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King Leer (bet your earnings on page 77) (No Porn- Orikae)

StraightziStraightzi The rock, the vulture, and the chainAll that the proud can feel of painRegistered User regular
edited April 2008 in Singularity Engine++
This is the No-Jerking Contest Thread. No more people are allowed to join. This whole thing started Monday, March 3rd at 5 PM EST. Here's some rules for the retarded:

No getting off in any way shape or form, wet dreams and normal sex included. Fuck you I don't care about your problems.

No requesting pornography in the thread.

Don't complain too much about how hard it is. It isn't, you faggot.

No there isn't a prize shut your face.

If and when you go out, you gotta tell us what pushed you over the edge.

If you haven't been posting much, you better fucking do so by Monday, or I'll kick you from this contest.

Master List of Competitors:
1. [strike]Straightzi[/strike]- A bit over three days, as a friend of mine started sending me pictures ranging from the erotic to the straight up nude, and then topped it off with a video of her, naked, making out with her friend, also naked. Ain't no fighting that shit at that point.
2. [strike]Lol![/strike]- About a day. Needed to cheer up so met up with his old friend Iga wyrwal. By which I mean he jerked off to her on the internet. He doesn't know her, the scum.
3. [strike]Fire Truck[/strike]- Two days. Girlfriend with a webcam can do much damage to a man.
4. [strike]Kusuguttai[/strike]- A bit over six days. To Shankill, apparently, which is so close to narcissism I consider it fucked up.
5. [strike]Centipede Damascus[/strike]- After just over a week, went out to redtube. And I already made the joke about a hedgehog hit by a car, so you'll have to insert your own witty commentary.
6. [strike]Killjoy[/strike]- Lost it just over two days in to a depressed Ellen Page.
7. [strike]Bibble[/strike]- A bit over a day. To nothing apparently. Gaaaaaay.
8. [strike]Veretas[/strike]- Out after some time I don't know I'm not in charge here fuck. Also don't know what he went out to, so I'm gonna assume he bought a mail order bride with his "winnings."
9. [strike]Grandaddy Delicious[/strike]- Day and a half on account of a girlfriend.
10. [strike]DarkPrimus[/strike]-Out after like twelve days, was satisfied with top twenty and then was satisfied in other ways (guro).
11. [strike]The Plain Girl From The Low-Quality American Remake Of The Office[/strike]- 7 hours, some floozy named Gemma Atkinson
12. [strike]Wallhitter[/strike]- Bit over two days. Just jerked it I guess. Boring.
13. [strike]Beef Avenger[/strike]- Just over two days to morning wood. Seriously, he just couldn't take it because of morning wood. I mean maybe he means the band, the lead singer is kinda hot I guess, but still.
14. [strike]tehcoolryan[/strike]- Two and a half days, bored and trying to go to sleep or something. Rumor has it that there was some Hey Arnold Hentai sent out too. Coincidence? Probably, shit is gross son.
15. [strike]rockmonkey[/strike]- LURKER OUT
16. [strike]WhiteZinfandel[/strike]- Almost three days, but Alexis Texas took him out.
17. [strike]froggy[/strike]- After three weeks and a day or so, had a dream in which he raped himself, only to wake up and discover it wasn't a dream at all!
18. [strike]Regicid3[/strike]- 16 hours
19. [strike]Metzger Meister[/strike]- Like a day and a half to some gay-ass threesome porn.
20. [strike]The Otaku Suppository[/strike]- After an hour, attempted to orally pleasure self. Pulled a muscle in his back and has been in the hospital since (LURKER OUT).
21. [strike]OmegaTofuNinja[/strike]- Almost two days to hot and sweaty sex dreams.
22. Jimothy
23. Vladimer
24. [strike]SLAMMU[/strike]- Out after a bit over five days to his girlfriend, using the old "Hey baby, I'm not allowed to orgasm according to some internet toerag" line.
25. [strike]Silvoculous[/strike]- Tried the jerk and hold it back at the very end thing about three days in. Didn't work.
26. [strike]GFishy[/strike]- went just under two weeks and then didn't keep going I'm too lazy to read posts here people.
27. [strike]Monkeyfeet[/strike]- Just under five days. I kinda skimmed his post, I noticed the words Smash Bros, lesbians, Fiz, and rape. I don't even fucking know.
28. [strike]Dakal[/strike]- Before he could make it to the week mark, fucked a puma. Jesus shit.
29. [strike]DodgeBlan[/strike]- After almost three weeks, went out to literotica. I have too much respect for the people that make it this far to really make fun of them much, but man, temptation is all over the place right here.
