lame super powers

randombattle

Caveman Paws wrote:

I heard a report that within 50 years the worlds oceans will no longer produce fish.

Enjoy it while you can Aquaman! Soon the surface dwellers will destroy you and your little fishies too!

I'm sure in 50 years we will hear this same speach from villains saying this to Aquaman. :roll:

Bad Karma

Aquaman says..

Fuck you whalers! Link'd fer d'big.

Aquaman hate needs to end! Man Law?

Blankspace

Bad Karma wrote:

Aquaman says..

Fuck you whalers! Link'd fer d'big.

Aquaman hate needs to end! Man Law?

I own that book, the huge hardcover version. It is so pretty.

Also, Man Law.

Jeedan

Inspired by the Aquamaning:

The power to talk to animals, followed by the realisation that animals are really, really stupid.

Bad Karma

blankspace247 wrote:

I own that book, the huge hardcover version. It is so pretty.

Also, Man Law.

I go through that book almost every damn day. Needs a poster.

Daemon_Aconis

Bad Karma wrote:

Aquaman says..

Fuck you whalers! Link'd fer d'big.

Aquaman hate needs to end! Man Law?

You just managed to ensure Aquaman hate will never end. Never.

alternatingAberration

The power to never sweat.

Think about this. You can never excercise or perform any strenuous activity or you will bake your guts.

That or being able to piss acid. The hydrochloric kind.

One Thousand Dicks

Krosius wrote:

The power to never sweat.

Think about this. You can never excercise or perform any strenuous activity or you will bake your guts.

That or being able to piss acid. The hydrochloric kind.

Those aren't powers, those are, like, birth defects.

Deicist

Furu wrote:

So it turns out my mom has a genetic defect that makes her blood more likely to clot than normal.

Meaning she's a mutant and I might have the same defect.

I think I actually have the worst superpower ever.

I have that. Pro-thrombin Variant B-5 or something. Crazy stuff.

Overlard

blankspace247 wrote:

Overlard wrote:

blankspace247 wrote:

Man, Aquaman has scared Batman. How many people can say that?

Not very many.

Aquaman scared Batman? How? Did he use a Joker puppet or something? :?

I can't remeber the name of the series(Someone help me out) but Batman was diving down in his bat-sub really fucking deep. Picks up something on the bat-sonar and he's like "It's too deep for life that size. Too dee-" and then Aquaman appears infront of the sub scaring the crap out of Bats. It might have been their first meeting, not in comics history but in a retcon of some sort.

Ah that makes sense. It's more of a "BOO!" scare, rather than a creeped-out-crap-my-pants-oh-holy-jesus-I'm-gonna-die scare.

Gryphon_2

Mind reading powers, not telepathy, and be 'gifted' with Tourette's syndrome. The version where you have no control over your mouth and always say what is on your mind.

Malkor

FROM THE DEAD.

The power to turn common maxims into reality. The more well known the maxim, the greater the effect. What makes this lame is that the person with the power doesn't know they have it and cannot control who it effects. If it was in comic book form it would have to be a mini-series because it gets old kinda fast.

The Muffin Man

Spectre-x wrote:

Aquaman controls the largest amount of life on earth; he rules over the largest nation in the world; his nation posesses the most advanced military of the world, in numbers great enough to pretty much kill every surface-dweller, superhumans included; he is strong enough to lift a city block, and has always been much, much stronger than the normal person and even the average superhuman, except for the Golden Age when all he did WAS talk to fish; he can swim faster than the speed of sound; and everybody in the JLA generally regards him as one of their most able and hardcore members.

The only other person to ever scare Batman is Vandal Savage, an immortal, cannibalistic genius.

Aquaman is fucking awesome, and you guys are dumb and stuff.

Superman can push the moon out of orbit(with help, but being 1 of the 3 who do it is impressive). We still make fun of his "Superweaving".

The power to talk to animals, followed by the realisation that animals are really, really stupid.

"Loyal German Shepard, come to my side!"
"Ok I-OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!! THERE IS SOMETHING AT THE OTHER END OF ME! Oh man I'm totally gonna catch it! Maybe if I sneak up and...DAMN got away. OH MAN I'M GONNA GET IT NOW!"

MadJack

you know a power that isnt lame? the power to shovel realy well. yeah shoveler rocks.

BTW the whole aqua man thing

1) he came out lame in superfreinds so because of this every one will make fun of him no matter what, end of story some one wrote a bad book and now aquaman pays forever.

