This is my first girl thread ever, and apparently everyone gets one.
Smart, funny, cute but seemingly SHY. She's about my age (22). She's a feminist in the sense that she thinks women can be strong in their own way, not in the sense that all men are evil.
I'm physically fit and reasonably attractive. I'm really not concerned in this department. We're both at art college, interested in animation. I'm introverted, but not socially inept.
I've known this girl since freshman year. Only recently have I been stable enough to ask her out. By that I mean, financial troubles and moving around a lot and changing jobs was making it hard for me to concentrate on any sort of extra relationships.
We've been going out for about a month now, and I'm hitting a road block. You see, she seems very shy except around her closest friends. It was a lot of fun going out with her to coffee shops, book stores, movies etc. However, when I look back, I recall that I had to do all of the calling and setting up of things. She seems interested in me while we're out and about, and I really appreciate it, but I have trouble getting any reciprocation outside of the actual event. I've been reading as many articles as I can get my hand on, and they all say not to be too clingy or overly available - You need to play a little hard to get. However, I'm afraid that if I stop calling her and thinking of things to do, she will simply not call me back, and things will eventually grind to a halt.
Here's an example: I will call her to invite her to the movies or something fun. If she doesn't pick up, I leave a message. She DOES call back, which I think means she's at least a little interested in me. I don't know what to think - Am I just waisting her time or does she genuinely enjoy going out with me?
The problem, though, is that I KNOW I'm way too available and I'm doing as good a job I can to not be too clingy. I don't call her every day, we only go out once or so a week. I'm doing my best not to smother a good thing.
I'm trying to do really classy things for her: I baked brownies for a putt putt group thing we arranged at school. I paid for movie tickets and try to hold doors open for her - little things I know. One time she said "you don't have to pretend I'm a lady" which threw me off because I wasn't sure if she was double speaking (she liked the attention) or if she seriously didn't want me to (she's a feminist after all... equality and all that jazz). But what she probably doesn't know is that I hold doors for strangers and guys too - it's a matter of courtesy, not gender roles.
I need all the H/A I can get on this: How do I know if she's just shy, playing hard to get, or seriously disinterested in me? Am I freaking out way too early (I mean, is it irrational at this time to expect her to make plans and/or call me without prodding)? Should I sit down and talk with her about these specific things or is that too forward or creepy/scary?
I know this isn't as big a deal as I'm making it out to be, but it's a subtle thing and it's wearing on my mind. I also know that early dating time is crucial and I don't to completely foul it up because I was simply too eager and available.