Bored/Lonely

Nostregar

This isn't the largest of problems, as problems go, but I thought you wonderful people might be able to help a guy out.

I'm currently in the summer between my Sophomore and Junior years of college. At school, I have a great time; I do all my work, hang out with my friends, play frisbee, play video games, you name it. The most important thing about school, though, is my girlfriend. We've been together for about a year and basically live together at school. We're incredibly close, almost never fight, etc etc. It's as close to perfect as I can imagine.

This summer she is away in China for 9 weeks on an internship. I'm really happy for her, it's awesome, and it's going to help her alot in her career. The problem is, this leaves me feeling pretty lonely. We don't get to talk much, so I wind up feeling disconnected the rest of the time since I'm so used to having her around.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem if I had friends around to do stuff with and hang out with. However, the problems are these: First, I go to college in a different state, so all of my "local" (to the school) friends are far away. Second, all of my friends who aren't living around there live fairly far away (nobody is within a 6 hour drive of me). Third, I never had friends when I was in highschool, so I don't have any friends who live around me from that period of my life.

As you can imagine, this leads to some boredom. I don't really get to do anything besides sit in my house, which compounds the loneliness problem. My family isn't very active, so it's not like I can just do stuff with them.

I have a job that I work 9-5:30 Monday-Friday, so that takes up a fair amount of my day. When I get home from work at 6, though, I just have nothing to do. I sit in my room, talk to people online sometimes, play some games, whatever. I just get bored.

Essentially, I'm looking for things I can do by myself to keep me entertained. I'm not terribly interested in making new friends, since all of the people in my age group in this area I already know and don't particularly like due to highschool. I mean, if that's what people suggest I can give it a go, but it's not my first choice. I'd prefer to just have some ideas for things to do on my own.

I'm ok at art so I've been drawing a lot more, and I play video games a fair amount. I also read alot. These are basically all I could come up with on my own. Thoughts?

Background info : 20 year old male, live in Massachusetts, I don't drink or do drugs.

tl;dr - I need activities I can do by myself to alleviate boredom.

Slagmire

I would say take up a hobby, but it looks like you're doing that already with art and gaming. On the gaming front, are you playing console games or more MMOs?

If your girl is in China right now, does she know a little Chinese and is she learning more there? Might be kinda cool to pick that up.

Ryadic

Ummm, my suggestion is to find something that interests you a lot that has a social aspect to it, and pursue that. For instance, I play MtG and I only played it casually with a friend. I found a shop in town and made a lot of new friends through the game. Now when I'm bored I just call up those friends and can usually get a game or two together to kill some time.

I suggest something like this. You may even try playing DnD or a similar game.

You mentioned you played Frisbee, I would suggest going out to a park in the area and seeing if you can find a group of people playing Frisbee there. My friends and I play Frisbee once a week and would gladly let some random person in just to get more people playing. Chances are, people in your area will be the same way as well.

Other than that, if you don't wanna get too social, I would say just play a lot of online games. It can really help you forget that you're "alone" when you're enjoying a game with others.

Sentry

write her a letter.

Not an e-mail... an actual, honest to god letter. Then... when you're done... write another one.

It will fill up some time, and make you closer. Then, take up a hobby.

seasleepy

Just keep busy. Find things to do. Easier said than done, but here are a couple of ideas.
Is there anything you've ever wanted or needed to learn to do? Now is the perfect time. (For me, if I start getting bored, cooking is something I end up gravitating towards since there's always new recipes and techniques to try.)
For your art, maybe set up a goal or a project to work for or pick up some new equipment.
Take a night class at your local community college?
Raid your library -- in addition to books, most of them also have some sort of selection of DVDs, VHS tapes, and CDs.
Are there movies or TV shows you've been meaning to check out? Get a Netflix subscription or some other movie rental thing going and go to town. There are a lot of great TV dramas out on DVD that lend themselves to marathoning quite well.

On the weekend, go exploring. Anything within a few hours of home is fair game. Get a list of museums, parks, art galleries, fairs, concerts (either free outdoor type things or anything that might interest you), etc. Try out restaurants you've never been to. Bring a camera and if you can't think of anything else to do, turn it into a photo expedition. (Many of my favorite photos are from when I was bored some Saturday afternoon and decided to drive about half an hour somewhere to take pictures.) Setting up trips like this is good for keeping you occupied during the week as well, since you have to do a bit of research and planning and deciding where you want to go.

