Is a ring too much?

Project Mayhem

Hey guys. So the big V day is tomorrow and I was curious on your opinion of rings. For christmas, I got the significant other a pair of pearl earrings. The cool thing about them is that they are part of a set that includes a ring and a necklace. She's not too crazy about necklaces, so I've been thinking about completing the set with the ring. However, we've only been together 8 months and I'm not sure if it's appropriate. The ring in question. Any thoughts on the subject are appreciated. If age matters I'm 23 and she's 20.

Thanks!

EDIT: Pearl... I hate you guys

INeedNoSalt

That is a pretty ring, which doesn't really give you any advice but just says 'you got pretty good taste'

Thanatos

Personally, I would be scared she would think that it's the ring. And I wouldn't want to risk having to clear that one up.

But that's me.

urahonky

Wow, that looks really cool. I don't think it's too much, in my opinion. ~$100 is okay to spend, and after 8 months it shouldn't be a problem getting her that. Just don't "slide" the ring on, you know? Just wrap it up and all that.

Speakeasy

urahonky wrote: »

Wow, that looks really cool. I don't think it's too much, in my opinion. ~$100 is okay to spend, and after 8 months it shouldn't be a problem getting her that. Just don't "slide" the ring on, you know? Just wrap it up and all that.

This, pretty much. I remember my friend getting his ex a ring and then him having to console her, her parents and his because she decided to freak out about it afterward. Not saying yours will, but it can happen.

Tarantio

That's really going to depend on her own opinion. For whatever reason, my girlfriend sees rings as more... weighty... than other types of jewelry. I can see why, I guess, but I also don't see any reason for a ring to not just be pretty jewelry.

8 months is a pretty long time, and pearl jewelry doesn't have any cultural baggage that I'm aware of. I'd say the trickiest part of this is if she asks you whether you mean anything particular by giving her a ring- that's a question that's possible to answer wrong, depending on what answer she wants to hear.

I'd say go for it- the ring's pretty, and doesn't have to be more meaningful than earrings or whatever.

Enjoy the day.

Deviant Hands

Why not a bracelet

A-Rod

I personally wouldnt go with jewelery, unless I was with her for the long haul. I dunno, just think the jewelery stuff can wait until things get really really serious, like "I want to be spending the rest of my life with you" type thing. Not sure if 8 months is at that stage yet, but thats just me. You two can be totally different.

Ring itself is nice though.

Deviant Hands

Axelrod is right, if you start giving jewelery now you're going to get into a spiral of continuously having to outdo yourself with every next gift.

urahonky

A-Rod wrote: »

I personally wouldnt go with jewelery, unless I was with her for the long haul. I dunno, just think the jewelery stuff can wait until things get really really serious, like "I want to be spending the rest of my life with you" type thing. Not sure if 8 months is at that stage yet, but thats just me. You two can be totally different.

Ring itself is nice though.

Hmmm. I don't know about that. I thought my relationship was pretty serious at about 8 months, and this ring isn't like $300 or anything like that. Plus it goes with the set he already bought her... So it'd be a nice move.

Of course if he was thinking about breaking up with her in a month, he wouldn't be asking this question. So apparently it's a good enough relationship that he's going pick up a nice ring for her.

Dulcius_ex_asperis

I don't know..if my boyfriend gave me a ring, I would think he was proposing.

I mean, I'm sure you've thought about that, but maybe that's a good reason not to get the ring.

Murphy

There is always the option of getting another nice gift that isn't a ring. I mean, on the one hand, a ring shouldn't always mean something momentous. But on the other, it kind of does for a lot of people, and could easily be misconstrued, and the last thing you want on V-Day is confusion.

Then again, she already has the matching earrings. So she probably won't think "oh hey, this is an engagement ring."

y2jake215

you said pear instead of pearl... so for a second i was imagining some sort of hideous fruit shaped set of jewelry and feared for your relationship

but yeah, i got my girlfriend a $250 ring on our one year anniversary, a lot of my friends in longer relationships do the same thing, none of our girlfriends ever considered it to mean more than it was, a nice gift, so i wouldn't go nuts over it

i mean a diamond ring may be one thing, but i dont know a single person with a pearl engagement/wedding ring, i don't think she should think anything is implied

ihmmy

awwwwwwwwwwww i think that's adorable. then again I'm biased: being a girl, I like shiny things

anyway. Do have something to disperse any questions about engagement, ie "I really love you and the time we spend together, I don't see anything wrong with waiting to know each other a little longer before worrying about forever" or somesuch. Basically, reinforce how much you care about her, emphasize that waiting's cool with you but don't shut down the possibility, don't say it's around teh corner either. Balance n all

starmanbrand

Christ if you give her a ring dont even hit about forever or anything remotely similar to that. THAT is what is going to freak her out.

Just make sure she is clearly aware it is just a valentines token of affection. Not some kind of symbol of your love.

Murphy

Seriously, don't mention forever. If you don't want to give the impression of the ring symbolizing a deeper commitment, keeping the word "Forever" out of your mouth is a great start.

Zine

I think the ring might be a bit for 8 Months, maybe save it for a one year kinda deal. It would mean more then I think then for V-Day. However it's really up to you, slip the idea around in some conversation and gauge her reaction if she starts talking about wedding bells and stuff maybe lay off.

Solandra

Nothing wrong with telling her that you wanted to get her something that matched the earrings, and that since it's not an engagement ring, it's for her right hand.

FirstComradeStalin

Maybe stand behind her as she opens it.

