Social Entropy++: AWESOME POST in "The Anti-Rotica Contest", by monsterror

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The most horrifying thing

Forum: Social Entropy++
Post: The Anti-Rotica Contest
Posted by: monsterror


Original Content:

!erotic

Jon stirred in his seat nervously. He hadn't been on a blind date in so long. Sure, he knew who he was about to go out with, but he had never met her face-to-face.

A man walked up and startled Jon. "Can I get you something to drink, Mr. Stewart?" the server asked. He had almost a star-struck look in his eye, though Jon thought he would be used to seeing celebrities in Los Angelos.

"No, thank you. She should be here any minute now," Jon replied. As the server walked away, he realized his voice had cracked and his brow was damp with sweat. He called back to the server, "Actually, a glass of water, please." The server nodded with a smile and continued to walk.

Jon sat for a few more minutes. In time, he noticed a long black limousine coming towards the cafe on the street in front of it. This had to be her, he could feel it. Sure enough, the limo parked right in front of the cafe. A man walked out of car, walked around to the back, and opened the door.

There she was. Blond hair spilled out of the car, carried by the wind. Long, slender legs followed closely behind. As she stood up, she put on a pair of sunglasses and smiled at Jon as she walked towards him.

Jon's heart raced. She was gorgeous. The print ads and television spots never did her any justice like the sun on warm, windy day could. He could feel his heart beat louder and louder with every step she took towards him. By the time she was right in front of him, it was almost deafening.

As her lips formed to make words, Jon could hardly notice. He couldn't keep his eyes off her body. Her slender body reflected the light. She must have just put on lotion. She was wearing a low-cut shirt, and when she bent down to give him a hug, while she had the greatest smile Jon had ever seen, he could peer right into her shirt.

She sat down in the seat across from him. She began to talk, and Jon decided it was the voice angels use. "You know, Jon. I have to say, I've never really liked this place. It always seemed a little drab to me," she announced. "Would you mind if we went somewhere else? You haven't already ordered, have you?"

"Well, no, but my driver is supposed to pick me up here later," he replied.

"Then give him a call, and tell him to pick you up at Carlito's instead. I'll give you a ride there," she went on, "I promise you, you'll like this place so much more." She grabbed his hand. Her skin was so soft, Jon thought it must be made of silk. She walked him back to her limo, and he climbed in. The driver shut the door behind them, then ran around to the driver's seat, and started the car.

Jon couldn't feel himself. His entire body was numb with anticipation. The deafening silence was broken shortly down the road. "I know you want me, Jon."

Flabbergasted, Jon looked at the goddess. "I'm sorry?"

"I know you want me on your show. You could have just said something if you wanted to interview me. The question is, what do I get out of it?"

Jon sighed with relief. He thought he had been seen through. "I'm not quite sure what the studio would be willing to offer, honestly. But I can tell you it would be a great honor to interview you. I'm a big fan of yours."

She smiled. She reached over and pressed a button. The screen to the driver's cab went up, then she pressed another button, and classical music started to play. Then she did something Jon would never have thought. She moved in closer to him.

"Well, we'll just have to see how big of a fan you really are," she said with a grin as she put a hand on his lap, rubbing his member.

Jon quivered in his voice, "I don't know if I could Anne."

She leaned in close to his ear and whispered, causing Jon to nearly shudder. "Oh please. Call me Ms. Coulter."

CyberJackal

Yeah, you're right. Jon Stewart? Yuck.

monsterror

In all fairness, I almost made it Stephen Colbert.

Cosmic Sombrero

Hahahaha, oh my God. Way to raise the bar.

Dyvion

AHH, my mind requires scouring now! Why would you post this as awesome! Awesomely disturbing, yes... I should have stopped when I reallized it was jon stewart... I should have. I didn't. I regret it immensely. Time to go find something effective at scrubbing my eyes. AHH.

D: