I'm going to make the story short, because the details of this story span twenty years and aren't all necessary in order to understand.
This girl I know has sort of held a torch for me for about five years. In this time, she's had several boyfriends, and got pregnant during high school (she was about 16 or 17). She kept the child, graduated high school, and has been raising her daughter ever since. Her daughter is almost three now.
In December, I decided for one reason or another that I would try a relationship with her, despite her having a daughter and despite my inability to financially take care of a child while I'm going to college. If it were just her, the situation would be exactly the same, and her daughter is polite and adorable, so I'm more than willing to have her around because she's basically a part of this girl.
This girl's had a history of abuse. Her mother is bipolar and doesn't take her meds, and would regularly scream at this girl for little to no reason, and would tell this girl that she isn't raising her child correctly, is a horrible mother, and so on. My girlfriend has had the police called on her for little to no reason, and the police in the area know the family very well and just sort of respond out of a courtesy before realizing that this is "just one of mom's crazy manic moments" and leaving. She's said several times how she really doesn't have any other place to go other than this house until she can save enough for an apartment, and having a two-year old makes it difficult for anyone to really put her up for any extended period.
This is probably where I went wrong. Since I'm now her boyfriend and in the middle of this, I decide that I can't let my girlfriend and her daughter live in a household where this is happening, and tell her that she needs to get out and stay with a friend until she can save for an apartment. She stays with a few friends and ultimately finds that she not only can't find a job in the area (she was unemployed for a time because of issues concerning her home life), but no one will keep her for more than a week because of her kid. She has a grandmother in Florida (we live in Pennsylvania) who offered to keep her and help her find a job in the area, and I suggest she goes down there to live with her for a while. She reluctantly agrees.
Now, knowing that this is what is ultimately best for her, I also realize that I can't do long distance relationships. I had a bad relationship with a girl on the west coast who was all about living together once we were out of college, and so on. When I went to visit her (about $500 out of my pocket for the airfare alone) on a holiday break, she decides after about three days that she doesn't like me anymore. Not the best idea for a relationship on my part, but it still hurt and influences my feelings about long distance relationships. I tell her this before she leaves and she agrees to sort of "put everything on hold" until she gets settled.
She's settled in Florida, and she has found a job, but complications have really prevented us from talking to each other all that much. Both of us realize that we miss the physical company of one another and that it's getting to be too much without each other. I decide that I really can't be away from her and still continue a relationship and start to go back on my promise. We have a big argument on the phone and through instant messenger and through all of that we end up breaking up for good. She's inconsolable and wants to "move away from everything" to get away from the pain, and I tell her it's unreasonable to think like that. Another argument insues. I tell her that I held off on breaking up with her because I knew that she would try something like this, and that I valued our continuing friendship and didn't want it to end.
That's the backstory.
It's through this argument that I learn I had a child. She miscarried in the beginning of February and chose tonight to tell me about it. I honestly feel numb right now and don't really know what to say.
Some things you need to know about this girl:
-she's been with three guys, including me
-she miscarried three children with her first boyfriend, and conceived a child with him, who is her daughter
-she's been known to manipulate people to get what she wants if she feels hurt
-she's been known to lie to get what she wants if she's under extreme emotional duress (like moving out of her parents house with no place to go, under my advice)
-I had tried to end this relationship before she left, and she attempted to compromise with me until the subject was talked to death. In her words, she "finally was with the guy she wanted after all these years, so she wasn't giving up without a fight".
I can see where she's coming with the last point, as she was sort of hitting rock bottom all at once and was trying to hold onto everything she possibly could. And it was a dick move for me to try to end the relationship while she was in this kind of state.
A lot of these spelled huge warning signs for me, but I chose to ignore them anyway. She was my friend, and I wanted to help her as a friend and as her boyfriend.
My question: taking all these points and the general backstory into consideration, how should I feel about the miscarried child? Should I feel relieved? Do you think she's lying to me to try to give me some sort of guilt trip so I'll continue to talk to her (she denies this)? Could she even be testing the waters before telling me she actually is pregnant (it is possible, but she's denied this several times as well)?
It's a lot to take in, but I need a fresh perspective on this situation. Thanks.