Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it,
follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given
their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!
Girl Thread (apologies) Updated *update 3rd page*
Posts
It's not absolutely necessary to outright say "THIS IS A DATE." It can indeed be awkward to clarify, but only if you make it awkward.
It IS necessary to somehow make it clear to a girl what your intentions are. If you ask for her number, flirt with her, as her out to coffee or something one-on-one, casually break touch barriers, attempt to hold hands with her, and even motion for a kiss when the moment seems right, then hell, you don't need to say you're on a date. Your actions would have quelled any and all confusion on her part as to whether the encounter was a "date" or "hanging out."
The OP, as far as I can tell, didn't do this. A LOT of guys on this board don't do this. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - most people around her aren't that forward, tend to be kind of shy, "respectful of boundaries," etc. But you have to recognize that inviting a girl to "hang out" and watch a basketball game, then see a movie with a group of friends, is completely noncommittal and confusing to her. If you're too shy to be physically obvious with her (which, yes, includes attempting to hold hands and other things like that), then you need to be verbally upfront and say "this is a date."
If you don't ever make things clear, you're not keeping your options open, you're just being a pussy. Let her know what you want from her, because most girls will assume a guy wants friendship before a date. It's all about the clarification.
When you start talking about dates, be sure you both understand the significance of the word 'date.' Not everyone understands or agrees what different expectations come with a date, or what is supposed to happen on date number N. Unless she's "a player" and expects you to be "a player" as well, she will probably expect honesty. I don't see any harm in expressing -- gently and only when appropriate to do so -- that you find her interesting and attractive and you seem to get along well, so you'd like to get to know her better, and perhaps someday soon see if you both want to get to know each other intimately as well. You'd like to date her, but it's a date because of your mutual intentions, not because what you do has to follow any plan or script.
So yeah, honesty==LOL and all, I know, I know. Don't care. I still support honesty and trust.
XBL Michael Spencer || Wii 6007 6812 1605 7315 || PSN MichaelSpencerJr || Steam Michael_Spencer || Ham NOØK
QRZ || My last known GPS coordinates: FindU or APRS.fi (Car antenna feed line busted -- no ham radio for me X__X )
Call it a date. I'm married, but I still tell my wife that we're going on a date Friday or Saturday.
I think we've all been in these situations, basically go for it, be up front. You'll only look back with regret later in life if you don't and believe me - regrets are for assholes.
My point is that we grew to really like each other a lot without having ever said to each other, "Lets go on a date." So while clarifying and saying, "Hey, lets go on a date" is probably helpful in a lot of situations, I think it can just make things awkward in some cases. Not always, no, because you guys say it works.
On the other side though, it can work without it as well.
Ask the girl out on a date. Ambiguity is a good way to keep both of you off-balance and uncomfortable. If she says no, at least you know it wasn't going to work and can shift your expectations into friendly-coworker-mode. If she says yes, great. Don't listen to Penguin_Otaku; asking someone on a date doesn't make situations awkward, behaving badly after asking someone on a date and being turned down makes situations awkward.
So H&A, what should I do when I'm out of town to keep in contact with her, since you guys are throwing out advice? Curious as to what you guys have to say.
If it's not awkward give her a call. If you don't have much to talk about then text or email. Just keep it light.
That was pretty much the plan, though she has been the one to instigate the texts/conversations so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing in that regard.
Because she probably hated all the ambiguity that existed between you and was so happy she finally knew where she stands.
Having to figure out exactly where you stand in a new relationship is the single most frustrating thing of a new relationship and the quicker it is sorted out into, are we friends or are we dating makes life so much less complicated.
I mean what you did was probably very sweet and charming and all that jazz, but the girl spent an entire month with a big fucking question over her head of having no real idea of where she stood with you.
Satans..... hints..... I'm a mo bro!
I think this is where the whole issue comes down to. Maybe to Penguin, asking someone on a 'date' is more in line to asking to be steady or such. Where to everyone else, it's just letting her know you want to go out as something other than friends.
It's not wrong, I just think it makes awkward situations like these much more likely. You're romantically interested, but you're hanging out all friends-like for a while, and maybe you get comfortable doing that, so then stepping things up to full-blown dating and then a relationship could comes as a surprise to a girl, and be hard for you to initiate.
It seems so much simpler to get right to the dating as soon as you're interested. Why waste the time? It's not like you can't still be friends after, if dating doesn't work out.
And the 3 week hiatus starts.. now.
Well, we went out to dinner last night and had a good time. We held hands when we were walking and ended up back at her place, cuddled and watched Fight Club on her laptop.
So, we'll see how this develops.
you are going to be like BAM
Turns out she is a tramp.
:v:
I'm curious as to how you came to that little tid bit of information.
On a side note, even if it's true, that shouldn't stop you from having some fun. She may not be girlfriend material, but hey - you're both young, enjoy yourselves. Y'know, unless you'll catch a handful of STD's - in which case, stay the hell away from that hocake.
Well, according to him, she is a tramp, so...
Nothing wrong with tramps.
Yikes, sorry to hear about it mate. Hopefully you didn't discover this in too jarring a fashion.
PSN: hellisforheroes
Tumblr: BrainSpoon
Apparently you don't get how H/A works. We give you help, and in exchange you let us live vicariously through your tribulations with your needlessly over-detailed posts.
So quit being a cock tease and tell us what happened.
Seriously man, this is how H/A gets off, there are about 10 guys right now, equipment in hand.
Me and my right hand beg to differ.
:winky: