Livin' With Whippy: A Survivor's Tale

Shankusu

whippy once came up to me and drew a ditto

World as Myth

with lenses they were going to be over $500

and I was like

whoa there, spectacles

I will not be your huckleberry

Futore

I give the best cuddles and I hold true to the cuddles I promise, you big jerk.

If you want me to cuddle with someone else, you can just say it.

Whipstitch Zombie

Draco_Auric wrote: »

Marathon wrote: »

Anyone who lives with others and fucks with their door wide open deserves to be heckled. He should have taken the hose to them like the animals they are.

Man the open door is obviously a good natured invitation, that's quality roommate behavior right there!

to be fair he got home earlier than usual

Futore

Is that really the only counter you have to this entire thread?

World as Myth

you don't know whippy very well, do you

Futore

I'm not that lucky of a person

IpseDixit

the cheat wrote: »

oh fallout, will you be my date to janson and mori's wedding?! pwetty pweeze?

Can I be Mori's date?

As7

Living with Whippy would be like living in the Broadway musical, "Hair."

Mysst

As7 wrote: »

Living with Whippy would be like living in the Broadway musical, "Hair."

some of us would always feel paranoid that a large monster was about to accost them.

but we're short.

Whipstitch Zombie

Futore wrote: »

Is that really the only counter you have to this entire thread?

pretty much all of the other stuff is spot on

Monkeyfeet

Do you really wear socks with sandals?

Futore

WhipstitchZombie wrote: »

Futore wrote: »

Is that really the only counter you have to this entire thread?

pretty much all of the other stuff is spot on

then you deserve quite the hi5

Whipstitch Zombie

Monkeyfeet wrote: »

Do you really wear socks with sandals?

I used to

I like the freedom of not wearing a shoe combined with the not-getting-your-foot-dirty of wearing a sock

I don't anymore

anytime I really wanna feel this these days I wear house slippers outside of the house

Whipstitch Zombie

sometimes I wear them to the grocery store

or to the movies

you'd be surprised at how liberating it is

both socially and emotionally

Futore

My friend let me borrow a pair of Toms last week and they were essentially house slippers. Suprisingly comfy is what they were

neville

Whippy is REALLY the gayest straight guy
He can sometimes weird me out with his overt gayness, which I think means he wins some sort of award... or penalty.

Rinder

WhipstitchZombie wrote: »

sometimes I wear them to the grocery store

or to the movies

you'd be surprised at how liberating it is

both socially and emotionally

Maybe that's why all the senior citizens I see always wear socks and sandals.
Hell they use knee high socks.

The Geek

Shorty wrote: »

He, my girlfriend and I were hanging out, watching a movie. He's eating a Twinkie, and asks if she wants one. Apparently, she's never had a Twinkie before. "I think you should have one," he says. She tries one, and she hates it, she's halfway through, can barely even finish what she's got in her mouth, and he goes, "Yeah. Chew it." He draws it out, slow, like he's molesting the words in the bathroom at Bojangles. "Please don't say things like that to my girlfriend."

This is the best one.

The Geek

World as Myth wrote: »

with lenses they were going to be over $500

and I was like

whoa there, spectacles

I will not be your huckleberry

This is a great post. I highly enjoy this post.

Moriveth

So apparently Rambozo had a fifteen year-old girlfriend. When he was 22. This is entirely unsurprising.

The Geek

Moriveth wrote: »

So apparently Rambozo had a fifteen year-old girlfriend. When he was 22. This is entirely unsurprising.

I thought that was Piotyr.

Tossrock

neville wrote: »

Whippy is REALLY the gayest straight guy
He can sometimes weird me out with his overt gayness, which I think means he wins some sort of award... or penalty.

straight would be stretching it

whippy was teefs before teefs was teefs

if you know what i mean

Moriveth

The Geek wrote: »

Moriveth wrote: »

So apparently Rambozo had a fifteen year-old girlfriend. When he was 22. This is entirely unsurprising.

I thought that was Piotyr.

Both of them, I guess? I wasn't here when Piotyr was around.

Spoiler:

Well to kick things off, I am a 23 year old digital arts student who has been in a steady and wonderful relationship with a 16 year old highschool girl for the past year.

