Critical Failures: AWESOME POST in "You Wouldn't Believe It, But...", by delroland

Forar

Forar has reported a post.

Reason:

I don't think anyone would see that coming.

Forum: Critical Failures
Post: You Wouldn't Believe It, But...
Posted by: delroland


Original Content:

"So, the woodchuck walks up to you and chitters something, "chtchtchtcht!" Unfortunately, none of you speak woodchuck."

"Wait, my gnome druid can speak to burrowing mammals."

"Oh, okay." *scribbles note, passes to gnome player*

Spoiler:

Note: "I'm looking for John Connor."

:shock:

see317

This loses something without the full context.

Armored Gorilla wrote:

Thanks! There's a few more fun things we've done stuck up in my memory banks somewhere. I'll bust 'em out eventually. I still have the Sunless Citadel adventure to finish up. The ending to it was absolutely epic. And a few choice bits of chaos from the Iron Kingdoms campaign that my friend Zach ran. 'Jacks, flares, and grenades ... Plus, they're constantly coming up with new things to do. I'm not sure how I feel about KotS right now. Everyone's so into learning the rules that they're not really playing their characters, they're just moving minis. Hopefully after this week's hiatus, we'll be able to kick back into full gear and also start Jim's adventure so I can roleplay Arlen again.

There was a one shot adventure we were playing that we never finished. I played my half-elf ranger/druid who dual wielded the Flaming Sword spell or rocked a Shillelagh, depending on how I felt. Joe played a cleric/mage. Jim played an emotionless cleric of death and my friend Jon busted out his necromancer, Nerina. The alignments were completely out of whack. Joe was LN, I was NG, Jim was TN, and Jon was NE.

I played Alexander as a calm peaceful serene person until he was in combat, at which point, I completely said "Fuck it" and gave him a death wish. At 3rd level, Al had leaped off a cliff face onto the back of an ogre and somehow managed to burn-stab it to death before anyone else got to it (This trait carried over to my Iron Kingdoms sniper, Quinn).

Jon had the Complete Book of Necromancy or whatever it was called and was completely enthralled by it. And then he found it ...

Bone to Steel

He flipped for this spell. And no, he wasn't at all interested in creating his own legion of iron skeletons to wage war upon the living. He and the cleric of death began passively plotting Alexander's demise. They weren't going to kill him theirselves, but they knew he was suicidal in combat and made no plans to actively help him as long as it didn't put them in danger.

Why the conspiracy? Simple.

Nerina had Bone to Steel and was trained in Knowledge (Anatomy). The cleric of death had connections and could have souls brought back to their bodies. If I died, the cleric/mage was to be disposed of and my body to be salvaged.

Nerina would then cut all of the bones from my flesh, cast bone to steel on the emancipated skeleton and then put it back into Alexander's sack of flesh. The cleric would have me brought back to life and then, presumably, I would go on to serve as their semi-undead half-elf Weapon X and kill everything in their path.

I'm sad to report that we never completed the adventure, so I never had a chance to die and be brought back as a rampaging iron zombie. However, the thought still warms my heart.

Jon: "So what exactly would Alexander do if he found out what we did to him?"

Self: "It's not a case of if, it's a case of when. You'll have replaced his entire skeleton with steel. He'll notice that. Fuck, first thing I'm doing is firetrapping all of my bags so you guys don't root through my shit when I'm dead. And as soon as he relearns how to walk with his new terminator skeleton, he will hunt you down and kill you. He's a ranger druid with anger issues and you'd be completely fucked, because you'll never know which squirrel or rabbit is secretly made of iron and gunning for your head."

Pata

The one see posted is way funnier then the op.

minigunwielder

Yeah.