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Gross Pointe NotACrook

NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
edited October 2008 in Social Entropy++
Reunion time!

It turns out that I am pretty damn old, and ten years ago, I graduated from North Stafford High School in rustic Stafford, VA.

Front%20Exterior%20View%20of%20NS.JPG


Thanks to facebook, I've found out that my 10-year reunion is this Saturday. The problem is that I am a miserable failure in life and I need to come up with a good cover story to impress the yokels who never made it out of Stafford.

Plausible is fine, and of course, it doesn't have to be verifiable, once I crawl out in a drunken stupor, I don't care if they fact check.

I'm thinking of dressing like this:

MV5BMTg1MzUwOTY4NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTEyNTE3._V1._SX324_SY400_.jpg

And of course I have Dr. Oatman on speed dial.


Feel free to discuss Gross Pointe Blank instead of my shitty small town reunion.

NotASenator on
«13456

Posts

  • MetacortexMetacortex The Prettiest Zombie Coeur d'CoeursRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Tell them you invented sticky notes.

    4FNao2T.png
  • GrathGrath Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    when did you graduate?

    3ds Code 0619-3710-2995
  • archonwarparchonwarp Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I graduated in '05 and 1/2 the people who were college bound have dropped out, while the other half is married and preggers (while still in school).

    873342-1.png
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited October 2008
    All of the hot girls from my high school are now ugly.

    And many of the ugly girls are now attractive.

  • OskiOski Registered User
    edited October 2008
    im a freshman in college

    i dont want to go back to my highschool reunion and have everyone realized i turned out

    exactly like they thought i would

  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Grath wrote: »
    when did you graduate?

    I graduated 10 years ago, Grath.

    Duh.

  • bombardierbombardier mr. mully Vancouver, BCSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited October 2008
    10 year reunion? They don't give you a lot of time, do they.

  • A Dabble Of TheloniusA Dabble Of Thelonius Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Tell them you pioneered the use of TPS reports.

    TuckSig.jpg
    Steam - Talon Valdez : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    After clerking for a well known congressman you thought that you could do better by expanding your knowledge of various government agencies.

    This quest first took you to the FAA were you played a roll working to set policy regarding pilots carrying fire arms. You were required to fly all across the country and world discussing the issue with pilots. Got to see lots of cool places.

    With that transportation background you managed to pull an investigator job with the NTSB. On call for one week every five, you were stationed and ready to fly out at a moments notice to help determine the cause of transportation disasters. You became adept at taking the highly complicated terminology and explaining them to the elected officials so that they could speak intelligently.

    That's what first caught the eye of the CIA. You started off giving briefings to upper level staffers, but what you do now, well, you can't really say.




    Go with that.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    just tell them you're a big deal on the internet

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • mcpmcp Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Facebook is pretty handy to use in order to find out what happened to people you went to high school with.
    You know what else is good for that? The Sex Offender Registry.

    I was able to find out what a few dudes I went to high school with have been doing through that.
    Spoiler:

    walrus.png
  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I love this movie

    Just go as john cusack

    potato_sig.gif
  • mcpmcp Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    robothero wrote: »
    All of the hot girls from my high school are now ugly.
    This. Last year out of boredom I looked up people on MySpace that I went to highschool with. Found the cheerleader that everyone wanted to bang.

    Life has not been easy on that girl.

    walrus.png
  • BucketmanBucketman Dyslexic Puppy Skraggle RockRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    All the hot girls from my High School are still hot, but then again that was less then 4 years ago.

    Eyessig_zps359be8b5.png
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    damn, I was all excited about somebody being from Grosse Pointe

    had my reunion last year and it was mostly a joke, but really interesting to see that all the super-motivated people did basically nothing after high school

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    After clerking for a well known congressman you thought that you could do better by expanding your knowledge of various government agencies.

    This quest first took you to the FAA were you played a roll working to set policy regarding pilots carrying fire arms. You were required to fly all across the country and world discussing the issue with pilots. Got to see lots of cool places.

