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Jerk Chicken Thread- CHECK IN REQUIRED FROM LURKERS (also no porn- orikae)

StraightziStraightzi Registered User regular
edited March 2008 in Social Entropy++
This is the No-Jerking Contest Thread. No more people are allowed to join. This whole thing started Monday, March 3rd at 5 PM EST. Here's some rules for the retarded:

No getting off in any way shape or form, wet dreams and normal sex included. Fuck you I don't care about your problems.

No requesting pornography in the thread.

Don't complain too much about how hard it is. It isn't, you faggot.

No there isn't a prize shut your face.

If and when you go out, you gotta tell us what pushed you over the edge.

If you haven't been posting much, you better fucking do so by Monday, or I'll kick you from this contest.

Master List of Competitors:
1. [strike]Straightzi[/strike]- A bit over three days, as a friend of mine started sending me pictures ranging from the erotic to the straight up nude, and then topped it off with a video of her, naked, making out with her friend, also naked. Ain't no fighting that shit at that point.
2. [strike]Lol![/strike]- About a day. Needed to cheer up so met up with his old friend Iga wyrwal. By which I mean he jerked off to her on the internet. He doesn't know her, the scum.
3. [strike]Fire Truck[/strike]- Two days. Girlfriend with a webcam can do much damage to a man.
4. [strike]Kusuguttai[/strike]- A bit over five days. To Shankill, apparently, which is so close to narcissism I consider it fucked up.
5. Centipede Damascus
6. [strike]Killjoy[/strike]- Lost it just over two days in to a depressed Ellen Page.
7. [strike]Bibble[/strike]- A bit over a day. To nothing apparently. Gaaaaaay.
8. Veretas
9. [strike]Grandaddy Delicious[/strike]- Day and a half on account of a girlfriend.
10. DarkPrimus
11. [strike]The Plain Girl From The Low-Quality American Remake Of The Office[/strike]- 7 hours, some floozy named Gemma Atkinson
12. [strike]Wallhitter[/strike]- Bit over two days. Just jerked it I guess. Boring.
13. [strike]Beef Avenger[/strike]- Just over two days to morning wood. Seriously, he just couldn't take it because of morning wood. I mean maybe he means the band, the lead singer is kinda hot I guess, but still.
14. [strike]tehcoolryan[/strike]- Two and a half days, bored and trying to go to sleep or something. Rumor has it that there was some Hey Arnold Hentai sent out too. Coincidence? Probably, shit is gross son.
15. rockmonkey
16. [strike]WhiteZinfandel[/strike]- Almost three days, but Alexis Texas took him out.
17. froggy
18. [strike]Regicid3[/strike]- 16 hours
19. [strike]Metzger Meister[/strike]- Like a day and a half to some gay-ass threesome porn.
20. [strike]The Otaku Suppository[/strike]- After an hour, attempted to orally pleasure self. Pulled a muscle in his back and has been in the hospital since (LURKER OUT).
21. [strike]OmegaTofuNinja[/strike]- Almost two days to hot and sweaty sex dreams.
22. Jimothy
23. Vladimer
24. [strike]SLAMMU[/strike]- Out after a bit over five days to his girlfriend, using the old "Hey baby, I'm not allowed to orgasm according to some internet toerag" line.
25. [strike]Silvoculous[/strike]- Tried the jerk and hold it back at the very end thing about three days in. Didn't work.
26. GFishy
27. [strike]Monkeyfeet[/strike]- Just under five days. I kinda skimmed his post, I noticed the words Smash Bros, lesbians, Fiz, and rape. I don't even fucking know.
28. [strike]Dakal[/strike]- Before he could make it to the week mark, fucked a puma. Jesus shit.
29. DodgeBlan
30. [strike]Shankill Butcher[/strike]- A bit over five days. To Kusu, apparently, which is so close to incest I consider it fucked up.
31. [strike]laughingfuzzball[/strike]- Three and a half days to Thing from the Addam's Family.
32. [strike]PotU[/strike]- Two days to some gay gloryhole porn, courtesy of Redeemer.
33. Einhander
34. [strike]Lahn[/strike]- Just under three days. A woman pleasured herself while sitting on his lap until he gave in. Also this is the dude who previously stopped a blowjob halfway through for this contest. Stacked against fucking odds, he deserves your goddamn respect people.
35. 435
36. [strike]Cold Salmon and Hatred[/strike]- A bit over a day. To plaid skirts.
37. [strike]Shifty Fister[/strike]- Around a day or so. Not jerking it apparently ain't enough fun for him.
38. Synthetic Orange
39. [strike]mully[/strike]- After nearly five days, went out under mysterious circumstances, posting only that she was out under As7's account. Foul play is involved. Also fowl play, the sick fucks.
40. Dichotomy
41. [strike]Big Red Tie[/strike]- About a day and a half. To the first Harry Potter movie, apparently.
42. Fiz
43. Tossrock
44. B.C.
45. [strike]Dee Kae[/strike]- Two and a half days, lost out of boredom.
46. [strike]Kayne Red Robe[/strike]- Bit over three days to gay futurama hentai. Also he fucked a cute coworker. Good form.
47. tugga
48. Redimpulse
49. Kadith
50. [strike]Sami[/strike]- Four and a half days, got bored, late night booty call.
