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King Leer (bet your earnings on page 77) (No Porn- Orikae)

StraightziStraightzi Registered User regular
edited April 2008 in Social Entropy++
This is the No-Jerking Contest Thread. No more people are allowed to join. This whole thing started Monday, March 3rd at 5 PM EST. Here's some rules for the retarded:

No getting off in any way shape or form, wet dreams and normal sex included. Fuck you I don't care about your problems.

No requesting pornography in the thread.

Don't complain too much about how hard it is. It isn't, you faggot.

No there isn't a prize shut your face.

If and when you go out, you gotta tell us what pushed you over the edge.

If you haven't been posting much, you better fucking do so by Monday, or I'll kick you from this contest.

Master List of Competitors:
1. [strike]Straightzi[/strike]- A bit over three days, as a friend of mine started sending me pictures ranging from the erotic to the straight up nude, and then topped it off with a video of her, naked, making out with her friend, also naked. Ain't no fighting that shit at that point.
2. [strike]Lol![/strike]- About a day. Needed to cheer up so met up with his old friend Iga wyrwal. By which I mean he jerked off to her on the internet. He doesn't know her, the scum.
3. [strike]Fire Truck[/strike]- Two days. Girlfriend with a webcam can do much damage to a man.
4. [strike]Kusuguttai[/strike]- A bit over six days. To Shankill, apparently, which is so close to narcissism I consider it fucked up.
5. [strike]Centipede Damascus[/strike]- After just over a week, went out to redtube. And I already made the joke about a hedgehog hit by a car, so you'll have to insert your own witty commentary.
6. [strike]Killjoy[/strike]- Lost it just over two days in to a depressed Ellen Page.
7. [strike]Bibble[/strike]- A bit over a day. To nothing apparently. Gaaaaaay.
8. [strike]Veretas[/strike]- Out after some time I don't know I'm not in charge here fuck. Also don't know what he went out to, so I'm gonna assume he bought a mail order bride with his "winnings."
9. [strike]Grandaddy Delicious[/strike]- Day and a half on account of a girlfriend.
10. [strike]DarkPrimus[/strike]-Out after like twelve days, was satisfied with top twenty and then was satisfied in other ways (guro).
11. [strike]The Plain Girl From The Low-Quality American Remake Of The Office[/strike]- 7 hours, some floozy named Gemma Atkinson
12. [strike]Wallhitter[/strike]- Bit over two days. Just jerked it I guess. Boring.
13. [strike]Beef Avenger[/strike]- Just over two days to morning wood. Seriously, he just couldn't take it because of morning wood. I mean maybe he means the band, the lead singer is kinda hot I guess, but still.
14. [strike]tehcoolryan[/strike]- Two and a half days, bored and trying to go to sleep or something. Rumor has it that there was some Hey Arnold Hentai sent out too. Coincidence? Probably, shit is gross son.
15. [strike]rockmonkey[/strike]- LURKER OUT
16. [strike]WhiteZinfandel[/strike]- Almost three days, but Alexis Texas took him out.
17. [strike]froggy[/strike]- After three weeks and a day or so, had a dream in which he raped himself, only to wake up and discover it wasn't a dream at all!
18. [strike]Regicid3[/strike]- 16 hours
19. [strike]Metzger Meister[/strike]- Like a day and a half to some gay-ass threesome porn.
20. [strike]The Otaku Suppository[/strike]- After an hour, attempted to orally pleasure self. Pulled a muscle in his back and has been in the hospital since (LURKER OUT).
21. [strike]OmegaTofuNinja[/strike]- Almost two days to hot and sweaty sex dreams.
22. Jimothy
23. Vladimer
24. [strike]SLAMMU[/strike]- Out after a bit over five days to his girlfriend, using the old "Hey baby, I'm not allowed to orgasm according to some internet toerag" line.
25. [strike]Silvoculous[/strike]- Tried the jerk and hold it back at the very end thing about three days in. Didn't work.
26. [strike]GFishy[/strike]- went just under two weeks and then didn't keep going I'm too lazy to read posts here people.
27. [strike]Monkeyfeet[/strike]- Just under five days. I kinda skimmed his post, I noticed the words Smash Bros, lesbians, Fiz, and rape. I don't even fucking know.
28. [strike]Dakal[/strike]- Before he could make it to the week mark, fucked a puma. Jesus shit.
