I somehow managed to print out the entire 30-page Rock Band thread at work. Luckily, it was on the b&w printer, which is rarely used, since everyone prints out every single document on the color printer, regardless of necessity of color. I'm not sure how long it was sitting there - at least nobody asked the whole cube farm whose stuff it was. At the very least, I hopefully convinced more people to buy the game.
This is from a guildie of mine, I cant stop lol after reading it.
Conversation between him and his half brother.
X: "So, I noticed last month when you and dad visited that you'd had your tongue pierced."
XX: "Yeah, it's great. The hardest part was telling mom."
X: "Moms are like that."
XX: "Yeah, she asked me why I got it done. I told her that it enhances fellatio. She kinda freaked out."
X: *full second pause* "You used the word 'fellatio' when you told her?"
XX: "Yeah, I mean, she's my mom. I was kind of embarrassed, and didn't want to say 'going down on my girlfriend", so I figured I'd use the technical term."
X: "... Abe? What do you think 'fellatio' means?"
XX: "Duh. It's the technical term for oral sex."
X: *trying not to laugh too hard* "Not exactly. It's the technical term for male-recipient oral sex. Blowjob. Knob-Polishing. Sword-swallowing. Cock-..."
XX: "Really?"
X: "...Sucking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It means the guy is receiving, and has no connotations about what gender is performing. The word, I think, you were looking for, is 'cunnilingus', which is female-recipient oral sex."
XX: "Shit. That can't be right."
X: "Feel free to look it up. Try dictionary.com"
XX: *sound of typing* .... "Fuck."
X: "Hey?"
XX: "Yeah?"
X :"Can I listen in when you try to explain to your mom that you're not gay?"
XX: "Fuck!!!!"
I was at a 21st birthday party of a good friend last week. I don't know what it's like over there, but down here 21st's are a big thing. Considered to be the point at which kids become adults etc etc. So there's almost always speeches made by friends and family. This particular dude happened to have just been engaged very recently.
Well the parents make a speech then ask if any of his friends would like to say a few words. One guy pops up, very eager. He's always been a little.. awkward. He means well, but he's not particularly smart and seems to have a different idea of what people might find funny. He stumbles through a couple of minutes of talking about the object of the party. Then finishes his speech off with:
"<girlfriend>, make sure not to put him in the dogs box too often, I'm sure even he would be willing to bury his bones elsewhere".
Then walks off smiling, like he's just said something entirely hilarious.
Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
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The Black HunterThe key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered Userregular
This is from a guildie of mine, I cant stop lol after reading it.
Conversation between him and his half brother.
X: "So, I noticed last month when you and dad visited that you'd had your tongue pierced."
XX: "Yeah, it's great. The hardest part was telling mom."
X: "Moms are like that."
XX: "Yeah, she asked me why I got it done. I told her that it enhances fellatio. She kinda freaked out."
X: *full second pause* "You used the word 'fellatio' when you told her?"
XX: "Yeah, I mean, she's my mom. I was kind of embarrassed, and didn't want to say 'going down on my girlfriend", so I figured I'd use the technical term."
X: "... Abe? What do you think 'fellatio' means?"
XX: "Duh. It's the technical term for oral sex."
X: *trying not to laugh too hard* "Not exactly. It's the technical term for male-recipient oral sex. Blowjob. Knob-Polishing. Sword-swallowing. Cock-..."
XX: "Really?"
X: "...Sucking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It means the guy is receiving, and has no connotations about what gender is performing. The word, I think, you were looking for, is 'cunnilingus', which is female-recipient oral sex."
XX: "Shit. That can't be right."
X: "Feel free to look it up. Try dictionary.com"
XX: *sound of typing* .... "Fuck."
X: "Hey?"
XX: "Yeah?"
X :"Can I listen in when you try to explain to your mom that you're not gay?"
XX: "Fuck!!!!"
Ok i'll do the shortened versions of these since im working.