Nostregar

Slagmire - I usually play PC games more than console, though I own several consoles. The games I usually play on PC are FPSs and RTSs. I've been on a bit of a DEFCON/Supreme Commander kick lately, but since Ryadic suggested more social games I'll probably move to TF2, Quake Wars, those games. She does speak Chinese, and presumably will get better at it while there, but I'm currently learning Japanese so trying to learn Chinese as well would destroy my brain.


Ryadic - I do love to play DnD, I just haven't been able to find anyone around here to join up with. There are almost no game stores around here besides GameStop, so there aren't many places to look . I'll ask around though, it's a good idea. I'll also keep an eye out for people playing frisbee outside. I never really see anyone in our parks, but I'll look more often. Also gonna try some more social games, like I said above.


Sentry - I like the letter idea, I'll try that.


Seasleepy - I have to cook dinner lately, so cooking has become more of a chore than a hobby. As far as art goes, I like to work digitally so there's not much I can pick up for supplies, but I'll see if there's anything around that interests me. I used to make chainmail (the armor, not the emails) so maybe I'll pick up some stuff to do that again. Our library is pretty small, but I'll see what I can find there. I don't really like TV, but I'll look around for some movies I missed in theaters, see if I can find anything good. Taking a photo expedition also sounds pretty fun, if I can get hold of my brother's SLR camera I might give that a try.



Thanks for all the ideas, guys. This should definately help me keep occupied.

meeker

Ever thought about volunteering?

Maybe get a second job to kill time and save up some cash?

Go take some summer classes?

Boredom only occurs because you aren't actively thinking about something else to do.

OdinOwnsYeAll

Get out of the house and STAY out. Go to a starbucks with a book or a magazine and read, go jogging, go shopping and keep your eyes open for people to meet. That's my $.02

Brocrates

Your best bet is just to get out. If your 21 try hitting local bars and clubs. You can make friends pretty easily if your social. If you don't like drinking, hit coffee shops, books stores, really anywhere that people hang out. It's going to be up to you to make friends, so just keep this in mind. Your going to have to make the first move.

Sarcastro

I liked the 'get another job' advice, I was thinking the same thing. Something light and easy, in a place where you want to get to know the people. It makes money instead of spends it, and who knows, save some pocket cash to travel and see your girl - pretty sure that would blow her mind.

CooterTKE

if your good at art find a local tattoo parlor and see if one of the artists is willing to show you the ropes for the summer.

Lewisham

Same as everyone above.

Also... 9 weeks: not a long time. It will go by quicker than you imagine. Use the time to do selfish things for yourself. Stuff that you can't do as much of when the gf is around, but wish you could.

Ryadic

Lewisham wrote: »

Use the time to do selfish things for yourself. Stuff that you can't do as much of when the gf is around, but wish you could.

Internet porn! :winky: :P

Nostregar

Meeker - All of my past experiences with volunteering have not been positive, for various reasons. I know that those probably weren't representative of volunteering as a whole, it just kind of turned me off to it. I'd consider a second job, but I had a hard enough time finding my current one that prospects do not look positive. I'm also not much up summer classes because, well, I spend the entire rest of the year working my ass off at school.


OdinOwnsYeAll - Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea. But, I also want time to do things like play games and devote to my other hobbies. I'll definately try to get out on weekends though.


Brocrates - Not to be rude, but it seems like you didn't read the entire post. In my original post I said that I'm 20 and don't drink, so a bar isn't a great option. I also said I'm not terribly keen on making new friends, but ok.


Sarcastro - Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't mind another job if I can find it. Just hard to find one around here; alot of kids and not many stores/other places to work. I doubt I'll have enough money to go see her though, plane tickets are $1300 for a round trip.


CooterTKE - Interesting idea, but to my knowledge there aren't any around here. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere >_<.


Lewisham - Yeah, 9 weeks isn't THAT long, it just feels like it. And it's a long time to be on your own, too.

Ryadic - Not gonna lie, that was the first thing I thought when he said that too. Haha, what has the internet done to me? Alas.

Nexus Zero

Yeah 9 weeks, you should be fine. It'll go by quicker than you expect.

However. I know you said you're not that bothered about the kids you knew in highschool but I was in a similar situation from you at the end of school sans a girlfriend - I didn't dislike my mates from school but relations had soured during the last year and going to uni just compounded that because I made so many great friends. However there was a month holiday over easter and it was unbarable, back in a 2-bit town with nothing to do. I started calling my old buddies and four years later they're the closest people in my life even though I don't even live near most of them. It might be worth a shot.

Godfather

Nostregar, you and I are in the same boat right now, except that i've been waiting to get into school ever since I was accepted last November. Let me tell you, spending almost an entire year with no buddies around, no school social networks to meet potential friends and no hobbies is pretty much a death sentence. I have two very good friends I pal around with, but one is on his two year mormon mission trip and the other is taking two summer semesters at school, meaning he won't be in town period during the course of the summer. It is......not easy to say the least.

Ways i've tried to counter-balance this is to take up an extensive hobby; the ones that you really have to devote a lot of time in to get decent results. In my case it was flamenco guitar and drawing. Although the drawing side seems to have wained a bit, i've stepped up my game on the music front, and when you really get into a practice session the time practically melts away.

I know it might seem hard right now, but you're just going to have to wait it out. Do whatever you can to keep yourself occupied in the mean time.

Capncrunch7

Never underestimate the power of going for a walk.

A nice hour long walk will get you some sun (area and weather permitting), exercise, and at least some form of human interaction, and will in general make you feel better.

I had to kill the first two weeks of summer with no job and no friends back from university and a walk a day really made things bearable.

Nostregar

Nexus - My problem is really the fact that I didn't have any friends here to begin with, so I don't have anybody I can call up, really. That's a big part of my problem. But, if anyone contacts me, I'll see what I can do. And yeah, I'm really hoping these 9 weeks just go by as quickly as possible >_<.


Godfather - That sucks, man. I bet you're looking forward to college if only to be around people. I'm probably going to be spending more time on my drawing, since that seems to be a generally agreed-upon good idea. Sadly, my music abilities are almost as bad as my dancing abilities (which is to say, crap). But yeah, I'll definately keep an eye out for hobbies. i've actually just started working on a map for a video game, so that might be a good thing to keep me occupied.


Capncrunch - That's an interesting idea. I'm disgustingly pale so I burn in 30 seconds flat, but if I cover up and wear sunblock I should be ok. There's not alot rto see around here, but maybe I can combine that with an earlier idea and walk up to a park or something. Thanks .

Limp moose

you live in mass....

Dude there are like a million cool things to do within in a 2 or 3 hour drive or even closer.

Go to Boston. See all the amazing crap in Boston. (museums, historical sites, theater, Red sox game, whatever.) Take a weekend and go to new york and do the same thing as you did in Boston. (yes its a long drive but so what your 20 and bored what the hell else are you going to do.) Thats 2 weekends right there. Tell one of your good school friends to meet you there and have them get on a train.

Writing letters and taking walks is a good idea but step it up a notch. Get into some sort of sport that you can do by yourself. (running , cycling, swimming,) and enter a race in the next month or so. Then spend a little time each day training for it. In a month you will be in better shape and have some competition where you can meet new people who will go running with you or whatever. Plus when the lady gets back you will be less flabby and more manly.

Learn how to play pool, or darts. I am sure there is some sort of billiards club in your area. They probably have an APA (american pool association) night with league play. Join a random league and you meet 5 new friends. Also they have the same thing for bowling. Suddenly if you do all three you have 3 nights a week to go do something fun.

If you find yourself bored and you don't live in BFE its your own damn fault. Only you can make yourself Happy.

Ergandar

On the weekends, having a day trip to Boston or Salem would be interesting-especially the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem for some cultural enrichment.

korriander

*ahemWOWahem* ....maybe not the best idea....

Regina Fong

Read books for pleasure. Anything you think might be interesting, but not anything you'd read in school.

Akilae729

I'm kind of in the same situation in that I had to move to Palmdale away from everyone i know for an internship.

I second the advice to go exploring and stay out of the house. I often bring my laptop to a starbucks and just chill, or I dig through record shops that I have managed to find.

I'll also second the advice to do selfish things that normally you wouldnt have time for. I'm reading a bunch of Tom Clancy books

Also, I would just get a summer membership to a place like 24 hour fitness. When I'm bored I just go and work out, its awesome.

CyberJackal

Seeing as you're lonely as well as bored, I would say you should definitely look for something that has some level of interaction with other people. You mentioned frisbee already, but if there's any other sports you might enjoy, do try looking into that. Failing that, just general exercise isn't very social but it would still be a good idea.

I also noticed you mentioned being bad at dancing. If you don't mind giving that another shot, dance lessons would be ideal. Plus, I bet your girl would be really impressed if you managed to get good at it... :winky:

Nostregar

Sorry, haven't replied in a bit. Been busy at work and a minor emergency came up with my girlfriend in China that had to be dealt with. All better now.

Limp Moose - Having lived around Boston my entire life, I'm kind of tired of it. I'm not a huge fan of cities in general, so it wasn't my cup of tea to begin with. However, I went there a fair amount during highschool to - surprise surprise - kill boredom. I'm also not much into sports, which is why I enjoy frisbee. It's semi-athletic but not terribly competitive and is more about having fun than "winning" (if you're playing Ultimate). I might look at the other ideas though.

Ergander - I addressed Boston above, and I've been to Salem though not in a while (I went to that museum when I was out one time, it's pretty cool). I might check Salem out though, hopefully it'll be more exciting than last time I went.

Korriander - I loathe WOW. Not even going to touch it.

Jeepguy - I've been working my way through a few, it is a good way to kill some time.

Akilae729 - I like the reading and getting out ideas, buy gyms make me pretty uncomfortable.

CyberJackal - Man, you have no idea how bad I am at dancing. Seriously, my girlfriend used to try to get me to and then gave up when she realized I was actually the most terrible dancer ever to grace the globe. I'm that bad.

Though I am a master of the horizontal tango :winky:.

ANTVGM64

Join a local Boys and Girls Club :-)

Lots of things to do, learn leadership skills, and you'll get mad awesome points with the GF.

Hawkeye1709

Find old cameras (mechanical cameras earlier than the 1970's) at garage sales and then fix them. It teaches you patience and really gives you a boost when you can return something from the grave. It isn't that hard to get the hang of and can be fun if you're that kind of person. I'm just recommending this because I myself enjoy it tremendously.

Also, just throwing this out there, but maybe getting certified as a scuba diver? Normally the classes are on weekends and they could fill in a void. The downside is that this is a relatively expensive hobby.

pinenut_canary

I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. She lives in S. Korea, I live in the US. Before she went back, we pretty much spent the whole time together. When she left, there was many a time when I would just sit at my desk after I got all my work done and stare at the computer screen. I got very lonely and bored, and it was agonizing at first.

This is what you could do:

Pick up drinking: Don't become an alcoholic, but going around to bars and tasting things/trying things out could be fun, and if you aren't a statue, you could meet some interesting people and learn a lot of new stuff.

Go on a road trip: This is one I highly recommend. All of my in state friends one year were all out of state/country, and I had no one to hang out with. So I went on a road trip to visit some out of state friends. At first it was really lonely because I had to drive 6+ hours all by myself, but once I got to meet some friends, and when a few came along with me, it was great fun. The drive wasn't that bad though, because I had a lot of time to myself to think over things and see how great life was.

Exercise: Last summer I stuck to a really strict exercise regime/diet and my physical health turned out for the better. I got to meet some cool people and it boosted my confidence level. If you want to do this, I recommend the Health/Fitness thread if you want to get started.

Camping: It can get scary at night time when you're all alone, but it leaves a lot of time for reflection and peace. If you have a dog, take him/her with you.

Be a camp counselor: I do this every summer (except this summer). Most of the time you can do it as long as you want. It can become tiring sometimes, but it's fun and at the end of my time period I'm glad that I did it. If you get lucky you can get one that pays.

Build something: There's nothing wrong with learning how to use power tools or learning how to fix things up. You can do general maintenance around the house (always be careful), build a bird house, mail box, anything. Our band got together with really crappy guitars once and spent a whole month swapping crap parts for better parts, painting them, etc.

As someone mentioned before: Learn how to cook. It's fun! And delicious! (most of the time).

Sometimes, no matter what you do, you're going to miss your girlfriend. One night I'm fine and having fun talking with friends, then in the morning when I wake up and I start crying because I miss my girlfriend. When you're bored, half the battle is just getting up and starting something. Good luck to you, you'll be fine.