Sikarian

Have a stuffed animal holding the ring case. Nobody proposes like that, and it completely gets across the "This is Valentines, not engagement" idea.

VThornheart

INeedNoSalt wrote: »

That is a pretty ring, which doesn't really give you any advice but just says 'you got pretty good taste'

Seconded, that is a beautiful ring. Fantastic.

Dulcius wrote:

I don't know..if my boyfriend gave me a ring, I would think he was proposing.

I mean, I'm sure you've thought about that, but maybe that's a good reason not to get the ring.

Aye... I guess it depends on how traditionalist she is. If she's into (ugh... made-up by DeBeers' marketing) tradition, a "proposal of marriage" would be a diamond solitare ring... so she wouldn't see this ring as a proposition.

But if she's not so narrowly scoped on that topic, she could take it that way. I proposed to my wife with a pearl ring (she hates diamonds... God I love that woman. But I digress.), and I know many people who have proposed with even less traditional rings (though the fact that it's a ring seems to be a constant in proposing, even if its non-traditional).

So the questions I suppose it's good to ask would be:

1) Is it likely that she'll consider it to be "the ring(tm)", as opposed to "a ring"?
2) Is it remotely possible that she'll consider it to be "the ring(tm)"?

If the answer to one or two is "yes", I'd say skip on the ring unless you're willing to explain that it's not to her if she thinks it is.

Perhaps there's some women in the forum who can give some tips on how a man can give a ring while at the same time making it clear that it's not "the ring(tm)"? There's got to be some advanced techniques that can be applied in this situation. Because it is a damn beautiful ring, and I think if she knew it wasn't "the ring(tm)", she'd LOVE it. It really looks fantastic.

EDIT: The bear idea above is a good mitigation idea, I think. Though I could picture a particularly cheesy person proposing that way too. =(

onceling

Girl checking in.

I would not think it's "the" ring if:

1. You had a small note somewhere in the gift saying "To continue adding to your set" or something.
2. It's not in one of those fancy box things and comes wrapped, preferably with other stuff like candy or whatever in a baggie.
3. You don't sit right by me/opposite me with "that look" your face while I open it. Try to be casual and not too intense.

To be honest, I'd probably be pretty likely to be thinking "the ring" so it's a lovely gift and you should get it, but do be clear. I don't wear rings though so I've never received one as a gift and can't help more with advice.

NightDragon

onceling wrote: »

Girl checking in.

I would not think it's "the" ring if:

1. You had a small note somewhere in the gift saying "To continue adding to your set" or something.
2. It's not in one of those fancy box things and comes wrapped, preferably with other stuff like candy or whatever in a baggie.
3. You don't sit right by me/opposite me with "that look" your face while I open it. Try to be casual and not too intense.

2nd girl checking in, agreeing with this girl. I was going to post pretty much the same thing.

LadyM

Very nice ring! Personally, though, I think it's too much for eight months. I also think there's a pretty good chance she will interpret it as "the ring." No, it's not a diamond solitaire, but it is set with diamonds.

musanman

There is only one ring you should buy for a girl. Everything else is just fucking trouble.

Medopine

NightDragon wrote: »

onceling wrote: »

Girl checking in.

I would not think it's "the" ring if:

1. You had a small note somewhere in the gift saying "To continue adding to your set" or something.
2. It's not in one of those fancy box things and comes wrapped, preferably with other stuff like candy or whatever in a baggie.
3. You don't sit right by me/opposite me with "that look" your face while I open it. Try to be casual and not too intense.

2nd girl checking in, agreeing with this girl. I was going to post pretty much the same thing.

Third'd by another girl.


Though personally I think it is a bit much for Valentine's day and is more appropriate for a 1 year type anniversary.

Grid System

Medopine wrote: »

Though personally I think it is a bit much for Valentine's day and is more appropriate for a 1 year type anniversary.

I'm not a girl but I agree with this.

Valentine's day has always seemed to me to be a more lighthearted and sweet (i.e. flowers and chocolate) celebration of love, not one that merits spending tons of money on rings and other things. Maybe after a whole bunch of Vdays together a ring might be okay, but as a first gift it's going to set the bar really high for the rest of them.

VThornheart

Grid System wrote: »

Medopine wrote: »

Though personally I think it is a bit much for Valentine's day and is more appropriate for a 1 year type anniversary.

I'm not a girl but I agree with this.

Valentine's day has always seemed to me to be a more lighthearted and sweet (i.e. flowers and chocolate) celebration of love, not one that merits spending tons of money on rings and other things. Maybe after a whole bunch of Vdays together a ring might be okay, but as a first gift it's going to set the bar really high for the rest of them.

Ack, I hadn't even thought about that. Do heed his advice: expensive precedent can be a dangerous thing, from a financial perspective.

Cryogen

As a guy, my simple rule is 'No buying rings of any sort until she's already wearing THE ring'

Seriously, theres just so much OTHER jewelry available to get as gifts theres no need to buy the one that could possibly cause the most drama. Get her a necklace to match the earrings.

Ado-san

I don't have any experience with getting a girl a ring but from my limited perspective, if you think that you're going to feel the need to explain it (even a little) it's probably not the best idea :P

Trowizilla

Beyond the whole "ring = the ring?" issue, eight months is really, really soon for buying expensive jewelry. It's a lovely ring, but I'd suggest backing off a little with the presents, especially since she's only 20 and you don't want to get married right away.

Rook

So, no one else thinks it looks like a sperm wrapped around itself then?