29. [strike]DodgeBlan[/strike]- After almost three weeks, went out to literotica. I have too much respect for the people that make it this far to really make fun of them much, but man, temptation is all over the place right here.
30. [strike]Shankill Butcher[/strike]- A bit over six days. To Kusu, apparently, which is so close to incest I consider it fucked up.
31. [strike]laughingfuzzball[/strike]- Three and a half days to Thing from the Addam's Family.
32. [strike]PotU[/strike]- Two days to some gay gloryhole porn, courtesy of Redeemer.
33. Einhander- After nearly a month, went out to some porn. whatever, he lasted this long.
34. [strike]Lahn[/strike]- Just under three days. A woman pleasured herself while sitting on his lap until he gave in. Also this is the dude who previously stopped a blowjob halfway through for this contest. Stacked against fucking odds, he deserves your goddamn respect people.
35. [strike]435[/strike]- Nine days or so, as the ninth day was his birthday and a lady gave herself as a birthday present. Acceptable.
36. [strike]Cold Salmon and Hatred[/strike]- A bit over a day. To plaid skirts.
37. [strike]Shifty Fister[/strike]- Around a day or so. Not jerking it apparently ain't enough fun for him.
38. [strike]Synthetic Orange[/strike]- Eight and a half days, the breaking in of dildoes and butt plugs broke him as well.
39. [strike]mully[/strike]- After nearly five days, went out under mysterious circumstances, posting only that she was out under As7's account. Foul play is involved. Also fowl play, the sick fucks.
40. [strike]Dichotomy[/strike]- LURKER OUT
41. [strike]Big Red Tie[/strike]- About a day and a half. To the first Harry Potter movie, apparently.
42. Fiz
43. [strike]Tossrock[/strike]- After two and a half weeks, got his celibate ass level drained by a succubus.
44. B.C.
45. [strike]Dee Kae[/strike]- Two and a half days, lost out of boredom.
46. [strike]Kayne Red Robe[/strike]- Bit over three days to gay futurama hentai. Also he fucked a cute coworker. Good form.
47. [strike]tugga[/strike]- Eight and a half days, needed to get rid of some morning wood so he could walk across campus because apparently he goes to school at a nudist colony.
48. [strike]Redimpulse[/strike]- LURKER OUT
49. [strike]Kadith[/strike]- LURKER OUT
50. [strike]Sami[/strike]- Four and a half days, got bored, late night booty call.
51. [strike]Franko[/strike]- Out after an indeterminate number of days, due to busting a nut on some hotel sheets and then sleeping in them, the nasty fucker.
52. [strike]Redeemer[/strike]- Just over sixteen days, when he hooked up with a dude at a party.
53. [strike]the wook[/strike]- After five and a half days, decided that his cheeseburger did not have enough mayo and added some of his own.
54. [strike]Neville[/strike]- Out after three and a quarter days due to Redeemer's hot ass. It should be noted that he was the First Fag Out.
55. [strike]Malkor[/strike]- After two and a half miserable days, he hired a hooker. The hooker left him blue balled though, because he didn't pay her on account of being a cheap ass, so he just jerked it to Rachel Ray instead, on account of being a coward. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first, Malkor is a cheap-ass coward.
56. [strike]Campion[/strike]- Gave up after three days because he got bored and just watched a bunch of those five second porn clips.
57. [strike]Vorus[/strike]- Two and a half weeks, to possibly the strangest wet dream ever (also his first).
58. [strike]Meissnerd[/strike]- A bit over a day.
59. [strike]Stale[/strike]- 17 hours, Buck Angel
60. [strike]SageinaRage[/strike]- Out after a bit over eight days, fuck if I know to what I don't care fuck you
61. [strike]Junpei[/strike]- Like a day, due to his fiancee, the floozy.
62. [strike]Skull Man[/strike]- After five days, he went to go pick his girlfriend up from daycare and then hit her over the head with a hammer and fucked the wound.
63. [strike]kitch[/strike]- Two days. Took a nap and woke up mid climax, humping his sheets.
64. [strike]6_Vitium_6_Concubine_6[/strike]- LURKER/UGLY NAME OUT
65. [strike]casper_27d[/strike]- After almost three weeks, had a glorious jerk inside of Saddam's motherfucking palace, to some floozy named Heidi Montag I think.
66. [strike]Karl[/strike]l- Bit over two days. Didn't want the middate boners tomorrow.
67. [strike]redfenix[/strike]- After a bit over eight days, talked to his wife for some time about getting a divorce due to his relationship with that Sienna floozy, but then his wife blew him. I guess.