2) pointing out how bad ass he is outside of superfreinds is not gonna change peoples minds from doing a random aquaman sucks thing. its a comic fad and you just need to deal with it im sorry.

3) aqua man is dope but my problem with him is plain and simple, hes to overpowered for me to give a flying fuck about him. thats what i usualy dont like about the DC books is a majority of there stuff is so superpowered your just like "okay and he stops the villain worlds saved... now what" see batman is cool becuase he could fail in a big way and die... superman even death dosnt stop him.

its like watching some one play a video game on godmode its just not that exciting.

headn00b

Daemon_Aconis wrote:

Malkor wrote:

The power to tell when your significant other is about to break up with you and the speed to break up with her/him just before it happens.

That would be a useful ability.

Now, what would make it suck is that if it gave a false-positive 50% of the time, but you knowit's always 100% right.

60% of the time it works every time.

Edit: What page did I just quote from? I thought I was on the last page. Christ...

Charmy

MadJack wrote:

... now what" see batman is cool becuase he could fail in a big way and die....

But does he?

Really, if we want to get into it, Batman is just as invincible as Superman, because DC is never reasonably going to let him die. He never seriously faces that threat either.

But that's a discussion for another thread.

Worst super power? You can consume and digest anything, and have an insatiable hunger to do so. Cutlery, dirt, people.... anything you see, you can and will eat.

Toji Suzuhara

Malkor wrote:

FROM THE DEAD.

The power to turn common maxims into reality. The more well known the maxim, the greater the effect. What makes this lame is that the person with the power doesn't know they have it and cannot control who it effects. If it was in comic book form it would have to be a mini-series because it gets old kinda fast.

That kind of reminds me of what Nico does in Runaways.

ruzkin

The ability to always answer phones very, very quickly.

Telemarketers or not.

Blankspace

MadJack wrote:

you know a power that isnt lame? the power to shovel realy well. yeah shoveler rocks.

BTW the whole aqua man thing

1) he came out lame in superfreinds so because of this every one will make fun of him no matter what, end of story some one wrote a bad book and now aquaman pays forever.

2) pointing out how bad ass he is outside of superfreinds is not gonna change peoples minds from doing a random aquaman sucks thing. its a comic fad and you just need to deal with it im sorry.

3) aqua man is dope but my problem with him is plain and simple, hes to overpowered for me to give a flying fuck about him. thats what i usualy dont like about the DC books is a majority of there stuff is so superpowered your just like "okay and he stops the villain worlds saved... now what" see batman is cool becuase he could fail in a big way and die... superman even death dosnt stop him.

its like watching some one play a video game on godmode its just not that exciting.

I hate this argument. BOTH COMPANIES HAVE REALLY POWERFUL FUCKING CHARACTERS, DC'S ARE JUST MORE POPULAR! Marvel has Galactus, The Sentry, Black Bolt, Franklin Richards, The Celestials, The Living Tribunal and many, many more. Both universes are essentially the same in power levels, just not in popularity of the most powerful characters.

Batman will never, ever die. He is one of the top 3 most recognized heroes in the world (Superman and Spider-Man bieng the others), his death would cause the cancelation of multiple titles and might effect the movie franchise.

Golden Yak

Conditional_Axe wrote:

The ability to move super slow.

STAND STILL, EVILDOERS! EVENTUALLY, THE SLOTH WILL THWART YOUR ASS!

It's more effective than it sounds. Anyone ever see Mighty Mouse? The one with the Human Sloth? Laid the Cow out cold with one Slow Motion Punch.

Blankspace

Golden Yak wrote:

Conditional_Axe wrote:

The ability to move super slow.

STAND STILL, EVILDOERS! EVENTUALLY, THE SLOTH WILL THWART YOUR ASS!

It's more effective than it sounds. Anyone ever see Mighty Mouse? The one with the Human Sloth? Laid the Cow out cold with one Slow Motion Punch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtle_(comics)

Worst.Superpower.Ever.

Scooter

Do we want to derail the thread for this?

Anyways, it's like you said, DC's overpowered characters are their main ones. All the Marvel characters you mentioned are side characters, several whom you might go a couple years without seeing. Take your average JLA lineup, however, and half of them will be virtual gods. You see them every month in a lot of books. That does make a lot of difference.

