Dear New Jersey-based Forumers
Are you available on Saturday, January 17th? Do you like big Warhammer 40k games? Are you willing to help Ein retain the shredded remnants of his sanity? Read on.
After a bit of analysis, I have come to the conclusion that I have way too many unpainted orks
. I have 140 unpainted Assault on Black Reach boyz alone
, not to mention the legions of boyz in parts in bins scattered around my apartment. This is a tremendously depressing obstacle, since seeing that much unpainted plastic tends to unhinge most people's sanity, and I am no exception. It's obvious that, left to my own devices, these things (and thus, a bulk of my army) is never getting painted.
This is an attempt to change that.
On January 17th, I will be throwing open my doors in the hopes that some of you might be willing to help by picking up a brush and laying down the law (and acrylic paint) on this horde.
> Why on earth would I help you paint your own stuff, you lazy son of a bitch?
Good question. This event is half humanitarian, half megabattle, and half party.
First, I will be furnishing whoever participates with pizza and drinks (including alcohol later in the evening) in relative abundance. I am warning you all now that most of the non-alcohol-related drinks will probably be diet sodas or things like seltzer, because I am diabetic and I don't want to get stuck with fourty cartons of regular Coke and shit that I can never have.
By the evening of the 17th rolls around, we will have hopefully dealt some significant damage to the unpainted hordes. At that point, the alcohol will get uncorked, and we will head into the lounge of my apartment building. Once there, we're going to commandeer the pool table, cover it up with a board, and throw down a megabattle of debaucherous proportions
. I expect this battle to drag on into the wee hours of Sunday morning, at which point we will all probably be thoroughly hammered, tired, and sick of miniatures entirely.
The winner of the megabattle will receive the magnificent prize of being allowed to smack me in the head, execution style, with a wiffle bat. It will, of course, be recorded for posterity.
In exchange for help painting my hordes in a party setting, I will feed and inebriate you, and we will then play apocalypse games. Pictures will be taken. A good time will most likely be had. Someone will probably fall down some stairs.
> This sounds stupid but tell me more
WHERE: 1180 Raymond Boulevard, Newark, New Jersey
WHEN: Saturday, January 17, 2009. Painting starts at noon!
> How do I get there?
You can drive here, but parking in Newark is dumb.
Weekend parking at the neighboring facility, from Saturday into Sunday, will cost $18. That might be too much trouble for most folks.
However, my building also has the undisputed benefit of being a block away from Newark Penn Station. This means that you can easily take the trains in if you want to participate. Truthfully, I'm not sure if that's cheaper than the cost of parking, but you don't have to worry about driving/parking in Newark, and it's probably faster than driving for some folks.
> Tell me about the painting.
Prior to the 17th, I will have all of the orks prepped and primed; mold lines removed, flash cleaned up, sprues clipped, limbs pinned where necessary, and a coat of white spray primer will be applied to every single mini. All of my brushes, vallejo and citadel paints, and tools will be available to you. The Assault on Black Reach orks are all left in individual pieces to make painting easier, meaning arms, heads, and bodies are all separate. I expect all of these will be mounted on tooth picks, with a chunk of styrene handy to stick parts in.
I'm using white primer because it'll be easier to achieve uniform results. Basically, painting an ork boy would be really straightforward: Base coat skin in a bright color (goblin green), base coat the clothes whatever damn color you feel like. Then, use the citadel washes on it. Viola, model done. (The bright base coat is intended to serve as the 'highlight' color; washing over that will produce good results). By painting in this two-step way, it'll make it real easy for everyone to achieve pretty uniform results.
I'll also have bases prepped and primed black, for anyone who's willing to help but knows they're not a very good painter. They'll be set up so you can simply drybrush them desert-y colors, and we'll be all set.
Lastly, for anyone who wants to participate, but is terrified of picking up a paint brush, I'd also be happy to have you help me clip the hundred thousand sprues
I have scattered around my apartment, because I really need to do that, as well.
> Tell me about the game.
The game will begin Saturday evening. I'm guessing around 8:00 is a good time. I cannot tell you all how long the game will go, but I anticipate it to extend into the wee hours of Sunday morning. You should do the same.
We'll be moving into the lounge of my apartment building, which is a nice and open space. We'll be using the pool table as our gaming surface. I will be covering the pool table up with some sort of hard surface (wooden planks, etc) so we're obviously not playing directly
on the pool table, but I anticipate a playing surface of about 4x8.
Depending on how many people we get, the size and scope of the game will change. As of right now, I'm going to suggest each player brings a 2,000 point list. If you don't have 2,000 points, don't worry, because I have no doubt someone else will be willing to make up for the point difference.
It'll be played by pretty standard Apocalypse rules. I may add one or two things (like, scenario-related happenings), but I still have to work that stuff out.
The victor of the game will not be decided by Kill Points or any of that other crap. Obviously, if one player tables everything else, they're the winner. In less clear circumstances, we'll leave it up to the tyranny of the majority: Whoever the group thinks deserves to be the winner, wins. In event of a draw, D6 it. Easy! Why?
The winner gets the magnificent prize of being able to deliver their fiercest blow to my cranium with a wiffle-bat, post game. We'll obviously put this on youtube, doubly so if I manage to lose an eye in the process.
Final note: If you show up in time for the game and skip painting entirely, everyone present is allowed to take turns beating on you with said wiffle bat for an indeterminate amount of time.
What happens after this?
Well, there are two options. You can either stay at my apartment for the night/morning and sleep off whatever you've drank, or go the hell home. As of right now, I have no spare sleeping surfaces
. All three of the sleepable surfaces in my apartment have been spoken for (Bed, futon, sofa). If you bring yourself a sleeping bag, or inflatable bed or something, and don't mind sleeping on the floor, you're welcome to spend the night.
I'm kicking you all out by midday Sunday because I am still a responsible law student with things to do.
If you take the train, you might find it easier to get home at whatever godforsaken hour in the morning we decide to quit on Sunday. The parking garage adjacent to my building is, however, open 24 hours, so you can get to your vehicle whenever.
> Anything else I should know?
AS OF RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE 6 ATTENDEES
: and fuck I don't feel like updating this list constantly right now
Myself (I should hope so)
My out-of-state buddy Brian
Another dude named Mike
Dakkabu, from the-waaagh.com's forums
The Count of Midget Fisto
Based on the current composition of attendees, it is important I toss out this disclaimer:
DO NOT COME IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO HANDLE ABOUT 14 HOURS OF TASTELESS JOKES, ETC.
Because that's basically what you're in for.
Please LET ME KNOW YOU ARE COMING by the first week in Jan. or so, so I have some idea of how much room/food I have to provide.