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GF yelled someone elses name in bed

suicidexcusesuicidexcuse Registered User regular
edited February 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
I'm in need of some advice. No one I know has a good enough understanding of relationships and girls for me to ask. Any help would be appreciated and I'll try to keep this short. Just a little back story first.

So 3 months ago i met a girl at work. She has lived in Canada for 2 years. She had a long distance boyfriend for 5 years who still lived back in her country and they both knew he would never come to Canada. So eventually she started showing interest in me. I did the same. I never made the first move (not right with her having a boyfriend). But after she kissed me for the first time, she phoned her boyfriend and told him she had met someone else. So after that we began to date but they remained friends. Phoning each other sometimes and emailing. I'll admit it bothered me but she assured me it was nothing and that he was her bestfriend and nothing more. As just as a side note I never learned the guys name.

Now back to the present. So sunday night her ex called. And as she talked to him i watched TV. This happened for about 15 minutes. She even talked to him in english so i could understand everything. So after they talked we both went to bed. We had sex twice then fell asleep (she initiated). Then next morning we woke up pretty early around 8am. And she initiated sex again. So as we were having sex i heard her yell something that sounded weird. It sounded like "fuck christian". So i stopped and asked her what she said. She said nothing and that it was something stupid. So she refuse to tell me for about 10 minutes until she said " I said fuck christian, like the religion". Now it made no sense to me at all. SO i asked her what her exboyfriends name was and she said "tom". This was without any pause AT ALL. So i dropped the subject .

2 hours later she was checking her email with me and there was an email from her ex and she quickly grabbed the laptop from me and refused let me see it. So i walked away into my room without saying a word. She finally came into my room and told me her exs name was Christian but that her saying it ment nothing at all. So it hurt me so bad that she said that. She apologized over and over again saying she loved me and it didnt mean anything, and she wasn't sure why she said it and she was sorry she lied to me. So i finally forgave her and told her it was going to be ok.

Now I think i made a big mistake. I cannot stop thinking about what happened. It obviously ment something. She was in a "relationship" with this guy for 5 years and she was talking to him the night before. I love this girl but I just feel like I'm forgetting why I ever did. She outright lied to me. She even told me she had planned to get all her friends and family to never mention her exs name around me so i would never find out. Now I feel she might even be lying to me about breaking up with him. Is this worth breaking up with someone over? Is she still in love with her ex? Or was it actually just a mistake? Thanks in advance for any help.

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  • delphinusdelphinus Registered User
    edited February 2008
    cheating on you? not enough evidence for that.

    does it mean something more than nothing? you bet your ass it does.
    i have no advice other than to reassure you that this IS an issue to be addressed and NO its not you being paranoid

  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Worst case scenario, she's still into the guy and is just using you to have sex and have physical closeness, and is using you as a "placeholder."

    Best case scenario, something happened that reminded her of him and she was so out of it, while being in the throes of passion, that she exclaimed something without thinking. Think of it like something bad happening and saying "oh shit" and then realizing that you're sitting in church, only flipped for a good thing.

    The problem is that we can't answer which it was. You need to sit down with her and get to the bottom of it. Don't be accusatory, just say that you don't want to just be a placeholder for the american guy whom she obviously still has fond feelings for. Ask her if she'd be willing to not talk to Christian for a few weeks/months; if she flat out refuses, then something's probably up. If she says she's willing to not talk to him for a while, because she knows she kinda made a mistake, then you have a better idea that she's serious.

    But you'll only get there via talking with *her*, not her friends or us. You need to tell her that you know it's embarrassing but you're an intimate couple and these are the kinds of things you should be able to talk to each other about. Above all else do NOT get mad.

    Unless she admits to not really liking you and is just waiting until she can get back w/ Christian. Then you can get mad.

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  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Wait wait wait wait wait waaaaait. There is a legitimate thing called retroactive interference, where she might have done that just on instinct or on accident. Instinct or accident means there was no emotional investment and she was just crossing neuronal pathways.

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  • HalfmexHalfmex Don't call me Mr. Scorpion. It's Mr. ScorpiO, but don't call me that either.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm in need of some advice. No one I know has a good enough understanding of relationships and girls for me to ask. Any help would be appreciated and I'll try to keep this short. Just a little back story first.

