Phoenix Epoch: comic pitch

McGibs

Youve all seen these in the Doodle thread, but I'm going to post again here for crits on the actual pitch part.

This is the proposal for my new comic project, "Phoenix Epoch", a series of short stories set in a dark and gritty science fiction universe.
This is my first attempt to get published (Ive done other self-published projects in the past) and so any advice or critiques on what I've done so far would be greatly appreciated before I start throwing this into publisher's in-boxes (suggestions of potential publishers that I may not know about would also be appreciated).

CLICK HERE FOR THE ONLINE PITCH

This proposal has five pages from the first issue, followed by a comprehensive overview of the project. Click the thumbnails to view.









Thanks for looking

Mustang

You've already sold me on this idea, I honestly can't crit your pitch because I've never seen nor done one before. I'd buy it though.

thejazzman

I have seen your work on here for what seems like many years, but neglected to look at any of the writing that comes with it until this post.

I just finished reading the entire history of your story's setting and found it interesting enough to finish in its entirety without pause.

I can't tell you anything about how 'good' your pitch is, not being a comic publisher, but I can tell you that the story was very engaging and a worthwhile way to spend 30 minutes or so. Your art is always of professional quality and I hope you are able to gather publisher interest in the project.

8-)

see317

The timeline is an entertaining read.
One suggestion I would make is to post it either without the pictures, or the pictures shrunk to conform to more standard monitor sizes. I realize this would make it harder to see the details, but as it is it's a pain in the ass to read at 1280x1024.

desperaterobots

This is working so much better without dialogue, and the composition in your frames is really fantastic. Still not sold on that logo.

Nitpick: Noticed a bit of an 'error' on the tech sheet for the suit. The front and rear diagrams show the edge of the shoulders joining up to the orange visor a fair bit higher than the side-on view, where the point where the shoulders hit the visor is somewhat lower.

NakedZergling

I'm nervous that no dialogue in issue one may hurt the pitch. I know you removed it, but his ramblings of the world how it was, and him talking crazy might help sell the idea to someone else.
Not all comic readers appreciate just the art. I have purchased books with shitty stories because the art was awesome. I'm nervous that someone might pass on it because of the "lack of story".

I know you didn't want that in there basically spoon feeding what most people can figure out....but then again many people are idiots.

I personally love it as is, but i think you might get people who want some dialogue. even if it's a narration thats not from the the dude we're watching.

Veritas

I would disagree about the dialogue. Storytelling and having written dialogue are not necessarily intertwined and if you can tell a story as good or better without the dialogue then I would stick with it while it works. Likely this would be the only part you can do completely silent based on the nature of his situation. Although I'm not sure what that viewpoint is among the comic industry.

Munch

I agree that making the first issue dialogue-free could potentially hurting you. Most comics can be read in under ten minutes anyways. With the average comic book priced at $2.99, and a lot of independents priced at $3.99, readers want a good, dense book that will last at least fifteen to twenty minutes.

Going off the rough pages you put up a while back, this particular story's also kind of a slow-burn character piece, with very little action throughout it. So a lot of readers picking your potential series up for the first time might have a, "Why did I buy this, nothing happened!" reaction. I'm not sure if you keep up with mainstream comics, but people routinely lambast comics that feel decompressed or lacking in content. As a comic reader, I'd encourage you to go with a first-issue that has the standard action-lull-action-climax format popularized by a lot of old self-contained comics from the Silver Age. Then branch out and try more experimental stuff if the series actually gets off the ground.

That said, beautiful art and story as always, and I wish you luck with the pitch.

McGibs

This issue will have a fair bit of action in the middle, as he remembers how the world got boned.
Assloads of these guys come pouring out of the ground, gassing people and beating them up with blunt objects before dragging up a huge bomb and setting it off.

Rankenphile

I think it is utterly and uncompromisingly wonderful.

Don't change a thing.

winter_combat_knight

Your character drawings look really creepy. Your work reminds me of Bioshocks character art style, which i really like. The bottom three i like best

Mustang

Rankenphile wrote: »

I think it is utterly and uncompromisingly wonderful.

Don't change a thing.

I totally agree with Rankenphile, compromising your story for the sake of sales (or getting published) will only hinder you in the long run. Dumming it down for the 'tards only makes you part of the problem.

