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Infidelity, not just another form of static..

codetrapcodetrap Registered User
edited June 2008 in Debate and/or Discourse
So,

My wife and I were watching Law and Order, and it was pretty much about some guy that cheated on his wife, then on his mistress, and people got killed over it etc.. blah blah..

She then turns to me and says something to the effect of "Men will always cheat if given opportunity." I naturally responded along the lines of I think that's utter bull, but she insisted that she believes that at least 90% of all men cheat in a relationship.

Now, I haven't done any googling on the stats of this.. but given the opportunity.. say, You can't possibly get caught, the fling is willing, hot and ready, and you're wife is safely ensconced somewhere where she'll never know.. do you do it? Is it worth the knowledge that you'll carry around with you for the "rest of your life" that you proved to be unfaithful?

Me, I've been tempted, had opportunity, and contemplated... but I've always (and always will) pass. I personally believe that if you're going to follow through, then you're in the wrong relationship, but that is just me.

So, men, what are your thoughts on this subject? Would you do it?

codetrap on
< insert witty comment here>
«134

Posts

  • NarianNarian Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    codetrap wrote: »
    So, men, what are your thoughts on this subject? Would you do it?
    I think your wife is pretty sexist.

    Narian.gif
  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Narian wrote: »
    codetrap wrote: »
    So, men, what are your thoughts on this subject? Would you do it?
    I think your wife is pretty sexist.

    Thank you.

    tmkm.jpg
  • QuidQuid The Fifth Horseman Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I already agreed not to, so no.

    And women aren't exactly paragons of monogamy.

    PSN: allenquid
  • MedopineMedopine __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    Humans aren't exactly the paragons of monogamy.

    I think the more interesting question is how people feel about the person who cheats with the person who's in a relationship.

  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Narian wrote: »
    codetrap wrote: »
    So, men, what are your thoughts on this subject? Would you do it?
    I think your wife is pretty sexist.

  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Medopine wrote: »
    Humans aren't exactly the paragons of monogamy.

    I think the more interesting question is how people feel about the person who cheats with the person who's in a relationship.

    I think if you're not friends with the SO, it's a lot easier to justify.

    tmkm.jpg
  • QuidQuid The Fifth Horseman Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Medopine wrote: »
    Humans aren't exactly the paragons of monogamy.
    Always nay saying.

    PSN: allenquid
  • OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User
    edited June 2008
    A friend of mine has the motto "Head once a day keeps adultery away".

    But they haven't really had many lasting relationships.

    the GOP shouldn't give a rats ass about them since they won't vote for them. If someone won't vote for you they might as well not exist.
  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Octoparrot wrote: »
    A friend of mine has the motto "Head once a day keeps adultery away".

    But they haven't really had many lasting relationships.

    He says that to his girlfriend?

    tmkm.jpg
  • OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    Octoparrot wrote: »
    A friend of mine has the motto "Head once a day keeps adultery away".

    But they haven't really had many lasting relationships.

    He says that to his girlfriend?

    To tell the truth I can't remember the last time she had a boyfriend, but I don't think so.

    the GOP shouldn't give a rats ass about them since they won't vote for them. If someone won't vote for you they might as well not exist.
  • WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Nope. I wouldn't want it done to me, so I won't do it to her. And I have had the opportunity and, on top of that, she was spending a semester in Rome and we were in a rough patch, and I still didn't do it. In fact, it was a pretty rough 5 months for our relationship, mainly due to immaturity on both of our parts, but I still didn't do anything.

    If it would make you feel bad to have it done to you then you probably shouldn't do it to someone else. That said, I've seen it done a lot, and the amount of justification for the action is mind-boggling.

    On a slightly separate note, if you are persuing someone and talking to them every day, but you never actually say "Let's date", is it bad to also be persuing and sleeping with other people? It's a grey area for me. On the one hand, it is okay to date around if everyone is on the same page and has the same expectations of the relationship. On the other hand, if it were me and a girl was talking to me every day and telling me how much she liked me and we saw each other every week then I would be upset that, at the same time, she was telling the same thing to other people and sleeping with other people. I guess it would just be jealously.

    I ask because my roommate is essentially doing this over and over. He is 'seeing' three girls right now and none of them know about each other, but he is not in a committed, solid relationship with any of them. I guess it is okay because he isn't lying, but it still feels misleading, especially because he makes a point of never mentioning the other girls and making it seem like each one is special and the only one for him.

    Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.
  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Octoparrot wrote: »
    Adrien wrote: »
    Octoparrot wrote: »
    A friend of mine has the motto "Head once a day keeps adultery away".

    But they haven't really had many lasting relationships.

    He says that to his girlfriend?

    To tell the truth I can't remember the last time she had a boyfriend, but I don't think so.