    So 3 months ago i met a girl at work. She has lived in Canada for 2 years. She had a long distance boyfriend for 5 years who still lived back in her country and they both knew he would never come to Canada. So eventually she started showing interest in me. I did the same. I never made the first move (not right with her having a boyfriend). But after she kissed me for the first time, she phoned her boyfriend and told him she had met someone else. So after that we began to date but they remained friends. Phoning each other sometimes and emailing. I'll admit it bothered me but she assured me it was nothing and that he was her bestfriend and nothing more. As just as a side note I never learned the guys name.
    The bolded part is key. She showed interest in you while she had a boyfriend (long distance though it was) for the past 5 years. Situations like that can and usually do wind up being very emotionally rocky, because that person is still resolving feelings they had (usually 'still have') for their ex.
    Now back to the present. So sunday night her ex called. And as she talked to him i watched TV. This happened for about 15 minutes. She even talked to him in english so i could understand everything. So after they talked we both went to bed. We had sex twice then fell asleep (she initiated). Then next morning we woke up pretty early around 8am. And she initiated sex again. So as we were having sex i heard her yell something that sounded weird. It sounded like "fuck christian". So i stopped and asked her what she said. She said nothing and that it was something stupid. So she refuse to tell me for about 10 minutes until she said " I said fuck christian, like the religion". Now it made no sense to me at all. SO i asked her what her exboyfriends name was and she said "tom". This was without any pause AT ALL. So i dropped the subject .

    2 hours later she was checking her email with me and there was an email from her ex and she quickly grabbed the laptop from me and refused let me see it. So i walked away into my room without saying a word. She finally came into my room and told me her exs name was Christian but that her saying it ment nothing at all. So it hurt me so bad that she said that. She apologized over and over again saying she loved me and it didnt mean anything, and she wasn't sure why she said it and she was sorry she lied to me. So i finally forgave her and told her it was going to be ok.

    Now I think i made a big mistake. I cannot stop thinking about what happened. It obviously ment something. She was in a "relationship" with this guy for 5 years and she was talking to him the night before. I love this girl but I just feel like I'm forgetting why I ever did. She outright lied to me. She even told me she had planned to get all her friends and family to never mention her exs name around me so i would never find out. Now I feel she might even be lying to me about breaking up with him. Is this worth breaking up with someone over? Is she still in love with her ex? Or was it actually just a mistake? Thanks in advance for any help.
    Well, the bolded question is up to you to decide. How much do you value honesty in your relationships? If it's high on your list of priorities, then this could be a deal-breaker, especially if she indeed told her friends and family not to say his name around you so you wouldn't find out.

    Is she still in love with her ex? Quite possible. There was not enough time for her to make a clean emotional break (based on what you've said here) with him before hooking up with you, so you kind of had to expect that. Even if she doesn't still "love" him per se, it's foolish not to think that she would still harbor some feelings for him. Plus, they've been keeping in contact this entire time, so there was definitely never even a chance to get any closure there. Is she cheating on you? No evidence of that, so I'd hold off on thinking about it unless you get something that indicates infidelity.

    So, in short, I'll say that personally I value honesty in a relationship and if she were willing to go to such lengths to keep you from finding out about this, she's obviously pretty comfortable with the idea of being less than honest with you. That may apply to the relationship in later stages, it may not. Are you willing to take the risk?

    Finally: there is a big difference between 'love' and 'lust'. The former can be and often is confused for the latter, and almost always takes longer to build (to any reasonable degree) than three months. Just something to consider.

  • RendRend Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Wait wait wait wait wait waaaaait. There is a legitimate thing called retroactive interference, where she might have done that just on instinct or on accident. Instinct or accident means there was no emotional investment and she was just crossing neuronal pathways.

    Pretty much this. After 5 years, it probably became second nature to associate sex with that name, thats why people will date on and off and get back together even though they both know they'll just break up again. I've had to swerve and zag more than a couple times to avoid calling my current girlfriend by the name of my 3-year ex on reflex. And I can tell you personally, my intent is not using her as a placeholder :p

  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Wait wait wait wait wait waaaaait. There is a legitimate thing called retroactive interference, where she might have done that just on instinct or on accident. Instinct or accident means there was no emotional investment and she was just crossing neuronal pathways.

    I've done this. Not in bed, but I've called a girl I was dating an ex's name. It can be accidental or if you're on autopilot.

    I'd be cautious, but I wouldn't hold it against her too much.

