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D&D Friars Club Roast of Celery77
Posts
And probably still is drowning as we speak. Which brings to mind the fact that english major + extreme alcohol dependence = shitty, shitty beer. A Heineken must be like a 5 star hotel, with blowjobs.
oh dear
well, that explains the drunken urge to rant. I don't think that gunky stuff at the bottom of the vats is very good for your brain.
It's not as though he had much to ruin in the first place.
I guess you could also say he hates the fucking beatles. but shit he'd probably want you to say that.
Still, you have to admit that he can suck down a bottle of Mad Train like the filthy, diseased hobo he is.
Though it's a big step up from "Tieg" at least. Seriously, how drunk and/or pissed off did his parents have to be to name him "Tieg"? Is that what the doctor shrieked when he saw that lumpy pink homonculous glorp out of mom's vag and thud to the floor?
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
Except that as your friend from the real world who came to this forum on your invite and now notices that you are being roasted online, I must say that "Jesus fucking christ man, you are the biggest nerd I know."
Actually, his trash wine of choice is Cisco. He's a snob even about his hobo swill.
What I'm trying to say here is that celery77 is the Rush Hour 3 of forumers.
Most of them wrong.
Now, I'm not gonna say that Cel doesn't take care of his girlfriend.
That bitch talks back, he takes care of her ass.
I'm worried one day he will hurt himself.
Just to take a giant shit on it.
Considering everything else, he might deserve it.
I thought he couldn't achieve sexual gratification without complaining about some form of popular entertainment? He probably plays them during sex.
He kinda looks like a low rent Steve-O from jackass...
I read that he lives in Portland. He probably smells of Patchouli and self righteousness like the rest of the hippies around there.
I couldn't smell any patchoulli, but I think it was just drowned out by the reek of his dismal musical tastes.
He apparently can play a mean guitar, though. Told me he'd been practicing for 11 years, now. He even offered to play me Row, Row Your Boat, though I suspect he was fronting.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
I can only imagine what happens when he watches a Quentin Tarantino movie.
Well, it's best if you prepare for that as if you going to be in the front row of a Gallagher show.
True story.
Figures.
Did you ever not feel bad for him? I mean, the poor kid really has nothing to look forward to from here except a long spiral into the depths of alcoholism and eventual homelessness. Besides, they haven't even created a surgery for race dysphoria yet. I can't even imagine what that kind of hopelessness must be like.
Hanging around with Cel must be like tutoring an orphan child with no legs and one of his hands is a stump, except sadder, because at least that child is warm and bright and will make it farther with that one hand than Cel ever will.
Well, he doesn't snitch on any of his homies.
Face it, this is a guy who hates nerds and spends fuckloads of time on a gaming comic forum. Dude couldn't be any more desperate for human contact if he was on a desert island
I bet he was listening to At The Drive-In and painting his nails black while he was doing it, too.
By "homies" I meant people he thought might be black.
*whip* "My name is not Tieg!" *whip* "My name is KUNTA KINTE!" *whip*
Next you'll say he's an albino assassin for an ultraconservative religious order.
(1) Yes, I have snitched here on PA, but it was on myself in a post where I was telling Tube off, because I was worried he might not see the offending rant when I posted it immediately after his warning that if I posted again he'd ban me.
(2) I can hold my liquor just fine, sometimes even in both hands at once. (Never mind the video evidence hidden away in dark corners of the internet of me drooling on myself which might illustrate the contrary.)
(3) It's not my fault you're all philistines with terrible taste. I can only help those who want to help themselves, and for the rest of you, enjoy the bad classic rock and Top 40 drivel, vapid popcorn films, and bad sci-fi/fantasy books you all seem so determined to sheepfully consume.
(4) It's not my fault that I have a backbone, am comfortable in my masculinity, and enjoy pro sports. I'm sorry you all were picked last and made fun of by the cheerleaders while they fucked the guy who put you in trash cans, but some of us are comfortable moving in the outside world, and choose to enjoy a little athletic competition while we do it.
(5) Say what you want about English majors, at least I'm not a wannabe shitty cartoonist and have realistic estimations of just what my writing is. I'm also unique in my ability to enjoy young Poldy's extravagant efforts, and I'm sorry you're all so obsessed with attaining the fifth-grade level of readability maintained by most major newspapers to be able to see it for yourselves.
In short -- fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, and especially fuck you. I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to contribute to this thread ribbing myself, because at least then there would have been some funny posts in here.
It's like he thinks he's one of us, talking to someone with bad taste.
You're doing it all wrong.