Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

First time advice *Update post #86*

2

Posts

  • IreneDAdlerIreneDAdler Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Nogs wrote: »
    Green wrote: »
    Yeah, she knows. The <5 minute thing is actually one of my biggest fears right now though, so any tips on how to avoid that would be greatly appreciated.

    honestly, you will probably be so nervous your first time that you will last a hella long time.

    but just in case, stop masturbating. It trains you to bust a nut as quickly as possible, which is not what you are wanting to do. So just stop, and *maybe* pull one off right before you guys go out.

    Also, do math multiplication, or some such shit. I personally don't like doing this, as it takes you away from the moment. But if it must be done, then it must be done.

    I really think all this emphasis on lasting longer is harmful towards a healthy sexual attitude. First of all, as I've said, sex doesn't have to be over when the man orgasms, so how long you can keep your erection up is not nearly as important to bedroom performance and satisfying your woman as it's cracked up to be. Secondly, anything that detracts from the experience, both emotional and physical, should be avoided. It's not worth losing that feeling of intimacy just so you can pound away for a few more minutes.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Nogs wrote: »
    Green wrote: »
    Yeah, she knows. The <5 minute thing is actually one of my biggest fears right now though, so any tips on how to avoid that would be greatly appreciated.

    honestly, you will probably be so nervous your first time that you will last a hella long time.

    but just in case, stop masturbating. It trains you to bust a nut as quickly as possible, which is not what you are wanting to do. So just stop, and *maybe* pull one off right before you guys go out.

    Also, do math multiplication, or some such shit. I personally don't like doing this, as it takes you away from the moment. But if it must be done, then it must be done.

    I really think all this emphasis on lasting longer is harmful towards a healthy sexual attitude. First of all, as I've said, sex doesn't have to be over when the man orgasms, so how long you can keep your erection up is not nearly as important to bedroom performance and satisfying your woman as it's cracked up to be. Secondly, anything that detracts from the experience, both emotional and physical, should be avoided. It's not worth losing that feeling of intimacy just so you can pound away for a few more minutes.

    i really don't think lasting longer is in anyway harmful to a sexual relationship. first of all, he should not just be going "alright, clothes are off, lets get banging!". It should obviously be more than this, and I imagine there is/will/should be a good amount of foreplay and other activites before it comes to intercourse.

    But when it does come to intercourse, length does in fact relate to womens' pleasure - again generally speaking. I believe the numbers were something like a woman's chance to orgasm goes up either after or during 10-15 minutes when intercourse started. Guys is somewhere in the 5-8 minute range. I'm not saying the dude should bang her for an hour straight, but lasting a little longer can help him bring pleasure to a girl.

    After all, no one likes it when she gets close, and then 'uh-oh'.

    Also, yeah - sex generally is done (at least for a minute or so) after a guy orgasms. Mainly because its just pretty hard for a dude to do anything immediately afterwards.

    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Well the last longer thing is coming from the male psychological side of things Irene. It's important for a male to feel good about his sexual performance, and lasting a certain bit of time can be beneficial to a mans self esteem and confidence. It doesn't mean sex ends at the male orgasm, but it can deflate a mans ego if he only goes a minute.

    I have to admit though, personally my fiancee and myself don't really have marathon love sessions it's more of a lead up intense pleasure finish and sleep. So perhaps I am not the best advice person for that.

  • IreneDAdlerIreneDAdler Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Nogs wrote: »
    But when it does come to intercourse, length does in fact relate to womens' pleasure - again generally speaking. I believe the numbers were something like a woman's chance to orgasm goes up either after or during 10-15 minutes when intercourse started. Guys is somewhere in the 5-8 minute range. I'm not saying the dude should bang her for an hour straight, but lasting a little longer can help him bring pleasure to a girl.

    Well, I've never heard any statistics like the ones you cite, I'll just say that they don't correlate with my personal experience. Obviously I could just be a freak of nature.
    After all, no one likes it when she gets close, and then 'uh-oh'.

    Fair point. But it's about quality, not quantity, and I really think "techniques" to make yourself last longer tend to detract from the quality. Besides, it's not like your penis is the only thing you can stick in there to stimulate her special regions.
    Also, yeah - sex generally is done (at least for a minute or so) after a guy orgasms. Mainly because its just pretty hard for a dude to do anything immediately afterwards.

