Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it,
follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given
their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!
GF yelled someone elses name in bed
Posts
Join the Cookie Brigade Forum for PAX Prime 2011 now! We need your help! If you decide to join, sign up at the Cookie Brigade website!
1. Some people just don't talk about that in new relationships.
2. She didn't want to tell him right off the bat because she was embarrassed about having said his name, not because of some sinister shit.
Seriously, this is nothing to get upset about.
Heh none taken, my insecurity screws with my own life enough.
She was the absolute pinnacle for me. Really cool, into videogames, blah blah. I had a huge crush on her and I never thought I would eventually go out with her. I asked her out junior year, and we started dating. I certainly considered myself in love at the time, and she did too. Everything was great, the sex was great, the hanging out was great.
One time during sex I called her my girlfriend from highschool's name instead of her name. I am not exaggerating when I say that is probably the single most mind-numbing, soul-obliteratingly embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. Ever. I tried to cover it up somehow and stumbled on my words and we finished up and never talked about it again.
People usually throw around the term "Freudian slip", but it's just a case of brain nerves getting re-wired and sometimes messing up. I would not think too much about this situation at all.
The girl I dated in high school whose name I said was not someone I was even friends with at the time. I hadn't talked to her in over three years. We hadn't even had sex. The words just got mixed up all in the membrane.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Saying someone else's name in bed - not necessarily bad
Did she ever sleep with him? Saying his name in bed if she's never slept with him IS kind of weird. It'd be much more excusable if she had in the past (cuz a clear association had been established)
and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
and Halo: Reach code
and Portal 2 code
No, it would actually be equally as excusable in that context. Which is to say it would still be entirely excusable. Flipping out over something like this is ridiculous. "She doesn't let me monitor her conversations so she must be cheating on me because otherwise she's clearly had me her diary and all her passwords as a show of how much she loves and trusts me!" is also fucking ridiculous. I don't understand why people do this shit, you don't need to make up an excuse to break up with someone if you don't want to date them anymore, you can just break up without going to elaborate lengths to convince yourself that she's cheating on you.
Seriously if a girl calls you her daddy during sex are you going to assume she's cheating on you with her father? What the fuck?
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Can you please point out where I said I was worried she was cheating on me. Or where I wanted to get her passwords and moniter her conversations. I don't want to be her dairy but when she hides her best friends/ex name from me and screams his name out during sex then lies about it, a few alarms go off. All I was worried about is whether she was just using me as a place holder for her ex. This is the first girl I've been with in every way so I have no idea if this shit is common. And thanks to most people here I realize it is common place for this to happen and I overreacted.
However, I would be wary of the whole secretive email/phone relationship she has going on with "Tom". If they were truely platonic then it wouldn't be a big deal to show you emails and/or his real name. I'm guessing she doesn't want to burden you with her past.
Unless "refused" isn't quite the word you wanted there. Why would anyone want to share an e-mail from their ex-whatever with anyone? And why would anyone expect it? Would you want her to share an e-mail from you with a future boyfriend if you two end up breaking up or would you think it could safely considered private due to the sort of details you both know about eachother because you were at one point quite intimate and may be okay talking about with them since they already know but perhaps aren't okay with telling total strangers about? What if you recieved an e-mail from an ex, do you know before reading it that there's no information like the above about you in there? No past embarrassments you might not want to share with a current girlfriend? Even if there isn't, do you really want to bring that relationship into this one? And more to the point, what right do you have to review her private communications? This isn't a sign of anything amiss on her end of things, talking about it like it's some kind of evidence of something sounds like a clause in the Patriot Acts or something.
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
It was her inbox. Not the email itself. AND ALL HER EMAILS are in philippino, I can't understand them. So she is hiding the person it came from. And seeing as she has been begging me to give her my facebook and hotmail passwords then refusing to let me see her just her inbox, isn't that being a little hypocritical.
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
I exchanged passwords with a gf I had once.
Huge mistake. "Sharing everything" with someone is a good and noble thing. But you don't have to read each other's e-mails and listen to each other's phone calls to "share everything."
I know it's only semi-on-topic, but seriously. Needs to be said.
She was embarrassed because of yelling the name, dude. People hide things that they're embarrassed of. How many people look at your porn collection?
