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The Big Orgasm

245

Posts

  • JedocJedoc Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I want to have all my bases covered so I am going to convert to every religion simultaniously before I die.

    Best case scenario is that one of them turns out to be right and I am whisked into heaven on a fiery chariot driven by Xenu and forged out of obsidian in the halls of the Elder Gods.

    The only problem with that idea is that most gods have a pretty firm do-not-compete clause. So you're just going to wind up pissing of Yaweh by paying homage to Baal, and Allah is going to want to roast you for hanging out with Vishnu, and honestly Huitzilopochtli is going to want to fuck you around in any case because that dude's sort of a dick.

    If you're going to rock Pascal's Wager in a multidenominational world you're probably going to want to avoid as much religious instruction as possible and treat other people really, really well. That way you stand a pretty good shot of getting into one of the shallow hells for "virtuous nonbelievers" and by all accounts they're not too shabby. At least compared to some of the more exotic options available in terms of boiling lakes of excrement and demons with sharp objects.

    cannon.jpg
  • StraightziStraightzi The rock, the vulture, and the chain All that the proud can feel of painRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    An afterlife would be the shit. Just doing whatever you want for all eternity

    Uhhh

    That is not what most afterlives are.

  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    BlackDove wrote: »
    I know many have died before me. It's a comfort to know I'm not doing anything original.

    Believe it or not, this is where a lot of my confidence stems from.

    "To live is to die" ect.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Straightzi wrote: »
    An afterlife would be the shit. Just doing whatever you want for all eternity

    Uhhh

    That is not what most afterlives are.

    Well I mean an awesome afterlife of course. Like heaven

    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Straightzi wrote: »
    An afterlife would be the shit. Just doing whatever you want for all eternity

    Uhhh

    That is not what most afterlives are.

    this doesn't really matter, as all theories about the afterlife are equally worthless, no matter how much of them say the same

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  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    BlackDove wrote: »
    I know many have died before me. It's a comfort to know I'm not doing anything original.

    Believe it or not, this is where a lot of my confidence stems from.

    "To live is to die" ect.

    What makes me happy is the disparity between the meaning of your life for yourself, and the meaning of your life in the grand scheme.
    In infinity, every fixed duration of time could just as well be nothing

    sc.jpgsc.jpg
  • Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2008
    the problem is that it's your soul that would be going to heaven, not your mind

    your mind is all I wanna have fun

    whereas your soul is all I wanna worship and go to church and yay god

  • JedocJedoc Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Man, screw your mind.

    All doing mathematical calculation and data storage.

    Your glands are where the party's at.

    cannon.jpg
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I want to have all my bases covered so I am going to convert to every religion simultaniously before I die.

    Best case scenario is that one of them turns out to be right and I am whisked into heaven on a fiery chariot driven by Xenu and forged out of obsidian in the halls of the Elder Gods.

    The only problem with that idea is that most gods have a pretty firm do-not-compete clause. So you're just going to wind up pissing of Yaweh by paying homage to Baal, and Allah is going to want to roast you for hanging out with Vishnu, and honestly Huitzilopochtli is going to want to fuck you around in any case because that dude's sort of a dick.

    If you're going to rock Pascal's Wager in a multidenominational world you're probably going to want to avoid as much religious instruction as possible and treat other people really, really well. That way you stand a pretty good shot of getting into one of the shallow hells for "virtuous nonbelievers" and by all accounts they're not too shabby. At least compared to some of the more exotic options available in terms of boiling lakes of excrement and demons with sharp objects.

    Way to go and complicate things.

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Screw you guys when I die I'm gonna be playin hoops with Jesus

    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    You guys think Buddha would be a cool dude? I mean he seems friendly enough.