    Are you referring to the stereotype that guys all fall into a coma right after orgasm? I suppose there may be some truth to that. Not being male, I have no idea how reasonable it is to expect a guy to fight the coma, but, logically speaking, it's not like the rules of physics makes it impossible for sexual activities to continue after one partner orgasms.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Well it all depends on how tired the guy is, if it's mid day yeah no problem fighting the after effect. Later in the evening and you are already tired. Good luck staying awake.

  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    At the risk of someone I know seeing this post, your first time can't possibly go any worse than mine in terms of performance unless you're that guy from American Pie. We had 3 years of dating before we decided to go there. Talk about anticipation. I...ugh, what a mess that was. I don't have the will, even years after the fact, to describe what went wrong. I was in and done, let's just say that. There was no technique because it was a 5 second ride. Stupid penis.


    On the plus side, in a 3 year relationship the girl is less likely to laugh and then never call you again.

    Not that this is going to happen to the OP because it's an entirely different situation, I'm just saying :)

    Oh, she laughed. She laughed a lot. :|
    Spoiler:

    The wonderful part about only lasting 1 minute your first time around?

    The second time around half an hour later going for three minutes! Tripled duration! Achievement unlocked!

    (note: do NOT shout this at the moment of glory)

    (or Yeehah!)

    (Basically avoid words, just to be safe)

    sigtwo.png
  • IreneDAdlerIreneDAdler Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Forar wrote: »
    The wonderful part about only lasting 1 minute your first time around?

    The second time around half an hour later going for three minutes! Tripled duration! Achievement unlocked!

    :D:^:
    (note: do NOT shout this at the moment of glory)

    (or Yeehah!)

    (Basically avoid words, just to be safe)

    Also good advice. After our (mine and his) first time, my boyfriend said, "I guess this would be a bad time to tell you I'm gay." :roll: Dumbass. I really don't know what I keep him around for sometimes.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • TubeTube Says some shit Administrator, ClubPA admin
    edited October 2007
    Moop wrote: »
    Also, lube is a waste of time and money- it's entirely unnecessary. Enough foreplay will do the trick better than KY ever could.

    Except of course in the many and varying circumstances in which that is not true. Endeavor not to talk shit.

  • TubeTube Says some shit Administrator, ClubPA admin
    edited October 2007
    Basically never listen to anyone who claims any kind of sex absolutes like "every woman wants oral sex" or "you will never need lube" or "women prefer smaller penises" or "women prefer big penises" because every woman is different from every other woman sexually to a degree that is staggering.

    There is at least one woman in the world who absolutely cannot come without a thumb (has to be a thumb) up her arse. I've met her. I've met two women who absolutely will not tolerate the idea of oral sex being performed on them. There are no absolutes.

  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Forar wrote: »
    The wonderful part about only lasting 1 minute your first time around?

    The second time around half an hour later going for three minutes! [Tripled duration! Achievement unlocked!

    (note: do NOT shout this at the moment of glory)

    (or Yeehah!)

    (Basically avoid words, just to be safe)

    That made me laugh so fucking hard!!!

  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I've met two women who absolutely will not tolerate the idea of oral sex being performed on them.

    LUCKY!

  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Basically never listen to anyone who claims any kind of sex absolutes
    every woman is different from every other woman sexually to a degree that is staggering.

    Just thought that was funny.

    As for advice, take things slow. If this is the girl you "fell in love with" then remember to treat her with respect, and decide if you really want to bust your cherry on a weekend when you're both "back in town"...Maybe you should, I dunno, go out on a date first? This doesn't sound like "love" to me, just hornyness. If you've never even kissed a girl, how good do you think you're going to be at sex?

    Most people work their way up to sex. You get good at all of the other things, kissing, touching, stimulating, understanding your partner's needs by practicing them. Then they usually have sex. That's like thinking you're gonna bench press 200lbs when you've never even worked out.

  • MoopMoop Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Moop wrote: »
    Also, lube is a waste of time and money- it's entirely unnecessary. Enough foreplay will do the trick better than KY ever could.

    Except of course in the many and varying circumstances in which that is not true. Endeavor not to talk shit.