68. [strike]Matsuhito[/strike]- LURKER OUT
69. [strike]ascot[/strike]- Two and a half days to something he refuses to admit. Theory: a horse fucking a water bottle.
70. [strike]Qorzm[/strike]- LURKER/RIVAL OUT
71. [strike]stimtokolos[/strike]- Out after two and a half days on account of rage buildup.
72. [strike]FlatEric[/strike]- Out after two weeks to some porn star but I already forgot the name so fuck typing it over although I'll probably go back and check it out later and then proceed to check her out too.
73. [strike]Raneados[/strike]- Out after five and a half days to a handjob based raping.
74. [strike]Kazhiim[/strike]- 45 Minutes, lost track of time
75. [strike]Keith[/strike]- Day and a half, got bored.
76. [strike]Inquisitor[/strike]- 10 Hours, some floozy blew him
77. [strike]CorpseRT[/strike]- Out after a week to "peepshow.jpg"
78. [strike]Pb[/strike]- Just over nine days because not jerking it over an internet contest is the stupidest shit.
79. [strike]BoredGamer[/strike]- Taken out after a bit over a week to hot bespectacled ladies with button down shirts who raped him with strap ons.
80. [strike]blackpyr[/strike]- LURKER OUT
81. [strike]Munkus Beaver[/strike]- Out after a day and a quarter to just being horny. Faggot.
82. [strike]Koshian[/strike]- A bit over six days. Cause unknown, but for a good point in the right direction, read Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk.
83. [strike]Food[/strike]- After a bit over five days, jerked off over Brawl. Or lack of Brawl. Or something. He's a faggot, that's what matters.
84. [strike]Smasher[/strike]- Out after a week, but amazingly, did not come in that time, as he learned the art of the male multiple orgasm. Good show man.
85. Polago
86. [strike]Bedlam[/strike]- Six and a half days to some porn involving gay people.
87. [strike]Vivixenne[/strike]- After almost three weeks, had a party and cried like the schoolgirl she is.
88. [strike]Cum Hero[/strike]- Four and a half days to a ladyfriend's advances that may or may not have been himself in a dress.
89. [strike]Javen[/strike]- Lasted for a bit over two days, then decided to try and cheer up with a jerk. Unsuccessful and it knocked him out of the contest. Tragic.
90. [strike]Bad-Beat[/strike]- Nearly made it to four days, but had a party to go to and didn't want to be poppin' boners all night long.
91. [strike]Samoris[/strike]- LURKER OUT
92. [strike]Mr Peepers[/strike]- Out after three days, due to boredom and loneliness or some gay-ass shit I don't know.
93. [strike]Faricazy[/strike]- Out after 56 hours on account of schoolgirls. He didn't confirm, but I'm assuming he jerked off in an elementary school playground, the sick fuck.
94. [strike]Zombiemambo[/strike]- Like a day and a half. Keeps asking if he can start over and pissing me the hell off.
95. [strike]Mayday[/strike]- Twelve days or something like that, I'm not keeping too close of track because this man is on the goddamn heroes list, on account of having a girlfriend and repeatedly lying to her in order to stay in the contest. You hear that people? This man is a goddamned hero.
96. [strike]Raslin[/strike]- Another boredom out, after two and a half days. Jesus christ people, can't you do something other than masturbate?
97. BlackCloud
98. [strike]Mr. Henry Bemis[/strike]- Lost after like two and a quarter days to a hot bath. Of semen perhaps?
99. [strike]sdrawkcaB emaN[/strike]- Saw his boner in the shower after just under three days and got so aroused he exploded.
100. [strike]Faceless Coward[/strike]- LURKER OUT
101. [strike]Procrastinator[/strike]- After four and three quarters days, tried the jerk and hold it. Jerked, did not hold it.
102. [strike]Buddy Lee[/strike]- 9 Hours
103. [strike]Hobnail[/strike]- After three and a half days, went out to an erotic text message. I didn't even know such a thing was possible, and I can only imagine it as: do u wnt 2 hump. So there you have it folks, Hobnail went out because someone sent him a text message asking him if he wanted to hump.
104. [strike]Shawxn[/strike]- Lost after four and a half to something he calls the red tube. I'm guess he hit a hedgehog with his car and then tried to fuck it, because I mean, what else could redtube be?
105. [strike]wezoin[/strike]- After a bit over three days, fucked a woman that, by her description, must be some sort of prostitute.