    With that transportation background you managed to pull an investigator job with the NTSB. On call for one week every five, you were stationed and ready to fly out at a moments notice to help determine the cause of transportation disasters. You became adept at taking the highly complicated terminology and explaining them to the elected officials so that they could speak intelligently.

    That's what first caught the eye of the CIA. You started off giving briefings to upper level staffers, but what you do now, well, you can't really say.




    Go with that.

    Zip, this is magnificent

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • DynagripDynagrip destroy everything you touch Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    i'm coming up on my 10 year college reunion. don't think i'll bother going.

    gusinrepose.png
  • GrathGrath Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    NotACrook wrote: »
    Grath wrote: »
    when did you graduate?

    I graduated 10 years ago, Grath.

    Duh.

    not you!

    i was asking bear bear over there.

    3ds Code 0619-3710-2995
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Usagi wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    After clerking for a well known congressman you thought that you could do better by expanding your knowledge of various government agencies.

    This quest first took you to the FAA were you played a roll working to set policy regarding pilots carrying fire arms. You were required to fly all across the country and world discussing the issue with pilots. Got to see lots of cool places.

    With that transportation background you managed to pull an investigator job with the NTSB. On call for one week every five, you were stationed and ready to fly out at a moments notice to help determine the cause of transportation disasters. You became adept at taking the highly complicated terminology and explaining them to the elected officials so that they could speak intelligently.

    That's what first caught the eye of the CIA. You started off giving briefings to upper level staffers, but what you do now, well, you can't really say.




    Go with that.

    Zip, this is magnificent


    Yeah, I don't think I can top that.

  • GrathGrath Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    All I really gotta do to be impressive at my high school reunion is be like "I dont collect wellfare and my house is actually attached to the ground"

    3ds Code 0619-3710-2995
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    you'd need to coordinate some amazing entrance with that story, like get tossed out of a moving cab or something

    just leave people wondering

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • I Am Not A BearI Am Not A Bear Registered User
    edited October 2008
    Grath wrote: »
    NotACrook wrote: »
    Grath wrote: »
    when did you graduate?

    I graduated 10 years ago, Grath.

    Duh.

    not you!

    i was asking bear bear over there.

    2001 FOREVER!

  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    NotACrook wrote: »
    Usagi wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    After clerking for a well known congressman you thought that you could do better by expanding your knowledge of various government agencies.

    This quest first took you to the FAA were you played a roll working to set policy regarding pilots carrying fire arms. You were required to fly all across the country and world discussing the issue with pilots. Got to see lots of cool places.

    With that transportation background you managed to pull an investigator job with the NTSB. On call for one week every five, you were stationed and ready to fly out at a moments notice to help determine the cause of transportation disasters. You became adept at taking the highly complicated terminology and explaining them to the elected officials so that they could speak intelligently.

    That's what first caught the eye of the CIA. You started off giving briefings to upper level staffers, but what you do now, well, you can't really say.




    Go with that.

    Zip, this is magnificent


    Yeah, I don't think I can top that.

    We should get you business cards made up.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Usagi wrote: »
    you'd need to coordinate some amazing entrance with that story, like get tossed out of a moving cab or something

    just leave people wondering

    All non-chalantly rolling to your feet and dusting yourself off as you walk.

    Hey how's the wife?

    3DS: 2337-4267-8661
  • TankHammerTankHammer Extreme Ghostbuster Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    After graduating High School you continued on to attend whatever college it is you attended. It didn't take more than a semester for you to realize something was missing in your life and you decided you needed yet another change of scenery. The day you were moving into your apartment in Chicago, Illinois (it was just above a pizza place and smelled wonderful but you wish the manager wouldn't yell at his son so much as they worked) you received a phone call from your uncle Joseph who you hadn't seen since you were 8. As it turns out your grandfather suffered a stroke while driving and he and your grandmother were in the hospital in critical condition. By the time you had bought tickets to fly back to see them, they had both passed away.

