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Terrible Sex

13468964

Posts

  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.

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  • seizureorbsseizureorbs Registered User
    man sex is about two people
    why would you want sex with someone who doesn't really want it?

    man sex is so manly that the other person's feelings don't matter

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  • WrenWren Registered User
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because it stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    Wren wrote: »
    Junpei wrote: »
    Go on Neville, spell it out.

    Never been worried about poop on dick, it all washes off. It's when you have a tooth embedded in your dick that I kinda draw the line though.

    I'd be worried if someones butt had teeth

    I knew that girl was different, but I didn't just how different until it was too late.

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  • nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    Druhim wrote: »
    haha saline

    Druhim has solved the puzzle.

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  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    She chews on her own shit.

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  • CptKemzikCptKemzik Registered User regular
    Wren wrote: »
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

    hahahaha what

  • WrenWren Registered User
    CptKemzik wrote: »
    Wren wrote: »
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

    hahahaha what

    dude was still living at his parents place at the time too. and they were home. I guess they thought it was funny too

    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • DruhimDruhim Usagi's cuddlefish Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake
    and how is your partner going to see that if your cock is planted deep in their twat/asshole?
    so yeah, it's not that hard for a dude to fake it

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  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Junpei wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.
    I faked once. It was pretty shitty.

  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    I was under the impression that the man had to take his cock out, and shoot his load on to his partner's face.

    These sexual education DVDs have taught me wrong!

  • seizureorbsseizureorbs Registered User
    is your cum blue

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  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    I don't know.

    I don't have eyes in my mouth.

  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    *snort*

  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    Whoa Chico

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  • ZeroFillZeroFill Registered User regular
    sometimes when shit just goes on too long and you're so numb from friction you just gotta get it over with

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    hahah oh chico you are a card

    also you're the second person i called a card today
    i think in this very same thread!

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  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    Well played, Blue.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    Chico, we need to draw some more. Are people still doing the iSketch?

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  • ZeroFillZeroFill Registered User regular
    beavotron wrote: »
    hahah oh chico you are a card

    also you're the second person i called a card today
    i think in this very same thread!

    yeah you really get around

  • WeaverWeaver Cap'n NEW CRUNCH CITYRegistered User regular
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

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  • ZeroFillZeroFill Registered User regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    The noise she made when I did that.....

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  • ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Bahhhstahn MassachusettsRegistered User regular
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    GT: NotMeekin
    Tweeter: @MeekinOnMovies
    FB: Facebook.com/MeekinOnMovies
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    OH cool you managed to get out your flat then?

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  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Chico, we need to draw some more. Are people still doing the iSketch?

    We seem to be in some sort of iScribble slump.

    I blame Campion.

    Because his tablet breaks every time he tries to iScribble and I cry.

  • WeaverWeaver Cap'n NEW CRUNCH CITYRegistered User regular
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

    Just went with it because if you go ass to pussy you risk giving her a urinary tract infection so heyo

    ProfessionalandCommander.jpg
  • WrenWren Registered User
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    and now you have the aids

    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • JedocJedoc Registered User
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    So did she wake up again before you finished?

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  • ZeroFillZeroFill Registered User regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

    Just went with it because if you go ass to pussy you risk giving her a urinary tract infection so heyo

    hahaha

    and she just went with it? I'd imagine after it happened you would just become trying to see if you could hold on for 8 seconds

  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    Shit, that reminds me. I knew this guy I used to do theater with, and we were driving to get lunch between rehearsals. Cool guy, not the kind I'd expect to be crude or gross or anything. Totally decides to disclose to me that he gets head in the car from his girlfriend all the damn time. I'm like "Wow, uh, cool dude." Theater people usually tend to keep their cars a friggin' mess, so you usually find a shit ton of empty bottles of water, gatorade, what have you.

    He proceeds to tell me that he uses these receptacles for his semen after getting road head. I was like "Haw haw, that's gross, but funny. Good joke."

    Three days into tech week, I end up leaving my phone in his car. I go out to get it.

    Behind the passenger seat. Gatorade bottle with fucking dried up jizz in it. My phone was laying right next to it in that crack between the seat and the door. I retched a few times, grabbed my phone, and have had to swear off Gatorade to this day. I don't talk to him much anymore and didn't bring it up.

    He didn't even throw it away.




    Wait, this is a thread about terrible sex. Whoops.

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  • Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    sometimes when shit just goes on too long and you're so numb from friction you just gotta get it over with

    drunk sex is just awful

    I'm not very sensitive to begin with and when I've got that much rum in me, I'm really just humoring you. Plus oh god so sore when you wake up.

  • LucentLucent Registered User regular
    Wren wrote: »
    Junpei wrote: »
    Go on Neville, spell it out.

    Never been worried about poop on dick, it all washes off. It's when you have a tooth embedded in your dick that I kinda draw the line though.

    I'd be worried if someones butt had teeth

    Worried with good reason. (NSFW. Honestly. Really. Don't fucking click this.)

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    I'm afraid to click that spoiler. I'm not sure I want to know. I'll just keep trying to fuck everything. -- trentsteel
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    I sorta knew this guy in high school, he didn't actually go there but he helped out with a lot of the theater productions, tech stuff. He was maybe 20 or 21 at the time I was acquainted with him. Weird goth dude and a total asshole. Had a lot of weird tattoos and piercings, including several piercings on his dick, and was always trying to "show his piercings" to some of the sluttier theater girls.

    I later found out that a girlfriend of his got angry about his various and repeated unfaithfulness, and in the middle of servicing him, got a firm grip and ripped all the piercings out of his dick in one go.

    I wondered in horror what this would do to the structural integrity of one's dick, and was informed that since that day, it was like a lump of cookie dough.

  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    If you say don't click everyone will click.

    Internet rule.

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  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    FUCK

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  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    Junpei wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.

    also if it's generally so wet already sou don't notice a bit more fluid

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  • JedocJedoc Registered User
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I sorta knew this guy in high school, he didn't actually go there but he helped out with a lot of the theater productions, tech stuff. He was maybe 20 or 21 at the time I was acquainted with him. Weird goth dude and a total asshole. Had a lot of weird tattoos and piercings, including several piercings on his dick, and was always trying to "show his piercings" to some of the sluttier theater girls.

    I later found out that a girlfriend of his got angry about his various and repeated unfaithfulness, and in the middle of servicing him, got a firm grip and ripped all the piercings out of his dick in one go.

    I wondered in horror what this would do to the structural integrity of one's dick, and was informed that since that day, it was like a lump of cookie dough.

    Wow. Good story.

    On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to retrieve a pair of testicles from an abdominal cavity? A...friend of mine really needs to know.

    Time is a factor here.

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  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Errrr

  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    Vacuum hose, full tilt

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This discussion has been closed.