#1
Im at a track meet waaaay back in the day and was about to be late for my race. I was fully convinced I had finshed changing as I dashed from locker room to the starting line. Finishing the race as usual I run into a bunch of bitchy older girls from my school and one smugly asks "where are your shorts"? Now, our track uniforms have short shorts normally and my jersey usually covers them anyways since it was oversized. I usually wore my uniform under my clothes, so I can just take off my street clothes and go race. To my horror I realized in my haste to get ready I must have forgotten to put them on and had run the 800 (2 full laps) in my boxers, in front of a majority of my class. I didn't even notice since it felt just like i was wearing our uniform shorts. I was speechless and quickly made some excuse about them being really short shorts and dashed away. I spent the rest of the meet laying low.
#2
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
#3
We go to stay at my friend's Grandma's place on this nice private lake. One day she decides to take us along to her friends house for some pleasant convo and laughs. We agree to go, not knowing what to expect since she is a pretty racy/rauncy grandma and her friend can't be any better. His Grandma's friend spent the next half hour giving me and all my friends a half hour speech on how she knows that oriental women have slanted snatches. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry the entire time, but it was funny nonetheless.
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
So my wife and I were shopping at wal mart and she was standing at the jewelry counter talking to her friend. I went over and began to browse movies. I began to get a little antsy so I go over and put my hands on my wifes hips to kinda get her movin. Only it wasn't my wife. It was some stranger....she promptly shrieked "WHAT THE HELL?!?" and cracked me on the arm with her purse.
I then said "oh sorry" and went over to wife (I was sure this time). So then I said to my wife "we have to leave, now." She got mad yelled at me saying I should be more patient and this and that and continued talking to her friend. while I stood at the counter about 20 feet away from the woman I accidentally groped in utter embarrassment. Horrible.
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
And you didn't ask the twin to join? For shame.
At least it was the right twin. I could see this going hilariously wrong.
So my wife and I were shopping at wal mart and she was standing at the jewelry counter talking to her friend. I went over and began to browse movies. I began to get a little antsy so I go over and put my hands on my wifes hips to kinda get her movin. Only it wasn't my wife. It was some stranger....she promptly shrieked "WHAT THE HELL?!?" and cracked me on the arm with her purse.
I then said "oh sorry" and went over to wife (I was sure this time). So then I said to my wife "we have to leave, now." She got mad yelled at me saying I should be more patient and this and that and continued talking to her friend. while I stood at the counter about 20 feet away from the woman I accidentally groped in utter embarrassment. Horrible.
I've almost done that so many times, but always manage to notice and catch myself at the last second.
So my wife and I were shopping at wal mart and she was standing at the jewelry counter talking to her friend. I went over and began to browse movies. I began to get a little antsy so I go over and put my hands on my wifes hips to kinda get her movin. Only it wasn't my wife. It was some stranger....she promptly shrieked "WHAT THE HELL?!?" and cracked me on the arm with her purse.
I then said "oh sorry" and went over to wife (I was sure this time). So then I said to my wife "we have to leave, now." She got mad yelled at me saying I should be more patient and this and that and continued talking to her friend. while I stood at the counter about 20 feet away from the woman I accidentally groped in utter embarrassment. Horrible.
I've almost done that so many times, but always manage to notice and catch myself at the last second.
Same here. After the first near disaster, I've been sure to keep track of which women is my wife and which isn't.
Looking back now I've thought of tons of different witty and clever phrases I could've said. However, I think holding back was the right choice since a catfight was about to break out and me being a smart ass might've been the last straw. It was definitely one of those moments that was embarassing as hell when it happened but now I get a huge kick out of it.
Anyone have any embarassing AIM/Vent occurances. (Sorry if there have been some already, I'm only halfway through reading the entire thread)
I've had plenty of minor ones.
For instance my brother had once left Ventrillo open on our computer in a channel that had a whole bunch of our buddies in it. Now, these friends are usually mild mannered around our mom because she is pretty uptight most of the times. My mom managed to enter the room at just the right moment as our bud let loose a string of profanity that would make a nun burst into flames. I had a hard time living that one down.
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Hi I'm Vee!Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C ERegistered Userregular
Looking back now I've thought of tons of different witty and clever phrases I could've said. However, I think holding back was the right choice since a catfight was about to break out and me being a smart ass might've been the last straw. It was definitely one of those moments that was embarassing as hell when it happened but now I get a huge kick out of it.
