Clearly you now have to pick an (in)appropriate moment to call your girlfriend by her sister's name.
Funny thing is that has never happened yet... Not because I can tell them apart but because I am really lucky. I already have a gameplan for that when it does eventually happen... because she and her sister have both called me by my brother's name... and we look nothing alike. 8-)
Clearly you now have to pick an (in)appropriate moment to call your girlfriend by her sister's name.
Funny thing is that has never happened yet... Not because I can tell them apart but because I am really lucky. I already have a gameplan for that when it does eventually happen... because she and her sister have both called me by my brother's name... and we look nothing alike. 8-)
From the sounds of that, it means that you'll be the guy holding the camera having a wank in the corner while the other three get frisky. :P
PeregrineFalcon on
Looking for a DX:HR OnLive code for my kid brother.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
My roommates are identical twins. They solved most of the confusion by growing different beards.
I've lived them for so long now that I can actually hear the slight differences in their voices.
Only the evil one is supposed to grow the beard.
What if they're both evil?
UltimaGecko on
The facehuggers want to play with you in the AvP LP. Facehuggers also want you to check out the TF2 cards here. View the in-progress RE mansion recreation for L4D here.
I'm strictly a lurker, however I felt very compelled to post a terribly humiliating story. But the likeness of me posting again is very low after this.
This happened when I was just a really wee lass, my grandmother owned and managed a small theatre and often had to babysit me. She'd take me along and I would help in the back as a stage hand, or just talking to the actresses before they went on stage. I stress 'actresses' because I avoided males like the plague. For some reason I just grew terrified and anxious around adult men/teenage boys. All aside from a couple, one of which was my best friend a young boy and his older brother who worked as a stage hand.
A few hours before a show I was sitting in the ladies dressing room, having downed my 5th soda just hanging out. A group of performers walked in all giggling over the center of it, a tall burly male actor with a huge beard playing the part of some homeless drunk. He was as most older actors are, loud, flirty, and overly expressive. Naturally this scared the crap out of me. More people kept pushing into the room and I kept having to scoot my chair back. At one point his back was to me and he ended up tripping over a misplaced chair falling almost on top of me.
Younger me, when scared, locks up like a rabbit. I sat there horrified like a deer in head lights staring up at him as he was falling in my direction. It was all I could take. I remember feeling my seat get suddenly very warm and wet, and my face felt like it was one fire. I had quite literally wet myself in fear. No one seemed to notice. He got up muttering an apology and laughed about falling before talking back to the group again.
I waited until they had left before I stood and assessed the damage, my big poka dotted pants had an obvious look of 'wet myself' on them. I didn't know what to do, but my best friend's brother poked his head in the room having been looking for me since the show was about to start. I didn't say a word as he walked over, plucked me up.. and sat me right on his shoulders.
At this point I was hiding my face behind my hands, crying, as he stood there attempting to register what had just happened. He set a pee ridden child on his shoulders to where it wet his cape area and neck as well. He made a weird shout and set me down going "aw.. aw man! gross!" wiping frantically at his neck as he left me sitting on the floor just crying I was so embarrassed.
He told just about everyone, and my grandmother rushed in and took me away to change my clothes. To this day my family still teases me about it. Not nearly as ..shocking as most of the stories I read here but still, it was awful for a small girl.
Some friends of my parents told us that they were expecting a baby when I was 5 or something. I blurt out 'Hey if you tell when you did it, I can calculate when the baby's due!' right in front of them, my parents and 3 other friends.
I guess learning about the birds and the bees early is just as good a recipe for embarrassing situations as postponing it. I can hardly even remember not knowing, is that unusual?
Another time I found out that other people can make a situation embarrassing for you for no goddamn reason at all. A substitute teacher was asking everybody in class their name to make a seating plan. A lot of people get my name wrong when they first hear it because it has a lot of similar sounding variations, so I decided to spell it out for her. After I did that the whole class burst out laughing. I guess the cadence and my slurry voice made it funny or something. For that whole year of grade school I was incessantly teased with that incident, people would just walk up to me, spell my name like I did and laugh at me.
