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Dumb Emails From Parents

GoatmonGoatmon You Are An ExperienceMake Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered User regular
edited December 2008 in Singularity Engine++
My Dad is such a great guy, you guys, checke out this email I got from him today.

Date: Thu, 4 Dec 2008 12:39:27 -0600
From: Dad


Original Message

Subject: Fw: Take notice


--- On Thu, 12/4/08, Clarence Murdock Jr. <bandpm3@verizon.net> wrote:


*Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*
*The politically correct police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*
*December 25th is just a " Holiday ".*

*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*
*Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
*At Lowe's the word Christmas - was nowhere to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*

*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-is-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*

*So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!*



It gets a little better. I email him back, saying

"hahaha

As if Christmas is threatened, just because more people are reecognizing there's more than one holiday this season? That's just silly. "



A little later I get a reply.
"I guess you don't get it! There is no other holiday this season but CHRISTMAS Christmas is Christ birthday Didn't I teach yoy anything?"

Feeling concerned for my Dad's ignorance, I decided to educate him on the subject.
"Chrstmas isn't actually Jesus' birthday. It was originally the Winter Solstace. When Christ entered the world, the holiday became about celebrating Jesus instead."

His answer
"are they something wrong with your stupid mind? You are without a doubt the dumest bastard I've came across in quite a while."

There's some irony here, somewhere. My Dad is such a jolly fellow.

So, Social Entrophy, What rampant stupidity have your parents and family shared with you, across the internet?

Goatmon on
wcB194V.gif
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Posts

  • Wombat!!Wombat!! Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Who the fuck calls it a "dream tree?" I have never heard of that shit, ever.

    ·
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2008
    fuck the elderly

    false teeth speak false truths

    ·
  • redheadredhead Registered User
    edited December 2008
    I dunno I feel like he was basically dead on with that last e-mail

    ·
  • Lucky CynicLucky Cynic Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My mom sends me old stuff from youtube all the time.

    "hey have you seen the vid-"

    "yeah."

    ·
  • Lucky CynicLucky Cynic Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    fuck the elderly

    false teeth speak false truths

    I like this.

    ·
  • Sara LynnSara Lynn Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    your dad is a wise, articulate man

    ·
  • Sars_BoySars_Boy Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    man i'm glad my parents aren't religious nuts

    ·
  • ShimShamShimSham Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I give all of my relatives a dummy email address that I use when I know I'm signing up for something that will send me ads and crap.

    when they ask if I got their fwds I just play along like I know what they mean, or say I haven't checked it in a while.

    DrMario1.jpg
    XBOX LIVE - VAULT BOY 42
    ·
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    did you tell him that according to calendar changes, christ was actually born somewhere in september or so according to current calendars?

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
    ·
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My mom likes to email me videos of dogs riding on skateboards and stuff like that. Always cracks me up

    juggcat.jpg
    ·
  • Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User
    edited December 2008
    this explains so much

    ·
  • Wombat!!Wombat!! Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    We best not be sipping starbucks, or else we will become liberal Christmas hating Jesus killers.

    Sorry Sara.

    ·
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    my mom can't use a computer

    I am the luckiest boy alive until she needs help doing something
    then i get 100 or so phone calls

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
    ·
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My mom subscribed me to her bestiality newsletter, and the unsubscribe form on her website is busted

    ·
  • JarofmoldymayoJarofmoldymayo __BANNED USERS
    edited December 2008
    fuck the elderly

    false teeth speak false truths

    False truths is an oxymoron.

    ·
  • GoatmonGoatmon You Are An Experience Make Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    did you tell him that according to calendar changes, christ was actually born somewhere in september or so according to current calendars?

    I don't think there's much point explaining facts to him. He's got the whole world figured out, already.

    Like how the sky is blue because it's a reflection of the ocean.

    wcB194V.gif
    ·
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2008
    fuck the elderly

    false teeth speak false truths

    False truths is an oxymoron.
    no u r

    ·
  • Sara LynnSara Lynn Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Fiz wrote: »
    My mom likes to email me videos of dogs riding on skateboards and stuff like that. Always cracks me up

    haha yes this is basically what my mom does

    'LOOK AT THESE CATS WITH THEIR SILLY HATS ON, LOL'

    mom please never change

    ·
  • Sars_BoySars_Boy Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    did you tell him that according to calendar changes, christ was actually born somewhere in september or so according to current calendars?
    that's stupid

    what does science know about christ's birth

    ·
  • MorivethMoriveth Nobody suspects a thing... Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Man first off you should have criticized your dad for posting such a heinously bad parody

    ·
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I think the worst thing ever would be if I got a link to an xtube video from one of my parents

