The following happened just last night and it may have scarred me for life.
Me and a bunch of friends had all been down south just for a week of drinking and partying, we're all heading back up north last night with our DD being the only sober one of the 5 of us. About an hour into the journey, Jamie (friend) needs to go toilet. We pull into the next services, we all head inside, buy some sandwiches and the suchlike, then return to the car...Jamie's not back yet so we sit and wait
...roughly 15 minutes pass and J returns (I'm too lazy to keep typing Jamie) and recounts the following tale to us:
Sorry I took so long but I went in and felt the sudden urge to shit so I bomb into the cubicle, sit down, prepare the launch pad and get ready for blast off...then I see the glory hole to my right hand side!
[Us: Ohnoes! OHMIGAWSH! etc]
So I figure I'll put my hand over it and then nothing'll come through, right? So I go into the land of Faraway while I shit and am dragged back into reality when I hear the cubicle door next to me locking then realise I've absent mindedly been...fiddling...with the glory hole
Wait, not done yet. I realised I'd been sitting with my fingers through the hole! So I pull em back and think "ok keep it covered, act like nothing's happening!" Then I hear the guy in the next cubicle say "I'm ready for it if you are, fella."
D: Uh, no, I'm ok thanks
Well you gave the sign, man. Can't be backing down on me now
It was a mistake, I don't want anything
Then the dude tried to squeeze his head under the cubicle wall
I panic and say something like "WTF ARE YOU DOING?"
Come on man, you suck me off, I'll suck you off. Don't be shy!
So I make my protests and sit back, trying to finish this as quickly as possible, then all of a sudden, through the now uncovered gloryhole, comes this MONSTER COCK! I'm not even joking, it was blocking me in!
So, I didn't know what to do! I was scared. So I...emm...I covered it in toilet paper and ran!
Me: ...you what?
J: Yeah...what else could I do?!
Me: That's the FIRST thing that came to mind?!
J: FUCK! I just it! Just drive! Can we just go!
*15 minutes of awkward, silent journey later*
Alex (another friend): ...you know he's probably still there?
Alex: TP Cock guy...he's probably still standing there with his wang through the gloryhole waiting on whatever you're going to do to him next
*mild laughter...moving progressively towards hysterics*
Me: Wait! Fuck...if he's still there with his dick covered in TP...then what about the next person who comes in?!
Everyone kind of looked at me funny for a minute before I explained but the following image is now the reason I'm scared of wall-mounted TP rolls.
Me: What happens when the next person sits down for a shit and thinks that's the TP dispenser?!