And personally I find it annoying because the number of times a characters powers have to be ignored to make the story interesting happens a lot more in DC because of that. A big part of Superman is how he has to hold back so often because he'd punch peoples heads off otherwise. I don't want to read stories about heroes that have to hold back to keep from winning by too much.

Bad Karma

MadJack wrote:

3) aqua man is dope but my problem with him is plain and simple, hes to overpowered for me to give a flying fuck about him. thats what i usualy dont like about the DC books is a majority of there stuff is so superpowered your just like "okay and he stops the villain worlds saved... now what" see batman is cool becuase he could fail in a big way and die... superman even death dosnt stop him.

its like watching some one play a video game on godmode its just not that exciting.

Man, when you put it that way, it makes me wonder how comic books have survived this long!

Blankspace

Scooter wrote:

Do we want to derail the thread for this?

Anyways, it's like you said, DC's overpowered characters are their main ones. All the Marvel characters you mentioned are side characters, several whom you might go a couple years without seeing. Take your average JLA lineup, however, and half of them will be virtual gods. You see them every month in a lot of books. That does make a lot of difference.

And personally I find it annoying because the number of times a characters powers have to be ignored to make the story interesting happens a lot more in DC because of that. A big part of Superman is how he has to hold back so often because he'd punch peoples heads off otherwise. I don't want to read stories about heroes that have to hold back to keep from winning by too much.

Even though this thread is chock full of stupid posts(Not DC/Marvel, just terrible jokes) I won't derail it anymore. Consider the discussion dead.

Jordyn

Blankspace

Jordyn wrote:

I always wondered if superheroes were walking around with massive beef bayonets all the time.

Bieng saved by Captain Marvel would be terrifying. Also, arousing.

Jordyn

Scooter

If I wasn't posting from my parents house on my laptop this week, you'd get an awesome pic from Bomb Queen right now. Consider yourselves lucky.

Jordyn

I forgot there was another Helper Man comic.

ExcessiveKnife

Context-Specific Teleportation: Maximum rage- just far enough to avoid a specific threat (2 feet for a bullet, several miles for a nuke), highly reliable, but totally subconcious.

Handy as s**t, but for actually bringing down a villain, better bring a gun or something. Equipment and training could make this a good B-List hero.

Marathon

ExcessiveKnife wrote:

Context-Specific Teleportation: Maximum rage- just far enough to avoid a specific threat (2 feet for a bullet, several miles for a nuke), highly reliable, but totally subconcious.

Handy as s**t, but for actually bringing down a villain, better bring a gun or something. Equipment and training could make this a good B-List hero.

Captain Neener-Neener. The unhitable wonder.

Malkor

Having the power of Superman, but only when you're blacked out from drinking.

Malkor

As a young man your father, an eminent super computer architect took you to his lab the day he unveiled his magnum opus. Coincidentally, or as fate would have it, the lab next door was doing tests on radioactive pandas. The pandas show incrdible intelligence, and quietly escape while the scientists are waiting for what is sure to be the greatest achievement in science ever ever. Being ignored by your family, you start to walk away from the crowd towards the room where the central proccesing unit is located. Unbeknownst to all but your father and possibly, the leader of the pandas, at the very heart of the computer is a miniature gamma bomb in perpetual stasis. In a supreme act of kindness and empathy, the panda storms into the room, grabs you by the scruff of the neck, and attempts to drag you away as your favorite crusty ass retainer causes a chain reaction when the computer is powered on for the first time. After the dust settles and the bodies are cleaned up there's no trace of you or the Panda.

Not even a single solitary molecule.

Skip forward to the year 4006, the Earth is at the center of a glorious technocracy with each marvel more marvelous than the last. Mrs. Hannah al-Salkini-Tsukino's third grade science class is putting the finishing touches on thier 2rd period science project. One of the students, goofing off, puts her space-retainer in the particle accelerator causing a large explosion. Once most of the children's bodies have been sponged up as best as possible and identified the authorities take note of one single survivor, and the carcass of a panda, an animal that has been extinct for 10 years. You wake up to this new world to find that you are now embued with the strength, dexterity and sexual prowess of a panda, and the intelligence and neural plasticity of the fastest Vista-ready super computer of the early 21st century.

