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Revenge of the Strange & Embarrassing Moments

15657585961

Posts

  • ProjeckProjeck Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    uhhhhhhhh

    Projeck on
  • Ghandi 2Ghandi 2 Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    dang why did I forget this one?

    When I was about six and my older brothers were 8 and 10 (I might have been five now that I think of it) we would, apparently, engage in penis swordfights. I don't really remember this that well, but we had great fun according to my mom. One day she heard some giggling and came over, and our jack russell was happily lapping away at our genitals. My mom was naturally perturbed by this, and said for us to stop, saying "Never let the dog lick your penis!" Frankly it was fairly good advice, as a dog has a tendency to nibble or bite while giving kisses, which isn't a big deal if its your arm, but more so if it's your junk. As far as I can remember, dog/genital contact was not an issue after that.

    In my kindergarten class we had a bring your parents to class day. We had a number of activities to do with our parents, my mom in this case as my dad couldn't get out of work. Eventually we got to a bit where we had to pass on advice that our parents have given us. Some kids get up and give out some nice, friendly advice in front of the class, teacher, and parents.

    "Always wash your hands after going to the bathroom" Cue polite and friendly clapping.

    "Never talk to strangers" Very good! Everyone is thrilled at this point. Then I go up, and proudly proclaim

    "Never let the dog lick your penis." There is a stunned silence in the room and I think everyone turned to look at my mom who I imagine looked completely dumbfounded. She lunged for me and grabbed me and began to walk out of the classroom. The teacher asked if she could talk to her for a moment and she yelled "No!" as she was fleeing the classroom.

    That's a popular family story.
    Hahaha, oh man, I wish I could see this. But why wasn't there are problem with genital-genital contact? Yeah, kids explore their bodies, whatever, but regular penis fights?

    Ghandi 2 on
  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So at work, I was talking to this girl I frequently talk to. Somehow we got on the topic of medical advice. (For some reason, because people know that I'm a biology major, they think I can give good medical advice.) She said something about her grandmother getting a "C def" infection. I was excited, because I just learned about Clostridium Difficile. "Oh, C-Def is a horrible infection. It's really powerful and hard to cure with normal antibiotics. It's weird that you brought that up, I just learned about it in micro. It's cool that I can recognize these things, right?" (At this point, a certain part of my brain is signaling imminent foot/mouth action.) She says, "Yeah, my grandmother had a quadruple bypass and then died from the C def infection."
    Me- "OH GOD I AM SO SORRY, HOW COULD I TALK ABOUT THAT SO CLINICALLY AND HERE IT KILLED YOUR GRANDMOTHER. I AM AN AWFUL PERSON."
    She was pretty cool about it, "Well, it was four years ago, and I know you didn't mean it that way."
    Still embarrassing.

    Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud on
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Well little kids like to run around naked and apparently penis sword fighting isn't really very uncommon

    Casual Eddy on
  • stiliststilist Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Well little kids like to run around naked and apparently penis sword fighting isn't really very uncommon
    Maybe in your family.

    stilist on
    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Did you guys repress your childhoods?
    Nudity was rampant

    Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud on
  • Ghandi 2Ghandi 2 Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Did you guys repress your childhoods?
    Nudity was rampant
    Relatively to today, yes. I was not raised in a household that encouraged that, though, so it really wasn't that much, although maybe I am repressing my childhood.

    But that's irrelevant because there's a difference between some nudity and penis fights.

    Ghandi 2 on
  • devoirdevoir Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Casual Eddy, I both give you praise and curse you.

    Praise because I'm stuck at home, feeling like crap from a head cold.

    Curse because my throat is now raw from laughing/coughing/spluttering.

    devoir on
  • Gorilla SaladGorilla Salad Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    There was little nudity in my childhood.

    I spun around in a dryer for a few minutes, once, but no nudity.

    Gorilla Salad on
  • stiliststilist Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    There was little nudity in my childhood.

    I spun around in a dryer for a few minutes, once, but no nudity.
    Yeah.

    stilist on
    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah as far as childhood nudity goes, when my Mom was getting me ready for baths back in the day (and I'm talking back in the age 3-4 day), I would frequent wait until I was nude, then escape from her clutchs and run around the house in my birthday suit, doing a complete circuit.

    My Aunt, who was staying with us at the time, would mock-cover-her-eyes and exclaim "OH NO, A NUDIE!" which would fill me with delight.

    There was a lot of nudity in my childhood.

    saint2e on
    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • aquabataquabat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.

    aquabat on
  • KatholicKatholic Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    What is wrong with you people?