Anyone have any embarassing AIM/Vent occurances. (Sorry if there have been some already, I'm only halfway through reading the entire thread)
I've had plenty of minor ones.
For instance my brother had once left Ventrillo open on our computer in a channel that had a whole bunch of our buddies in it. Now, these friends are usually mild mannered around our mom because she is pretty uptight most of the times. My mom managed to enter the room at just the right moment as our bud let loose a string of profanity that would make a nun burst into flames. I had a hard time living that one down.
Ed. Note: This was before headphones were invented.
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
And you didn't ask the twin to join? For shame.
At least it was the right twin. I could see this going hilariously wrong.
On the scale of "possibility of talking your way out of sleeping with your girlfriend's sister," her having an identical twin helps out quite a bit.
My junior year of college- We decided to blow off some steam by having a big party and everyone got pretty tanked. I retired back to my room to sleep off the booze and since my roomate wasn't home I just set my alarm and went to bed. The next thing I remember is being rudely awakened by someone (didn't know who) and in my groggy state I told them off with some choice words and passed back out.
Turns out I had set my alarm for the wrong time and it had been going off for a long time. I was too drunk for it to wake me up even though I was one of the most annoying/loud alarms ever. Security had broke into my room along with my RA (who lives NEXTDOOR to me!) to shut it off since everyone on the floor was complaining.
It wasn't until later that week that I figured out how I singlehandedly pissed off my RA and the security office for the the rest of the time I knew them. I found out they referred to me as "trouble". Bah.
Ed. Note: This was before headphones were invented.
Well maybe not, but it was an easier way to make evening plans than playing cell phone tag.
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
And you didn't ask the twin to join? For shame.
At least it was the right twin. I could see this going hilariously wrong.
On the scale of "possibility of talking your way out of sleeping with your girlfriend's sister," her having an identical twin helps out quite a bit.
They may be identical, but that doesn't mean their techniques are the same. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
One time my friend convinced me to go meatspin.com (I had no idea what it was at the time) and my Mom walked in as soon as the page loaded. My hyper religious parents sat me down that night to talk about how being gay is evil and that its alright to tell them if I am.D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D: horribly embarrassing.
"being gay is evil and that its alright to tell them if I am." Initially, I'd have used "but" in that sentence, but given the context, I can understand why you strayed away from it.
I think that they were waiting for me to say the I was so that they have an excuse to force their godless heathen of a son into church. At that point in time I was going through my agnostic phase, which I think they mistook for atheism.
One time my friend convinced me to go meatspin.com (I had no idea what it was at the time) and my Mom walked in as soon as the page loaded. My hyper religious parents sat me down that night to talk about how being gay is evil and that its alright to tell them if I am.D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D: horribly embarrassing.
So... when did you finally convince them you weren't gay?
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Hi I'm Vee!Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C ERegistered Userregular
edited October 2007
He actually is gay, it was just a horrible coincidence.
One time my friend convinced me to go meatspin.com (I had no idea what it was at the time) and my Mom walked in as soon as the page loaded. My hyper religious parents sat me down that night to talk about how being gay is evil and that its alright to tell them if I am.D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D: horribly embarrassing.
So... when did you finally convince them you weren't gay?
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all.... all around as we stare at each other like deers in headlights since she caught a full view of the action. All this was followed by my girl yelling and bitching at her sister to knock!
And you didn't ask the twin to join? For shame.
At least it was the right twin. I could see this going hilariously wrong.
On the scale of "possibility of talking your way out of sleeping with your girlfriend's sister," her having an identical twin helps out quite a bit.
I was dating a girl once who had an *almost* identical twin. They had the same hairstyles, same mannerisms, and same clothing styles, but it wasn't like you had to know them really well to tell them apart.
However, one night my girlfriend invited me over to stay the night, and her twin invited HER boyfriend over.
Eventually we were all sprawled on a coupel of mattresses laying watching TV, and somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. I woke up to a very warm feeling somewhere down in my crotch region.
BlowjobYAYkthx!
I distinctly remember thinking "wow, my girlfriend has gotten HEAPS better at this (she wasn't bad at it, but this was amazing).