30. [strike]Shankill Butcher[/strike]- A bit over six days. To Kusu, apparently, which is so close to incest I consider it fucked up.
31. [strike]laughingfuzzball[/strike]- Three and a half days to Thing from the Addam's Family.
32. [strike]PotU[/strike]- Two days to some gay gloryhole porn, courtesy of Redeemer.
33. Einhander- After nearly a month, went out to some porn. whatever, he lasted this long.
34. [strike]Lahn[/strike]- Just under three days. A woman pleasured herself while sitting on his lap until he gave in. Also this is the dude who previously stopped a blowjob halfway through for this contest. Stacked against fucking odds, he deserves your goddamn respect people.
35. [strike]435[/strike]- Nine days or so, as the ninth day was his birthday and a lady gave herself as a birthday present. Acceptable.
36. [strike]Cold Salmon and Hatred[/strike]- A bit over a day. To plaid skirts.
37. [strike]Shifty Fister[/strike]- Around a day or so. Not jerking it apparently ain't enough fun for him.
38. [strike]Synthetic Orange[/strike]- Eight and a half days, the breaking in of dildoes and butt plugs broke him as well.
39. [strike]mully[/strike]- After nearly five days, went out under mysterious circumstances, posting only that she was out under As7's account. Foul play is involved. Also fowl play, the sick fucks.
40. [strike]Dichotomy[/strike]- LURKER OUT
41. [strike]Big Red Tie[/strike]- About a day and a half. To the first Harry Potter movie, apparently.
42. Fiz
43. [strike]Tossrock[/strike]- After two and a half weeks, got his celibate ass level drained by a succubus.
44. B.C.
45. [strike]Dee Kae[/strike]- Two and a half days, lost out of boredom.
46. [strike]Kayne Red Robe[/strike]- Bit over three days to gay futurama hentai. Also he fucked a cute coworker. Good form.
47. [strike]tugga[/strike]- Eight and a half days, needed to get rid of some morning wood so he could walk across campus because apparently he goes to school at a nudist colony.
48. [strike]Redimpulse[/strike]- LURKER OUT
49. [strike]Kadith[/strike]- LURKER OUT
50. [strike]Sami[/strike]- Four and a half days, got bored, late night booty call.
51. [strike]Franko[/strike]- Out after an indeterminate number of days, due to busting a nut on some hotel sheets and then sleeping in them, the nasty fucker.
52. [strike]Redeemer[/strike]- Just over sixteen days, when he hooked up with a dude at a party.
53. [strike]the wook[/strike]- After five and a half days, decided that his cheeseburger did not have enough mayo and added some of his own.
54. [strike]Neville[/strike]- Out after three and a quarter days due to Redeemer's hot ass. It should be noted that he was the First Fag Out.
55. [strike]Malkor[/strike]- After two and a half miserable days, he hired a hooker. The hooker left him blue balled though, because he didn't pay her on account of being a cheap ass, so he just jerked it to Rachel Ray instead, on account of being a coward. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first, Malkor is a cheap-ass coward.
56. [strike]Campion[/strike]- Gave up after three days because he got bored and just watched a bunch of those five second porn clips.
57. [strike]Vorus[/strike]- Two and a half weeks, to possibly the strangest wet dream ever (also his first).
58. [strike]Meissnerd[/strike]- A bit over a day.
59. [strike]Stale[/strike]- 17 hours, Buck Angel
60. [strike]SageinaRage[/strike]- Out after a bit over eight days, fuck if I know to what I don't care fuck you
61. [strike]Junpei[/strike]- Like a day, due to his fiancee, the floozy.
62. [strike]Skull Man[/strike]- After five days, he went to go pick his girlfriend up from daycare and then hit her over the head with a hammer and fucked the wound.
63. [strike]kitch[/strike]- Two days. Took a nap and woke up mid climax, humping his sheets.
64. [strike]6_Vitium_6_Concubine_6[/strike]- LURKER/UGLY NAME OUT
65. [strike]casper_27d[/strike]- After almost three weeks, had a glorious jerk inside of Saddam's motherfucking palace, to some floozy named Heidi Montag I think.
66. [strike]Karl[/strike]l- Bit over two days. Didn't want the middate boners tomorrow.
67. [strike]redfenix[/strike]- After a bit over eight days, talked to his wife for some time about getting a divorce due to his relationship with that Sienna floozy, but then his wife blew him. I guess.
68. [strike]Matsuhito[/strike]- LURKER OUT
69. [strike]ascot[/strike]- Two and a half days to something he refuses to admit. Theory: a horse fucking a water bottle.
