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Fight before our honeymoon
Ninyu
Registered User
Registered User
Hey all!
My wife and I are going on a cruise next week for a delayed honeymoon (got married last March). I was looking at the website and I noticed that they have a Texas Hold'em tournament on board. I told my wife about wanting to play in it and she got very mad at me. She said that it is our honeymoon and that we should do things together. I come back at her with "It is a five day cruise and we are talking about a 2 or 3 hour tournament. There will be plenty of time to do together-things!" She isn't speaking to me right now.
Am I being unreasonable? It isn't like the tournament is that important to me. I can easily skip it. It is the principle of the matter. I spend all this money and time setting up this nice honeymoon for the two of us and she acts like taking 3 hours to myself to do something I enjoy is the most horrible thing ever. It is my vacation, too.
My wife and I are going on a cruise next week for a delayed honeymoon (got married last March). I was looking at the website and I noticed that they have a Texas Hold'em tournament on board. I told my wife about wanting to play in it and she got very mad at me. She said that it is our honeymoon and that we should do things together. I come back at her with "It is a five day cruise and we are talking about a 2 or 3 hour tournament. There will be plenty of time to do together-things!" She isn't speaking to me right now.
Am I being unreasonable? It isn't like the tournament is that important to me. I can easily skip it. It is the principle of the matter. I spend all this money and time setting up this nice honeymoon for the two of us and she acts like taking 3 hours to myself to do something I enjoy is the most horrible thing ever. It is my vacation, too.
Ninyu on
"It would be cool if you lived with a monster, you would never get hiccups." - Mitch Hedburg
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You need to suck it up and make her happy. This is an occasion that you will have once in your life. Just spend the whole trip with her. You may "win" and make your point. But congratulations, you get to do something that only you want to do... On your honeymoon.
If your expecting a reasonable discussion with her - you wont get it. Weddings and honeymoons are exceptions to the rule. I would learn to pick your fights.
Its a honeymoon - that smell you're registering is good old womanly crazy
I repeat. Do not fuck with a wedding or a honeymoon - you will loose.
Nope, she plays with me in a home game some friends put on every couple weeks. I put 50 bucks in full tilt poker a couple months ago and I still am playing with that.
I think it is just the spending time together issue. I see all of your points. I'll just skip it.
Thanks for the reality check all.
"Wimmins is crazy lol" is never a good excuse to let your wife be possessively nutsola. That's a bad precedent to set early in a marriage.
This is true for pretty much every vacation.
EXCEPT your honeymoon.
...That said, maybe you could ask her if she'd like a trip to the spa/salon (or whatever they have on cruise ships) during the tournament? It's obviously something that she'd have to do without you, but that doesn't mean it couldn't also be a nice gesture on your part. Maybe she'll dig it; maybe she'll think it's an attempt to get rid of her. I dunno; women are strange creatures.
Still doesn't make "blow up and then freeze over till I get my way" a valid way of dealing with the issue.
No, you're missing the point of a honeymoon.
She is being a tad bit unreasonable, however there's a few things you can do to resolve this situation. Firstly, give up. Secondly, stop for a second, tell her you want to talk, tell her you'd really like to go and would love to have her support there, do it as a team (if they allow it). Mostly give up, honeymoons and weddings are something a lot of women get crazy over. However if this becomes a regular thing, you're going to have issues.
This is a trip that she's fantasised about since she was a girl. This is not just another holiday, this is not setting a precident to be walked over for the rest of your married life - this is a very specific fantasy that she's had for much longer than you have been around.
That fantasy is all about you being there and wanting nothing more than to spend time with her. There's nothing to suggest that she's always like this, or to suggest that she's just doing it because she doesnt want him to have any fun.
It would be like you planning a party for someone for 20 years, they walk in to your immaculately planned function, you all yell 'surprise!'....Then they say "Oh cool, but I tell you what - there's a TV show I really wanted to catch... just give me an hour and I'll be right back".
It's a honeymoon, not a holiday. You've got your entire marriage to avoid her, give her these five days of uninterrupted attention.
Just get her to talk about it in a sane, reasonable fashion, including possible compromises. If she flat-fuck refuses to cede any ground at all, that's not okay, honeymoon or not. All I'm sayin'.
