Rambo...

RedTide

Or as I like to call it, the most unnecessarily violent movie made in the last ten years.

Having just viewed it and after having read some critics reviews I've decided to give a sound byte of my own, "Rambo is a red, white and blue cheeseburger erection that does not relent until everyone is properly fucked."

Roger Ebert can eat my shit. God bless this movie.

neville

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

lostwords

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes so excited for this movie

"Rambo" (2008)
Total Body Count: 236
Kill Count Per Minute: 2.59
Torture Scenes: 3
Time of First Death In Film: 3min 22sec
Good Guys Killed: 113
Bad Guys Killed By Rambo: 83
Bad Guys Killed By Supporting Characters: 40

PiptheFair

he vaporizes a fucking chinaman with a goddamn .50 cal gatling gun

RedTide

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

Rankenphile

when is it supposed to be released?

RedTide

It is out today, I just got back from a noon showing. Rank it is fucking glorious.

neville

RedTide wrote: »

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

fuck that, i will out-eat you on steak any day of the goddamn week.
But I eat my steaks, I don't fuck them.

Does being straight equate with wanting to fuck cows and/or their byproducts, then?

Rankenphile

neville wrote: »

RedTide wrote: »

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

fuck that, i will out-eat you on steak any day of the goddamn week.
But I eat my steaks, I don't fuck them.

Does being straight equate with wanting to fuck cows and/or their byproducts, then?

shit he cracked the code

lostwords

Don't forget the part where you kill them while your seed is still warm in their cow vajoos, wave it in the direction of a fire, and eat it extra rare.

MolotovCockatoo

Seein' it tonight, hell yes. Super excited. I also just watched Cop Land the other night, which I have decided is a criminally underrated movie. Seriously, it was great, all-star cast, awesome performances, good story. Sylvester Stallone in fine form. Oh yea and it was totally directed by the guy who did 3:10 to Yuma.

The Geek

I heard that he shoots people in this one.

neville

Rankenphile wrote: »

neville wrote: »

RedTide wrote: »

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

fuck that, i will out-eat you on steak any day of the goddamn week.
But I eat my steaks, I don't fuck them.

Does being straight equate with wanting to fuck cows and/or their byproducts, then?

shit he cracked the code

The code of you all equating your ladies with fat heffers?
Yeah, I decyphered it. But I thought women were things in general, not specific things like cows. Make up your mind, I'm so confused.

t lostwords: :^:

One Thousand Dicks

Fucking fuck the closest movie theater isn't showing it now (it is showing Meet the Spartans, though ).

Hm. Question for those who have seen it: is it worth a two hour drive (both ways)?

RedTide

Rankenphile wrote: »

neville wrote: »

RedTide wrote: »

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

fuck that, i will out-eat you on steak any day of the goddamn week.
But I eat my steaks, I don't fuck them.

Does being straight equate with wanting to fuck cows and/or their byproducts, then?

shit he cracked the code

Well I was trying to imply that after eating a steak us alpha male types are prone to getting a raging erection in the afterglow, but in all honesty I can live with this definition of reality just as well.

Rankenphile

MolotovCockatoo wrote: »

Seein' it tonight, hell yes. Super excited. I also just watched Cop Land the other night, which I have decided is a criminally underrated movie. Seriously, it was great, all-star cast, awesome performances, good story. Sylvester Stallone in fine form. Oh yea and it was totally directed by the guy who did 3:10 to Yuma.

Cop Land is one of my favorites, and yes, it is exceptionally underrated, as is A Bronx Tale.

Rankenphile

One time I cooked a steak so good it earned me a blowjob.

True story.

RedTide

One Thousand Dicks wrote: »

Fucking fuck the closest movie theater isn't showing it now (it is showing Meet the Spartans, though ).

Hm. Question for those who have seen it: is it worth a two hour drive (both ways)?

If watching Commando or either of the Rambo sequels is your idea of a good time, then yes.

Yes it is.

Defender

PiptheFair wrote: »

he vaporizes a fucking chinaman with a goddamn .50 cal gatling gun

Not the preferred nomenclature.