70. [strike]Qorzm[/strike]- LURKER/RIVAL OUT
71. [strike]stimtokolos[/strike]- Out after two and a half days on account of rage buildup.
72. [strike]FlatEric[/strike]- Out after two weeks to some porn star but I already forgot the name so fuck typing it over although I'll probably go back and check it out later and then proceed to check her out too.
73. [strike]Raneados[/strike]- Out after five and a half days to a handjob based raping.
74. [strike]Kazhiim[/strike]- 45 Minutes, lost track of time
75. [strike]Keith[/strike]- Day and a half, got bored.
76. [strike]Inquisitor[/strike]- 10 Hours, some floozy blew him
77. [strike]CorpseRT[/strike]- Out after a week to "peepshow.jpg"
78. [strike]Pb[/strike]- Just over nine days because not jerking it over an internet contest is the stupidest shit.
79. [strike]BoredGamer[/strike]- Taken out after a bit over a week to hot bespectacled ladies with button down shirts who raped him with strap ons.
80. [strike]blackpyr[/strike]- LURKER OUT
81. [strike]Munkus Beaver[/strike]- Out after a day and a quarter to just being horny. Faggot.
82. [strike]Koshian[/strike]- A bit over six days. Cause unknown, but for a good point in the right direction, read Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk.
83. [strike]Food[/strike]- After a bit over five days, jerked off over Brawl. Or lack of Brawl. Or something. He's a faggot, that's what matters.
84. [strike]Smasher[/strike]- Out after a week, but amazingly, did not come in that time, as he learned the art of the male multiple orgasm. Good show man.
85. Polago
86. [strike]Bedlam[/strike]- Six and a half days to some porn involving gay people.
87. [strike]Vivixenne[/strike]- After almost three weeks, had a party and cried like the schoolgirl she is.
88. [strike]Cum Hero[/strike]- Four and a half days to a ladyfriend's advances that may or may not have been himself in a dress.
89. [strike]Javen[/strike]- Lasted for a bit over two days, then decided to try and cheer up with a jerk. Unsuccessful and it knocked him out of the contest. Tragic.
90. [strike]Bad-Beat[/strike]- Nearly made it to four days, but had a party to go to and didn't want to be poppin' boners all night long.
91. [strike]Samoris[/strike]- LURKER OUT
92. [strike]Mr Peepers[/strike]- Out after three days, due to boredom and loneliness or some gay-ass shit I don't know.
93. [strike]Faricazy[/strike]- Out after 56 hours on account of schoolgirls. He didn't confirm, but I'm assuming he jerked off in an elementary school playground, the sick fuck.
94. [strike]Zombiemambo[/strike]- Like a day and a half. Keeps asking if he can start over and pissing me the hell off.
95. [strike]Mayday[/strike]- Twelve days or something like that, I'm not keeping too close of track because this man is on the goddamn heroes list, on account of having a girlfriend and repeatedly lying to her in order to stay in the contest. You hear that people? This man is a goddamned hero.
96. [strike]Raslin[/strike]- Another boredom out, after two and a half days. Jesus christ people, can't you do something other than masturbate?
97. BlackCloud
98. [strike]Mr. Henry Bemis[/strike]- Lost after like two and a quarter days to a hot bath. Of semen perhaps?
99. [strike]sdrawkcaB emaN[/strike]- Saw his boner in the shower after just under three days and got so aroused he exploded.
100. [strike]Faceless Coward[/strike]- LURKER OUT
101. [strike]Procrastinator[/strike]- After four and three quarters days, tried the jerk and hold it. Jerked, did not hold it.
102. [strike]Buddy Lee[/strike]- 9 Hours
103. [strike]Hobnail[/strike]- After three and a half days, went out to an erotic text message. I didn't even know such a thing was possible, and I can only imagine it as: do u wnt 2 hump. So there you have it folks, Hobnail went out because someone sent him a text message asking him if he wanted to hump.
104. [strike]Shawxn[/strike]- Lost after four and a half to something he calls the red tube. I'm guess he hit a hedgehog with his car and then tried to fuck it, because I mean, what else could redtube be?
105. [strike]wezoin[/strike]- After a bit over three days, fucked a woman that, by her description, must be some sort of prostitute.

The following competitors would enjoy being tempted, possibly with materials of a pornographic nature, by way of our handy private messaging system. Red likes chicks, Magenta likes dudes, and Green is cool with either or both.
Spoiler:

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