    You had a small breakdown as it seemed nothing was working out for you and instead of following through on flying home to attend your grandparents' funeral you instead booked the first international flight that was available. This landed you in Japan for a week where you found it nearly impossible to get by as a foreigner. Following a tip from one of your internet contacts you took a ferry to South Korea and managed to get a pretty decent job doing janitorial work at the national library in Seoul.

    After a year you decided you should apply for citizenship. Your library job payed okay but you found a better opportunity working at a night club that was only a few trolley-stops away from your house. You mostly worked during the day to clean the place up for the evening and didn't interact with any of the clientèle. It was after work one night when you met Sophia Kim, a part-time singer and struggling model. She asked you out on a date under the guise of perfecting her English.
    Sophia's English was perfect and she was very beautiful, though not in that pop-idol way. You two hit it off famously just as her career started to pick up. You moved in together a year and a half ago and were talking about plans of marriage. Less than a month later, an obsessed fan threw a flaming bottle through your balcony window while the two of you were watching a movie. Sophia was burned and you somehow managed to drag both her and yourself out of the house with only superficial injuries that healed up in a matter of weeks. Sophia, meanwhile, had an ugly scar next to her right eye which ended her entertainment career forever.

    The ensuing financial hardship coupled with her loss of beauty caused Sophia to kick you out of the apartment in a fit of manic depression and you discovered a week later that she had taken her own life. Devastated you picked up what little belongings you had and returned home, with much of Sophia's fanbase believing that it was your fault she killed herself.
    Now you're trying to put your life back together but you just don't know if you'll ever learn to love again.

    ...ladies?

    4icmw.jpg TankHammer | 2zivq6q.jpg
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    That the story of Scarlet St.? Cause it sounds like the story of Scarlet St.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!
  • TankHammerTankHammer Extreme Ghostbuster Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Sure, why not. That's the story of Scarlet St.

    Also Sarukun.

    4icmw.jpg TankHammer | 2zivq6q.jpg
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Seriously wrote: »
    Usagi wrote: »
    you'd need to coordinate some amazing entrance with that story, like get tossed out of a moving cab or something

    just leave people wondering

    All non-chalantly rolling to your feet and dusting yourself off as you walk.

    Hey how's the wife?

    A terse phonecall during dinner from Donald Rumsfeld

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • I Am Not A BearI Am Not A Bear Registered User
    edited October 2008
    I got to take this. It's Rummy.

  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    don't you work at microsoft

    I would think that'd be enough

    xmassig2.gif
  • TankHammerTankHammer Extreme Ghostbuster Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Usagi wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    Usagi wrote: »
    you'd need to coordinate some amazing entrance with that story, like get tossed out of a moving cab or something

    just leave people wondering

    All non-chalantly rolling to your feet and dusting yourself off as you walk.

    Hey how's the wife?

    A terse phonecall during dinner from Donald Rumsfeld

    Hire someone (or get a friend) in a black suit and tie to come to the sign-in desk and ask for them to page you. When the person handing out name-tags hesitates (assuming he/she doesn't have the ability to page from the fold-out chair) this person should shove by her saying "Fuck it there's not time for this" and entering the reunion. There they need to make a bee-line to you, grab you on the shoulder and say "Albatross just gave the okay, you're wanted for consultation immediately" in a stern tone before escorting you out of the building at a fast-walk.

    4icmw.jpg TankHammer | 2zivq6q.jpg
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    After graduating High School you continued on to attend whatever college it is you attended. It didn't take more than a semester for you to realize something was missing in your life and you decided you needed yet another change of scenery. The day you were moving into your apartment in Chicago, Illinois (it was just above a pizza place and smelled wonderful but you wish the manager wouldn't yell at his son so much as they worked) you received a phone call from your uncle Joseph who you hadn't seen since you were 8. As it turns out your grandfather suffered a stroke while driving and he and your grandmother were in the hospital in critical condition. By the time you had bought tickets to fly back to see them, they had both passed away.