  • HalfmexHalfmex Don't call me Mr. Scorpion. It's Mr. ScorpiO, but don't call me that either.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I don't think the act itself is the cause for concern so much as it was her A) lying about it and B) going so far as to involve her friends and family to cover it up. That's far more alarming than a simple slip of the tongue. I mean yeah, you could say "well, she just didn't want to hurt him by telling him" but to take it one step further and involve others is a bit much.

  • DaenrisDaenris Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah... I mean you might want to talk to her more to make sure it's nothing, but it's very possibly nothing to worry about. As mentioned, in long term relationships it can just become habit to say something, so it may mean nothing more than that there are specific neurons that got triggered by the sex. The longer she's with you the less likely it is to happen.

    Ultimately it's up to you how much you make of it, but it's probably nothing.

  • SolandraSolandra Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Rend wrote: »
    Wait wait wait wait wait waaaaait. There is a legitimate thing called retroactive interference, where she might have done that just on instinct or on accident. Instinct or accident means there was no emotional investment and she was just crossing neuronal pathways.

    Pretty much this. After 5 years, it probably became second nature to associate sex with that name, thats why people will date on and off and get back together even though they both know they'll just break up again. I've had to swerve and zag more than a couple times to avoid calling my current girlfriend by the name of my 3-year ex on reflex. And I can tell you personally, my intent is not using her as a placeholder :p

    Agreed, 100%. I was married for 9 years, and even five years out of that, if the experience is intense (be it awesome sex, raging anger, grief), and there are names to be called, I'm still embarassingly at risk of using my ex-husband's name. Rest assured, I'm not in any danger of going back down that road.

    It's embarassing, intensely embarassing, though, and I'm happy to say that the last time it happened my lover was intensely cool about the whole thing, smiled and did more of what he was up to when I lost my mind.

  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User
    edited February 2008
    My mom calls me by my brother's name sometimes, and I havent disowned her or anything.

    Slips happen, especially if one is caught up in the moment and unguarded. It probably speaks highly of you to be associated in the same 'box' as someone she previously fell in love with.

    How very, very embarrasing for her. Out of all the things that make people lie, embarrassment - deep humiliation - is right at the very tip top of the list. So no, I wouldn't put a lot of thought into it, and no, I wouldn't be concerned at the knee-jerk coverup. If you wet yourself in a crowd of fifty people, and someone looked at you and said 'Hey bud, is that ... is that pee?' You would lie your ass off. It would be a bad lie, and it would become obvious through your embarrassment that it was a lie, and everyone would know.

    I think, if one were that embarrassed, one would wish for a quick, 'hey, these things happen' and appreciate any effort made to forget the whole thing.

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  • thisisntwallythisisntwally Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I am a loyal, loving guy, but i must admit i've let the wrong name slip while in bed with my girlfriend (now fiancee). I certainly didn't mean to, and i wasn't even thinking about her. im sure it was just that retroactive interference business, and nothing to get worked up about. If she's over this guy, it probably bothered her more than you when she said it, and thats prolly why she made something up about it. At least she came back and told you.

    You don't have to make her stop talking to him (though i assure you he's pouring poison in her ear), just don't be the jealous guy who gets all whigged out, it will make a better impression if you don't act like a child. This is nothing to worry about. seriously.

    Maybe try something creative yelling yourself. oh yeah, girl behind the counter who made me that great coffee and looks so-good in that green apron, tell me how you liiike it

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  • Not SarastroNot Sarastro __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2008
    Vote for harmless slip of the tongue which can happen to anyone. The fact that she wasn't in a controlled & calculating frame of mind mid-orgasm is a good reflection on you, don't worry. ;-)

    And really, really don't suggest that she cut of contact with this Christian because of it, not even briefly. Not only does it make you look insecure, but also slightly controlling, and she'll say it's unfair for punishing him for something she did. Telling your partner who they can or cannot talk to / see is never a good thing, don't do it.

  • drhazarddrhazard Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Halfmex wrote: »
    I don't think the act itself is the cause for concern so much as it was her A) lying about it and B) going so far as to involve her friends and family to cover it up. That's far more alarming than a simple slip of the tongue. I mean yeah, you could say "well, she just didn't want to hurt him by telling him" but to take it one step further and involve others is a bit much.