I could see the head and hair of the person who was...uh..."attending", to me, and it looked like my girlfriend (didn't click in my mind that her and her twin both would look the same from this position)
At least, that was until my girlfriend rolled over and whispered in my ear "I think everyone else is asleep, lets go upstairs".
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
turned out her twin thought I was her boyfriend (it was dark) and I thought she was my girlfriend.
Her twin heard her whisper to me, and suddenly realised what she was doing. She just quickly stopped, zipped me back up *very* quietly, and laid down and went to sleep, while my girlfriend and I did go upstairs. The twin and I exchanged a bit of a look the next morning, and never said another word about it.
I was dating a girl once who had an *almost* identical twin. They had the same hairstyles, same mannerisms, and same clothing styles, but it wasn't like you had to know them really well to tell them apart.
However, one night my girlfriend invited me over to stay the night, and her twin invited HER boyfriend over.
Eventually we were all sprawled on a coupel of mattresses laying watching TV, and somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. I woke up to a very warm feeling somewhere down in my crotch region.
BlowjobYAYkthx!
I distinctly remember thinking "wow, my girlfriend has gotten HEAPS better at this (she wasn't bad at it, but this was amazing).
I could see the head and hair of the person who was...uh..."attending", to me, and it looked like my girlfriend (didn't click in my mind that her and her twin both would look the same from this position)
At least, that was until my girlfriend rolled over and whispered in my ear "I think everyone else is asleep, lets go upstairs".
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
turned out her twin thought I was her boyfriend (it was dark) and I thought she was my girlfriend.
Her twin heard her whisper to me, and suddenly realised what she was doing. She just quickly stopped, zipped me back up *very* quietly, and laid down and went to sleep, while my girlfriend and I did go upstairs. The twin and I exchanged a bit of a look the next morning, and never said another word about it.
Now see, that's actually pretty good, awkward, but good.
I'd be in trouble if I went out with a twin though; I have absolutely no fear of public displays of affection, and would inevitably end up kissing the wrong girl. In public. Possibly several times.
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Dhalphirdon't you open that trapdooryou're a fool if you dareRegistered Userregular
I was dating a girl once who had an *almost* identical twin. They had the same hairstyles, same mannerisms, and same clothing styles, but it wasn't like you had to know them really well to tell them apart.
However, one night my girlfriend invited me over to stay the night, and her twin invited HER boyfriend over.
Eventually we were all sprawled on a coupel of mattresses laying watching TV, and somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. I woke up to a very warm feeling somewhere down in my crotch region.
BlowjobYAYkthx!
I distinctly remember thinking "wow, my girlfriend has gotten HEAPS better at this (she wasn't bad at it, but this was amazing).
I could see the head and hair of the person who was...uh..."attending", to me, and it looked like my girlfriend (didn't click in my mind that her and her twin both would look the same from this position)
At least, that was until my girlfriend rolled over and whispered in my ear "I think everyone else is asleep, lets go upstairs".
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
turned out her twin thought I was her boyfriend (it was dark) and I thought she was my girlfriend.
Her twin heard her whisper to me, and suddenly realised what she was doing. She just quickly stopped, zipped me back up *very* quietly, and laid down and went to sleep, while my girlfriend and I did go upstairs. The twin and I exchanged a bit of a look the next morning, and never said another word about it.
Now see, that's actually pretty good, awkward, but good.
I'd be in trouble if I went out with a twin though; I have absolutely no fear of public displays of affection, and would inevitably end up kissing the wrong girl. In public. Possibly several times.
and you would likely get away with it, which is my point.
Now see, that's actually pretty good, awkward, but good.
I'd be in trouble if I went out with a twin though; I have absolutely no fear of public displays of affection, and would inevitably end up kissing the wrong girl. In public. Possibly several times.
and you would likely get away with it, which is my point.
But see, there's a reason I'm going out with her sister. The one I'm not going out with is a total bitch.
OK before we get too off track with how hot twins can be here's another story.
Strange moment involving cops. Very recently actually.