    No shit-talking intended. I was speaking from the standpoint that I assume everyone here speaks from - their own experience, and in mine, the only time lube ever became a necessity was when it came to anal. I'm assuming from this guy's description that the feelings between this girl and himself run a bit deeper than a run-of-the-mill hookup or a "friends with benefits" scenario, and breaking out a bottle of lube would say to most girls that he had his mind set on fucking from the get-go, and if she got that impression from him, I don't think things would bode well for him from that point.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Well having lube is not a bad thing, perhaps her own personal lubrication is not enough for her? Or maybe she really likes anal and would like him to engage in it with her. It's not like you leave it out on the table, but having some just in case isn't a bad idea.

  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Preacher wrote: »
    Well having lube is not a bad thing, perhaps her own personal lubrication is not enough for her? Or maybe she really likes anal and would like him to engage in it with her. It's not like you leave it out on the table, but having some just in case isn't a bad idea.

    I...I have no words. Just, no. Like, it's fine to do and enjoy. But given the situation at hand, what even motivates you to bring that up? The guy's never kissed a girl before and you bring up the hypothetical possibility of her requesting anal. Jesus Fuck.

    I wouldn't buy lube. Even if lubrication is an issue, then it's an issue. Not the end of the world. You can get some lube and try again the next day. Having her discover that you have lube when she was only there to make out (and if she's also a virgin) would be *far* closer to the end of the world than just risking that it'll be an enjoyable evening without lube.

    Don't buy lube.

    Spoiler:
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Preacher wrote: »
    Well having lube is not a bad thing, perhaps her own personal lubrication is not enough for her? Or maybe she really likes anal and would like him to engage in it with her. It's not like you leave it out on the table, but having some just in case isn't a bad idea.

    I'd compromise at this; yes, having a little tube of lube around isn't a bad idea. If you have a nightstand with a drawer, there is probably a fine place to put it. Somewhere out of the way, out of sight, but on hand if it should become relavent. Being prepared is a good idea, but at the same time, I haven't experienced a staggeringly high demand for it either.

    Also, anal? Might want to walk before we run, eh? (edit: and yes, being prepared for ANYTHING is always a good plan, but as much as I'm prepared to be co-opted into a terrifying fight to defend the free world, I recognize that I might want to learn the basics before I engage in a life or death struggle, etc..)

    sigtwo.png
  • MoopMoop Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Forar wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    Well having lube is not a bad thing, perhaps her own personal lubrication is not enough for her? Or maybe she really likes anal and would like him to engage in it with her. It's not like you leave it out on the table, but having some just in case isn't a bad idea.

    I'd compromise at this; yes, having a little tube of lube around isn't a bad idea. If you have a nightstand with a drawer, there is probably a fine place to put it. Somewhere out of the way, out of sight, but on hand if it should become relavent. Being prepared is a good idea, but at the same time, I haven't experienced a staggeringly high demand for it either.

    Also, anal? Might want to walk before we run, eh?

    Exactly.

  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited October 2007
    What situation would lend itself to him bringing out the lube and it not totally killing the mood? I mean, aside from her literally saying "God damn, I'm dry and you're huge, if only we had some lube."

    Spoiler:
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    jotate wrote: »
    What situation would lend itself to him bringing out the lube and it not totally killing the mood? I mean, aside from her literally saying "God damn, I'm dry and you're huge, if only we had some lube."

    $5 or so, and he's prepared for that eventuality.

    I don't see 'owning some' being an issue. I just wouldn't present it like the holy grail and start winking.

    sigtwo.png
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    It was a hypothetical and there is nothing wrong with being prepared, I said don't have it sitting out. And it's not like lube has a short shelf life, you'll eventually want some, so buy now and be prepared. Stop being so prudish guys jesus you sound like teenagers.

  • SolandraSolandra Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Forar wrote: »
    The wonderful part about only lasting 1 minute your first time around?

    The second time around half an hour later going for three minutes! Tripled duration! Achievement unlocked!

    (note: do NOT shout this at the moment of glory)

    (or Yeehah!)

    (Basically avoid words, just to be safe)

    On a side note, if you yell "Yeehah!" and slap her rump at the critical moment, don't blush if she asks you to wear assless chaps. Amusing, but not recommended for a first weekend romp. :)

  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Preacher wrote: »
    It was a hypothetical and there is nothing wrong with being prepared, I said don't have it sitting out. And it's not like lube has a short shelf life, you'll eventually want some, so buy now and be prepared. Stop being so prudish guys jesus you sound like teenagers.

