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They're Made out of Meat
Cronyx
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Sorry if this is old meme; I only just happened upon it and thought it was damned provocative, imaginative, and even a little funny.
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
by Terry Bisson
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"So ... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat."
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
the end
Cronyx on
Initial response to...(NSFW)
On an unrelated note, If you have access to any old episodes of Big Thinkers laying around on VHS or anything, please PM me. WTP.Captain K wrote:oh my fucking god cronyx
what the shit fuck
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I am actually residing inside the ripe old age of twentyfive. Your implication that I am easily entertained is unapologetically fallacious, bordering on an ad hominem foundation. But we'll graciously overlook that, and instead, humbly educate you on the background of the quoted "short story". Which is to say, it has been quoted by many accredited exoplanet surveyors, circling physicists communities, and referenced in passing for years as the foundation for an antithesis to the Fermi Paradox, the least of which being Wikipedia.
That said, I apologize in advance for my tastes being too... pedestrian for you.
You say "omigod" far too frequently, considering that it isn't a word and shouldn't be said at all. Also, when you consider the fact that these aliens probably aren't religious, their saying "oh my god" in the first place is wrong.
Ah, defamiliarisation! I quite like this.
YOUR STORY NEEDS MORE NINJAS
Is this an original work, dude? Because if so, that's a freaky coincidence.
Thank you, Rubacava!
I dunno, it's a fair point, but personally I endorse his use of the "word."
Mostly, it's an issue of denotative vs. connotative usage. Nothing is a "word" until it is used for the very first time. In fact, a word itself is just a noise (that we make by flapping our meat, ha ha) which is meant to carry an idea. The noise itself is the very medium of information, in this case, thought.
What is or is not a "word" is subject to debate.
To quote Denis Miller, "Now, some would say I contribute to the coarsening of the English language through my casual use of profanity. To those critics, I would respond that my discourse merely exemplifies the vaunted precedent of valorizing the oral vernacular. I would further add that language is a living tissue, which must occasionally suffer the rupture of subversion in order to convalesce with more structural stability."
I believe the purpose and role of a living dictionary is to be a dynamic catalogue and archive of how language is being used today, rather than being immutable dogma that all must adhere to. A static language contributes to static thought. It also equates to a dead language, which is a warning sign of a dying society.
I'm all for the evolution and progression of the English language (well, I'll violently oppose 90% of the changes, but I'll at least accept their inevitabilities). "Omigod" just seems an odd construction for an alien tongue to adopt, considering its earthly etymology. And I was going to comment further on its construction, but then I realised that it's likely an alien colloquialism comically chosen to resemble one of our own, in which case it works quite well.
Read first, then reply...that's the order.
"Top to bottom, left to right, group words together to form sentances. It's called reading. Take aspirin for any headaches, midol for any cramps." - Richard
It's my writing philosophy, actually. I don't believe in writing anything if I know precisely where it's going, because where's the fun in that?
Oh yeah exactly. I wouldn't have put it that well, but that's pretty much what I was thinking. The author suggests, implicitly if not explicitly, that the narrators are NOT made of meat, and thus, the easiest assumption (given the mention of radio waves) is that they are some form of robotic or otherwise digital-thinking species. That would most likely mean that the dialog was "translated" for the reader, but in actuality, was nothing like the original. It was more than likely an instantious duality uplink that consisted of logical causality and iconigraphic metaphors. Or something. That old chestnut.
I think the allure of this story is twofold: First, a defamiliarized perspective of human biology and existence, and second, a challenge to humanity's assumed superiority.
Thank you, Rubacava!
Quoted for eternal truth.
Thank you, Rubacava!
The point is the pretentiousness displayed here. It's awe-inspiring.
Thank you, Rubacava!
http://www.short-stories.co.uk/
From their site:
You know, since this is someone actual published work and all and they weren't the one to post it.
I don't know anything about copyright law, but it scares me.
As for the story, by the fourth line I got it. I do like the use of "omigod" though.