My bro and I happen to both be back in our hometown for a school break. We recently had our middleschool torn down because it failed to meet building standards. (Go Hometown!). Anyways, we get the idea to wait until dark and go grab a brick to use as a souvenier from the rubble and mess that was leftover from the blast. Yes, they blew the whole building up more or less and it looked like a warzone at the actual site. So myself, my bro, and about 3 other friends wait until sundown and head out in 1 car since we're certain the workers are gone by now.
It's not long before I realize that one of our friends along for the ride has just came from a party and is drunk out of his mind. No worries really, he can just wait for us while we make the grab. We get to the ruins and park the car out of sight. Everyone except the drunk fatty heads in. Instead, he decides to stand awkwardly by the makeshift entrance which happens to be right under a street light. This would be our undoing since he is a really big dude and was still drunk off his ass.
Me and bro go deeper into the wreck than everyone else looking around when we get a cell phone call from the other explorers. In the short time we had been looking around, a cop saw fat friend and decided to pull up and interrogate him about his strange behavior. GREAT! Just who I want to be my spokesman to the local cops (see:Assholes) about why he's drunk and standing outside an off limits to the public type area.
I had to make the choice to go fess up or take my chances plowing through the rest of the rubble in the near pitch darkness. I chose to run because 1) I really really hate dealing with our cops and 2) I knew the area well enough that me and my bro could probably get away if we made it to the other side without being spotted.
Following this split second decision we spotted the hi beam of a flashlight searching the place and we book it.....way too fast. After falling in holes and nearly being stabbed by stray pieces of metal pole, we're making good time and stop to rest. Right then we heard a rather loud yell of "HEY!" from wherever the cop was searching and we hold our breath. Decision time again, and since I don't see anyone around us I decide that his yelling was just some BS to get us to come out and it turns out I was right in the end. We made it out and did a giant loop around the village area on foot and cutting through yards/hopping fences, all that jazz.
Finally, we get enough nerve to scale the grassy knoll to where the car is hidden to see the aftermath of whatever happened since we figured running wouldn't do much more good and we knew everyone else, including the friends who tipped us off, had been caught by now. We peek over and see that the cop had disappeared and just warned us not to be there anymore. Running through that death trap was probably not even necessary afterall, but I hate the local 5-0 enough to do it.
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Conversation between him and his half brother.
X: "So, I noticed last month when you and dad visited that you'd had your tongue pierced."
XX: "Yeah, it's great. The hardest part was telling mom."
X: "Moms are like that."
XX: "Yeah, she asked me why I got it done. I told her that it enhances fellatio. She kinda freaked out."
X: *full second pause* "You used the word 'fellatio' when you told her?"
XX: "Yeah, I mean, she's my mom. I was kind of embarrassed, and didn't want to say 'going down on my girlfriend", so I figured I'd use the technical term."
X: "... Abe? What do you think 'fellatio' means?"
XX: "Duh. It's the technical term for oral sex."
X: *trying not to laugh too hard* "Not exactly. It's the technical term for male-recipient oral sex. Blowjob. Knob-Polishing. Sword-swallowing. Cock-..."
XX: "Really?"
X: "...Sucking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It means the guy is receiving, and has no connotations about what gender is performing. The word, I think, you were looking for, is 'cunnilingus', which is female-recipient oral sex."
XX: "Shit. That can't be right."
X: "Feel free to look it up. Try dictionary.com"
XX: *sound of typing* .... "Fuck."
X: "Hey?"
XX: "Yeah?"
X :"Can I listen in when you try to explain to your mom that you're not gay?"
XX: "Fuck!!!!"
Well the parents make a speech then ask if any of his friends would like to say a few words. One guy pops up, very eager. He's always been a little.. awkward. He means well, but he's not particularly smart and seems to have a different idea of what people might find funny. He stumbles through a couple of minutes of talking about the object of the party. Then finishes his speech off with:
"<girlfriend>, make sure not to put him in the dogs box too often, I'm sure even he would be willing to bury his bones elsewhere".
Then walks off smiling, like he's just said something entirely hilarious.
Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
Classic, tell me, how did the "Going back in" go?
Its worse than head and shoulders, well, at least more humiliating. tastes crap too.