The following competitors would enjoy being tempted, possibly with materials of a pornographic nature, by way of our handy private messaging system. Red likes chicks, Magenta likes dudes, and Green is cool with either or both.
Spoiler:

Straightzi on
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Posts

  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    so how many remain? I can't count I'm too busy thinking about sex.

    OooOOOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOoOoOOoOOoOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo
  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Lets do another contest

    The first forumer to jerk until he bleeds win

  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    DodgeBlan wrote: »
    so how many remain? I can't count I'm too busy thinking about sex.

    37, unless I'm retarted

  • BlankspaceBlankspace __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2008
    Oh man

    I was hoping this was a Shakespeare thread

    SIG.gif
  • SageinaRageSageinaRage Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Still here, still not jerkin it. Spent all night playing the dee and dee.

  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    5. Centipede Damascus
    8. Veretas
    10. DarkPrimus
    15. rockmonkey
    17. froggy
    22. Jimothy
    23. Vladimer
    26. GFishy
    29. DodgeBlan
    33. Einhander
    35. 435
    38. Synthetic Orange
    40. Dichotomy
    42. Fiz
    43. Tossrock
    44. B.C.
    47. tugga
    48. Redimpulse
    49. Kadith
    52. Redeemer
    57. Vorus
    60. SageinaRage
    64. 6_Vitium_6_Concubine_6
    65. casper_27d
    68. Matsuhito
    70. Qorzm
    72. FlatEric
    78. Pb
    79. BoredGamer
    80. blackpyr
    84. Smasher
    85. Polago
    87. Vivixenne
    91. Samoris
    95. Mayday
    97. BlackCloud
    100. Faceless Coward

    I think these people are still in

    did we do the check-in yet? because lots of these people have not checked in

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • FlatEricFlatEric Leaves from the vine, Falling so slow Like fragile, tiny shells, Drifting in the foamRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Yeah, quetzi did a check in and cut some people in the last thread. It was around page 95 or so.

    EDIT:
    Straightzi wrote:
    rockmonkey
    The Otaku Suppository
    6_vitium_6_Concubine
    Qorzm
    blackpyr
    Samoris
    Faceless Coward

    These people deserve your hatred, your derision, and also you have to tell me clever ways to have them knocked out in the OP.

    S80hoUu.jpg
    hDrW8.png
  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Straightzi wrote: »
    This is the No-Jerking Contest Thread.

    Don't complain too much about how hard it is. It isn't, you faggot.

    Rock hard monster in my pants

    Death to PA.
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I've been propositioning Orik over aim. And Heart. And Tossrock. And Neville. And Blue Tape (who doesn't post here any more). And NotASenator. Not to mention Synthetic Orange, Raneados, and Chicoblue through private messages.

    The point is a lack of masturbation makes me a slut. People should take advantage of this.

    juggcat.jpg
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    5. Centipede Damascus
    8. Veretas
    10. DarkPrimus
    17. froggy
    22. Jimothy
    23. Vladimer
    26. GFishy
    29. DodgeBlan
    33. Einhander
    35. 435
    38. Synthetic Orange
    40. Dichotomy
    42. Fiz
    43. Tossrock
    44. B.C.
    47. tugga
    48. Redimpulse
    49. Kadith
    52. Redeemer
    57. Vorus
    60. SageinaRage
    65. casper_27d
    68. Matsuhito
    70. Qorzm
    72. FlatEric
    78. Pb
    79. BoredGamer
    84. Smasher
    85. Polago
    87. Vivixenne
    95. Mayday
    97. BlackCloud

    I think these people are still in

    did we do the check-in yet? because lots of these people have not checked in

    so this is the revised list

    I still don't think some of these people have check in but we'll see

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I've seen a few of the folks posting in the last thread quite a bit, but a lot of the others on the list I wouldn't notice even if they had posted, so....

    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    fiz never propositions me

    even after all those pictures

    in other news: Drinking AGAIN tonight

    this is like 7 days in a row for me, 8 if you count last night where I got drunk, sobered up, and got drunk again

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • FlatEricFlatEric Leaves from the vine, Falling so slow Like fragile, tiny shells, Drifting in the foamRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    5. Centipede Damascus
    8. Veretas
    10. DarkPrimus
    17. froggy
    22. Jimothy
    23. Vladimer
    26. GFishy
    29. DodgeBlan
    33. Einhander
    35. 435
    38. Synthetic Orange
    40. Dichotomy
    42. Fiz
    43. Tossrock
    44. B.C.
    47. tugga
    48. Redimpulse
    49. Kadith
    52. Redeemer
    57. Vorus
    60. SageinaRage
    65. casper_27d
    68. Matsuhito
    70. Qorzm
    72. FlatEric
    78. Pb
    79. BoredGamer
    84. Smasher
    85. Polago
    87. Vivixenne
    95. Mayday
    97. BlackCloud

    I think these people are still in

    did we do the check-in yet? because lots of these people have not checked in

    so this is the revised list

    I still don't think some of these people have check in but we'll see
    Hah, I'm on that list.

