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D&D Friars Club Roast of Celery77

2

Posts

  • JamesKeenanJamesKeenan Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I don't think he has eyes. Are there any pictures of his eyes? Or have they become permanently sealed with the alcohol with which he used to drown his wasted college years?

    And probably still is drowning as we speak. Which brings to mind the fact that english major + extreme alcohol dependence = shitty, shitty beer. A Heineken must be like a 5 star hotel, with blowjobs.

  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2007
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    poor boy really can't hold his light beer...

    Oh, celery doesn't drink beer. He drinks bum wine.

    oh dear

    well, that explains the drunken urge to rant. I don't think that gunky stuff at the bottom of the vats is very good for your brain.

    tmsig.jpg
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus IT'S DARE! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    poor boy really can't hold his light beer...

    Oh, celery doesn't drink beer. He drinks bum wine.

    oh dear

    well, that explains the drunken urge to rant. I don't think that gunky stuff at the bottom of the vats is very good for your brain.

    It's not as though he had much to ruin in the first place.

    spartasig.gif
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • VariableVariable Ted Hitler Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    hey what else is there to say about someone with the style of a 17 year old rich white kid who calls himself hip, the face of Alvin the chipmunk, the alcoholic impulses of a street urchin, and the musical tastes of every black teenager in 1995?

    I guess you could also say he hates the fucking beatles. but shit he'd probably want you to say that.

    BNet-Vari#1998 | WiiU-Variable | 3DS-3866-8105-7478 | Steam | Twitch
    Sig%20-%20Hearthstone%20DoA.png
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    poor boy really can't hold his light beer...

    Oh, celery doesn't drink beer. He drinks bum wine.

    oh dear

    well, that explains the drunken urge to rant. I don't think that gunky stuff at the bottom of the vats is very good for your brain.

    It's not as though he had much to ruin in the first place.

    Still, you have to admit that he can suck down a bottle of Mad Train like the filthy, diseased hobo he is.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum
    Spoiler:
  • WashWash Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Someone once told me that only pasty white boys who think they're 'ghetto fabulous' put numbers in their names. His words have never been truer than in the case of celery77.

    08owef8ecd0o.jpg

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2007
    In his defense, he at least chose a very suitable name. He does have all the charisma and comeliness of a limp stalk of celery.

    Though it's a big step up from "Tieg" at least. Seriously, how drunk and/or pissed off did his parents have to be to name him "Tieg"? Is that what the doctor shrieked when he saw that lumpy pink homonculous glorp out of mom's vag and thud to the floor?

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • WerdnaWerdna Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Uh Tieg. Um...I don't know what say.

    Except that as your friend from the real world who came to this forum on your invite and now notices that you are being roasted online, I must say that "Jesus fucking christ man, you are the biggest nerd I know."

  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Still, you have to admit that he can suck down a bottle of Mad Train like the filthy, diseased hobo he is.

    Actually, his trash wine of choice is Cisco. He's a snob even about his hobo swill.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2007
    Personally, I don't care for this "hip-hop Podly".

    What I'm trying to say here is that celery77 is the Rush Hour 3 of forumers.

  • JamesKeenanJamesKeenan Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Rush Hour 3? He's what Rush Hour 3 might be if it engaged in furious gay man ass sex with Richard Simmons and came on a pocket protector.

  • The Muffin ManThe Muffin Man Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    redx wrote: »
    If there is one thing I can say about cell, it's that he has strong opinions about music.

    Most of them wrong.



    Now, I'm not gonna say that Cel doesn't take care of his girlfriend.
    That bitch talks back, he takes care of her ass.

    shamanhealingwave.jpgabilitypaladinshieldofv.png
  • PodlyPodly good moleman to youRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Also, what the fuck is up with this boy's literary tastes? Seriously, the guy likes Joan Didion, one of the most uninspiring writers ever. Bitch just ties up a bunch of unrelated stories and says "paranoia" like she had it in mind all along. I could type up a list of things that I hate more than Joan Didion lovers, but Shakespeare haters and Brian Wilson junkies would already be on that list, so it would be like some recursive nightmare of hate. The boy is on an nevr ending quest of self-defeat. He will say that The Constantines are better than Beethoven just for fucking hip value.