#1
Im at a track meet waaaay back in the day and was about to be late for my race. I was fully convinced I had finshed changing as I dashed from locker room to the starting line. Finishing the race as usual I run into a bunch of bitchy older girls from my school and one smugly asks "where are your shorts"? Now, our track uniforms have short shorts normally and my jersey usually covers them anyways since it was oversized. I usually wore my uniform under my clothes, so I can just take off my street clothes and go race. To my horror I realized in my haste to get ready I must have forgotten to put them on and had run the 800 (2 full laps) in my boxers, in front of a majority of my class. I didn't even notice since it felt just like i was wearing our uniform shorts. I was speechless and quickly made some excuse about them being really short shorts and dashed away. I spent the rest of the meet laying low.
#2
I was over at the suite of the girl I was seeing at the time in college. She shared a room with her twin sister and there was a separate room for her two room mates. Me and her were up in her room and she starts going down on me. I was already a little jumpy because her 2 roomates are milling around somewhere downstairs or outside, but knew not to bother us if the door is closed. Suddenly I hear the other sister who shares the room come in downstairs and sit up while suggesting we wait. My girl reassures me that the door is locked and she knows better. I still insist on stopping since I know that her twin will come upstairs and want to see her. Long story short, I lose the arguement and let her keep going. About a minute later I hear the sister coming upstairs and heading for us. She managed to open the door without any trouble at all....
#3
We go to stay at my friend's Grandma's place on this nice private lake. One day she decides to take us along to her friends house for some pleasant convo and laughs. We agree to go, not knowing what to expect since she is a pretty racy/rauncy grandma and her friend can't be any better. His Grandma's friend spent the next half hour giving me and all my friends a half hour speech on how she knows that oriental women have slanted snatches. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry the entire time, but it was funny nonetheless.
And you didn't ask the twin to join? For shame.
I then said "oh sorry" and went over to wife (I was sure this time). So then I said to my wife "we have to leave, now." She got mad yelled at me saying I should be more patient and this and that and continued talking to her friend. while I stood at the counter about 20 feet away from the woman I accidentally groped in utter embarrassment. Horrible.
At least it was the right twin. I could see this going hilariously wrong.
I've almost done that so many times, but always manage to notice and catch myself at the last second.
Same here. After the first near disaster, I've been sure to keep track of which women is my wife and which isn't.
Anyone have any embarassing AIM/Vent occurances. (Sorry if there have been some already, I'm only halfway through reading the entire thread)
I've had plenty of minor ones.
For instance my brother had once left Ventrillo open on our computer in a channel that had a whole bunch of our buddies in it. Now, these friends are usually mild mannered around our mom because she is pretty uptight most of the times. My mom managed to enter the room at just the right moment as our bud let loose a string of profanity that would make a nun burst into flames. I had a hard time living that one down.
Ed. Note: This was before headphones were invented.
On the scale of "possibility of talking your way out of sleeping with your girlfriend's sister," her having an identical twin helps out quite a bit.
My junior year of college- We decided to blow off some steam by having a big party and everyone got pretty tanked. I retired back to my room to sleep off the booze and since my roomate wasn't home I just set my alarm and went to bed. The next thing I remember is being rudely awakened by someone (didn't know who) and in my groggy state I told them off with some choice words and passed back out.
Turns out I had set my alarm for the wrong time and it had been going off for a long time. I was too drunk for it to wake me up even though I was one of the most annoying/loud alarms ever. Security had broke into my room along with my RA (who lives NEXTDOOR to me!) to shut it off since everyone on the floor was complaining.
It wasn't until later that week that I figured out how I singlehandedly pissed off my RA and the security office for the the rest of the time I knew them. I found out they referred to me as "trouble". Bah.
Well maybe not, but it was an easier way to make evening plans than playing cell phone tag.
They may be identical, but that doesn't mean their techniques are the same. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
So... when did you finally convince them you weren't gay?
When I got married.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
I was dating a girl once who had an *almost* identical twin. They had the same hairstyles, same mannerisms, and same clothing styles, but it wasn't like you had to know them really well to tell them apart.