Haha oh shit I just remembered about the time that me and my friends all found my other friend's parents' cabinet of sex toys! That was great.
I guess there's not much else to the story. We were fourteen or so, and there was a whole cabinet full of the kinkiest shit and there were six of us round that day. We chased him around the house with floppy dildos clenched in our toilet paper-wrapped hands.
Willeth on
@vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming! @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
So this Saturday I'm about to head out to have some sushi for lunch with some of my friends. I go out the front door, stop in front of the garage door and press the button on my keychain......nothing. Door doesn't open. I press it again, but this time I hear a soft noise I can't identify, coming from inside the garage.
This happens a few times, and then, just before I get frustrated, it suddenly strikes me.
I have never owned, and do not currently own, an automatic garage door.
The noise I was hearing was the car's alarm being turned on and off inside the garage.
lol Falx, I'm no the only one, then. I sat at my front door for thirty seconds wondering why the keyless to my car didn't unlock my house door...
I've been lurking long enough, I've read every thread I've found. When I was 16-17, I had a few friends over and we were out in the area woods exploring. We came upon an old zip line I had made from elementary school years, complete with pulley system. I bragged at my early expertise and explained I was only 8 or 9 when I made it, and it still worked, knowing full well I had used it once or twice, then mounted it over 30 feet up, and chickened out before trying it again. It was now rusted and hanging loosely from the tree.
To this my friends responded we had to test it to see if it still worked. We used a climbing tree stand we had confiscated (we didn't allow strangers to hunt our land, and often got free tree stands out of it) to reach the line, and tightened it the best we could from both end. After much debate (with me stating its poor health as a reason to NOT do it, my friend Jim went first.
***ZZZZIIIIPPPP****
It held up! He dropped laughing and exclaiming how great it was. OK, set it up again, Joe went. ZZZIIPPP!!! No problems. Well, it might really still work... but there's still this problem with me and heights. Time and time again they ride down this line. Finally, Jason, the friend who NEVER does ANYTHING, always copping out with his "heart condition", which he did have, but it was more of an excuse than concern, climbed the tree and ZZZZIIPPPP...
Well, he's pretty porky, and he survived, it didn't break. I'm lighter than him, and he's scared to do anything. I can do this. Heck, if I DON'T do this, they'll never let me live it down.
By this time, my dad had come out to see what we were up to... Oh well, go time. I used the stand to climb the tree, and stood on the edge. Then I chickened out and sat on the edge. Ok, 3...2...1...
I didn't even feel the line catch it popped so fast. Add to that my eyes were closed and I tucked my feet in, and I free fell 30 feet flat on my face. I basically belly flopped the ground, still holding my home made pulley handle. Everyone, EVERYONE was in stitches, on the ground, hyperventilating from laughter, as I sat on the floor of the woods, breathless with a mouthful of pine straw and dirt.
I'd used the same two pairs of swimming shorts for years, the chlorine had dyed almost all of the colour out of them and the elastic had failed completely. But still I used them.
Then one day I dived in from the top of the pool and my shorts came off. "Shit", I thought as I scrabbled around for them. As embarassed as I felt, at least I could regain some dignity by grabbing them and putting them back on. Well... I couldn't. They hadn't just come off, they'd dissolved. The chlorine had eaten them away to the point where, when I dived in, the material just came apart.
I had to swim to the side and ask the nice friendly life guard on poolside if she could get me a towel because my shorts had dissolved. After she'd finished giggling (very professional) I had a towel held around me as I climbed out and walked to the changing rooms in shame.
Other mildly embarassing thing that happened to me this weekend. I was away in a hotel with my other half. We'd been to watch a show and had come back to the hotel for drinks. We had a bottle of wine upstairs so we went back to the room to drink it. Slightly inebriated (and wearing no clothes) I decided we needed more wine. It was £3 extra to get one delivered to the room so I said I'd run down and get one.
After throwing on clothes quickly I left the room. Just as I was coming out in to the very busy bar area I realised that I:
a) Had absolutely no shoes or socks on in this incredibly posh bar.
b) Had accidentally put my girlfriends jeans on when I was getting changed.
I looked so ridiculous that the barmaid couldn't help but laugh and point me out to her friend.
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
what?
why didn't he just wear the one good suit?
1. When you're practicing you want more drag.
2. When they get that worn out they're really comfortable (because there's basically no material left).
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
what?
why didn't he just wear the one good suit?
1. When you're practicing you want more drag.
2. When they get that worn out they're really comfortable (because there's basically no material left).
Man, I've never seen a guys swimsuit dissolve. I saw plenty of girls swimsuits on the brink of falling apart (probably the biggest benefit of being a lifeguard), but I'd still be wearing the same pair of trunks I got in early high school if they didn't look so dumb with all the color gone.
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
what?
why didn't he just wear the one good suit?
1. When you're practicing you want more drag.
2. When they get that worn out they're really comfortable (because there's basically no material left).
so ill give my contribution to this thread. Here's are 2 off my most embarrassing stories. (btw first post in this forum)(btw im french canadians so im not so good at writing english)
#1:
This happened about 1 years ago,
So im in a bus going to Montreal, im dressed pretty classy because im going clubbing with somefriends and were finishing the night at one of their places. Ok but one of my friend forgot is saxophone at my house, god knows why he brought it there in the first place, but he asked me to bring it to him in his house before we go clubbing. So it was winter over here, and has some of you may know winter is pretty hard here in quebec, so were going over the jacque cartier bridge over to montreal, at the start theres a not a lot of traffic so it goes pretty smooth up standing up in the bus because tehres no place left to sit, the bus is pretty crowded, teh saxophone is his box is at my feet, and its kind of big and heavy. so just as i bend down to lace my shoes, the cars in front of the bus brake really fast because i belive there was an accident ahead on the bridge. so the bus driver taken by suprise slam on teh brakes and because of teh snow it kind of dosent go strait. anyway in my bent down position i cant get steady in time or have the reflexes to grab something, ends up tripping in teh saxophone box, having my face slam on one of teh metal bars in the bus, breaking my nose and pissing blood everywhere...some people are screaming and it hurts like hell. but remember were stuck in traffic, so i end up being stuck on a bus for another 1h with a broken nose and pissing blood everywhere...yeah it kind of sucked.
#2
This happened about 2 weeks ago during the holyday vacations. btw im only 16.
so my parents and brothers are out of town going to visit family. im satyed home because of my freaking work. After work i invited my girlfriend to come sleepover for a couple of days to have a little fun :winky:.
ok so everything goes smooth and all. but on the third day were taking a shower together and i hear some sounds upstairs ( were in the shower in the basement bathroom) but because my radio upstairs was very loud, i didnt hear what the sound was and i brushed it off as being my dogs or cats playing. so after we finish we get out we head upstairs, still naked, to go to my room. but what i forgot to mention is that my mom had called earlier to tell me all my family were coming over today instead of yeaterday, but because of teh radio i didnt answer. so when we pass trought the living room we come face to face with all of my family, adn i mean all of it, mother, father, aunts, uncle, brother, cousins, grandparents... so were just kind of standing there not sure what to do, everybodies looking at us. before i can say a thing one of my uncles ask : "whats her name?" and before i can ask another of my uncles says: "did you fuck her?". we both turned red i went to my room to dress up, it was the first time she saw my family and it was teh first time they saw her...she stormed out off my house and i went to live one of the worst night in my life.
So my brother moved to my city last week, and I, along with my SO decided to show him around. I'm driving, my SO is on the passenger seat, and my brother in the back seat. I don't know what we're talking about, but suddenly he goes "Hey Noir, why don't you tell your SO about how you use to pick on an autistic kid,make fun of him, and once made him believe he had psychic powers?"
The embarrasing thing? My SO has an autistic brother. Yea.
Did he actually think that this was a good conversational point, or was he just being a dick?
I completely forgot about this, but the H&A thread about... ahem... noisy roommates reminded me.
So, some time in November I had a job interview down in London (didn’t get it, no surprise, but that’s not the story).