    Katholic on
  • stiliststilist Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    stilist on
    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    jotate on
  • LoathingLoathing Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Katholic wrote: »
    What is wrong with you people?

    Does this really need to be answered? Cause seriously, come on.

    And from what I vaguely remember, I had a girlfriend in pre-school (or whatever it is in Canada). We drew pictures for each other and kissed.

    Loathing on
  • PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    Picardathon on
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    jotate on
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Man. Brave New World flashbacks abound.

    saint2e on
    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    Good god, you freak. (Well, not really, but that is really fucking strange).
    Did any adults ever learn about this? I'm presuming not, because if they did it would have gone down as legal precedent.

    Picardathon on
  • aquabataquabat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched

    aquabat on
  • stiliststilist Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    saint2e wrote: »
    Man. Brave New World flashbacks abound.
    Eddy’s story made me think of this.

    hi5 on nerdery

    stilist on
    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched

    You're now a sado-masochist aren't you?

    saint2e on
    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • stiliststilist Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?
    Thunder punched
    And it’s been down-hill from there, eh? :P

    stilist on
    I poop things on my site and twitter
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched

    This exchange has me and my roommate laughing our fucking asses off.

    Gotta sig it, even if spoiled for space.

    jotate on
  • CorlisCorlis Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.
    My parents somewhere have a picture of me dancing with a girl when I was five. I did not have pants on in this picture, nor any underwear. I don't recall if my junk was showing, and honestly I don't want to find out.

    Corlis on
    But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
    I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    Good god, you freak. (Well, not really, but that is really fucking strange).
    Did any adults ever learn about this? I'm presuming not, because if they did it would have gone down as legal precedent.

    We were 4, dude, I can hardly be tried as an adult at fucking 4. We didn't know any better. :(

    I don't think any adults every learned of it. It happened a lot. If anyone ever was aware, they never said anything. Nothing that I remember anyway. I suppose it's possible that I got caught, got yelled at, and then shut the memory out of my mind.

    jotate on
  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    Good god, you freak. (Well, not really, but that is really fucking strange).
    Did any adults ever learn about this? I'm presuming not, because if they did it would have gone down as legal precedent.

    We were 4, dude, I can hardly be tried as an adult at fucking 4. We didn't know any better. :(

    I don't think any adults every learned of it. It happened a lot. If anyone ever was aware, they never said anything. Nothing that I remember anyway. I suppose it's possible that I got caught, got yelled at, and then shut the memory out of my mind.
    I think they meant legal precedence at the preschool. I would hope not for the kids, because suggesting that is very retarded. Four years old? Are you dense?

    Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud on
  • OboroOboro __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2008
    Regardless of how pervy those memories are, they're pretty fantastic. You need to remember that there's a fair portion of the civilized world where the only childhood memories that people have are of how they sinned against God.

    I'm pretty sure I mentioned it already in the thread in full so I'll just allude to it here, but the Christian upbringing thing is sort of a sorry lot. My mother was a pretty fervent alcoholic before she got hit by a van, and I have the wonderful memory of her using anti-abortion propaganda along with the words sinners' babies to describe why, when my little sister was born, she was going to have a collapsed skull with prolapsed brains.

    I mean, she didn't, but that didn't change the fact my mother stunk of beer for a considerable portion of my youth and took absolutely too much liberty appending the term sinners' to things.

    Sinners' friends. Sinners' dolls. Sinners' gummi fruit snacks.

    Oboro on
    words
  • PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    Good god, you freak. (Well, not really, but that is really fucking strange).
    Did any adults ever learn about this? I'm presuming not, because if they did it would have gone down as legal precedent.

    We were 4, dude, I can hardly be tried as an adult at fucking 4. We didn't know any better. :(

    I don't think any adults every learned of it. It happened a lot. If anyone ever was aware, they never said anything. Nothing that I remember anyway. I suppose it's possible that I got caught, got yelled at, and then shut the memory out of my mind.
    I think they meant legal precedence at the preschool. I would hope not for the kids, because suggesting that is very retarded. Four years old? Are you dense?

    Yeah.
    If the four year olds are fucking and someone important finds out I would think that someone's getting arrested and tried.

    Picardathon on
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Are you dense?

    Not all of us can be a collection of fucking gaseous water molecules, asshole.

    jotate on
  • OboroOboro __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    Are you dense?

    Not all of us can be a collection of fucking gaseous water molecules, asshole.
    but but but

    degradation into entropy is the basic tenet of thermodynamics!