This is probably your face right now:

I can't say that I blame you. I write this knowing full well what kind of vitriol to expect, as I've already experienced more than my fair share of it in real life (more on that in a bit). In anticipation of the sort of responses I might get I'd like to address a few things right off the bat:

This is so cliche it hurts, but honestly and with total objective clarity this girl is scary-smart and mature in a way that shattered my preconceptions regarding age. This is a girl who mocks peers for their half-baked armchair philosophy. This is a girl whose own written and verbal expression is beyond reproach, a feat that is nearly unhead of amongst 16 year old girls if Myspace is to be believed. She is what GBS would deem a spelling/grammar nazi. She's legitimately in the genius range, and presents her views on politics and science with the sort of eloquence that you would, if asked to identify its author, assume was written as part of a particularly gifted student's thesis paper. Her passtimes include building computers, organizing online tournaments, modelling in autocad, and....uh, sewing.

Perhaps that was overkill, but what I'm trying to say is that while "But she's so mature for her age! " is in fact a grossly overused and rarely true defense, it is genuinely true here. Even if you're dead set against believing this and have prejudged her as some naieve bumpkin who fell off the last turnip wagon to pass through town, at least assume I'm right about her maturity for the sake of discussion. She is not immature, nor am I. Our relationship, despite common presumptions surrounding unions of this sort, is entirely wholesome and balanced. We don't need pills, therapy, or page-long lectures from the morality police.


With that out of the way, allow me to explain our current situation:

You know the saying "nice guys finish last"? It's false. It seems that way much of the time, but in most cases the "nice guy" who finishes last is just undesirable for a number of reasons and citing his "niceness" as an excuse for why he strikes out. It seems to work fine for me, but in the case of my ex it worked a little too well. When I say "worked" I don't mean that it was a trick or technique, I was just genuinely a goody-goody who didn't know any better than to put women on pedestals. Not in the bad "girls don't poop" sense but in the "girls are wonderful and I am lucky that one likes me so I should treat her with respect in order to deserve her affection" kind of way. Most of the time I treated her as a best friend who happened to have tits and would let me play with them. We rarely fought, I never raised my voice nor laid a hand upon her in anger, and I genuinely respected her for her intellect.

This had the rather unexpected effect of completely changing her as a person. when I met her she was quiet, shy, humble and sincere. She had apparently had a great many bad relationships in the past and it had decimated her self esteem. I resolved to repair it, but in doing so made her into a terrible person. Her self esteem not only recovered, it skyrocketed. She stopped dressing like a cute little nerd and started bleaching her hair and dressing in the sort of pink, sassy-slogan emblazoned outfits you might expect to see on a preteen acolyte of Paris Hilton. Her attitude changed to fit, and she became a prissy, high-maintinence bitch. No longer concerned with intellectual conversation or really anything beyond taking me shopping and having sex. Not good sex either, more like "Sit in the bathtub with me and feed me grapes as I sip arbor mist". It had become all about what she wanted from me, and what she wanted to become. I didn't like that she had become one bit, and before long we had drifted apart.

Following our breakup she immediately shacked up with and began to be abused by an impressively musclebound connoisseur of semiautomatic weapons named "Joe." She called me one night, months after our split, crying and begging me to come save her from Joe. Like a sentimental idiot I leapt to her rescue, calling her family and the police about her abuse and recruiting her rather large and burly brother to go kick the shit out of Joe. This didn't seem to help much as a few months later she found herself another "winner", although that didn't stop her from sending me the email equivalent of a booty call, which her new boyfriend found on her PC and sent me a carefully worded threat with instructions never to contact Jen again despite the fact that I had not initiated contact in the first place. This was not to be the end of my adventures with Jen.

She showed up at my dorm room on my first night living there with a six pack of coronas under one arm and a bushel of porn mags under the other. Apparently she had broken up with whoever her post-Joe rebound was and wanted to party. She ended up dragging me and a roomie to every door in the dorm looking for someone up for some good old fashioned drunken debauchery. She ended up half naked, making out with a fairly hot former student still living in the housing as the girls' boyfriend, my roommate and I all watched. That was pretty awesome, I gotta admit, but like I said I am perhaps a little prudish in that it made me really uncomfortable with who she had turned into. Here was a girl who I used to lay in the field with at night, identifying constellations and giving them comedically absurd new names. This was the girl I had lost my virginity to, used to think I wanted to marry (Don't we all get like this over our first?) and here she was acting like a drunken whore in front of two strangers and one of my friends.

I told her when she left that night that I didn't want her coming over anymore. I didn't like the girl she had turned into, and seeing her act so slutty only reminded me of how far she had fallen in my eyes. She told me I was a stupid prude and she could have any man she wanted, and didn't need me anymore anyways.


So fast forward to last week: She starts sending me emails telling me how great the sex was with me, how huge my dick is and how she still thinks about me. I have kind of a fragile ego as it is so naturally I lit up like the sun when I read these. She always used to tell me I was the best she'd ever had and here it was in writing. I wanted to frame it and hang it next to my degree, directing the attention of potential clients to it, "should they have any doubts as to the virility of my mighty Jango Fett". But naturally being a born cynic I saw the hidden intent behind the messages; She had probably been dumped or something and was lonely and horny, and hoping to woo her way back into my good graces with the end goal of making me her boyfriend again.