The deal is that an old friend of mine, Steve, was planning on moving in with his GF, so at the time he had a rented flat that he was in the process of emptying and abandoning. It was a little place above a unisex salon, and since he lived in the capital, it was a perfect opportunity for me to stay over without haemorrhaging cash on a one-nighter or getting under anyone’s toes.
I’m thoroughly intimidated by the other applicants in the waiting room, I have my interview, and then afterwards Steve and I go out for a drink. Or six. Ish.
In the morning, I dress, commit genocide against the bacteria gathering on my tongue, and head downstairs to meet Steve, who’s offered to drop me off at the station because he’s an awesome guy.
I’m just shutting the door and locking up when a very short, very dishevelled woman in her early 60s appears and directs a virtually vertical glare up my nose.
“You were pretty damn loud last night,†she snaps.
“I’m sorry?â€
“You heard me. And I certainly heard her! They told me you were having people over, I just didn’t realise you’d be so inconsiderate.â€
“I have no idea what you mean.â€
“Oh, save it. Don’t expect to be able to stay there again!â€
She waddles off, handbag clutched so close to her chin that she looks like she’s doing a T-rex impression.
At this point I’m terrified that I’ve been talking or shouting or interfering with myself while asleep. I have images of my sleepwalking body trying to violate the mattress while vocally performing the part of the woman.
Steve appears in his car. He asks me how my night was and I tell him about my encounter with his crazy-eyed landlady.
"And when I went to find that flat the next day, all I could see was a small restaurant, with someone tending to it outside. Upon inquiring about a residency that was supposed to be there, he said this:
"What, that place? Why, it burned down 50 years or so ago!"
So I'm a councillor at this leadership/antidrug (heh) seminar thing meant for high schoolers. I am now in college, and added to that there were a ton of freshmen coming in this time, so I felt a bit awkward.
Something else that made me feel awkward was that several of the guys were ridiculously gay, and that they were attracted to me, and that they had no idea how far was too far.
Now, I'm fine with whatever sexuality anyone is as long as that sexuality isn't pressed on me.
So it's 12, I'm trying to go to sleep, and I've put on my hat over my eyes in order to shut out the light. I'm leaning to one side on the bed. I'm starting to fall asleep, thinking about the last night I slept with my girlfriend. I feel something creeping on my back, and I think 'hey, I'm probably just going to sleep and i'm dreaming now'.
This was before I felt an erection poised, as a tiger would be, on my ass.
I moved so fucking fast that the kid, dodging back, tripped on his bed and fell on his back.
"That's fuckin' kharma for ya" I said.
The second night I had to lay down a rule that (I feel) shouldn't ever have to be said--it should be assumed by our society.
The rule was "dicks are to be kept 2 feet away from my face at all times."
There's a bit of a language lesson before the story, it's kind of required so that we can all be on the same page...
When I was in the navy, I lived in Japan and was deployed all around Asia. One of the more irritating things about the other Americans I used to work with was this; They always assumed that because I could read Japanese, I could read Chinese too. To a point this is true. The word for telephone （電話） for example is similar sounding, and is written the same way in both languages. Other words, such as "Monday" use completely different characters. (In Japanese it's 月曜日 which uses the characters "moon" "week" and "day". In Chinese it's 星期一 which uses the characters "Star" "time period" and "one". Beyond this Chinese has characters that Japanese simply don't have. Chinese words like the one for automobile is written 汽车, which uses the characters "steam" and some character that is not in the Japanese language. (Japan uses only one character, 車, which means "car")
Anyways, language lesson aside, while I was in Hong Kong. A guy from my squadron caught up with me on the ship and showed off his brand new tattoo on his shoulder.
"Can you read it?" He asks me.
On his shoulder are two elaborate Chinese characters that I had never seen before.
"No," I say, "I can't. It's written in Chinese."
"It's all the same dipwad!" He said. "I thought you could read this. It's my daughter's name. It's says Keiko"
Oh wow, this guy was married to a Japanese wife and had a daughter in Japan. I explained that his arm most definitely did not say "Keiko". I tried to explain that Chinese and Japanese were, in fact, two wholly different languages that appeared similar. Not only this, because his daughter was born an American, she had no pictographic characters in her name at all. Foreign names were always written in their own special alphabet, phonetically, in Japanese. This offended him.