    I'm inclined to say it was a simple, non-thinking mistake. I'm also inclined to believe that, for how upset he's getting over this, there may be something in their relationship that would make her think he would blow it out of proportion, so that getting people in on it might be her only recourse. The fact that she came clean relatively soon speaks for her in this case.

    I liken it to when Lewis Black was saying that, when September 11th was reported, everyone had that selfish moment, even for a second, where they thought how it would affect them. People try to cover up embarrassment, and this was obviously a doozy.

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  • LewishamLewisham Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Going to say the same with everyone else, and don't sweat it.

    I know it probably hurts like all hell. I'd be weeping in a corner if I was you, and entirely unable to type that post. I'm just that "sensitive" (read: ridiculously insecure for no good reason).

    You have my sympathies, bro, but I'm sure it's all OK.

  • HalfmexHalfmex Don't call me Mr. Scorpion. It's Mr. ScorpiO, but don't call me that either.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    drhazard wrote: »
    Halfmex wrote: »
    I don't think the act itself is the cause for concern so much as it was her A) lying about it and B) going so far as to involve her friends and family to cover it up. That's far more alarming than a simple slip of the tongue. I mean yeah, you could say "well, she just didn't want to hurt him by telling him" but to take it one step further and involve others is a bit much.

    I'm inclined to say it was a simple, non-thinking mistake. I'm also inclined to believe that, for how upset he's getting over this, there may be something in their relationship that would make her think he would blow it out of proportion, so that getting people in on it might be her only recourse. The fact that she came clean relatively soon speaks for her in this case.

    I liken it to when Lewis Black was saying that, when September 11th was reported, everyone had that selfish moment, even for a second, where they thought how it would affect them. People try to cover up embarrassment, and this was obviously a doozy.
    Oh yeah, I agree that it was a simple mistake (there's no real evidence to suggest that she's cheating on him), but the degree of dishonesty is what ruffles my feathers.

    There's "little white lie" dishonesty: 'why were you late coming home?' "Oh, I stopped over at Joe's" (when you were really at the bar).

    Then there's "putting too much effort into the lie": 'why were you late coming home?' "Oh, I stopped over at Joe's" (calls Joe) "Tell her I was at your place after work" (calls bar) "Tell her you never saw me yesterday".

    I'm just saying that it paints a grim picture of how the relationship will fare when one of the participants is willing to go to such lengths to cover up dishonesty. Plus, again, this is a three-month-old relationship. If it were nine years old, something like this could be more easily dismissed I'd think, because you'd have those prior nine years (of hopefully deceit-free committment) to assuage yourself.

    Edit: With that said, I'm not saying "get out now" or anything like that, I'm just saying it's probably a good idea to discuss the importance of honesty with her.

  • Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread The fuck am I looking atRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah, she yelled the ex's name. Said ex also lives in another country with no chance of being in proximity to her. Not only that, she came clean of her own accord, regarding his true name. As far as relationship issues go, this one's not so major, and should be easy enough to get past as long as you're the bigger man, so to speak.


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  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Now I feel she might even be lying to me about breaking up with him.

    I doubt it. Sounds like they never even had a relationship. Just one of those goofy online/phone relationships where they always say they love each other, but haven't even had physical contact. Did she even meet this guy in person? Did they have a physical relationship? Things you might want to find out. If she never even met the dewd, then this is all just really silly business.
    Is this worth breaking up with someone over?

    No. You've only been dating 4 months. She may have been thinking "My GAWD, this is sex is so awesome! Fuck Christian! What a lame ass I was for ever liking him". Certainly not anything to end a relationship over.

    Is she still in love with her ex?

    She may still have feelings for him, but so what. It's hard to let go of people you cared about. Most important that matters is she's with you. She's fucking you, NOT Christian.
    Or was it actually just a mistake?

    I don't buy the "fuck Christianity as a religion" line during sex. I don't want this to be a blanket statement, but I've found it to be quite true in my own personal relationships: girls will lie to spare your feelings. She doesn't want to hurt you, so she'll lie about it till she's blue in the face. Don't ask why, because I have no idea. You're probably making a big deal out of it than need be. In fact, the more of a big deal you make out of it, the more of a "bad guy" you will be. I'd have an honest conversation about it, let her talk, listen to her feelings, and just accept what she says. If she's going to lie to you, tell her it will only hurt the relationship and the more honest she can be, the better for the two of you. Just tell her you're going to trust whatever she says.