NakedZergling

i'm not saying it has to be dumed down. I actually really liked the version with the dialogue. I like this version without.
As someone who is also trying to get into comics, i would change things around if it meant my comic would hit more people. As long as the message and the art was intact.

Either way i think this comic artistically will stick out. And you know everyone here will be buying copies! I think the work is awesome and i can't wait to see it completed.

desperaterobots

Hmm, it's true, a lack of dialogue might make the people you pitch to skeptical that you can write dialogue, despite the fact that a lack of dialogue is the best thing for this particular narrative. It may pay to include in your pitch scenes from future issues with the best dialogue you can possibly craft. The art may not need to be as polished as the spacesuit guy, but I'd probably want to show I'm as amazing at possible at everything at the same time.

Munch

Mustang wrote: »

I totally agree with Rankenphile, compromising your story for the sake of sales (or getting published) will only hinder you in the long run. Dumming it down for the 'tards only makes you part of the problem.

Not to be a prick, but comics are a business, and if you don't sell, then you don't get published, and if you don't get published, nobody reads your brilliant masterwork. If McGibs just wants people to read his stuff then he can put it on the internet; it'll reach a lot more people, and will cause him a lot less aggravation and heartache. But he's pitching an ongoing, print comic book in a market that's already heavily saturated and difficult to succeed in as an independent newcomer.

If he was pitching this as an OGN collection of short stories, or as an installment in an anthology, I wouldn't say boo about it, but he's not. Monthly comics have to come out of the gate strong, and hook as many readers as possible with the first issue, because comics almost always trend downwards from month to month, and a weak first issue can kill a book before it even gets its legs beneath it. Add to this that anthology titles traditionally sell worse than titles that focus on a single character, that black and white comics sell worse than color comics, and sci-fi/fantasy/crime comics sell worse than superhero comics, and you might see why I'm concerned.

I spend a lot of time following sales trends in the comic industry, and looking at Phoenix Epoch, all I can see are the aspects that might keep it from succeeding. I hope it's successful of course, and I'm definitely buy it if McGibs gets it on the stands.

Mustang

Got a point there, I just hate to see great ideas watered down for the idiots. Then again, you always have to eat shit before you're allowed to do anything good....so I begrudgingly take back my previous statement.

By the way do you pronounce it E-Potch or E-Pock?

Flay

I'm liking the cultist concepts, and I'm going to have to agree that the bottom three are probably the best, particularly the one on the right.

Good luck with your pitch dude! :^:

future man

I had to crawl out of my small cave form which I lurk to tell you how much I absolutely love this.

Outstanding job.

McGibs

Thanks for the input guys. I'm confident that I can get SOMEONE to publish me, even if its not a big label (most of which dont even take unsolicited submissions so I'm pretty much out of luck there anyways).

More updates next week as I start hammering on doors.

@mustang:

according to dictionary.com:

ep·och [ep-uhk or, especially Brit., ee-pok]
–noun
1. a particular period of time marked by distinctive features, events, etc.

like how a dumb person says "epic"

The Black Hunter

I would buy that.

The premise is beautiful from what I can see.

The only thing that bugged me was the red on the visor where he is drawing the smiley face seems a bit "rich" and could maybe be dulled down.

beavotron

submit it to Vertigo
they'd eat this up

MKR

This is terrible in the way that things which are awesome are terrible.

That is, the opposite of terrible.

anthonygoes

haha - that is a cute short and a very compelling premise. reminds me of the mood in 'planetes,' except more dire. i'm rooting for you dude!

EntrY

The look and feel of the title (as in the visual title) bothers me a bit. The colors are fine (contrasts the overall scheme, while matching his visor), but the font and cleanliness is clashing with the whole post-apocalypse style imo. I'm planning on reading your background story cause I really dig stories/comics like this, but because I haven't done so yet, I might have missed some important detail that justifies the title's clean look.

It'd look killer with a fatter text to match his suit where the font is sort worn out grey (or warm as it is now) plastic parts or something.
Also, wouldn't it look better with the snowy background going all the way up to the top of the page. The black block with the title sort of bothers me.

I really dig the comic and I hope very much for you to have it published. I might even go as far as to buy a copy, if it's distributed to Denmark, although I'm poor

Peewi

EntrY wrote: »

I really dig the comic and I hope very much for you to have it published. I might even go as far as to buy a copy, if it's distributed to Denmark, although I'm poor

Me too. I would want to buy your comic, but I wouldn't want to for international shipping for a comic.