    There are several names in there that have been posting a lot, but a bunch of them I don't recall seeing.

    EDIT: Names in red I don't remember posting. But, they may have just been posts I skipped over. Everyone else I've seen around.

    S80hoUu.jpg
    hDrW8.png
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Like that casper number name fellow.

    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    are you out, Flateric?

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Not tests. They were trying to kill it.Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I have never seen 3/4 of those names before

  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Damn. Good stuff, Rane.

    Although I wish you wouldn't be so diligent with your shaving.

    juggcat.jpg
  • FlatEricFlatEric Leaves from the vine, Falling so slow Like fragile, tiny shells, Drifting in the foamRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    are you out, Flateric?

    Whoops, I misread your post before. Yeah, I'm still in.

    S80hoUu.jpg
    hDrW8.png
  • bloodyroarxxbloodyroarxx Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    So I'm not technically in but I am out, I was the rebound guy for a acquaintance.

  • Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    humanetyoo4.jpg

    www.twitter.com/amazingwarlock
  • StraightziStraightzi Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Updated for LURKER OUTS

  • FlatEricFlatEric Leaves from the vine, Falling so slow Like fragile, tiny shells, Drifting in the foamRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    That is a very blue picture, shank.

    S80hoUu.jpg
    hDrW8.png
  • SamiSami Registered User
    edited March 2008
    Nice Shanks

    Preacher wrote:
    That's the kicker, not only is our healthcare not cutting mustard we are overpaying for shitty healthcare. We have the olive garden of healthcare.
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    There's probably some joke behind humanety and why not humanity

    juggcat.jpg
  • Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    anyone who knows the source gets funbucks

    www.twitter.com/amazingwarlock
  • Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    funbucks are pretty similar to rapebucks

    except that you can redeem funbucks whenever you want

    and I can redeem rapebucks whenever I want

    www.twitter.com/amazingwarlock
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Fiz wrote: »
    Damn. Good stuff, Rane.

    Although I wish you wouldn't be so diligent with your shaving.

    wait what does this mean

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • telcustelcus Registered User
    edited March 2008
    oh the hugh manatee

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SamiSami Registered User
    edited March 2008
    anyone who knows the source gets funbucks

    It's a good show.

    Preacher wrote:
    That's the kicker, not only is our healthcare not cutting mustard we are overpaying for shitty healthcare. We have the olive garden of healthcare.
  • Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I am watching eps 4 right now.

    www.twitter.com/amazingwarlock
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    Fiz wrote: »
    Damn. Good stuff, Rane.

    Although I wish you wouldn't be so diligent with your shaving.

    wait what does this mean

    I like a little hair on a guy >_>

    juggcat.jpg
  • SmasherSmasher Starting to get dizzy Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Well, thanks to this contest I now have the ability to have multiple orgasms.

    In ununrelated news, I guess I'm out? I didn't come, but I did test this new development a few times. Either way's fine with me.

  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Fiz wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    Fiz wrote: »
    Damn. Good stuff, Rane.

    Although I wish you wouldn't be so diligent with your shaving.

    wait what does this mean

    I like a little hair on a guy >_>

    I only shave my crotch, and even then I've let it lapse a little

    I am naturally hairless

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • StraightziStraightzi Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Smasher wrote: »
    Well, thanks to this contest I now have the ability to have multiple orgasms.

    In ununrelated news, I guess I'm out? I didn't come, but I did test this new development a few times. Either way's fine with me.

    I don't even know. Can we get a decision here from the people in this contest?

  • VorusVorus Registered User
    edited March 2008
    I am still in

    I can't believe my name got red-listed

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    If girls are out to orgasm, this guy is out too

    regular%20sig.png
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I want to try to knock out the gays

    but I just can't bring myself to post my ass, because I do not want to be jailed more or banned

    SE what should I do

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User
    edited March 2008
    i know what will knock out the gays
    Spoiler:

  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I'm really glad Raneados got a camera. He's really cute, you guys.

    juggcat.jpg
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    fiz <3

    you see me blushing?

    <3

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
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