    You could even say, "hey, since you yelled out some dude's name during sex, next time I get to" or something like that. Chances are she won't want to hear that, and can maybe understand how that made you feel.

  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Was it her ex-boyfriend's name?

    Yep.

    Was it because of some underlying desire to be with him?

    I don't think so.

    MAYBE it is, but you should give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, if she was with him for five years and recently broke up, his name is still in her mind. I know you don't want to hear it, but humans have a habit of developing patterns. She probably said his name while they were in bed together, and after five years it became a natural thing to say. Like if you say "Fuckstick" a lot when you're angry, one day you'll say fuckstick when it's inappropriate because it's become second nature.

    While it *could* (as in, it's in the realm of possibilities) be that she has some underlying desire to still be with him, I'm willing to be that it was just a slip-up due to the same human tendency that makes us swear when we stub our toe if we've let ourselves swear when we're injured all our lives, or how we mix up names in our head. It's habit... but one she'll break out of.

    Especially if she was sleepy... our whole subconscious mind is a series of situation-to-language relationships. So after five years, she associated the feelings of sex with the name of her ex boyfriend. It's not because he was some kind of God of the bedroom... it's because he was the situation in which that feeling came up for so long that it just stuck. Note that she doesn't do that when she's conscious, because consciously she knows that sex has no REAL relation with him. It's just the strange way that the subconscious mind makes connections.

    Given time, your name will be the one that she subconsciously says. Hell, if you get her to say "George Kastanza" while having sex frequently enough, she'll subconsciously associate THAT with sex. The point is that if she cares for you, that subconscious connection is just a meaningless term... and one that'll go away or be replaced with time.

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  • musanmanmusanman Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'd say the only sure fire way to make sure this doesn't happen is to have the same last name as the ex.

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  • Caliban42Caliban42 Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm in the camp that wouldn't worry about it. I suspect she only lied because she was so horrified she said it and panicked.

    When I first moved in with the the woman that became my wife there was one night when I was watching tv and she was reading or something. I tried to get her attention to look at something (pre-Tivo) and kept saying "Hey. Hey look at that." and she was totally oblivious. Finally in frustration I say, "Karen, look at the damn tv." Unfortunately, her name is Susan. I hoped she was too involved in the book to notice, but she just said "I don't think she can hear you." I was horrified at calling my new girlfriend by my ex's name and probably would have tried to spin it somehow in a fit of stupidity if she'd asked. But I wasn't holding in some kind of repressed feelings for the ex, it was just a case of my brain running on autopilot and saying the name it had been saying for 7 years.

    To this day, my best friend calls my wife Steve-Dave because he kept calling her Karen at our first Thanksgiving together. Once you do it the first time, all you can think about is not doing it again, but the name just gets stuck in your head.

    So yeah, don't sweat it. Accidents happen.

  • Vrtra TheoryVrtra Theory Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Solandra wrote: »
    I was married for 9 years, and even five years out of that, if the experience is intense (be it awesome sex, raging anger, grief), and there are names to be called, I'm still embarassingly at risk of using my ex-husband's name. Rest assured, I'm not in any danger of going back down that road.

    It's embarassing, intensely embarassing, though, and I'm happy to say that the last time it happened my lover was intensely cool about the whole thing, smiled and did more of what he was up to when I lost my mind.

    OP: If I were you, I'd think about Solandra's quote above. I personally think that you were off base here. If I were you, I'd tell your girlfriend that you're sorry you freaked out about it, that you know it was just a mistake and you wish you'd been cooler about it, but you weren't expecting it and flipped out. That's going to be the best way to smooth things over.

    Any suggestions about cutting off communication with her ex only prove that you're (a) completely insecure, (b) a controlling dick. I'd recommend avoiding any discussion about the ex at all.

    I've never called out anyone else's name during sex (in fact, I try not to call out any names during sex), but I have called prior girlfriends other names during arguments and such, it happens. I once called a girlfriend by her best friend's name (that one took weeks to blow over.)

  • RubickRubick Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I ended a 2+ yr relationship a few months ago, and am currently with a new guy. Though I've never called him a different name, I've come close - not because of a desire to go back to that guy, but just because that's what I associated with that act. It doesn't mean she wants him or is thinking about going that way, it just happens.

  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Her saying his name is during sex is not a big deal at all. You not know what his name is after 3 months, that's a little different.