    I'm worried one day he will hurt himself.

    follow my music twitter soundcloud tumblr
    hlB028K.png?1
  • DynagripDynagrip destroy everything you touch Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2007
    celery77 owns the entire Beatles' discography.

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  • Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2007
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    celery77 owns the entire Beatles' discography.

    Just to take a giant shit on it.

    Spoiler:
  • WashWash Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Podly wrote: »
    Also, what the fuck is up with this boy's literary tastes? Seriously, the guy likes Joan Didion, one of the most uninspiring writers ever. Bitch just ties up a bunch of unrelated stories and says "paranoia" like she had it in mind all along. I could type up a list of things that I hate more than Joan Didion lovers, but Shakespeare haters and Brian Wilson junkies would already be on that list, so it would be like some recursive nightmare of hate. The boy is on an nevr ending quest of self-defeat. He will say that The Constantines are better than Beethoven just for fucking hip value.

    I'm worried one day he will hurt himself.

    Considering everything else, he might deserve it.

    08owef8ecd0o.jpg

  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus IT'S DARE! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    celery77 owns the entire Beatles' discography.

    Just to take a giant shit on it.

    I thought he couldn't achieve sexual gratification without complaining about some form of popular entertainment? He probably plays them during sex.

    spartasig.gif
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • clownfoodclownfood packet pusher in the wallsRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    victorioussv1.jpg

    He kinda looks like a low rent Steve-O from jackass...

    I read that he lives in Portland. He probably smells of Patchouli and self righteousness like the rest of the hippies around there.

    photo-4798.jpg?_r=1355437546
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2007
    clownfood wrote: »
    He probably smells of Patchouli and self righteousness like the rest of the hippies around there.

    I couldn't smell any patchoulli, but I think it was just drowned out by the reek of his dismal musical tastes.

    He apparently can play a mean guitar, though. Told me he'd been practicing for 11 years, now. He even offered to play me Row, Row Your Boat, though I suspect he was fronting.

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    celery77 owns the entire Beatles' discography.

    Just to take a giant shit on it.

    I thought he couldn't achieve sexual gratification without complaining about some form of popular entertainment? He probably plays them during sex.

    I can only imagine what happens when he watches a Quentin Tarantino movie.

    Spoiler:
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    celery77 owns the entire Beatles' discography.

    Just to take a giant shit on it.

    I thought he couldn't achieve sexual gratification without complaining about some form of popular entertainment? He probably plays them during sex.

    I can only imagine what happens when he watches a Quentin Tarantino movie.

    Well, it's best if you prepare for that as if you going to be in the front row of a Gallagher show.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum
    Spoiler:
  • Irond WillIrond Will Dragonmaster Cambridge. MASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited October 2007
    The very most endearing thing about cel is his propensity to idolize professional athletes in the same fashion that your average 14 year old girl idolizes teen heartthrobs. I'm pretty sure that cel graduated straight from Tiger Beat to Sports Illustrated and papered over his Kirk Cameron poster with a print of some sneering trash-talking baller.

    Wqdwp8l.png
  • ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2007
    I liked some of celery's older stuff, but since he got banned he's been all goody-goody choking on tube's cock. Way to sell out asshole. Doesn't take much to break you in, huh? But then, that's a fact advertised on the wall of every men's room in New Jersey. It's too bad the only thing you have in common with great American writers like Ginsberg and Whitman is taking it in the butt.

  • VariableVariable Ted Hitler Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    does he even know this is happening?

    BNet-Vari#1998 | WiiU-Variable | 3DS-3866-8105-7478 | Steam | Twitch
    Sig%20-%20Hearthstone%20DoA.png
  • stiliststilist Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Variable wrote: »
    does he even know this is happening?
    He was cutting himself over in the chat thread a day or two ago.

    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • GimGim gossamer and quicksilver Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    And really, has a crush on Will ever been more obvious?

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  • SenjutsuSenjutsu fiddy too Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Did I ever tell you guys that cel is a snitch?

    True story.

    Sarksus wrote: »
    I'm gonna get a PhD in incest.
  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2007
    well, its never stopped him using the report button

    tmsig.jpg
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    So, cel's not just a whiny bitch, he's a whiny hypocrite of a bitch.

