Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

STUFF YOUR COCK IN A TURKEY [Thanksgiving]

DefenderDefender Registered User regular
edited November 2007 in Social Entropy++
This is for Framling, who has an arthritic condition in his New Topic button.

I will likely not do anything amazing, just go to my mom's house and probably hear my sister say retarded and inappropriate things. Last year, I went to my dad's house as well, and my dad is apparently the king of Penistown. He has seven kids, five of which are in his current marriage. He also keeps a 19-year-old German girl in the basement, and he's currently on his second one of those. Apparently, his penis made so many people that now he needs hot chicks to watch over some of the people he made. When I went over there, that girl had three of her 19-year-old friends over and holy shit these girls were insanely hot. Of course, that was tempered by my retarded sister, who basically made America look probably worse than it already did, talking about living "on a mountain" in such a way that the girls thought she, like, lived in a log cabin or something, and of course she failed to clarify that.

God, so many stories, I can't even figure out where to start. I think I'll add as the thread gets bigger, I just need enough here that the mods don't "no-content" lock it.

So hey, she basically made my mother pay a ton of extra money for a certified organic, free-range turkey because she refused to eat anything else because it's against her principles. Then at dad's house, she asks if it's an organic, free-range turkey, and gets two answers: 1) "Yeah, it was wandering around in the street, and we took it into the basement and kept it there for a week and then killed it." and 2) "I don't know! It's a Butterball!" Naturally, pigface ate the fucking thing anyway. Thanks for wasting mom's money, you pigfucking bitch, with those "principles" you pretend to have but really don't.

Defender on
hello massa, I jar jar binks
I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
«13456

Posts

  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    did you fuck them

    or the turkey i dunno

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    organic, free range turkey tastes better than cage shaped pheromone turkey

    the turkey dreamt of freedom, and then was killed, scientifically making it taste better through the power of broken hope

  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Air wrote: »
    did you fuck them

    or the turkey i dunno

    God I wish. No, I had a girlfriend at the time. And honestly, 19-year-olds are really hot and all, but I'm too old for that. I don't wanna be creepy old guy chasing girls too young for him. It just lacks dignity, and I've already had my time with hot 19-year-olds. No need to be greedy.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Keith wrote: »

    I looked briefly for it but didn't see it. Oh well.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    You've wasted your only thread

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    How is this my only thread? I've made others.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Hey Defender, I will post in your thread because you are a rad dude. I will tell fun thanksgiving stories.

    And by fun thanksgiving stories I'm just going to talk about how my cousin is the pickiest eater in the history of humankind.

    At thanksgiving he just eats rolls. Plain rolls.

    A plate full of Goddamn rolls.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    You've wasted it!

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender wrote: »
    How is this my only thread? I've made others.

    pssh, like what

  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender has made other threads. I can't remember any true specifics here, and they're really few and far between, but they've never been shit threads.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    One time, my sister told my grandmother about how the dog she has was abused before she got him. He was underfed, left chained outside in the cold, and also people put cigarettes out on him and one time stabbed him from his sternum all the way down to his penis.

    Imagine this in a loud voice being yelled at a great-grandmother of nearly 90 years of age. It was the second time she had told that story, the first being to my grandmother's sisters at the funeral for my grandmother's second son. This is especially tragic as it is the second of four children that she has buried, and both who died did so without children. But here's my fuckin' sister, shouting about dog abuse and dog penis in the goddamn living room.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Your sister sounds like pretty much the worst kind of girl. The kind of girl who wouldn't even be fixed by a good hot dicking. Absolutely no hope for her at all.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    not to say the dicking isn't worth a try

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • SeriouslySeriously ˈpɛrɪ ˌdɒt Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I hope to be working Thanksgiving because I need the money.

    iq16sKi.png
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    not to say the dicking isn't worth a try

    Yeah she outweighs me by like 50 pounds. Granted, I'm pretty lean and light, but I'm still an adult male. She also outweighs our father, who isn't small like I am.

    I would sincerely advise against this course of action.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    dumb doesnt mean ugly but it does point to easy

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    well, I was speaking of other dicks doing the dicking, but oh well semantics

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    well okay fat indicates ugly but suggests ease of use that ergonomics development strives for

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Air wrote: »
    dumb doesnt mean ugly but it does point to easy

    Over 200 pounds and in terrible condition.

    One time a college friend of mine was at my house and saw a framed picture of her and literally said "WHAT IS THAT" in disgust. That was his honest reaction.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    ergonomics

    Air you are a genius

    design me a series of award-winning lounge chairs

    preferably in the shape of fat chicks getting red hot dickings

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    You know what the best part about thanksgiving is? My Cambodian aunt bringing in fresh egg rolls. Oh my God they are good.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    God, if you guys only knew the hideousness...

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender wrote: »
    God, if you guys only knew the hideousness...

    I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to get it up for your sister.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • TyrantCowTyrantCow Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I'm gonna buy some new socks.

  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender wrote: »
    God, if you guys only knew the hideousness...

    I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to get it up for your sister.

    See it's more like she fucks you and then you cry in the shower like Borfase. The first guy she fucked turned gay shortly thereafter, and no I am not kidding at all.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    how do you know this

    seriously

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Because she personally told me all of this information, regardless of the fact that I did not want to know.

    EDIT: Like the time she got a UTI from "doing it too hard."

    "You know how you can do it, like, gentle, or, like, really hard? Well, I've been doing it really hard lately, and I think that's how I got a UTI."

    YEAH THANKS FOR THAT INFO!

    EDIT 2: That quotation there is basically how she STARTS a conversation. Walks up and says that.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender wrote: »
    Defender wrote: »
    God, if you guys only knew the hideousness...

    I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to get it up for your sister.

    See it's more like she fucks you and then you cry in the shower like Borfase. The first guy she fucked turned gay shortly thereafter, and no I am not kidding at all.

    I am a tender young man. I am pretty sure I would actually cry in the shower if I got fatraped.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    she told you that

    she has more problems than previously anticipated

    we may need the mega-dicker, men.

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Every time I respond in this thread, by the time the page loads, Defender has already given us a new and far more horrifying factoid about his sister. Its like I'm in quicksand. The more I thrash about the deeper I get.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    and instead of death at the bottom of the quicksand

    you've got fat chicks

    all a-rapin'.

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    ergonomics

    Air you are a genius

    design me a series of award-winning lounge chairs

    preferably in the shape of fat chicks getting red hot dickings

    washyourhandslo0.jpg

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    oh Air

    just perfect

    I'll have William pick them up after my lunch with Mr. Costeau.

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    One time she claimed to have been sexually assaulted, so I took her to the police, you know, like a reasonable person does.

    She later complained that I "chickened out" because I was supposed to avenge her by killing the accused with a sword.

    She fully expected me to murder someone with a distinctive weapon after taking her to the police.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    well, she's got ambition

    you must give her that.

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    what does she define as sexual assault

    because it sounds like itd be hard not to brush up on her from across the room

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • TyrantCowTyrantCow Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    the one on the far right is the best...
    knee's buckleing.

  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I'm almost surprised that she didn't horse-whisper to me at the police station "So, you gonna do the M-E-R-D-E-R with the S-O-R-D now?" right in front of the detectives.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    and instead of death at the bottom of the quicksand

    you've got fat chicks

    all a-rapin'.

    One time this fat chick I knew (and hated) in highschool tried to make a move on me at a party.

    I told her I was gay. She was like "ha ha you're not gay."

    So I tapped my inner internet - the little bit of the internet that never leaves your soul - and I summoned up something that would horrify her.

    "You know what the best part about getting three fingers in your ass is?"

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
«13456
This discussion has been closed.