I explained to her that I was in love with another girl and we were happily committed to one another. At first she claimed to be happy for me and she wished me good luck with my new relationship. I was relieved, erroneously assuming that I had heard the last of her. It was not to be so. Her messages kept coming, and each one was more pointed than the last. The passive-aggression yielded to thinly veiled hostility, which then turned to outright insults. She called my new girlfriend a stupid ugly skank. She told me I was a pedophile, and that I had used her. She told my new girlfriend that I was only using her for sex. I immediately thought of and linked her to this article from The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33242

The absurdity of claiming that I would take the time and effort to cultivate a three-year romantically robust relationship with a girl that I merely intended to use for sex was as hurtful as it was absurd. Furthermore to claim that I was using my new girlfriend for sex despite having been with her for a year and never having had sex with her once (It's illegal in my state) coupled with the fact that I had sex with my ex when we had been together for a grand total of three months made this claim even more ridiculous than the last. Finally accusing me of being a pedophile even though she was only two years older than my new girlfriend when we started dating was more confusing than hurtful, especially since pedos are attracted to pre-pubescent children and I'm dating a post-pubescent teenager. Even if you divorce the issue from these semantics it's the sort of label that can get a man shot and his sweetheart sent to a psychiatrist, so I don't think I'm wrong to take it pretty seriously when she says stuff like that about my girlfriend and I.

Any hopes I had that she would calm down and eventually be mature about the situation died completely when she sent me a lengthy email that was equal parts venomous hatred and weepy desperation. In one line she claimed that because my site had a few pictures in the profile with her incidentally in the shot meant I was still in love with her and I should follow my heart and come back to her. The very next line condemned me as a perverted sociopath who deserved to rot in prison. It was like watching a bipolar woman argue with herself. I probably should have cut her off full-stop, but I know how much that hurts and how irrational you can get when lovesick, so I didn't. I offered her a chance to keep conversing, reminiscing periodically about the good times rather than simply blocking her and being done with it. My sole condition was that she stop emailing hurtful things to my new girlfriend. She honored this for perhaps a day. I found out earlier today that she has sent yet another hybrid "You are a horrid worthless slut/I am concerned for you because my ex is a pedo who used me" email to my new girlfriend.


Am I a monster? Is my ex the real victim here? Should I block her, or attempt to salvage some form of friendship with her? This is what I have come to you for, goons.

neville

Tossrock wrote: »

neville wrote: »

Whippy is REALLY the gayest straight guy
He can sometimes weird me out with his overt gayness, which I think means he wins some sort of award... or penalty.

straight would be stretching it

whippy was teefs before teefs was teefs

if you know what i mean

but whippy isn't so annoying that I want to shoot my own face just to keep from seeing his inane posts.
so whippy was teefs before teefs became a parody of himself.

gotcha.

The Geek

Man, I am not reading that.

Moriveth

I dunno, it's pretty hilarious

but yeah

wall o' text

Houk

I got to the part where his rationale for her maturity was him explaining how she thinks her peers are stupid and she's good at spelling and had to stop there.

Last I checked, intelligence is pretty different from maturity.

Brodo Faggins

Holy. Christ.

Dublo7

the bit about the twinkies made me chortle

edit - oh what the hell Mori.

Shorty

Recently, Whippy and I hung out with a guy. The guy brought his girlfriend, who had distractingly nice breasts. Later, I spoke with Whippy about them. "They were the rudest." "Dude! I know!" He starts shaking his head, and puts his hands on top, like these rocking tits had changed his perception of reality. "Wow. Wow."

Futore

That resulted in some perfect imagery for me

Larlar

That's the first story about Whippy I can't quite imagine.

Vivixenne

Shorty your stories never cease to amuse.

World as Myth

the story about metal gear is so perfect

if I had to make up a story about whippy I might have invented that same story

Shorty

Today at work I walked up to him and say, "What's up, dude?" He says, "What's up, buddy?...Chief?...Sport?...Champ?...Cupcake?"

the cheat

slick? ...tiger? ...holmes?

Fandyien

living with whippy sounds like a cocktail of the fantastic and the arbitrary

Shorty

Fandyien wrote: »

living with whippy sounds like a cocktail of the fantastic and the arbitrary

This pretty much sums it up.

SkylineCollapse

this reminds me of a roommate i used to live with. he traced his hand and his wang on a piece of paper and posted it on the fridge.