51. [strike]Franko[/strike]- Out after an indeterminate number of days, due to busting a nut on some hotel sheets and then sleeping in them, the nasty fucker.
52. Redeemer
53. [strike]the wook[/strike]- After five and a half days, decided that his cheeseburger did not have enough mayo and added some of his own.
54. [strike]Neville[/strike]- Out after three and a quarter days due to Redeemer's hot ass. It should be noted that he was the First Fag Out.
55. [strike]Malkor[/strike]- After two and a half miserable days, he hired a hooker. The hooker left him blue balled though, because he didn't pay her on account of being a cheap ass, so he just jerked it to Rachel Ray instead, on account of being a coward. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first, Malkor is a cheap-ass coward.
56. [strike]Campion[/strike]- Gave up after three days because he got bored and just watched a bunch of those five second porn clips.
57. Vorus
58. [strike]Meissnerd[/strike]- A bit over a day.
59. [strike]Stale[/strike]- 17 hours, Buck Angel
60. SageinaRage
61. [strike]Junpei[/strike]- Like a day, due to his fiancee, the floozy.
62. [strike]Skull Man[/strike]- After five days, he went to go pick his girlfriend up from daycare and then hit her over the head with a hammer and fucked the wound.
63. [strike]kitch[/strike]- Two days. Took a nap and woke up mid climax, humping his sheets.
64. 6_Vitium_6_Concubine_6
65. casper_27d
66. [strike]Karl[/strike]l- Bit over two days. Didn't want the middate boners tomorrow.
67. redfenix
68. Matsuhito
69. [strike]ascot[/strike]- Two and a half days to something he refuses to admit. Theory: a horse fucking a water bottle.
70. Qorzm
71. [strike]stimtokolos[/strike]- Out after two and a half days on account of rage buildup.
72. FlatEric
73. [strike]Raneados[/strike]- Out after five and a half days to a handjob based raping.
74. [strike]Kazhiim[/strike]- 45 Minutes, lost track of time
75. [strike]Keith[/strike]- Day and a half, got bored.
76. [strike]Inquisitor[/strike]- 10 Hours, some floozy blew him
77. [strike]CorpseRT[/strike]- Out after a week to "peepshow.jpg"
78. Pb
79. BoredGamer
80. blackpyr
81. [strike]Munkus Beaver[/strike]- Out after a day and a quarter to just being horny. Faggot.
82. [strike]Koshian[/strike]- A bit over six days. Cause unknown, but for a good point in the right direction, read Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk.
83. [strike]Food[/strike]- After a bit over five days, jerked off over Brawl. Or lack of Brawl. Or something. He's a faggot, that's what matters.
84. Smasher
85. Polago
86. [strike]Bedlam[/strike]- Six and a half days to some porn involving gay people.
87. Vivixenne
88. [strike]Cum Hero[/strike]- Four and a half days to a ladyfriend's advances that may or may not have been himself in a dress.
89. [strike]Javen[/strike]- Lasted for a bit over two days, then decided to try and cheer up with a jerk. Unsuccessful and it knocked him out of the contest. Tragic.
90. [strike]Bad-Beat[/strike]- Nearly made it to four days, but had a party to go to and didn't want to be poppin' boners all night long.
91. Samoris
92. [strike]Mr Peepers[/strike]- Out after three days, due to boredom and loneliness or some gay-ass shit I don't know.
93. [strike]Faricazy[/strike]- Out after 56 hours on account of schoolgirls. He didn't confirm, but I'm assuming he jerked off in an elementary school playground, the sick fuck.
94. [strike]Zombiemambo[/strike]- Like a day and a half. Keeps asking if he can start over and pissing me the hell off.
95. Mayday
96. [strike]Raslin[/strike]- Another boredom out, after two and a half days. Jesus christ people, can't you do something other than masturbate?
97. BlackCloud
98. [strike]Mr. Henry Bemis[/strike]- Lost after like two and a quarter days to a hot bath. Of semen perhaps?
99. [strike]sdrawkcaB emaN[/strike]- Saw his boner in the shower after just under three days and got so aroused he exploded.
100. Faceless Coward
101. [strike]Procrastinator[/strike]- After four and three quarters days, tried the jerk and hold it. Jerked, did not hold it.
102. [strike]Buddy Lee[/strike]- 9 Hours
103. [strike]Hobnail[/strike]- After three and a half days, went out to an erotic text message. I didn't even know such a thing was possible, and I can only imagine it as: do u wnt 2 hump. So there you have it folks, Hobnail went out because someone sent him a text message asking him if he wanted to hump.
104. [strike]Shawxn[/strike]- Lost after four and a half to something he calls the red tube. I'm guess he hit a hedgehog with his car and then tried to fuck it, because I mean, what else could redtube be?
105. [strike]wezoin[/strike]- After a bit over three days, fucked a woman that, by her description, must be some sort of prostitute.

The following competitors would enjoy being tempted, possibly with materials of a pornographic nature, by way of our handy private messaging system. Red likes chicks, Magenta likes dudes, and Green is cool with either or both.
Spoiler:

Straightzi on
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