"Her name is Japanese", he defended.
"No," I corrected, "Her name is American, that sounds Japanese." I took a sheet of paper out to explain further. "In Japanese her name would be written "ケイコ" (ke-i-ko), which is a phonetic foreign name. It wouldn't be written "恵子" (Japanese spelling), because your daughter is an American, and Western foreigners are not recognized to have Chinese-type characters in their names. On top of which, even if they did, the characters on your arm are completely wrong.
"Well, when we get back to Japan, I'll ask my wife and we'll see who's right."
As it turned out, not only was his wife pretty shocked that he got a tattoo, (culturally speaking, it's taboo to have a tattoo in Japan in the first place.) She was aghast when she discovered that he tried to put, of all things, their daughter's name on his arm in Chinese.
I guess it wasn't very embarrassing for me, but Christ, so some research before you have something you can't read placed permanently on your body!.
Posts
Funny thing is that has never happened yet... Not because I can tell them apart but because I am really lucky. I already have a gameplan for that when it does eventually happen... because she and her sister have both called me by my brother's name... and we look nothing alike. 8-)
I've lived them for so long now that I can actually hear the slight differences in their voices.
Steam | Twitter
From the sounds of that, it means that you'll be the guy holding the camera having a wank in the corner while the other three get frisky. :P
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Only the evil one is supposed to grow the beard.
YES
What if they're both evil?
One of them grows a goatee. Perhaps a soul patch.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
This happened when I was just a really wee lass, my grandmother owned and managed a small theatre and often had to babysit me. She'd take me along and I would help in the back as a stage hand, or just talking to the actresses before they went on stage. I stress 'actresses' because I avoided males like the plague. For some reason I just grew terrified and anxious around adult men/teenage boys. All aside from a couple, one of which was my best friend a young boy and his older brother who worked as a stage hand.
A few hours before a show I was sitting in the ladies dressing room, having downed my 5th soda just hanging out. A group of performers walked in all giggling over the center of it, a tall burly male actor with a huge beard playing the part of some homeless drunk. He was as most older actors are, loud, flirty, and overly expressive. Naturally this scared the crap out of me. More people kept pushing into the room and I kept having to scoot my chair back. At one point his back was to me and he ended up tripping over a misplaced chair falling almost on top of me.
Younger me, when scared, locks up like a rabbit. I sat there horrified like a deer in head lights staring up at him as he was falling in my direction. It was all I could take. I remember feeling my seat get suddenly very warm and wet, and my face felt like it was one fire. I had quite literally wet myself in fear. No one seemed to notice. He got up muttering an apology and laughed about falling before talking back to the group again.
I waited until they had left before I stood and assessed the damage, my big poka dotted pants had an obvious look of 'wet myself' on them. I didn't know what to do, but my best friend's brother poked his head in the room having been looking for me since the show was about to start. I didn't say a word as he walked over, plucked me up.. and sat me right on his shoulders.
At this point I was hiding my face behind my hands, crying, as he stood there attempting to register what had just happened. He set a pee ridden child on his shoulders to where it wet his cape area and neck as well. He made a weird shout and set me down going "aw.. aw man! gross!" wiping frantically at his neck as he left me sitting on the floor just crying I was so embarrassed.
He told just about everyone, and my grandmother rushed in and took me away to change my clothes. To this day my family still teases me about it. Not nearly as ..shocking as most of the stories I read here but still, it was awful for a small girl.
Some friends of my parents told us that they were expecting a baby when I was 5 or something. I blurt out 'Hey if you tell when you did it, I can calculate when the baby's due!' right in front of them, my parents and 3 other friends.
I guess learning about the birds and the bees early is just as good a recipe for embarrassing situations as postponing it. I can hardly even remember not knowing, is that unusual?