Rankenphile

wait a fucking second

this movie is out?

like, now?

oh SNAP

naporeon

Rankenphile wrote: »

neville wrote: »

RedTide wrote: »

neville wrote: »

I don't know what a "Cheeseburger" erection is.
The only possible idea is how Uriel eats a cheeseburger and god I don't want to picture that.

So in conclusion, gross.

If you don't know you probably don't enjoy red meat as much as most men.

Possibly on account of the gay, but our meat technicians haven't come to a hard conclusion yet.

fuck that, i will out-eat you on steak any day of the goddamn week.
But I eat my steaks, I don't fuck them.

Does being straight equate with wanting to fuck cows and/or their byproducts, then?

shit he cracked the code

The matrix is crashing.

Iron Weasel

Going with a bunch of friends to see this tonight. So stoked.

I made the rror of reading the review in my local paper. Not that it was a bad review, but the fucking guy gave away a pretty hilarious-sounding kill. Now I won't be surprised when it happens

naporeon

Rankenphile wrote: »

wait a fucking second

this movie is out?

like, now?

oh SNAP

Yeah.

SNAP A BURMESE MILITANT'S NECK

Tonkka

Muthafukkin' Rambo.

Knob

I was kinda disappointed they just called it Rambo instead of giving it a rad secondary title

what was wrong with any of these

aka "Rambo: To Hell and Back" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo 4" - Singapore (English title)
aka "Rambo IV: In the Serpent's Eye" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: End of Peace" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: Holy War" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra" - USA (working title)
aka "John Rambo" - USA (working title), France, Italy

Knob

i may go to the movies tonight

i am legend sucked, right?

so it's either this, juno, or atonement

naporeon

Knob wrote: »

I was kinda disappointed they just called it Rambo instead of giving it a rad secondary title

what was wrong with any of these

aka "Rambo: To Hell and Back" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo 4" - Singapore (English title)
aka "Rambo IV: In the Serpent's Eye" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: End of Peace" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: Holy War" - USA (working title)
aka "Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra" - USA (working title)
aka "John Rambo" - USA (working title), France, Italy

These titles seem a little....

Spoiler:

...snake-related.

Zephyr

Knob wrote: »

i may go to the movies tonight

i am legend sucked, right?

so it's either this, juno, or atonement

juno is pretty funny

if you don't get annoyed by the hip indiekid like references everywhere

Knob

or cloverfield i guess

Fallout

Rambo looks brutal as all hell and I will be seeing it asap

I wanna see cloverfield really bad too

Fuck Juno

Defender

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29877.html

EDIT: AVGN, which means NSFW.

Knob

hey i have a copy of the rambo game

ain't played it in years, but i remember it being kind of fun

bombardier

lostwords wrote: »

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes so excited for this movie

"Rambo" (2008)
Total Body Count: 236
Kill Count Per Minute: 2.59
Torture Scenes: 3
Time of First Death In Film: 3min 22sec
Good Guys Killed: 113
Bad Guys Killed By Rambo: 83
Bad Guys Killed By Supporting Characters: 40

In picture form!

msuitepyon

That last row is incorrect.

The whole movie is a sex scene; I'm spooing in my pants every god damn second of every god damn movie.

Knob

only one dude died in first blood?

huh

i ain't seen that in a dog's age

Defender

I remember Rambo on the NES sucking butt.

HitScan

Defender wrote: »

PiptheFair wrote: »

he vaporizes a fucking chinaman with a goddamn .50 cal gatling gun

Not the preferred nomenclature.

No doubt, its Mr. .50 Cal Gatling Gun, unless you're on really good terms.

lostwords

That really is the best chart. I see now that the flaw in Rambo 3 was that it took too long to get to the killing. No matter how many dudes you kill, you gotta grab them from the get go.

Knob

wait

wait

WAIT

DFENEDER IS THE ANGRY NINTENDO NERD

potatoe

i've never watched a rambo movie

bombardier

potatoe wrote: »

i've never watched a rambo movie

I have faint memories of the second one on Saturday afternoon Fox movie, but that's about it.