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  • GihgehlsGihgehls Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I think the wrong name in bed thing is no big deal. I'd be far more interested in the laptop-hiding and friend/family-conspiracy.

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  • suicidexcusesuicidexcuse Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Thanks for the replies thus far. But to everyone who said so, I never said i want her to cut off contact with him. She even suggested it to me and I told her no.

    And I guess everyone is right, it's not that big of a deal. It just bothered me because we had so much sex this last weekend and then she says her exs name and it just made me think she was thinking of him the whole time. But I never realized how common it actually is for people to do this.

    And on a side-note i didn't know Christian's name because she refused to tell me. I'm now more worried about her hiding more things then about shouting different names during sex.

  • SamSam Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Where is this girl from? I find it funny that she tried to claim she said "Fuck Christianity" during sex.

    Hey, different strokes...

  • Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread The fuck am I looking atRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    And on a side-note i didn't know Christian's name because she refused to tell me. I'm now more worried about her hiding more things then about shouting different names during sex.
    Could be that she's hiding things from you, or it could be that she wants to close the book on that part of her life.


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  • suicidexcusesuicidexcuse Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Makershot wrote: »
    And on a side-note i didn't know Christian's name because she refused to tell me. I'm now more worried about her hiding more things then about shouting different names during sex.
    Could be that she's hiding things from you, or it could be that she wants to close the book on that part of her life.

    If she wanted to close it then she wouldn't be still talking to Christian...

    And my girlfriend is from the Philippines.

  • Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread The fuck am I looking atRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Makershot wrote: »
    And on a side-note i didn't know Christian's name because she refused to tell me. I'm now more worried about her hiding more things then about shouting different names during sex.
    Could be that she's hiding things from you, or it could be that she wants to close the book on that part of her life.

    If she wanted to close it then she wouldn't be still talking to Christian...
    You'd think so, but female logic works differently than ours. I'm guessing she feels that her old relationships are none of your business, just as yours aren't hers. And she's right. But she still keeps in touch with him, as former long-lasting relationship partners will do, and the fact that she's been open about it is an argument against her hiding anything.

    I know it's easy to get suspicious for us guys when women do things that don't make sense, but jealousy and distrust don't make a good relationship. Just let it go.


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  • devicesdevices Registered User
    edited February 2008
    honestly, i think you're probably making a bigger deal out of this than need be.

    i'm not saying that it shouldnt bother you, because that's a natural thing for almost anyone, but dont dig quite so deeply into it.

    keep in mind that embarassment is a powerful thing and most people will do or say about anything to save at least some face. she probably hid the laptop from you and wouldnt tell you the guy's name so that you wouldnt think she actually did say someone else's name. so basically, the most likely scenario is that she cares about you and doesnt want you to get hurt because of a mistake she made that she obviously had no control over.

    it happens to a lot of people and it generally means nothing. it simply becomes a force of subconscious habit after so long.

  • oldsakoldsak Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm going to side with the slip of the tongue crowd. She was probably just embarrassed about it afterwards and didn't know what to do.

    Personally I'd probably have joked about it to show it's not a big deal. The first thing that popped into my head was wear a name tag to bed next time. Of course, whether or not you should do something like that would depend completely on her personality.

  • SporkedSporked Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm going to echo that this is most likely NOT a big deal. As a scatterbrained guy who tends to date women with similar tendencies, I've called and been called the wrong name, in a million different situations than sex (call someone the wrong name in an silly but emotional argument about say, the dishes by accident and then think the sex thing is a big deal). She seemed to be mortified that it happened, which is a good thing. Don't just let it slide like it's nothing, it's not nothing, but it's not really anything huge either. She said something stupid, got embarrassed, tried to cover it up, came clean soon after.

    It was more than likely just a mental trip up under stress (good stress!) and not really something to freak out about.


    Edit: Wearing a name tag to bed is hilarious A+++

  • CrashtardCrashtard Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    oldsak wrote: »
    The first thing that popped into my head was wear a name tag to bed next time.

    Yes.

    I pinky swear that we will not screw you.

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  • oncelingonceling Registered User
    edited February 2008
    When I get frustrated with a boyfriend, I've accidentally called them by my ex's name no less than 3 times (I associate anger and frustration with this one ex...).

    Once, when a boyfriend was saying "hurry up lets go" I accidentally said "Hang on a second, dad!" in response because my dad was usually trying to keep me on time when we were going somewhere.

    Sex is not one for me, but pretty much what other people said, association + panic.