    ... I have a little tube tucked away at home. I'm not poo-poo'ing on having it, but seriously, how many first timers found that adding a messy lubricant to an already awkward situation made things better?

    I stand firmly in the camp of "If you have some / get some, great, if not, I find it hard to believe a lack thereof will kill the endeavor."

    Condoms are "required reading", lube is "extra credit".

    sigtwo.png
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited October 2007
    I maintain that lube is the extra test at the end of the semester that could either help or hurt you. Why risk it when you already have a passing grade and it's your first semester?

    Spoiler:
  • GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    jotate wrote: »
    I wouldn't buy lube. Even if lubrication is an issue, then it's an issue. Not the end of the world. You can get some lube and try again the next day. Having her discover that you have lube when she was only there to make out (and if she's also a virgin) would be *far* closer to the end of the world than just risking that it'll be an enjoyable evening without lube.

    Don't buy lube.

    This sounds like the best idea so far. I don't see it being a huge problem in any case, but if it is we're already going to be spending most of Saturday apart from each other, so going out and buying some isn't a problem.

    IsaacSig.png
    3DS: 3007 8087 2767 | Nintendo ID: AngryFrog
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Sounds like you are good to go Green, good luck, have fun with your friend and remember sex is only one part of a successful relationship, and it is usually the last one.

  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Preacher wrote: »
    Sounds like you are good to go Green, good luck, have fun with your friend and remember sex is only one part of a successful relationship, and it is usually the last one.

    Spoiler:
  • GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Preacher wrote: »
    Sounds like you are good to go Green, good luck, have fun with your friend and remember sex is only one part of a successful relationship, and it is usually the last one.

    Well, not quite yet. I have gotten a lot of help from this thread/assorted others, but it's still another week before I actually get to see her. This is going to be the longest week of my life. D:

    IsaacSig.png
    3DS: 3007 8087 2767 | Nintendo ID: AngryFrog
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Nah, my advice would be to lay off the porn this week and look for interesting articles/popular entertainment. So that you have some stand by topics in case the conversation runs dry.

  • SpeakeasySpeakeasy Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Basically never listen to anyone who claims any kind of sex absolutes...because every woman is different from every other woman sexually to a degree that is staggering.

    This. And that's the fun part, discovering what makes them feel good.

    I think the whole "if you need lube then go get it" is the best way to take things. Don't want to potentially creep her out by popping out a bottle like you've been "expecting" this to happen.

    smokeco3.jpg
  • noobertnoobert Registered User
    edited October 2007
    jotate wrote: »
    noobert wrote: »
    Tiemler wrote: »
    And don't drink beforehand. Shakespeare knew what the hell he was talking about when he wrote, "It increaseth the desire, but taketh away the performance."

    Heh, I've found i did much better when i was first starting out with a few drinks under my belt. Each to his own i guess.

    Did she say you did better or did you decide you did better?

    Lasted long enough to get her off too.... That's better than being a one pump chump rite ;). And I'm not talking about drunk or anything, I'm talking 3 or 4 beers over an evening.

    God, i'm getting all nostalgic and romantic remembering this stuff.

    Green, looks like you're pretty much good to go, remember to update us man.

  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Forar wrote: »
    ... I have a little tube tucked away at home. I'm not poo-poo'ing on having it, but seriously, how many first timers found that adding a messy lubricant to an already awkward situation made things better?

    Me, actually. And it wasn't a case of "extra credit," either. Without the lube, there wouldn't have been sex at all. It's her first time too, and a lot of women have a hard time getting wet when they're nervous, and A LOT of condoms dry out pretty fast (even the lubricated kind). Dry sex is very, very painful for women, and a bottle of lube? Not creepy. Bringing, like, a sex swing and a spiky ball gag is creepy, but basic sex supplies are not. He's already bringing condoms, so the whole "hide your motivation" thing is pretty silly.

  • Dulcius_ex_asperisDulcius_ex_asperis Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    JeffH wrote: »
    Green wrote: »
    Get some lube too. You may not need it, but it's better to have and not need than need and not have.