    Figures.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum
    Spoiler:
  • ElkiElki hegemon globalSuper Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2007
    So much meaness. Oh celery, my son, I feel bad for you.

  • edited October 2007
    Elki wrote: »
    Oh celery, my son, I feel bad for you.

    Did you ever not feel bad for him? I mean, the poor kid really has nothing to look forward to from here except a long spiral into the depths of alcoholism and eventual homelessness. Besides, they haven't even created a surgery for race dysphoria yet. I can't even imagine what that kind of hopelessness must be like.

    Hanging around with Cel must be like tutoring an orphan child with no legs and one of his hands is a stump, except sadder, because at least that child is warm and bright and will make it farther with that one hand than Cel ever will.

  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus IT'S DARE! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    So, cel's not just a whiny bitch, he's a whiny hypocrite of a bitch.

    Figures.

    Well, he doesn't snitch on any of his homies.

    spartasig.gif
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • SenjutsuSenjutsu fiddy too Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    cel? homies? Pull the other one, its got bells on.

    Face it, this is a guy who hates nerds and spends fuckloads of time on a gaming comic forum. Dude couldn't be any more desperate for human contact if he was on a desert island

    Sarksus wrote: »
    I'm gonna get a PhD in incest.
  • Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2007
    stilist wrote: »
    Variable wrote: »
    does he even know this is happening?
    He was cutting himself over in the chat thread a day or two ago.

    I bet he was listening to At The Drive-In and painting his nails black while he was doing it, too.

    Spoiler:
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus IT'S DARE! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    cel? homies? Pull the other one, its got bells on.

    Face it, this is a guy who hates nerds and spends fuckloads of time on a gaming comic forum. Dude couldn't be any more desperate for human contact if he was on a desert island

    By "homies" I meant people he thought might be black.

    spartasig.gif
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • ElkiElki hegemon globalSuper Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2007
    Emo kids cut, but celery just whips himself.

    *whip* "My name is not Tieg!" *whip* "My name is KUNTA KINTE!" *whip*

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Elki wrote: »
    Emo kids cut, but celery just whips himself.

    *whip* "My name is not Tieg!" *whip* "My name is KUNTA KINTE!" *whip*

    Next you'll say he's an albino assassin for an ultraconservative religious order.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum
    Spoiler:
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Let's get a few things straight:

    (1) Yes, I have snitched here on PA, but it was on myself in a post where I was telling Tube off, because I was worried he might not see the offending rant when I posted it immediately after his warning that if I posted again he'd ban me.
    (2) I can hold my liquor just fine, sometimes even in both hands at once. (Never mind the video evidence hidden away in dark corners of the internet of me drooling on myself which might illustrate the contrary.)
    (3) It's not my fault you're all philistines with terrible taste. I can only help those who want to help themselves, and for the rest of you, enjoy the bad classic rock and Top 40 drivel, vapid popcorn films, and bad sci-fi/fantasy books you all seem so determined to sheepfully consume.
    (4) It's not my fault that I have a backbone, am comfortable in my masculinity, and enjoy pro sports. I'm sorry you all were picked last and made fun of by the cheerleaders while they fucked the guy who put you in trash cans, but some of us are comfortable moving in the outside world, and choose to enjoy a little athletic competition while we do it.
    (5) Say what you want about English majors, at least I'm not a wannabe shitty cartoonist and have realistic estimations of just what my writing is. I'm also unique in my ability to enjoy young Poldy's extravagant efforts, and I'm sorry you're all so obsessed with attaining the fifth-grade level of readability maintained by most major newspapers to be able to see it for yourselves.

    In short -- fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, and especially fuck you. I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to contribute to this thread ribbing myself, because at least then there would have been some funny posts in here.

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus IT'S DARE! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    (3) It's not my fault you're all philistines with terrible taste. I can only help those who want to help themselves, and for the rest of you, enjoy the bad classic rock and Top 40 drivel, vapid popcorn films, and bad sci-fi/fantasy books you all seem so determined to sheepfully consume.

    It's like he thinks he's one of us, talking to someone with bad taste.

    spartasig.gif
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • ShogunShogun Hair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get along Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I think its hilarious he comes into a Roast thread and defends himself.

    You're doing it all wrong.

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