  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    onceling wrote: »
    When I get frustrated with a boyfriend, I've accidentally called them by my ex's name no less than 3 times (I associate anger and frustration with this one ex...).

    Once, when a boyfriend was saying "hurry up lets go" I accidentally said "Hang on a second, dad!" in response because my dad was usually trying to keep me on time when we were going somewhere.

    Sex is not one for me, but pretty much what other people said, association + panic.


    Limed for unmistakable truth. There's not a person in the world who doesn't make this kind of slip-up at least occasionally... it shouldn't be viewed any deeper than what it is: purely accidental.

    Now if she said she was flying out to go visit Christian, and/or there were other signs that pointed to her still trying to have a relationship, that'd be another thing. But from what's been said, it sounds like that dog's dead and buried. And indeed, she still talks to him: but most women still talk to their Ex's unless it was a particularly heartbreaking breakup, or unless he really doesn't want to talk to her anymore.

    Doesn't mean she still wants to be with him. Pardon my generalization (I recognize that it is a generalization, and not always true), but I think women tend to value interpersonal relationships more than men. That is, it's harder for them to cut someone out of their life entirely. They're willing to change what the relationship means (i.e. love to friendship), but cutting out of their life is a painful last resort in cases of extreme duress.

    EDIT: And if I was in her shoes, hell yeah I'd tell you anything I could to cover up that slip-up. I'd know that I didn't mean anything by it, but I'd also know that you'd feel *horrible* and read into it far too deeply. As a result, a cover-up would definitely be a panicked but explicable reaction.

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  • EverywhereasignEverywhereasign Registered User
    edited February 2008
    If you two had been sleeping together for a year and then this happened out of the blue, I might question it. But I'd say this was innocent.

    Seriously, I called my GF "mom" once. Not in a sexual situation (luckily for me), and I've called her an ex's name while we were having a fight. Once, early in our relationship she said her ex's name in bed. I was pissed, but got over it and started joking about it, it made it much easier to deal with. When she would start kissing me I would start moaning various 'Family Guy' characters names, she was pissed at first, but realized that if I was joking about it, I wasn't hung up on it. (FYI screaming "Oh Stewie!" in bed is oddly liberating)

    It's been said over and over, but your brain just works on autopilot. Before you two hooked up, the last guy she was sleeping with was Christian. She was really used to saying his name while she was 'doing it', now she's having sex with you, and her brain returns to autopilot and says his name. Trust me, she feels twice as bad about the whole thing as you do. Let her know that it bugs you, but you understand why it happened and trust her. If you guys stick it out, she's going to get used to saying your name and it won't happen again.

    On a side note, I have a friend who only uses the term "baby" when referring to his girlfriend-of-the-week. This is done to simply eliminates the problem of him moaning the wrong name.

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  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Seriously, I called my GF "mom" once.

    lol... I didn't want to admit it earlier, but part of the reason I could sympathize with her position is because I did that once too.

    I think my wife asked me to take out the trash, and I said "Yeah Mom" completely subconsciously. I immediately caught it, and we had an uncomfortable moment, and then she (thankfully) busted out laughing. =)

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  • KyzenKyzen Registered User
    edited February 2008
    I also wouldn't worry about the name in bed thing. I'd tell her it bothered you, but drop it at that.

    I've both called out the wrong name in bed before (said "Jen" instead of "Jess" - Jen was a long-time friend of both of ours, and the one who introduced us. Of course, Jess was a little territorial and took it BAD), And had my name called out before in bed by a friend of mine (She was screwing her boyfriend and my name slipped out, despite the two of us never seeing eachother in a romantic way at all).

    Sometimes it just happens, get over it. If she keeps it up, worry.

  • 6_Vitium_6_Concubine_66_Vitium_6_Concubine_6 __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2008
    If it was me, I don't think I would make anything to big out of it as long as there wasn't anything else to make me think she might be cheating or something. And the lying stuff, I mean people lie. They tell white lies to save faces or make things easier or whatever. It is a bit strange that she specifically didn't want u to know her ex's name... makes me think she might want to keep things going with him without u knowing. I would ask her about that.. just make sure she has broken it off.

  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    It is a bit strange that she specifically didn't want u to know her ex's name...

    That is the thing that made me comment on this story instead of just laughing and passing by. I knew who my wife had fucked after 1 months of dating.

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