However, one night my girlfriend invited me over to stay the night, and her twin invited HER boyfriend over.
Eventually we were all sprawled on a coupel of mattresses laying watching TV, and somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. I woke up to a very warm feeling somewhere down in my crotch region.
BlowjobYAYkthx!
I distinctly remember thinking "wow, my girlfriend has gotten HEAPS better at this (she wasn't bad at it, but this was amazing).
I could see the head and hair of the person who was...uh..."attending", to me, and it looked like my girlfriend (didn't click in my mind that her and her twin both would look the same from this position)
At least, that was until my girlfriend rolled over and whispered in my ear "I think everyone else is asleep, lets go upstairs".
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
turned out her twin thought I was her boyfriend (it was dark) and I thought she was my girlfriend.
Her twin heard her whisper to me, and suddenly realised what she was doing. She just quickly stopped, zipped me back up *very* quietly, and laid down and went to sleep, while my girlfriend and I did go upstairs. The twin and I exchanged a bit of a look the next morning, and never said another word about it.
I was beginning to worry that it only happened in my dreams.
I'd be in trouble if I went out with a twin though; I have absolutely no fear of public displays of affection, and would inevitably end up kissing the wrong girl. In public. Possibly several times.
If I made it up I would have had her positively riding me while asleep.
And there would have been a huge drama scene involving a pineapple, six monkeys and a bottle of nail polish remover.
And it would have been epic.
and you would likely get away with it, which is my point.
In my imagination, obviously.
Your too close to finding out my true identity!
Clearly you are going out with the worse of the two twins when it comes to sexual relations.
I wonder if its possible to have sex with the other twin, then if you ever got caught, say that you thought it was the girlfriend and not the sister.
If it really is true then the direct correlation between hotness vs. psycho factor theory of women triumphs again.
Strange moment involving cops. Very recently actually.
My bro and I happen to both be back in our hometown for a school break. We recently had our middleschool torn down because it failed to meet building standards. (Go Hometown!). Anyways, we get the idea to wait until dark and go grab a brick to use as a souvenier from the rubble and mess that was leftover from the blast. Yes, they blew the whole building up more or less and it looked like a warzone at the actual site. So myself, my bro, and about 3 other friends wait until sundown and head out in 1 car since we're certain the workers are gone by now.
It's not long before I realize that one of our friends along for the ride has just came from a party and is drunk out of his mind. No worries really, he can just wait for us while we make the grab. We get to the ruins and park the car out of sight. Everyone except the drunk fatty heads in. Instead, he decides to stand awkwardly by the makeshift entrance which happens to be right under a street light. This would be our undoing since he is a really big dude and was still drunk off his ass.
Me and bro go deeper into the wreck than everyone else looking around when we get a cell phone call from the other explorers. In the short time we had been looking around, a cop saw fat friend and decided to pull up and interrogate him about his strange behavior. GREAT! Just who I want to be my spokesman to the local cops (see:Assholes) about why he's drunk and standing outside an off limits to the public type area.
I had to make the choice to go fess up or take my chances plowing through the rest of the rubble in the near pitch darkness. I chose to run because 1) I really really hate dealing with our cops and 2) I knew the area well enough that me and my bro could probably get away if we made it to the other side without being spotted.
Following this split second decision we spotted the hi beam of a flashlight searching the place and we book it.....way too fast. After falling in holes and nearly being stabbed by stray pieces of metal pole, we're making good time and stop to rest. Right then we heard a rather loud yell of "HEY!" from wherever the cop was searching and we hold our breath. Decision time again, and since I don't see anyone around us I decide that his yelling was just some BS to get us to come out and it turns out I was right in the end. We made it out and did a giant loop around the village area on foot and cutting through yards/hopping fences, all that jazz.
Finally, we get enough nerve to scale the grassy knoll to where the car is hidden to see the aftermath of whatever happened since we figured running wouldn't do much more good and we knew everyone else, including the friends who tipped us off, had been caught by now. We peek over and see that the cop had disappeared and just warned us not to be there anymore. Running through that death trap was probably not even necessary afterall, but I hate the local 5-0 enough to do it.
Sad ending - we never got the brick doh.