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So girls. I need advice on some.
MC Mystery
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
You all might remember hating me from http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=32635 this thread. Sorry about all that, but I'm going to do a similar post. Maaaan.
Basically, a couple months ago, I went through a really awkward breakup. I wanted the girl back really hard, which made it impossible to talk to her, being that she wasn't looking for that from me. So we didn't talk for a monthish. So then school starts up again, we have a class together, and lunch together. We still didn't talk in either of these for a while, then we started talking (tiny bits at school, lots on the phone), but she kept her distance, as I voiced still being where I was before. After a few weeks of this, I get comfortable with the situation. I'm done chasing after her, I've accepted our casual friendship, she starts telling me shes still in love with me, and that almost all the horrible things she said to me in the breakup weren't true, blah blah blah, I go back to square one, she reveals that she's not sure though if we could ever be together. This goes on for a month. Back and forth, making and canceling plans, and the occasional drunken outburst from her (she's taken to getting drunk all the time since the school year has started), sometimes in wanting me back, mostly in not wanting me back, the occasional mix of both. Over the last few weeks I've found myself wanting to be farther and farther away from her. Her constant pong-like way her emotions change makes me not want to be anywhere near her emotionally. We met up at a local themepark (Since my location is public I really shouldn't bother trying to hide it), and she hung over me all night, and we almost kissed as we left (this isn't the first time something like this has happened, just the most recent) but I opted not to, and for the next few days she was very sweet to me on the phone, but she's back to either not calling me, or calling me and staying as far away from topics involving us as possible. The only real constant themes have been that she is dreading our upcoming homecoming dance, sometimes she says because she thinks her dress makes her look fat, other times she says because she is dreading seeing me and my date or interacting with her date.
Meanwhile. One of my closest female friends, and I have been talking at great length lately about finding each other attractive, and we've kissed twice. However, after the kissing our conversations stay painfully away from that subject, but it's been implied that the kissings will continue. I don't want a relationship with this perfectly sane, pretty girl. I have no idea what she wants from me, as it hasn't been discussed, and I'd hate to ask, and have it be that she wants that, and I don't.
Even more so meanwhile, My date to homecoming. She's a girl I asked who is way way way WAY out of my league. I asked her specifically because I expected her to say no, at the time of asking though, I just wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of asking a girl, who I assumed would say no. Now I have a date to a dance I don't want to go to, and I've had to buy tickets, a new suit, and flowers. This girl, is very sweet. Very pretty. However also super christian and devout, and she's definitely not looking for the same things in a relationship I am, and this girl, much like the second girl I have no idea what her intentions with me are. Is this just a date, or is this the precursor to something more with her? I don't even know if she likes to dance. I've DJed dance events at her church before, and she's never danced. Was it the music I played? Was it her? I have no idea. This girl I don't know very well at all, and I hear mixed things from all of our mutual friends, some assume she likes me, others assume she wouldn't because we're too different. Ugh.
So basically I have three girls, who are all going to homecoming, that I'm going to, one of them is my date, and I have no idea how any of them are feeling, and is there any way, other than avoiding all of them, to avoid drama? and would avoiding all of them even work? I mean, I inevitably have to pay attention to my date. Shiiit. I basically don't want to make anyone mad, and I don't want to make my ex run on an emotional jealousy/anger high and hate me forever.
My topics always turn into rants rather than questions so I'll specify what I want to know here,
1) What is normal highschool dance etiquette when the girl in question isn't a close friend or your girlfriend?
2) What the hell should I do about the girl in the middle with the kisses?
3) Is befriending the ex who keeps jumping back and forth a horrible mistake, is there any hope of that turning into either a functional friendship or a successful sequel to our earlier relationship?
Basically, a couple months ago, I went through a really awkward breakup. I wanted the girl back really hard, which made it impossible to talk to her, being that she wasn't looking for that from me. So we didn't talk for a monthish. So then school starts up again, we have a class together, and lunch together. We still didn't talk in either of these for a while, then we started talking (tiny bits at school, lots on the phone), but she kept her distance, as I voiced still being where I was before. After a few weeks of this, I get comfortable with the situation. I'm done chasing after her, I've accepted our casual friendship, she starts telling me shes still in love with me, and that almost all the horrible things she said to me in the breakup weren't true, blah blah blah, I go back to square one, she reveals that she's not sure though if we could ever be together. This goes on for a month. Back and forth, making and canceling plans, and the occasional drunken outburst from her (she's taken to getting drunk all the time since the school year has started), sometimes in wanting me back, mostly in not wanting me back, the occasional mix of both. Over the last few weeks I've found myself wanting to be farther and farther away from her. Her constant pong-like way her emotions change makes me not want to be anywhere near her emotionally. We met up at a local themepark (Since my location is public I really shouldn't bother trying to hide it), and she hung over me all night, and we almost kissed as we left (this isn't the first time something like this has happened, just the most recent) but I opted not to, and for the next few days she was very sweet to me on the phone, but she's back to either not calling me, or calling me and staying as far away from topics involving us as possible. The only real constant themes have been that she is dreading our upcoming homecoming dance, sometimes she says because she thinks her dress makes her look fat, other times she says because she is dreading seeing me and my date or interacting with her date.
Meanwhile. One of my closest female friends, and I have been talking at great length lately about finding each other attractive, and we've kissed twice. However, after the kissing our conversations stay painfully away from that subject, but it's been implied that the kissings will continue. I don't want a relationship with this perfectly sane, pretty girl. I have no idea what she wants from me, as it hasn't been discussed, and I'd hate to ask, and have it be that she wants that, and I don't.
Even more so meanwhile, My date to homecoming. She's a girl I asked who is way way way WAY out of my league. I asked her specifically because I expected her to say no, at the time of asking though, I just wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of asking a girl, who I assumed would say no. Now I have a date to a dance I don't want to go to, and I've had to buy tickets, a new suit, and flowers. This girl, is very sweet. Very pretty. However also super christian and devout, and she's definitely not looking for the same things in a relationship I am, and this girl, much like the second girl I have no idea what her intentions with me are. Is this just a date, or is this the precursor to something more with her? I don't even know if she likes to dance. I've DJed dance events at her church before, and she's never danced. Was it the music I played? Was it her? I have no idea. This girl I don't know very well at all, and I hear mixed things from all of our mutual friends, some assume she likes me, others assume she wouldn't because we're too different. Ugh.
So basically I have three girls, who are all going to homecoming, that I'm going to, one of them is my date, and I have no idea how any of them are feeling, and is there any way, other than avoiding all of them, to avoid drama? and would avoiding all of them even work? I mean, I inevitably have to pay attention to my date. Shiiit. I basically don't want to make anyone mad, and I don't want to make my ex run on an emotional jealousy/anger high and hate me forever.
My topics always turn into rants rather than questions so I'll specify what I want to know here,
1) What is normal highschool dance etiquette when the girl in question isn't a close friend or your girlfriend?
2) What the hell should I do about the girl in the middle with the kisses?
3) Is befriending the ex who keeps jumping back and forth a horrible mistake, is there any hope of that turning into either a functional friendship or a successful sequel to our earlier relationship?
Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
MC Mystery on
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Stop kissing this second girl. You dont want a relationship with her, so stop sending false messages, because you'll hurt her.
Stop saying things you dont mean. If you didnt want to go to your dance, and didnt really want to go with this girl, you shouldnt have asked her.
Really, nothing has changed from the last thread. You need to learn to treat people with a little respect, and think about their feelings. Start by being honest with them.
.
Soak up these moments man. Cryo is right about all of this. But all this self-destruction and human weakness is healthy for your soul in the long run. Dig in deep and you'll maybe have some Nietzsche-esque experience and later develop some more emotional intelligence. Whatever you do, don't get an STD or knock anyone up. You'll pull your head out of your ass someday.
Good luck Boy-O
Basically, don't be a dick.
See. It's not three hot girls wanting to date me. It's three girls whom I have completely different relationships with each, all sending me signals I don't know how to interpret.
The kissing girl, let's call her Michelle. The first kisses I received were said to have been a birthday present. Which struck me as very bizarre. I'm not used to that sort of treatment. The second set of kisses were just randomly hanging out at the church my friend works at (Our friend used to be the youth minister at a church close to our high school, but he quit, but ANOTHER friend of ours is an elder at the church, and so we get to use the church's projector/snackbar/pooltables/ect after school on fridays with no adult supervision) and was in front of a large group of our friends. So it's not like this girl is really pouring her heart out to me, I honestly have no idea if she has any intentions with me passed kissing.
First girl is totally crazy as boners, and no one cares to give her the benefit of the doubt, so I'll take that.
Basically, the biggest question for me at this point is what I should do with the girl I'm taking to the dance to make it an enjoyable date for both of us, without either sending the wrong message in a bad or good way. (I'm not opposed to dating this girl passed this date, I just don't know if that's what she's looking for, and I don't know her well enough to know if that's what I'm looking for).
The girl you're taking to the dance. Just go there with her, spend the time you're there mostly with her, and use it to get to know her better. Chat about regular stuff like her classes, what she does outside of school, music she listens to etc etc. Dont get hung up on projecting that you want a relationship or anything. Just get to know her as you would any other person and you'll both have a good night. Go in with that intention and you'll be fine. Your goal should be making the event enjoyable for you both, and gaining a friend. Worry about the other stuff some other day, AFTER you get to know her.
From your last thread i think you spend too much time fixating on who you can date, and not enough on getting to know people, and how to interact with them in ways that both of you will enjoy. So try working on that.
And yeah, glad to see that you've figured out girl #1 is stone cold crazy
I'm not even going to add to this; it's perfect. You need to grow up real fast, or you're going to get a rude awakening when you exit high school.