The addendum is that if you can't do things separately, you're in for trouble. Is there a specific event or activity that's conflicting with the tournament? Because otherwise it sounds like you're not allowed to enjoy yourself unless she's involved and has agreed to the activity.
Is this a general problem in your relationship? Do you relax and spend non-work time apart, or is that an issue? If the answers to those questions are "no" I'd just drop it or have a conversation about it. If it's a "yes" there's something else going on here. The fact that this is worth her not speaking to you sounds like there's something more under the surface.
Regardless, try not to get too attached to the prospect of the game in case you don't win the dispute.
I think this is exactly it. As a male I don't have the proper perspective on how much this trip has been built up in her head. I can be as logical as I can be, but since when does a woman use logic? :lol:(mostly kidding)
...
Dudes? How does "oh, she crazy, let her have her way lol" instead of trying to communicate ever not come back to bite you in the ass?
Because its actually a way of saying "you're underestimating how much this means to her" not "she's batshit insane". I suspect that if he really weighed up how much the honeymoon means to her and how much the card game means, the answer would present itself.
Agreed. I'm more concerned about the fact that she isn't speaking to him over this. Yes, she has probably been fantasizing about this trip her whole life, but the issue isn't the honeymoon but the way in which the situation has been handled.
I mean, I'm all for Ninyu giving in and not playing cards. But there needs to be a better means of resolution or this is setting a bad precedent.
I think you are trying to fight a battle that doesn't need to be fought. She is a cool wife. We do all sorts of things together and she doesn't freak if I go away for the weekend with some friends, or go out without her. I think that this is just the one instance (honeymoon) where I shouldn't have been thinking about just myself and what I wanted to do. Sure, if it was any old vacation I could see where it would be reasonable to want some me-time but this is our once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon.
Seriously.
You aren't going on a vacation you are going on a honeymoon. This is meant to be about the 2 of you together.
"A honeymoon is the traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in intimacy and seclusion. Today, honeymoons are usually celebrated somewhere exotic or otherwise considered special and romantic. " (thanks wiki - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honeymoon)
There is nothing Intimate, Secluded Exotic or Romantic about her sitting around by herself while you play cards.
The question was whether she was being unreasonable about the honeymoon; I thought so. If she's never that way about anything else, awesome. You still need to propose you play together or find something else to do during this tournament.
Her reasoning is that we can do that here at home (valid). We should be doing special things while on the cruise ship (also valid). Plus, not knowing the buy-in yet it might be more then we want to spend.
I really don't want to just sit at the pool all day. But, not ever had cruised before there might be plenty of other things to do.
That's all well and good but why should he essentially say, "Hey, you're being completely unreasonable about this but you win and I won't do that one thing I thought sounded like a lot of fun." Nothing like rewarding unreasonableness by letting the unreasonable one have their way.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just talk to her about it. If it were me, I'd let the game go. You never know she might appreciate it enough to reassess things.
She's only upset because she wants to be the centre of your attention for the trip. There are worse situations to be in man.
There is nothing wrong with sitting down with her and telling her that she was right and I was wrong. I should spend my whole time with you and you should spend your whole time with me on our HONEYMOON. I agree with that and I won't play in that tourney...but the way you handled the situation and treated me and would not talk to me. That is something that you need to work on and change as we grow together in our marriage. That's now the best way to solve things....
Now really...that is not giving in to being unreasonable or anything...
Protip: When making a bed of roses, try not to poop on it.
Though whuppins had a good idea about Spa day; 5+ hours in the spa will cost you $texas, so you better win.
Compare the bolded statements.
So when everyone is saying the wife is being unreasonable, they're talking about her reaction right? Like the pouting and silent treatment. Or is it the request that is unreasonable as well? That our OP doesn't join a poker tournament on their honeymoon. Because to me, the request is fairly reasonable. It IS only 5 days, that shit goes by quickly. Her method of trying to get her way though, that's not cool.
Correct: if she had said, "You know, this is our honeymoon, so I was hoping we'd do everything together" as a launching point for making him not do the tournament, that'd be one thing. Freaking out and then giving the silent treatment, not so much, especially now that we know it's not her usual thing.