Another time I found out that other people can make a situation embarrassing for you for no goddamn reason at all. A substitute teacher was asking everybody in class their name to make a seating plan. A lot of people get my name wrong when they first hear it because it has a lot of similar sounding variations, so I decided to spell it out for her. After I did that the whole class burst out laughing. I guess the cadence and my slurry voice made it funny or something. For that whole year of grade school I was incessantly teased with that incident, people would just walk up to me, spell my name like I did and laugh at me.
I guess there's not much else to the story. We were fourteen or so, and there was a whole cabinet full of the kinkiest shit and there were six of us round that day. We chased him around the house with floppy dildos clenched in our toilet paper-wrapped hands.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
This happens a few times, and then, just before I get frustrated, it suddenly strikes me.
I have never owned, and do not currently own, an automatic garage door.
The noise I was hearing was the car's alarm being turned on and off inside the garage.
Yeah...
STEAM
I've been lurking long enough, I've read every thread I've found. When I was 16-17, I had a few friends over and we were out in the area woods exploring. We came upon an old zip line I had made from elementary school years, complete with pulley system. I bragged at my early expertise and explained I was only 8 or 9 when I made it, and it still worked, knowing full well I had used it once or twice, then mounted it over 30 feet up, and chickened out before trying it again. It was now rusted and hanging loosely from the tree.
To this my friends responded we had to test it to see if it still worked. We used a climbing tree stand we had confiscated (we didn't allow strangers to hunt our land, and often got free tree stands out of it) to reach the line, and tightened it the best we could from both end. After much debate (with me stating its poor health as a reason to NOT do it, my friend Jim went first.
***ZZZZIIIIPPPP****
It held up! He dropped laughing and exclaiming how great it was. OK, set it up again, Joe went. ZZZIIPPP!!! No problems. Well, it might really still work... but there's still this problem with me and heights. Time and time again they ride down this line. Finally, Jason, the friend who NEVER does ANYTHING, always copping out with his "heart condition", which he did have, but it was more of an excuse than concern, climbed the tree and ZZZZIIPPPP...
Well, he's pretty porky, and he survived, it didn't break. I'm lighter than him, and he's scared to do anything. I can do this. Heck, if I DON'T do this, they'll never let me live it down.
By this time, my dad had come out to see what we were up to... Oh well, go time. I used the stand to climb the tree, and stood on the edge. Then I chickened out and sat on the edge. Ok, 3...2...1...
I didn't even feel the line catch it popped so fast. Add to that my eyes were closed and I tucked my feet in, and I free fell 30 feet flat on my face. I basically belly flopped the ground, still holding my home made pulley handle. Everyone, EVERYONE was in stitches, on the ground, hyperventilating from laughter, as I sat on the floor of the woods, breathless with a mouthful of pine straw and dirt.
Facts:
I swim a lot
I am cheap
I'd used the same two pairs of swimming shorts for years, the chlorine had dyed almost all of the colour out of them and the elastic had failed completely. But still I used them.
Then one day I dived in from the top of the pool and my shorts came off. "Shit", I thought as I scrabbled around for them. As embarassed as I felt, at least I could regain some dignity by grabbing them and putting them back on. Well... I couldn't. They hadn't just come off, they'd dissolved. The chlorine had eaten them away to the point where, when I dived in, the material just came apart.
I had to swim to the side and ask the nice friendly life guard on poolside if she could get me a towel because my shorts had dissolved. After she'd finished giggling (very professional) I had a towel held around me as I climbed out and walked to the changing rooms in shame.
Other mildly embarassing thing that happened to me this weekend. I was away in a hotel with my other half. We'd been to watch a show and had come back to the hotel for drinks. We had a bottle of wine upstairs so we went back to the room to drink it. Slightly inebriated (and wearing no clothes) I decided we needed more wine. It was £3 extra to get one delivered to the room so I said I'd run down and get one.
After throwing on clothes quickly I left the room. Just as I was coming out in to the very busy bar area I realised that I:
a) Had absolutely no shoes or socks on in this incredibly posh bar.
b) Had accidentally put my girlfriends jeans on when I was getting changed.