    I hadn't even thought of this. I'm guessing the standard KY is the way to go?

    you don't need lube

    As a girl, I'm gonna go ahead and say: buy the freaking lube. Even if you are fine without it, it will make things so much nicer for her.

    there there, we all have urethras
  • hoodie13hoodie13 Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I have never so much as kissed a girl before.

    Then you don't need to be doing anything sexual for months. Sorry for being the downer, but if you're this inexperienced then your first time will probably not be the wonderful experience you might think it will be.

    3DS Friend Code: 4398-9162-1823 ||| PSN: HoodieThirteen ||| XBL: Torn Hoodie ||| @hoodiethirteen
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Thirding Trowizilla and Dulcius_ex_asperis in that lube is a godsend for me so...on the pro-lube side you have three women, and on the anti-lube side you have a bunch of guys :P

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    simple fact is a girl getting moist is not an exact science. it's not something that just happens proportionally to sexual arousal. with dudes, our dong is like the perfect thermometer: if we're aroused, it's up. straightforward. women it's more complex.

    a girl could want it really badly and just be dry down there. conversely, she could not be in the mood at all, and yet her disobedient cooch is rarin' to go.

    and generally, just like when we do or do not get a rockin' dinger, they don't really have control over this. it happens by its own esoteric process that may or may not have anything to do with their own personal sexual arousal.

    basically what i am saying is bring lube. some dudes are anti-lube, because they are full of masculine bullshit and are like "lubes are what rapists use" or "if you need to use lube clearly you are doing it wrong and she isn't aroused enough".

    don't listen to that shit. it's dumb. listen to the women here who are telling you to bring it.

    buy lube, bring it with you. just put it in your bag in a place you know where it is.

    if you don't need to use it? dandy.

    if you do, if you guys are both rarin' to go but you're having trouble poppin' it in there or it's feeling uncomfortably tight, be like "just a sec" and go grab it.

    i've never had a woman been like "oh my god you brought lube what is wrong with you? are you a rapist?"

    instead you look like sexual batman. always prepared, always equipped.

  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    i just wanted to say that Sexual Batman is about the best damn analogy to this ever.

    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited October 2007
    I maintain that bringing out anything more than a condom when both participants are reasonably new at this sex thing, though logical, runs a definite risk of freak out. God knows my first sexual partner, though not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, required ample amounts of communication before trying anything new despite how reasonable/enjoyable it was. Simply because she was inexperienced and nervous.

    So have it. If you get to the point that you need to use it, I suppose it's pretty clear that she's comfortable enough that she won't be weirded out. Just be ready to explain its usefulness.

    Spoiler:
  • Angel177Angel177 Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    listen to pony! and all the other females here, most blokes don't know shit, which as a guy was true till i hit uni and moved in with 6 girls...boy did the conversation get interesting, but down to the question at hand.

    most of this has been said before but if you've never kissed a girl before start there and work up (down) to sex, kissing has some simple rules, start slow and build slow and at times focus on her neck as well, giving her and you breathing room, on kissing the neck aim for the cortiroid artery (where the pulse is) and the side near her ears, and when kissing stroke her hair, the sides of her body and the back of her knees (weird but its a totally sensitive part of the body and light stroking is nice), as for the whole sex part, just relax and go with the flow and above all have fun!it could suck or it could be just average like everything it takes practise and communication to fully get the most out of it.

    6103544412_a48002080a.jpg
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Could I kindly state that, for the twelfth or so time, I don't think many (aside from one or two) are "anti-lube", most have just been saying "good to have on hand, not likely to be a requirement". It's not "macho", it's speaking from experience.

    sigtwo.png
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Right, but the one or two anti-lube people were being rather vocal :P

    And those of us who have said 'bring lube' are speaking from experience, too. I wish I'd had it for my first time because no matter how wet you get, the extra lubrication is really helpful. It doesn't necessarily mean you can't function without it; it just means that it can make things a whole lot easier.

    Have I been embarrassed to bring it up/have it brought up before? Sure, but there haven't been any bad reactions and it shows some thoughtfulness - if you're communicating well anyway there shouldn't be a problem.

    Even if you're not actually going to have sex, just fooling around, fingering, etc., it can be useful and add a little fun.

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
2
Sign In or Register to comment.