No. No. I'm not that foreign with the girl at the dance (Let's call her Charlene), like I know what she does in classes and activities, albeit she goes to a different high school than me, but she plays tennis, and we've talked of going to play with each other at her courts (her school's courts are much better than my school's) however, I've been avoiding that, cause I'm awful at tennis. We hang out every week at her church (churches seem to be a running theme here, but really it's just that I have a lot of friends who work at them) my friend's mom works at Charlene's church, and so he has to go to the youth group there every week, and the only person close to his age is this girl in question, and a few years ago he tried to court her and reacted badly to rejection, so they aren't on the best of terms {they're still friends, but he doesn't like talking to her very much} hence my needing to step in) and we get along pretty well, but because we're the older kid's she always has to go help out with the junior high girls, and I have to help out with the junior high boys. I was happy being her friend until I asked her to this dance, because immediately after asking her to the dance, her whole demeanor changed. It was weird, and we started talking more frequently (and then less frequently) and then more frequently at weird intervals that weren't our normal pattern. Hence my confusion.
The reason I bothered mentioning (crazy) girl number 1 (In the last thread she was Anna) was because she's a big aspect of this dance. She will end up greatly effecting my night I'm sure, and I'm really worried about it. Because as easy as it is to say I don't still have retarded feelings for her, anytime I manage to convince myself of it, she totally wrecks me.
This. Just this. Life isn't an episode of whatever shitty highschool-drama sitcom kids watch these days.
Why will Anna end up greatly influencing your night? Is this just a fear you have, or do you have a good reason to believe it?
Stay away from Crazy McNuggets. Don't talk to her if she's at the dance, and try to keep out of any drama she causes.
Stop kissing the other girl. If she asks about it or tries to kiss you more, tell her you value her as a friend but you don't want to get into a relationship. This may cause her to get upset; be nice to her, but don't change your mind and keep kissing her. Really, you shouldn't be kissing anyone now; your life sounds like a soap opera as-is.
end of story.
sweet christmas, why does everyone want to make their lives turn into the fucking OC?
^
Also print out this thread and have a look in a couple years. Whee!
Well, the solution is pretty cut and dried, just like Cryo posted. This isn't some complicated morality problem, there's a very clear appropriate course of action here. You probably don't see it clearly because you haven't learned to control your urges yet. I'll call these girls A, B, and C, in the order you mentioned them.
A is obviously emotionally unstable and doesn't know what she wants. You say you don't like getting dragged into her drama whirlpool? Stay away from her. If you have to talk to her, be polite but detached. She's not going to get over you if you keep giving her attention like this.
You're obviously attracted to B on some levels, or you wouldn't have kissed. If you don't want a relationship with her, stop kissing her. You do know that you don't have to kiss every girl that makes your pants go pointy, right?
You've committed to going to the dance with C, apparently a gorgeous girl that anyone would be proud of to have as a date. Just treat her as you would treat your normal friends. Well, if you're concerned about her having fun at the dance, you can be attentive and polite, though that might send her the wrong signal. If you really don't want to go to the dance because of your crazy ex, then just be honest with your date and tell her that, you're sorry, but you've decided you can't go because your crazy-ex would stir up drama that would just ruin everyone's evening. If she really is as attractive as you're claiming, she shouldn't have problems getting another date, but it's only fair to her for you to let her know ahead of time.
Whatever you do, please just keep it in your pants or something. Stop letting your dick get you involved with girls. If you don't want to have drama in your life, stop creating it for yourself.
What is the worst that could happen?
2 girls will think you are a dick and you will be going out with the odd one out?
You know that "Ha, those silly kids and their dumb drama." thing that adults are always on about?
That is it, and nothing more. You really just have to accept it for what it is.
You can't make everyone happy, so don't kick yourself about it.
Go do something manly like play paintball or something with some friends and forget about it for a while.
1.) I don't know, I have never been to a high school dance. Sorry.
2.) Make no mention to it. From what I read she senses your hesitation.
3.) This is really what I wanted to comment on: How can having a friend that "plays pong" (I think thats how you described it) with her emotions sound like a functional friendship? This person is unstable, I can some up in one word how it would be if you decided to go back with your ex; unhealthy. I think its time to start thinking with your brain and not your heart, don't you think so as well?
(Girl A/Anna/Harvey Dent) Told me she doesn't care about me at all, and the reason she plays emotional ping pong with me is that she knows I'll only open up about how much I want her whenever she implies she wants me too, and that she feels really lonely/pathetic lately and wants a confidence boost. BLAH.
So anyways, issue 2, totally gone. I think that the homecoming will go fine as long as I avoid the hell out of my ex. It's just a worry of keeping conversations/introductions going well. I know this girl alright, but we don't have very much in common, and lately the only things I've been really able to talk about are Douglas Adams, Disney's Gargoyles, and MC Frontalot. I doubt she's familiar with any of those things. I want to make myself a more versatile person, but that's just what I've been investing all my time in recently.
So basically, almost all of my fears weren't warranted at all. Thanks for all the advice guys.
Hopefully though, this will be the end of things, as you yourself have said. Whenever something pops up and you feel the need to make a thread, just remember; It's High School. A few years from now you'll be shaking your head and wondering how you could have ever been so stupid. It happens to almost everyone.