There's a Snake in my Room

Straightzi

So I get home from a long day at ren faire today, and I've got some time to kill so I am like, "Hey look, internet time!"

So I make my way down into my basement, where my computer happens to be parked, my trusty canine sidekick trotting at my heels. I flick on the lights and have hardly settled into my favorite computing chair when my dog starts freaking the hell out over in the corner.

So I'm all like, "Nala, fuckin' quit it"

And she goes and lies down, revealing to me a medium sized gardner snake writhing around the floor.

I then proceed to freak out a bit, but unlike my dog, I do not attack it with my teeth, but rather head over to the kitchen and go and grab a large metal pot cover, with which I have every intent of trapping the snake and then removing it from the premises.

And I'm standing, staring at this snake, getting closer and closer to it, pot cover raised up for reasons I am now finding rather elusive.

When it sees me and darts under my bookshelf.

Where I assume it is chilling right now.

Daric

Stop being such a pussy

PotU

Flip out your dick and try imitating a snake.

Straightzi

Weaver wrote: »

Alternatively, spray some bug spray under your bookshelf it will slither out and you can get it with the pot lid

I like this idea

Because I am incredibly unmanly

I mean hell, I planned on picking the thorns out of my bouquet of roses while internetting this eve

The_Scarab

Wait a minute. What is ren faire?

sarukun

You probably could have grabbed it if you were slow and cool about it, but between the dog and you with the pot now it is agitated as hell and probably craves only the taste of murder.

sarukun

The_Scarab wrote: »

Wait a minute. What is ren faire?

Seriously?


Are you asking for real?

Futore

burn your books.

then be cool and grab the snake

spono

It is going to bite off your penis

Weaver

and once you have it under the pot lid you can try to asphixiate it or such

Straightzi

Update:

Okay so I was trying to arrange books around the base of my bookshelf to limit the ways it can escape and I saw a shedded snakeskin

It may have been living here for some time

Maybe there are more

Maybe I should just seal off the room and never look back

Weaver

I excel at the capture and disposal of uninvited houehold guests

Straightzi

Weaver wrote: »

and once you have it under the pot lid you can try to asphixiate it or such

My plan was to shove a piece of cardstock underneath it and release it into the wild

Weaver

Straightzi wrote: »

Update:

Okay so I was trying to arrange books around the base of my bookshelf to limit the ways it can escape and I saw a shedded snakeskin

It may have been living here for some time

Maybe there are more

Maybe I should just seal off the room and never look back

Your dog is a pussy

Koshian

make it into a stew

potatoe

Faricazy

blind the snake in one eye

then stroke it gently

Weaver

Straightzi wrote: »

Weaver wrote: »

and once you have it under the pot lid you can try to asphixiate it or such

My plan was to shove a piece of cardstock underneath it and release it into the wild

it may smell your hand and strike where you hold the cardstock. Not poisonous but you might get pricked. Besides it already knows how to get back in

Auntie Shibby

So, I live in a somewhat wooded area where varmints still live. About a month and a half ago, I get freaked out by a big ass fucking Possum running across the garage. I was smoking in the front yard for a week or so after.

A couple weeks ago, I'm scared shitless again by a possum, about a quarter of the size of the first. I figure the first one I was was the mother pregnant with this little shit head.

Last night, a Skunk sprayed his fucking shit right next to my window.


God damn, people live here now you fucking things, go away.

mrpaku

put it in a jar with some leaves and a large twig

Mister Longbaugh

when i was a kid we used to go to a creek to catch gardner snakes with our bare hands.

bowen

Capture it with your bare hands and bite off it's head.

That'll show the fucker.

Straightzi

Weaver wrote: »

Straightzi wrote: »

Update:

Okay so I was trying to arrange books around the base of my bookshelf to limit the ways it can escape and I saw a shedded snakeskin

It may have been living here for some time

Maybe there are more

Maybe I should just seal off the room and never look back

Your dog is a pussy

Yeah she is

This is not the first snake based encounter in this basement, for the record

There was one in the bathroom like a month ago

potatoe

also:
garter snake

scarlet ave.

potatoe wrote: »

tomhanksisgay.gif

fightinfilipino

quit showing your penis to your dog.



...that is what this thread's really about, right?

sarukun

potatoe wrote: »

That's "boot".



Snake in my "boot".

Centipede Damascus

Do you have snakes that come in sometimes? Don't stand for that shit. They might even have the audacity to come right into your garage. You know what would really fix their little red wagon? Precision-engineered vinyl snake covers from Reptilon. Put one of these on there and see how they like it. Fucking snakes, they think they can go wherever they want.

Weaver

and don't worry about the skin it likely came in your house to shed that

or don't some snakes shed a skin when they get frightened?

sarukun

Whenever shibby posts now I just kind of skip it because it's almost guaranteed to be some story about how he is devoid of humanity in any sense of the word.

No Great Name

Wait

A Gardner snake?

You pussy

Koshian

keep the snake as a pet and feed your dog to it so it may grow strong

coldbird.

shoot it

Auntie Shibby

For some reason, I can't stand seeing a live mouse being feed to a snake. Whenever I see it happen, I'm just scream at the mouse to run.

sarukun

Weaver wrote: »

and don't worry about the skin it likely came in your house to shed that

or don't some snakes shed a skin when they get frightened?

I am pretty sure they only shed skin when it is time to shed skin.



Think of it as stress-related hairloss. That doesn't just happen, and when it does it doesn't happen the exact instant you get streesed, it takes a while.


And it takes forever for them to get out of the skin in the first place.

No Great Name

Yeah, shedding skin is a process. It can't be done willy nilly.

Zephyr

bodyslam it

spono

Koshian wrote: »

keep the snake as a pet and feed your dog to it so it may grow strong

But the dog is a coward

You can't get stronger by eating a coward, so your best bet is to catch the snake and feed it to the dog

Then you'll have zero snakes and one courageous non-cowardly dog

mrpaku

this thread would be a lot better if it was a black widow or an elephant that had broken into your house

Faricazy

iguanas are pretty great

especially during mating season you can get them to latch on to people's legs and start humping away and it's nearly impossible to get them off cause their claws are like five inches long

sarukun

That seems to me like it might be a pretty good example of why iguanas are not great.



Maybe I need to adjust my perspective.