    "CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME FACIAL"

    juggcat.jpg
    ·
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    goatmon I am not sure but I think I made that up

    it feels like something someone once told me but I'll be damned if I know if there's a lick of truth in it

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
    ·
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Jesus was actually born in February 29th, in Montana

    Denny's is for winners.
    mkc.pngmkc.pngmkc.pngmontykevin.png
    ·
  • McClyMcCly Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Goatmon wrote: »
    "are they something wrong with your stupid mind? You are without a doubt the dumest bastard I've came across in quite a while."


    hahahahahahaha

    kbellchewiesig.jpg
    ·
  • VivixenneVivixenne aDAWRable! Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    my mom actually manages to send me pretty good stuff that I haven't seen before

    then again I'm not an internet joke fiend or anything like that

    ·
  • JordynJordyn Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My mom doesn't e-mail.

    She does text me sometimes, but they're always well-written, grammatically correct text messages.

    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
    ·
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Montana, Iraq


    spread the news

    Jesus is a terrorist

    and is also dating Brit Spears

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
    ·
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    goatmon I am not sure but I think I made that up

    it feels like something someone once told me but I'll be damned if I know if there's a lick of truth in it

    They talked about it on the Boondocks cartoon. The weather in Bethlehem at this time of year is too cold for a person to be in a manger and not freeze to death

    juggcat.jpg
    ·
  • DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    fuck the elderly

    false teeth speak false truths

    I like this.

    Because you're an idiot, I guess? I mean, this is just a guess, but let me know if it's close.

    hello massa, I jar jar binks
    I've overheard someone say "Don't say something is retarded, its not cool to make fun of retards. Just say its gay."
    ·
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2008
    Did you know that according to the original versions of the scripture, joseph wasn't a carpenter but in fact ran an opium den?

    and jesus was born of mary's anus, that's how she kept her sacred virginity

    ·
  • KilljoyKilljoy __BANNED USERS
    edited December 2008
    My dad emails me. His letters are always full of expectations.

    ·
  • GoatmonGoatmon You Are An Experience Make Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Lord Dave wrote: »
    Jesus was actually born in February 29th, in Montana

    Luckyily, Joseph Smith was on hand to deliver the baby.

    wcB194V.gif
    ·
  • MorivethMoriveth Nobody suspects a thing... Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    So I saw Son of Rambow today. That was a pretty good movie.

    ·
  • McClyMcCly Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Sara Lynn wrote: »
    Fiz wrote: »
    My mom likes to email me videos of dogs riding on skateboards and stuff like that. Always cracks me up

    haha yes this is basically what my mom does

    'LOOK AT THESE CATS WITH THEIR SILLY HATS ON, LOL'

    mom please never change

    I get a bunch of pictures with giant dogs sleeping with little kittens. So cute.

    kbellchewiesig.jpg
    ·
  • RaneadosRaneados Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Fiz wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    goatmon I am not sure but I think I made that up

    it feels like something someone once told me but I'll be damned if I know if there's a lick of truth in it

    They talked about it on the Boondocks cartoon. The weather in Bethlehem at this time of year is too cold for a person to be in a manger and not freeze to death

    he had blankets,


    oh yeah and was also fucking JESUS

    Dubh wrote: »
    Rane is the future of ancient greek tradition
    ·
  • JarofmoldymayoJarofmoldymayo __BANNED USERS
    edited December 2008
    Did you know that according to the original versions of the scripture, joseph wasn't a carpenter but in fact ran an opium den?

    and jesus was born of mary's anus, that's how she kept her sacred virginity

    BWAHAHAHAHA

    ·
  • GravesGraves Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I celebrate Life Day.

    Usher wrote:
    Honey got a booty like pow pow pow
    Honey got some boobies like wow oh wow.
    ·
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Did you know that in the original Bible, instead of "sheep" it said "banana"

    Denny's is for winners.
    mkc.pngmkc.pngmkc.pngmontykevin.png
    ·
  • VivixenneVivixenne aDAWRable! Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Did you know that according to the original versions of the scripture, joseph wasn't a carpenter but in fact ran an opium den?

    and jesus was born of mary's anus, that's how she kept her sacred virginity

    the only conclusion I can draw from this is that Joseph was very likely Chinese

    ·
  • StationaryStationary Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My parents are pretty great. In fact I would say they are fantastic and put up with much more bullshit from me growing up then they should have.

    At Thanksgiving dinner my aunt yelled at me for not praying before we ate though, which was odd because I have told them all many times I no longer consider myself a christian.

    Oh and then she started rambling about "how I'm not saying I believe it but Barack Obama does have a lot in common with the anti-Christ depicted in revelations" sooooo my extended family is bat-shit insane.

    ·
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