    Oboro on
    words
  • aquabataquabat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?
    Thunder punched
    And it’s been down-hill from there, eh? :P

    Actually, I've gone from strength to strength. A random accident with a lighter and the He-man fused it to my penis and when I hit 18, I became a Japanese porn star named Thunder Punch Holmes. I retired in 1967 to write my biography.

    aquabat on
  • PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oboro wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    Are you dense?

    Not all of us can be a collection of fucking gaseous water molecules, asshole.
    but but but

    degradation into entropy is the basic tenet of thermodynamics!

    Wait, isn't that the second law though?
    Wouldn't the first law, whatever that may be, be the basic tenet?

    Picardathon on
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I managed to find one of my friends from preschool on facebook a few months back. I messaged him and said we should hang out. We got together at a bar, us being 23 and not having seen each other since we were 5. We got to drinking. I'm not sure which of us brought it up, but eventually the conversation shifted to whether each of us remembered what we were up to when we were at our preschool. Confirmed, we went into asking what the fuck was wrong with us.

    We each had girlfriends. In preschool. When we were 4. These were our first physical relationships. I'm really not sure I want to go into details.

    Let's just say that TV does in fact affect children at a very young age.

    We were fucked up kids and that preschool did not do enough to make sure they knew where all the kids were during outside playtime.

    :|

    Okay, this is putting horrible pictures in my head.
    You just made me a pervert, just great, you should be very proud of yourself, you horrible person.

    According to my friend who remembered the rationale that was used at the time, sex was equated to "naked pushups."

    Good god, you freak. (Well, not really, but that is really fucking strange).
    Did any adults ever learn about this? I'm presuming not, because if they did it would have gone down as legal precedent.

    We were 4, dude, I can hardly be tried as an adult at fucking 4. We didn't know any better. :(

    I don't think any adults every learned of it. It happened a lot. If anyone ever was aware, they never said anything. Nothing that I remember anyway. I suppose it's possible that I got caught, got yelled at, and then shut the memory out of my mind.
    I think they meant legal precedence at the preschool. I would hope not for the kids, because suggesting that is very retarded. Four years old? Are you dense?

    Yeah.
    If the four year olds are fucking and someone important finds out I would think that someone's getting arrested and tried.

    My reaction about being tried as an adult wasn't aimed at your legal precedent comment, it was a reaction to you calling me a freak. I can see how it's confusing given the legal precedent comment. Next time, I'll have to turn a more generic phrase.

    jotate on
  • OboroOboro __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2008
    Oboro wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    Are you dense?

    Not all of us can be a collection of fucking gaseous water molecules, asshole.
    but but but

    degradation into entropy is the basic tenet of thermodynamics!

    Wait, isn't that the second law though?
    Wouldn't the first law, whatever that may be, be the basic tenet?
    As a practitioner of the laws of thermodynamics, I'm going to waive this criticism under the Seinfeld-Judaism doctrine of 'comedic leeway.'

    Oboro on
    words
  • METAzraeLMETAzraeL Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oboro wrote: »
    Regardless of how pervy those memories are, they're pretty fantastic. You need to remember that there's a fair portion of the civilized world where the only childhood memories that people have are of how they sinned against God.

    I'm pretty sure I mentioned it already in the thread in full so I'll just allude to it here, but the Christian upbringing thing is sort of a sorry lot. My mother was a pretty fervent alcoholic before she got hit by a van, and I have the wonderful memory of her using anti-abortion propaganda along with the words sinners' babies to describe why, when my little sister was born, she was going to have a collapsed skull with prolapsed brains.

    I mean, she didn't, but that didn't change the fact my mother stunk of beer for a considerable portion of my youth and took absolutely too much liberty appending the term sinners' to things.

    Sinners' friends. Sinners' dolls. Sinners' gummi fruit snacks.

    growing up with extremely religious people is a strange and embarrassing story to end all such stories.

    sex at 4, tho? what kind of awesome tv were you watching to give you such ideas?

    METAzraeL on

    dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
    sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
  • jotatejotate Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    It wasn't real sex. It's not like we could get it up or had any idea that there was a hole to put it in.

    ...I think...

    jotate on
  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Whoops, I was talking about picardthon.

    Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud on
  • aquabataquabat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Seriously, I dont think its all that bad. Monkey see, monkey do and all that. Kids dont understand what they're really doing at that stage though. It would be a different story if the girls were any older though. A verrrry different story

    aquabat on
This discussion has been closed.