I looked so ridiculous that the barmaid couldn't help but laugh and point me out to her friend.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
When my brother was on swim team he had a suit so old it was see-through and he'd have to wear another under/over it.
what?
why didn't he just wear the one good suit?
1. When you're practicing you want more drag.
2. When they get that worn out they're really comfortable (because there's basically no material left).
It's like I'm wearing nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
FTFY.
#1:
So im in a bus going to Montreal, im dressed pretty classy because im going clubbing with somefriends and were finishing the night at one of their places. Ok but one of my friend forgot is saxophone at my house, god knows why he brought it there in the first place, but he asked me to bring it to him in his house before we go clubbing. So it was winter over here, and has some of you may know winter is pretty hard here in quebec, so were going over the jacque cartier bridge over to montreal, at the start theres a not a lot of traffic so it goes pretty smooth up standing up in the bus because tehres no place left to sit, the bus is pretty crowded, teh saxophone is his box is at my feet, and its kind of big and heavy. so just as i bend down to lace my shoes, the cars in front of the bus brake really fast because i belive there was an accident ahead on the bridge. so the bus driver taken by suprise slam on teh brakes and because of teh snow it kind of dosent go strait. anyway in my bent down position i cant get steady in time or have the reflexes to grab something, ends up tripping in teh saxophone box, having my face slam on one of teh metal bars in the bus, breaking my nose and pissing blood everywhere...some people are screaming and it hurts like hell. but remember were stuck in traffic, so i end up being stuck on a bus for another 1h with a broken nose and pissing blood everywhere...yeah it kind of sucked.
#2
so my parents and brothers are out of town going to visit family. im satyed home because of my freaking work. After work i invited my girlfriend to come sleepover for a couple of days to have a little fun :winky:.
ok so everything goes smooth and all. but on the third day were taking a shower together and i hear some sounds upstairs ( were in the shower in the basement bathroom) but because my radio upstairs was very loud, i didnt hear what the sound was and i brushed it off as being my dogs or cats playing. so after we finish we get out we head upstairs, still naked, to go to my room. but what i forgot to mention is that my mom had called earlier to tell me all my family were coming over today instead of yeaterday, but because of teh radio i didnt answer. so when we pass trought the living room we come face to face with all of my family, adn i mean all of it, mother, father, aunts, uncle, brother, cousins, grandparents... so were just kind of standing there not sure what to do, everybodies looking at us. before i can say a thing one of my uncles ask : "whats her name?" and before i can ask another of my uncles says: "did you fuck her?". we both turned red i went to my room to dress up, it was the first time she saw my family and it was teh first time they saw her...she stormed out off my house and i went to live one of the worst night in my life.
The second one is goddam excellent.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
And yes, that second story is most excellent.
Did he actually think that this was a good conversational point, or was he just being a dick?
Sounds about right for a little brother.
So, some time in November I had a job interview down in London (didn’t get it, no surprise, but that’s not the story).
The deal is that an old friend of mine, Steve, was planning on moving in with his GF, so at the time he had a rented flat that he was in the process of emptying and abandoning. It was a little place above a unisex salon, and since he lived in the capital, it was a perfect opportunity for me to stay over without haemorrhaging cash on a one-nighter or getting under anyone’s toes.
I’m thoroughly intimidated by the other applicants in the waiting room, I have my interview, and then afterwards Steve and I go out for a drink. Or six. Ish.
I get a taxi back to his flat, unlock the door on my thirteenth attempt (but not before crossing the road and seriously wondering whether the place was above the salon or above the café opposite) and then stagger upstairs and go to sleep.
In the morning, I dress, commit genocide against the bacteria gathering on my tongue, and head downstairs to meet Steve, who’s offered to drop me off at the station because he’s an awesome guy.
I’m just shutting the door and locking up when a very short, very dishevelled woman in her early 60s appears and directs a virtually vertical glare up my nose.
“You were pretty damn loud last night,†she snaps.
“I’m sorry?â€
“You heard me. And I certainly heard her! They told me you were having people over, I just didn’t realise you’d be so inconsiderate.â€
“I have no idea what you mean.â€
“Oh, save it. Don’t expect to be able to stay there again!â€
She waddles off, handbag clutched so close to her chin that she looks like she’s doing a T-rex impression.
