating that he owes you $XXXX for crashing your car.

    Cheapest solution would be to go to one of the daytime court shows and file a suit against him. If you win the case, the show itself pays you so your friend doesn't have to be out any money, but it will be on his record that he lost that civil suit.

    But yes, getting money from most friends is a big pain in the ass that doesn't end well. Theres a rare few that will pay back, but they usually don't borrow or do something stupid to owe the money in the first place.

    Yeah, I plan to get it in writing if I got items for the money but the biggest thing is I would feel kinda bad saying "Hey, let me get your game consoles and I will subtract some debt" Then he might get the feeling every time he buys something I can just be like, let me get that off of you.

    Another thing is the estimate on my car is over a year old so I am sure how much it costs to get repaired has changed. Also, what shop do I use to do the work? The cheapest one or one that will do the work right?

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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    Wow. I was going to come in here with my 'what kind of friend borrows a grand and doesn't pay it back?!'

    But then I read the backstory. You should write that money off.

    Why do you say that? Because of good intentions?

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  • saltinesssaltiness Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I wouldn't write the money off but I would say it should be a 50/50 split because of the crazy circumstances but it seems like you've pretty much done that already.

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  • Nova_CNova_C Sniff Sniff Snorf Beyond The WallRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Another thing is the estimate on my car is over a year old so I am sure how much it costs to get repaired has changed. Also, what shop do I use to do the work? The cheapest one or one that will do the work right?

    The one that'll do it right, clearly. Improper repairs can leave your car in worse shape than when you gave it to them. basically, there's no way to fix a car cheaply.

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  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    saltiness wrote: »
    I wouldn't write the money off but I would say it should be a 50/50 split because of the crazy circumstances but it seems like you've pretty much done that already.

    yeah, I mean it sucked that he was drunk and fucked up, but you were drunk and fucked up too.. That's a 50/50 scenario. He's already paying one set of damages, you can't go to court on it, because for one thing most judges would throw it out since you were both hammered, or have you arrested (if that's possible, depending on the state). Other than a friendly agreement it sounds like you've got no claim to the money owed. I'd see if he is willing to part with some stuff and call it a day, but you'll be risking the friendship.

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  • precisionkprecisionk Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Unless you have this written in contract, this was borrowed. You are fucked in small claims court.

  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    The stuff I want also has money owed on it to another person.

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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited September 2007
    I am just thinking that if I claim a few items that is the only way I will see any type of repayment. My car being repaired would be preferred but I might end up waiting another 6 months to a year. Someone making like 8.00 an hour and can hardly manage money to pay back 1200 would take forever, right?

    Yeah, in some way I have wrote it off already but it is hard to forget when you drive your car around for a year with dents all over it. If it was a game console that got destroyed or a computer, I would just buy another one and be pissed off but with a car it is always hard.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Nova_C wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Another thing is the estimate on my car is over a year old so I am sure how much it costs to get repaired has changed. Also, what shop do I use to do the work? The cheapest one or one that will do the work right?
    The one that'll do it right, clearly. Improper repairs can leave your car in worse shape than when you gave it to them. basically, there's no way to fix a car cheaply.
    This depends on whether it's body work or actual mechanical repairs. Body work can be done cheaply, it's just generally ugly (for instance, the estimate for the body work on my car after this dude rear-ended me was $4700; I got it done for $1800, and it looks fine, aside from a couple of cracks and a few scuff marks that aren't worth the money to replace).

  • mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    This depends on whether it's body work or actual mechanical repairs. Body work can be done cheaply, it's just generally ugly (for instance, the estimate for the body work on my car after this dude rear-ended me was $4700; I got it done for $1800, and it looks fine, aside from a couple of cracks and a few scuff marks that aren't worth the money to replace).

    Yeah, you can generally skimp on body work if we're not talking frame damage...you may not reclaim all the value lost in the accident, but you'll at least feel better driving the carl.
    yeah, I mean it sucked that he was drunk and fucked up, but you were drunk and fucked up too.. That's a 50/50 scenario. He's already paying one set of damages, you can't go to court on it, because for one thing most judges would throw it out since you were both hammered, or have you arrested (if that's possible, depending on the state). Other than a friendly agreement it sounds like you've got no claim to the money owed. I'd see if he is willing to part with some stuff and call it a day, but you'll be risking the friendship.

    Knowing the backstory now, there's pretty much no way you're going to "force" him to pay. You can't exactly take him to court, and as such any agreements you draw up he can pretty much ignore. And as I said before, if he hasn't at least tried to pay some part of it off, it's obvious he never intends to pay it (barring a lottery win). So now you really have to decide whether or not you can still be friends with him regardless.

    Sounds to me like it was kind of a "no fault" thing...I mean yeah, he damaged your shit...but he did so trying to help you out. I'd not say he's the largest dickhead in the world for not paying you back in this situation (given what details you've told us). Kind of a dick move, but I can understand his side too I suppose (though not the route I'd go).

    If you're going to write him off as a friend, I'd suggest throwing out a quick, "hey, I need to get that shit fixed on my car...any chance you can kick in some cash to help cover it now?" Maybe you'll get a couple hundred bucks, better than nothing.

    But assuming he's otherwise a decent friend, I'd probably just let it go...but that's me, I'm too nice of a guy somtimes.

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