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You guys think Buddha would be a cool dude? I mean he seems friendly enough.

    he probably would
    I guess he'd be pretty amazed at the people calling themselves buddhists
    what with the "don't worship me" thing

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  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The idea that when I die I will completely cease to exist and not be able to think or anything completely baffles me. I would like to believe that there is something beyond death that is not writhing in agony in a lake of fire because I decided not to put all of my faith into something that I can't even prove exists. Reincarnation without all the karma crap seems to me like the absolute best thing that could happen.

  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    SirToasty wrote: »
    The idea that when I die I will completely cease to exist and not be able to think or anything completely baffles me. I would like to believe that there is something beyond death that is not writhing in agony in a lake of fire because I decided not to put all of my faith into something that I can't even prove exists. Reincarnation without all the karma crap seems to me like the absolute best thing that could happen.

    man, you want to come back to this fucking place?

    xcomsig.png
  • oogmaroogmar Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You guys think Buddha would be a cool dude? I mean he seems friendly enough.

    he probably would
    I guess he'd be pretty amazed at the people calling themselves buddhists
    what with the "don't worship me" thing

    Hey, we've gotta call it something. The Taoists already got on "Tao". Nobody worships Buddha if they're Buddhist, they just understand that his teachings are the most profound way (tao, dammit) to enlightenment. "Buddhist" is easier to say than "People who base their lives around the teachings of and wish to emulate his ways due to his surpassing wisdom, but do not worship, the man who was Buddha."

    That said, when I die, I want it to hurt really really badly.

    For at least 5 minutes. If not a few months.

    Lotta cancer going on in this family.

    Rane, you lazy bastard, you can shut the hell up.

    enforceruserbarsplitcro.png
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    SirToasty wrote: »
    The idea that when I die I will completely cease to exist and not be able to think or anything completely baffles me. I would like to believe that there is something beyond death that is not writhing in agony in a lake of fire because I decided not to put all of my faith into something that I can't even prove exists. Reincarnation without all the karma crap seems to me like the absolute best thing that could happen.

    man, you want to come back to this fucking place?
    At least if I do come back, I won't know what the hell it's like. Besides that, my life has always been pretty good. I enjoy it.

  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    oogmar wrote: »
    That said, when I die, I want it to hurt really really badly.

    boner alert

    xcomsig.png
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    If I am going to follow a deity I want it to be a deity I could theoretically have a beer with in the afterlife.

    Jesus seems like a pretty up-tight guy so I guess that's been ruled out, so what do you guys think?

    Then again it is probably a bad idea to ask SE++ for help on this sort of thing.

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • Kool-Aid GuyKool-Aid Guy Registered User
    edited June 2008
    I remember reading that when you die, a large amount of the hallucinogenic chemical DMT is released from your pineal gland into your brain, causing you to trip balls and think psychic aliens are trying to contact you

    OH YEEEAAAAHHH
  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    If I am going to follow a deity I want it to be a deity I could theoretically have a beer with in the afterlife.

    Jesus seems like a pretty up-tight guy so I guess that's been ruled out, so what do you guys think?

    Then again it is probably a bad idea to ask SE++ for help on this sort of thing.

    He turned water into wine so I think he's fine with sharing a beer with you

    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • JedocJedoc Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    If it's a drinking buddy you're looking for, you really can't go wrong with the Norse pantheon. They spent centuries getting folks to strip naked and hit people with axes solely on the promise of a really rocking kegger in the afterlife.

    cannon.jpg
  • KilljoyKilljoy __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    If I am going to follow a deity I want it to be a deity I could theoretically have a beer with in the afterlife.

    Jesus seems like a pretty up-tight guy so I guess that's been ruled out, so what do you guys think?

    Then again it is probably a bad idea to ask SE++ for help on this sort of thing.

    this guy

    ganesh.jpg

  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Honestly though I wanna hang out with Jesus. He's like Chris Angel only his magic is real

    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I imagine Jesus to be a pretty chill dude.

    I bet he is exactly how every person that enters Heaven imagines him. One person thinks he is the omnipotent, we-are-not-worthy guy, while another guy sees him as the dude you can go over and have a bar-b-que with.