Having no prospects for a normal life, the equivalent education of a fetus, and the computational power of a child's wrist watch, you decide to dedicate your life to fighting crime much like your favorite comic book heroes would. You are now known as Panda Dan, the 21st Century Computer Man. You connect to the internet to look up crime-fighting on SuperPedia, and are immediately accosted by a hacker. You spend the next twenty years as a walking spam-bot, sort of like Johnny Mnemonic, but more lame if that's possible. [spoiler:246be20a1e]It is[/spoiler:246be20a1e] Someone eventaully gives you McAfee VirusScan, but it only makes things worse.

TL;DR - I need better things to do during my lunch break.

Supraman

"panda dan". fuck, that was funny.

The ability to jump incredibly without being able to control it. So the first time you jump you burn like a pop-tart on re-entry.

also

The ability to transform into representations of different highschool cliques, (jock, nerd, emo kid, prepsters,etc) by spinning around really fast and yelling out thier name.

actually that wouldnt be so bad, but it would kinda suck when trying to save the earth.

Charmy

Malkor wrote:

Panda Dan, the 21st Century Computer Man

Most of us just shout out random powers here.

But you, Malkor. You create art.

That was beautiful. It earns a special place in my exclusive file of 'Wonderful Things I Found on the Internet'.

Vincent Grayson

Malkor wrote:

As a young man your father, an eminent super computer architect took you to his lab the day he unveiled his magnum opus. Coincidentally, or as fate would have it, the lab next door was doing tests on radioactive pandas. The pandas show incrdible intelligence, and quietly escape while the scientists are waiting for what is sure to be the greatest achievement in science ever ever. Being ignored by your family, you start to walk away from the crowd towards the room where the central proccesing unit is located. Unbeknownst to all but your father and possibly, the leader of the pandas, at the very heart of the computer is a miniature gamma bomb in perpetual stasis. In a supreme act of kindness and empathy, the panda storms into the room, grabs you by the scruff of the neck, and attempts to drag you away as your favorite crusty ass retainer causes a chain reaction when the computer is powered on for the first time. After the dust settles and the bodies are cleaned up there's no trace of you or the Panda.

Not even a single solitary molecule.

Skip forward to the year 4006, the Earth is at the center of a glorious technocracy with each marvel more marvelous than the last. Mrs. Hannah al-Salkini-Tsukino's third grade science class is putting the finishing touches on thier 2rd period science project. One of the students, goofing off, puts her space-retainer in the particle accelerator causing a large explosion. Once most of the children's bodies have been sponged up as best as possible and identified the authorities take note of one single survivor, and the carcass of a panda, an animal that has been extinct for 10 years. You wake up to this new world to find that you are now embued with the strength, dexterity and sexual prowess of a panda, and the intelligence and neural plasticity of the fastest Vista-ready super computer of the early 21st century.

Having no prospects for a normal life, the equivalent education of a fetus, and the computational power of a child's wrist watch, you decide to dedicate your life to fighting crime much like your favorite comic book heroes would. You are now known as Panda Dan, the 21st Century Computer Man. You connect to the internet to look up crime-fighting on SuperPedia, and are immediately accosted by a hacker. You spend the next twenty years as a walking spam-bot, sort of like Johnny Mnemonic, but more lame if that's possible. [spoiler:a08f2035ca]It is[/spoiler:a08f2035ca] Someone eventaully gives you McAfee VirusScan, but it only makes things worse.

TL;DR - I need better things to do during my lunch break.

I would subscribe to this on a monthly basis, if possible.

Wallhitter

How about the power to cause huge bone spikes to come out of your eye sockets? However, they would destroy your eyes. That would suck.

Bucketman

How about the ability to tme travel:

[spoiler:85262c0a17] Just when your about to kill the girl of your dreams[/spoiler:85262c0a17]

-SPI-

blankspace247 wrote:

Golden Yak wrote:

Conditional_Axe wrote:

The ability to move super slow.

STAND STILL, EVILDOERS! EVENTUALLY, THE SLOTH WILL THWART YOUR ASS!

It's more effective than it sounds. Anyone ever see Mighty Mouse? The one with the Human Sloth? Laid the Cow out cold with one Slow Motion Punch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtle_(comics)

Worst.Superpower.Ever.

"using natural slowness as a weapon"

... How the fuck does that even work? And against the Flash as well.

kdrudy

Bucketman wrote:

How about the ability to tme travel:

[spoiler:9c12d3e3ed] Just when your about to kill the girl of your dreams[/spoiler:9c12d3e3ed]

It might be worse if you were about to kiss her.
That's a uh...interesting typo.


Also, super strong neck, no other part of your body just your neck.