    You had a small breakdown as it seemed nothing was working out for you and instead of following through on flying home to attend your grandparents' funeral you instead booked the first international flight that was available. This landed you in Japan for a week where you found it nearly impossible to get by as a foreigner. Following a tip from one of your internet contacts you took a ferry to South Korea and managed to get a pretty decent job doing janitorial work at the national library in Seoul.

    After a year you decided you should apply for citizenship. Your library job payed okay but you found a better opportunity working at a night club that was only a few trolley-stops away from your house. You mostly worked during the day to clean the place up for the evening and didn't interact with any of the clientèle. It was after work one night when you met Sophia Kim, a part-time singer and struggling model. She asked you out on a date under the guise of perfecting her English.
    Sophia's English was perfect and she was very beautiful, though not in that pop-idol way. You two hit it off famously just as her career started to pick up. You moved in together a year and a half ago and were talking about plans of marriage. Less than a month later, an obsessed fan threw a flaming bottle through your balcony window while the two of you were watching a movie. Sophia was burned and you somehow managed to drag both her and yourself out of the house with only superficial injuries that healed up in a matter of weeks. Sophia, meanwhile, had an ugly scar next to her right eye which ended her entertainment career forever.

    The ensuing financial hardship coupled with her loss of beauty caused Sophia to kick you out of the apartment in a fit of manic depression and you discovered a week later that she had taken her own life. Devastated you picked up what little belongings you had and returned home, with much of Sophia's fanbase believing that it was your fault she killed herself.
    Now you're trying to put your life back together but you just don't know if you'll ever learn to love again.

    ...ladies?

    Hmm.

    Maybe I'll drop Leanna off to do shopping before I try this one out.

  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS
    edited October 2008
    Ill' tell the story of how I managed, with the help of supportive family who went on food stamps to support me in getting the best education possible, to get into Harvard and become a respected member of the student body--soon becoming the first black president of the Harvard law review.

    glitteratsigcopy.jpg
  • babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    You work for a private company contracted to try and figure a way to offset the heavy G-force effect fighter pilots experience during dogfights to give our boys the edge.

    You just finished up a small supervisory position at CERN during the LHC construction

    You're a fact-checker for Oprah

    You work as a chemist for a major car company trying to stabilize Hydrogen as a fuel source without lowering it's efficiency.

    You were part of a team that handled travel for the US olympic teams, and it gave you the chance to go to China.

    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    My 10 year reunion is in November, high five!

    Not sure whether I'm going yet, it's not an official thing, just drinks at a local bar organised by a student via Facebook. There's really nobody from high school that I give a fuck about except for those I already see on a regular basis, so I'm not sure I'll be going.

  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Usagi wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    Usagi wrote: »
    you'd need to coordinate some amazing entrance with that story, like get tossed out of a moving cab or something

    just leave people wondering

    All non-chalantly rolling to your feet and dusting yourself off as you walk.

    Hey how's the wife?

    A terse phonecall during dinner from Donald Rumsfeld

    Hire someone (or get a friend) in a black suit and tie to come to the sign-in desk and ask for them to page you. When the person handing out name-tags hesitates (assuming he/she doesn't have the ability to page from the fold-out chair) this person should shove by her saying "Fuck it there's not time for this" and entering the reunion. There they need to make a bee-line to you, grab you on the shoulder and say "Albatross just gave the okay, you're wanted for consultation immediately" in a stern tone before escorting you out of the building at a fast-walk.

    Before walking through the door walk up to the nearest table there and demand that the people there hand you one pen, one piece of paper, a watch battery and a shoelace. Thank them for helping their country and get the hell out the door.

    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!
  • JedocJedoc Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    It is pitch black.

    You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

    cannon.jpg
  • babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Tell everyone something different

    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
  • babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    and switch between incredibly successful and unbelievably degenerate.

    Then when it's over the next day people will be like "did you see NaC? I can't believe what he's done with himself!"

    "Oh I know, the poor guy. I really thought he'd do something with himself."

    "What?"

    "What?"

    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    My 10 year reunion was back in August. I ended up not going. I'm not disappointed.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
«13456
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