    See, I recognized the possibility, but it was just so much less funny. For shame :|

    tmkm.jpg
  • chamberlainchamberlain Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I've never had the oppourtunity and can't possible imagine how I would react.

    Probably a Costello like 'hammina hammina hammina' followed by embarassment and me slinking away without saying yes or no, but never talking to the person again.

    The list never changes: http://www.infinitebacklog.com
    Chamberlain.jpg
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    Narian wrote: »
    codetrap wrote: »
    So, men, what are your thoughts on this subject? Would you do it?
    I think your wife is pretty sexist.

    Furthermore, it is impossible to find reliable data on this because it turns out most people don't admit even in polls that they have cheated on their partner.

    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • zeenyzeeny Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Medopine wrote: »
    Humans aren't exactly the paragons of monogamy.

    If "not cheating" is something your partner expects from you as an integral part of your relationship and you're unable to provide, odds are you either shouldn't be in the relationship at all or have a character problem(low self esteem etc).(again, only if it's part of the relationship...)
    I'm perfectly fine with the saying that humans aren't into monogamy, but if you're unable to impose monogamy on yourself for the sake of somebody you care about, you shouldn't try and use "nature calls" as an excuse. Sure we have natural impulses, but here I was always assuming that being sentient allows us to override them.
    I think the more interesting question is how people feel about the person who cheats with the person who's in a relationship.

    Don't think any blame should fall there.

  • WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Medopine wrote: »
    Humans aren't exactly the paragons of monogamy.

    I think the more interesting question is how people feel about the person who cheats with the person who's in a relationship.

    I agree, it is an interesting question. My roommate basically says 'I am not the one who is cheating'. I say 'How would you feel about the guy who slept with your girlfriend if he knew about the relationship?'. He just shrugs and says that it hasn't happened to him so he doesn't know what he would do, which is obviously a cop-out. He would be pissed and just doesn't want to admit it and ruin his fun.

    So yeah, he did this, and the girl that he was sleeping with had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend had cancer. I wish to god I was making this up. He had some kind of throat cancer, and while it was treatable and he ultimately fully recovered, I mean, jesus. Cancer? I just shook my head and told him that my respect for him dropped considerably, and he shrugged and refused to talk about it more. He is always telling me this stuff as if he should be proud and I would give him a high-five, but each time I just shake my head and tell him that he is being a douche and he gets angry at me.

    Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Medopine wrote: »
    I think the more interesting question is how people feel about the person who cheats with the person who's in a relationship.
    I'd say that depends on whether or not the "other woman/man" knows.

    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • KalTorakKalTorak Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I have a needling little fear that if someone came right out and offered me the chance to cheat I might do it just so they wouldn't be embarrassed.

    But no, not going to happen. My gf and I actually talk about this a lot, and we've each had some near misses, but instead of going ahead with it we just end up talking to each other about it and d'aww it's so cute etc etc.

  • zeenyzeeny Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I say 'How would you feel about the guy who slept with your girlfriend if he knew about the relationship?'. He just shrugs and says that it hasn't happened to him so he doesn't know what he would do

    It's just a guy. It's your gf you have the relationship with. Guys and girls will keep trying to get you.(edit: that came out paranoid wrong...lol...) Especially if you're attractive. What you do with the attention is entirely your choice. It's not that difficult to block somebody from flirting with you.

  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The data is impossibly clouded - people who lie to look like they are having more sex than they actually are, people who lie to cover up they are having sex...

    I always think that the idea that men always cheat, that it's natural for us to cheat, that we can't help but cheat... comes from men who want to cheat and women who they've cheated on.

    I wouldn't cheat. Easy to say, but I've been married a few years, we've been through some hard times, and in my life I have so many opportunities to cheat, and I haven't yet. If I cheated, I'm sure my missus would find out. And that would hurt her, and probably end the relationship. So it's pretty obviously a bad idea.

    I figure I could take a bear.
  • WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User
    edited June 2008
    zeeny wrote: »
    I say 'How would you feel about the guy who slept with your girlfriend if he knew about the relationship?'. He just shrugs and says that it hasn't happened to him so he doesn't know what he would do

    It's just a guy. It's your gf you have the relationship with. Guys and girls will keep trying to get you.(edit: that came out paranoid wrong...lol...) Especially if you're attractive. What you do with the attention is entirely your choice. It's not that difficult to block somebody from flirting with you.

    I guess I want to make it clear that I am talking specifically about your girlfriend actually sleeping with someone else. I'm not just talking about getting attention from other guys, my girlfriend gets attention from other guys and it is not a big deal. That said, I don't want her sleeping around behind my back, and if the other guy knew she was in a relationship and slept with her, I would be angry at both of them. Her most of all, but the guy doesn't just get a free pass.

    Is the guy the worst person ever? No. Did he do something wrong? Yes.

    Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    Warbadger wrote: »
    So yeah, he did this, and the girl that he was sleeping with had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend had cancer. I wish to god I was making this up. He had some kind of throat cancer, and while it was treatable and he ultimately fully recovered, I mean, jesus. Cancer? I just shook my head and told him that my respect for him dropped considerably, and he shrugged and refused to talk about it more. He is always telling me this stuff as if he should be proud and I would give him a high-five, but each time I just shake my head and tell him that he is being a douche and he gets angry at me.

    I don't exactly have the best record as far as sleeping with people with boyfriends, but there are two things that, if I did them, I'd never be able to live with the shame.

    1- sleeping with people who have terminally ill partners (i know you said the guy recovered, but still)
    2- sleeping with people whose partners are deployed and fighting in a war somewhere

    That scene in Jarhead pisses me off to no end every time I watch it.

    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I will not cheat on my partner. Ever. No matter how convenient or tempting the opportunity.

    My definition of cheating is not the same as your definition of cheating.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User
    edited June 2008
    ege02 wrote: »
    Warbadger wrote: »
    So yeah, he did this, and the girl that he was sleeping with had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend had cancer. I wish to god I was making this up. He had some kind of throat cancer, and while it was treatable and he ultimately fully recovered, I mean, jesus. Cancer? I just shook my head and told him that my respect for him dropped considerably, and he shrugged and refused to talk about it more. He is always telling me this stuff as if he should be proud and I would give him a high-five, but each time I just shake my head and tell him that he is being a douche and he gets angry at me.

    I don't exactly have the best record as far as sleeping with people with boyfriends, but there are two things that, if I did them, I'd never be able to live with the shame.

    1- sleeping with people who have terminally ill partners (i know you said the guy recovered, but still)
    2- sleeping with people whose partners are deployed and fighting in a war somewhere

    That scene in Jarhead pisses me off to no end every time I watch it.

    I agree, that scene made me so angry. My dad was absolutely enthralled with that movie, because he was there and he saw pretty much that stuff happening to other guys. He and my mom had been married for 7 years and had two kids at that point and so I don't think he was worried, but he said it was incredibly hard to see the other guys go through similar situations in terms of infidelity.

    EDIT: What is your definition of cheating?

    Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    Feral wrote: »
    I will not cheat on my partner. Ever. No matter how convenient or tempting the opportunity.

    My definition of cheating is not the same as your definition of cheating.

    What is your definition of cheating?

    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • zeenyzeeny Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Warbadger wrote: »
    zeeny wrote: »
    I say 'How would you feel about the guy who slept with your girlfriend if he knew about the relationship?'. He just shrugs and says that it hasn't happened to him so he doesn't know what he would do

    It's just a guy. It's your gf you have the relationship with. Guys and girls will keep trying to get you.(edit: that came out paranoid wrong...lol...) Especially if you're attractive. What you do with the attention is entirely your choice. It's not that difficult to block somebody from flirting with you.

    I guess I want to make it clear that I am talking specifically about your girlfriend actually sleeping with someone else. I'm not just talking about getting attention from other guys, my girlfriend gets attention from other guys and it is not a big deal. That said, I don't want her sleeping around behind my back, and if the other guy knew she was in a relationship and slept with her, I would be angry at both of them. Her most of all, but the guy doesn't just get a free pass.

    Is the guy the worst person ever? No. Did he do something wrong? Yes.

    It may not be a wrongdoing by the guy's value system. While I'm ready to accept that some acts are morally and socially wrong by all standards, I'm not sure that cheating with somebody else in relationship is one of those.

  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Cheating = Violating the agreed-upon rules of the relationship.

    "Breaking the contract," if you will.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • Psycho Internet HawkPsycho Internet Hawk Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    Cheating meaning "messing around with someone outside of the agreed-upon rules of the relationship."

    ezek1t.jpg
  • BassguyBassguy Hey mambo, mambo [Dragon Age]-iano Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I have to look at myself in the mirror every morning, and if I ever was unfaithful, I'm unsure if I could live with myself. I doubt I could ever go through with it. Hell, I turned down a comp'd trip to a strip club because I hadn't discussed the topic with my current significant other.

    I try to make all of my decisions with the question "Am I going to hate myself if I do this?" It works for me.

  • zeenyzeeny Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Feral wrote: »
    Cheating = Violating the agreed-upon rules of the relationship.

    "Breaking the contract," if you will.


    If it is part of the contract. If we want to continue with legal speak, y, cheating voids the contract immediately as far as I'm concerned. Actually. Scratch that. Lying does. Cheating is just a sort of a lie in the end.

  • WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User
    edited June 2008
    zeeny wrote: »
    Warbadger wrote: »
    zeeny wrote: »
    I say 'How would you feel about the guy who slept with your girlfriend if he knew about the relationship?'. He just shrugs and says that it hasn't happened to him so he doesn't know what he would do

    It's just a guy. It's your gf you have the relationship with. Guys and girls will keep trying to get you.(edit: that came out paranoid wrong...lol...) Especially if you're attractive. What you do with the attention is entirely your choice. It's not that difficult to block somebody from flirting with you.

    I guess I want to make it clear that I am talking specifically about your girlfriend actually sleeping with someone else. I'm not just talking about getting attention from other guys, my girlfriend gets attention from other guys and it is not a big deal. That said, I don't want her sleeping around behind my back, and if the other guy knew she was in a relationship and slept with her, I would be angry at both of them. Her most of all, but the guy doesn't just get a free pass.

    Is the guy the worst person ever? No. Did he do something wrong? Yes.

    It may not be a wrongdoing by the guy's value system. While I'm ready to accept that some acts are morally and socially wrong by all standards, I'm not sure that cheating with somebody else in relationship is one of those.

    We could definitely get into a discussion about the nature of morality and whether or not it is relative/concreate, but mainly my driving factor is this: I wouldn't want it done to me. Would you be okay if it was done to you?

    It is more a 'conscious action' kind of thing for me. If the guy knew, and he knew the kind of pain a breakup causes, then he shouldn't be okay causing it in another person. If he didn't know then I can't be mad at him, to him it was just a hookup. Also, if his response is 'I would not feel bad if my girlfriend cheated on me', then I don't know what to say. I just know that I would, and so I wouldn't do it.

    Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.
  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    tmkm.jpg
  • Psycho Internet HawkPsycho Internet Hawk Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    zeeny wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Cheating = Violating the agreed-upon rules of the relationship.

    "Breaking the contract," if you will.


    If it is part of the contract. If we want to continue with legal speak, y, cheating voids the contract immediately as far as I'm concerned. Actually. Scratch that. Lying does. Cheating is just a sort of a lie in the end.

    I think it depends on the size/terms of the lie. Cheating is a big one. Some other things not so much.

    ezek1t.jpg
  • Psycho Internet HawkPsycho Internet Hawk Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    What do you mean "what if you can't end it?" Is someone holding a gun to your head?

    ezek1t.jpg
  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    What on earth could those reasons be? Men with machine-guns? Wild bear? Religiously conservative wild bear?:P

    I figure I could take a bear.
  • AdrienAdrien Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    What do you mean "what if you can't end it?" Is someone holding a gun to your head?

    Well, hypothetically yes. In real life it's more likely to be a financial dependency, though.

    tmkm.jpg
  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Sleeping with someone else who's in a relationship?

    Well, cheating on your partner is being a cunt to someone you're supposed to care for, right?

    If you're single and sleep with someone who isn't, you're just being a cunt to some stranger (or casual acquaintance, possibly).

    It's still being a cunt to someone.

    I figure I could take a bear.
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Let me clarify for those in the audience who haven't taken Feral's Lifestyle 101.

    Historically, most of my relationships have been polyamorous or open or whatever the hell you want to call it. If I'm presented with the chance to have a fling with somebody who is "hot and ready," hell yes I would take it, because I've decided that the chances of me being with somebody long-term who insists on monogamy for monogamy's sake are about the same as the chances of a piano falling on my head.

    If I'm ever monogamous, it's because I'm too busy/tired/sick/impotent for such extracurricular activities, or because I've fallen so head over heels in love with somebody that I don't want anybody else. In either case the scenario is moot anyway.

    However, it's quite likely that the contract of any relationship I'm in is going to involve rules like "no sex with HIV+ folk, drug addicts, or either of our former partners; tell me before it happens or else immediately after; safe sex every time no exceptions." I'd sooner terminate the relationship than break these agreements.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • Psycho Internet HawkPsycho Internet Hawk Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    Adrien wrote: »
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    What do you mean "what if you can't end it?" Is someone holding a gun to your head?

    Well, hypothetically yes. In real life it's more likely to be a financial dependency, though.

    Then you're a leech. Man up and stop feigning a relationship for cash would be my advice, not "hey we're gonna half-ass this thing."

    *edit* OR if you're supporting someone else, break up with them but help them out anyway. Why does the relationship matter?

    ezek1t.jpg
  • KalTorakKalTorak Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Adrien wrote: »
    Adrien wrote: »
    If sleeping with someone else is so important that you might cheat, you should probably break off the relationship.

    What if you can't end the relationship for reasons outside of your, and your SO's, control?

    What do you mean "what if you can't end it?" Is someone holding a gun to your head?

    Well, hypothetically yes. In real life it's more likely to be a financial dependency, though.

    Then you're a leech. Man up and stop feigning a relationship for cash.

    Or woman up.

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