And when people discover other people's porn collections, how many in a rush of embarassmant to say something try to claim it's not theirs?
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Similarly, she's still talking to the dude -- what does she say to him? "i'm so embarrassed, I was having sex with my new boyfriend and I said your name."
I think it's still a pretty innocent mistake, but the dude needs to talk to the girlfriend about what's going on. It's going to eat him up if he just ignores it, because she's still so chatty w/ the old boyfriend.
To all you guys who say you've done the same thing (saying a person's name), was it when you were still friends with them, talking with them on the weekend or via IM? Or was it after they were gone, and pretty much out of your life? You gotta admit that it's kind of a different situation when someone says a different name during sex, and that person is someone they talk to all the time. It'd be like blurting out a coworkers name during sex; even if it's innocent, it's really weird.
Trust is a state of mind, and very hard to pin down. I prefer the term credibility as it can be defined and measured, as in how likely are they to do what they say.
If she's lying to you, hiding things, making up excuses, and getting friends and family to hide stuff as well, those are measurable things, and give you evidence that she is hiding something. We do not exactly know what she's hiding, but she does not appear to be very credible at this point.
While I think the whole name thing during sex is innocent on its own, putting that with other stuff we've learned leads me to believe something is going on. At 4 months into this relationship, you guys should be all over each other, not worrying about cheating, and feelings for other people outside of the relationship. This tells me there's something just inherently wrong. I'd say you have a problem.
I also think it's perfectly reasonable for you to confront her about her contact with her ex, and to tell her how it is making you feel. You need to be able to define the parameters of your relationship. Telling her that you don't like it that she's talking with her ex and hiding things from you is okay. In fact, telling her you don't think it is helping your relationship that she's still communicating with him is okay, too.
She doesn't have to agree to it, and you can't force her to stop talking to him. However, if she is invested in your relationship enough to make it work, hopefully she will do what is best for the relationship, not just for her. Exes can be very stressful on relationships, and it's important to decide as a couple if you want to have those stressors around or not.
Xaquin's Manly Knitting Blog! Conquest Tactics .... a better CCG
Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Seriously?
Girlfriend snatching computer away so he can't see who sent an email. Her specifically not mentioning her ex's name to him, and getting friends and family to cover it up. Lying about her reasons for saying the ex's name in bed.
These facts may not even be related to each other in any way, and may be the OPs own bias connecting them. However, they are CERTAINLY enough to make somebody suspicious. The best thing the OP can do is just have an honest, open discussion about his own concerns and work out any of the problems regarding privacy (for both parties) they are having.
You also have to think about different types of "cheating". There's physical AND emotional.
Sure someone could get suspicious about those things. However, to me they just sound like someone who's embarrassed about saying the wrong name in bed trying to cover it up so that her significant other doesn't learn the name. And she didn't get her friends and family to cover it up. She thought about doing that, while she was still embarrassed about the event.
If there were other things to make him think she was cheating or hiding things, then maybe this would support that a bit more, but it's an isolated event that all pretty much ties into her not wanting him to learn her ex's name.
Violent was right when he said you can't say for certain that she's cheating. I also think it's silly to even imply that (which I wasn't) based on a few factoids from a biased source. And as I said, it's just that these things are suspicious, not that she's cheating on him. It's been my life's experience that whenever someone covers something up, there's something they don't want you to see. It could be for many reasons.
No, there really isn't. 'Emotional cheating' is the most random bag of tits that anyone has ever come up with. By all the definitions I've ever seen, pretty much any good friend or ex-flame could count as emotional cheating. Wishing you were with someone else, however briefly, would count as emotional cheating. The concept is a horrific conceptual splurge combining a nasty possessive relationship vibe with a gutless need to justify or validate jealousy at a partner being close to someone else.
It totally ignores the massive part where that person has enough restraint to not cocking make it physical. That act of self-restraint is what means they aren't cheating - they might be close to someone else, but they are respecting the exclusivity of your relationship.
You do not, and never have done, get emotional exclusivity to a person when you enter into a relationship with them. I challenge you to give me an example of a single emotional aspect to which you can claim exclusivity. Without emotional exclusivity, you cannot have emotional cheating.
Emotional cheating = bollox hippy juice.