    But I'm more on science's side on this one. When your prayers are answered either now, later, or never, how is that different from what you want happening without divine intervention?

  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    you only get to go to valhalla if you died a warrior's death

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    What I was saying was Jesus is an alcoholic

    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Shorty wrote: »
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    you only get to go to valhalla if you died a warrior's death

    Sounds easy enough.

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Shorty wrote: »
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    you only get to go to valhalla if you died a warrior's death

    i always forget that i want to go to valhalla when these threads come up

    a much less bleak outlook than having your soul torn to shreds and strewn across the universe

    xcomsig.png
  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Shorty wrote: »
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    you only get to go to valhalla if you died a warrior's death

    Sounds easy enough.

    okay

    just thought I'd let you know

    you don't get to go to valhalla if you die the straw death

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • VeretasVeretas Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I'm gonna haunt the fuck out of everybody.

  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    peter hamilton presented an interesting afterlife in the Night's Dawn trilogy

    basically there is a soul made of pure energy, anchored to one's body, and it goes to a parallel dimension when you die

    unfortunately the dimension is a black void of nothingness

    but you can pass through it if you were a mentally balanced person before death

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    Shorty wrote: »
    Shorty wrote: »
    I dont know about Elephant Man over there and wine really isnt my thing, it could also just turn out to be Welch's Grape Juice which would be kind of dissapointing.

    I think I like the whole Norse Pantheon idea, not only do I get to attend a wicked eternal kegger that after life would be far more metal than anything any other afterlife has to offer.

    you only get to go to valhalla if you died a warrior's death

    Sounds easy enough.

    okay

    just thought I'd let you know

    you don't get to go to valhalla if you die the straw death
    I'm going to go down fighting yeah.

    Probably like tie my beard to a large boulder and just swing it around at people like some swinging weapon of doom.

    That is how vikings did it right?

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Shorty wrote: »
    peter hamilton presented an interesting afterlife in the Night's Dawn trilogy

    basically there is a soul made of pure energy, anchored to one's body, and it goes to a parallel dimension when you die

    unfortunately the dimension is a black void of nothingness

    but you can pass through it if you were a mentally balanced person before death

    pass through it to where

    xcomsig.png
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User
    edited June 2008
    An even blacker void?

    IMWithDentToo.png
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
  • BoglesworthBoglesworth Registered User
    edited June 2008
    at the age of 19, death isn't something i think about too much. i'm sure i'll be afraid of it when i'm old because

    a) i don't want to leave this life behind

    b) i don't like being uncertain about what's next

    vic2b.jpg
  • Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User
    edited June 2008
    I was going to make a thread about the afterlife. It would have been better.

    I like to think that heaven is just being within a godlike, essentially good presence.

  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    When I was in fifth grade, I realized that I had used up at least an eighth of my own life. I knew that the majority of my remaining time, thought and energy would be spent maintaining life and that, eventually, I would lose and be irrevocably dead.

    Most fifth graders don't think about stuff like that. I believe it contributed to me being so fucked up for a while. That, in turn, is largely responsible for my few positive qualities.

    I was suicidal in the past. Depression left me severely apathetic. I didn't really care what happened, so when life got frustrating, annoying, or just dull, I'd think "Hey, why not try being dead?" It makes it hard to care about angsty pre-teens who cut themselves for attention. The only times I was really determined I was also extremely paranoid, so wasn't able to leave bed.

    I don't really fear death. I got it out of my system at a young age. There's nothing to be done about it anyway.

    I'm a crazy fundamentalist, so I believe that there is a part of a person the survives death. This part continues on in the same way it did while in the body, either worshiping God or isolated from him.

    I might be a little obsessed with death. I tend to like morbid comedy and medieval memento moris fascinate me. I'd rather see a character die a meaningful death than survive. I tend not to talk about death too much, because people get creeped out.

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