At this point I’m terrified that I’ve been talking or shouting or interfering with myself while asleep. I have images of my sleepwalking body trying to violate the mattress while vocally performing the part of the woman.
Steve appears in his car. He asks me how my night was and I tell him about my encounter with his crazy-eyed landlady.
He points out a woman who looks like a primary school head teacher. She’s sitting outside the café across the street, and she waves when we see her.
“That’s my landlady. And the tenants for like two flats either way are all blokes. Who the hell were you talking to?â€
OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO
"What, that place? Why, it burned down 50 years or so ago!"
Something else that made me feel awkward was that several of the guys were ridiculously gay, and that they were attracted to me, and that they had no idea how far was too far.
Now, I'm fine with whatever sexuality anyone is as long as that sexuality isn't pressed on me.
So it's 12, I'm trying to go to sleep, and I've put on my hat over my eyes in order to shut out the light. I'm leaning to one side on the bed. I'm starting to fall asleep, thinking about the last night I slept with my girlfriend. I feel something creeping on my back, and I think 'hey, I'm probably just going to sleep and i'm dreaming now'.
This was before I felt an erection poised, as a tiger would be, on my ass.
I moved so fucking fast that the kid, dodging back, tripped on his bed and fell on his back.
"That's fuckin' kharma for ya" I said.
The second night I had to lay down a rule that (I feel) shouldn't ever have to be said--it should be assumed by our society.
The rule was "dicks are to be kept 2 feet away from my face at all times."
With my red clothes.
Definitely flaming.
Gay men are like bulls; they charge, horns first, at the sight of red.
When I was in the navy, I lived in Japan and was deployed all around Asia. One of the more irritating things about the other Americans I used to work with was this; They always assumed that because I could read Japanese, I could read Chinese too. To a point this is true. The word for telephone （電話） for example is similar sounding, and is written the same way in both languages. Other words, such as "Monday" use completely different characters. (In Japanese it's 月曜日 which uses the characters "moon" "week" and "day". In Chinese it's 星期一 which uses the characters "Star" "time period" and "one". Beyond this Chinese has characters that Japanese simply don't have. Chinese words like the one for automobile is written 汽车, which uses the characters "steam" and some character that is not in the Japanese language. (Japan uses only one character, 車, which means "car")
Anyways, language lesson aside, while I was in Hong Kong. A guy from my squadron caught up with me on the ship and showed off his brand new tattoo on his shoulder.
"Can you read it?" He asks me.
On his shoulder are two elaborate Chinese characters that I had never seen before.
"No," I say, "I can't. It's written in Chinese."
"It's all the same dipwad!" He said. "I thought you could read this. It's my daughter's name. It's says Keiko"
Oh wow, this guy was married to a Japanese wife and had a daughter in Japan. I explained that his arm most definitely did not say "Keiko". I tried to explain that Chinese and Japanese were, in fact, two wholly different languages that appeared similar. Not only this, because his daughter was born an American, she had no pictographic characters in her name at all. Foreign names were always written in their own special alphabet, phonetically, in Japanese. This offended him.
"Her name is Japanese", he defended.
"No," I corrected, "Her name is American, that sounds Japanese." I took a sheet of paper out to explain further. "In Japanese her name would be written "ケイコ" (ke-i-ko), which is a phonetic foreign name. It wouldn't be written "恵子" (Japanese spelling), because your daughter is an American, and Western foreigners are not recognized to have Chinese-type characters in their names. On top of which, even if they did, the characters on your arm are completely wrong.
"Well, when we get back to Japan, I'll ask my wife and we'll see who's right."
As it turned out, not only was his wife pretty shocked that he got a tattoo, (culturally speaking, it's taboo to have a tattoo in Japan in the first place.) She was aghast when she discovered that he tried to put, of all things, their daughter's name on his arm in Chinese.
I guess it wasn't very embarrassing for me, but Christ, so some research before you have something you can't read placed permanently on your body!.