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Hey its lady trouble

DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomedCanadaRegistered User regular
edited January 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
So bit of background I guess:

I dated this girl for 2 years and went off to college, we decided to rent out a 2 bedroom basement apartment and everything was swell.

About 6 months later and things had been pretty stressful due to school and just well living together really. It probably wasn't the best of ideas moving in together, we just weren't ready for it. Now just before the christmas holidays we broke up mutually and didn't talk to each over the holidays. Now I've been kinda dreading comeing back as I wasn't sure what would happen. Well I found out she is dating someone else now and feeling pretty distraught about it. I'm not over her yet it has only been a few weeks and I would like to get over her but I was suprised to find out she was dating.

I would like to just sever all ties but seeing as we have a lease for 4 more months I don't really have any way of doing that...
Unfortuantly we got seperate lease's as well

I'm kinda at a loss of what to do and feeling pretty shitty. Any idea on what I could do to deal with it?

Dixon on

Posts

  • TexiKenTexiKen Oh, no. And that's that.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Try and realize she's probably not dating this guy, but it's more of a rebound thing that won't go beyond a few weeks max.

    ohno_zpsdb826db6.jpg
  • RallyGirl76RallyGirl76 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2009
    Wow, this sucks, so sorry Dixon.

    Look, some people cope differently, I have been told that putting yourself back out there and dating again and not dwelling on things is how some people cope and move on. It helps them not have to stop and process there emotional feels.

    I, however, am like you, I take time to move on and get over things. I like to reflex and grow from my mistakes and like to take my time to get better before i started dating again. To do that i use work, my hobbies, meetup groups, family and friends to help me not get depressed and help me be single again for a while. Then I can start dating again.

    As for the living arrangements, that is terrible, can you look for somewhere else and sub-lease? I feel you have to get out of there for your on mental health.

    Shoes are better than sex...almost!
    "So alternate, against the grain, anti establishment - so you're just a regular joe again, right?"
  • DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Thanks guys,

    Yeah the last thing I want to do is see other women. I have been hanging out with my friends a lot over the break, but now I'm back at school. There is a gym at school I've been going to but plan to start going more. Lifting weights does help burn the frustration.

    As for living arrangements I've been listing the place and trying to sublet it over the break but no luck. I can get a month off the lease if I pay off all my rent now. So I might do that, at least that is one less month...

    Argh I'm just hoping she doesn't bring him around

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Then talk to her.

    Tell her that you want her to be happy but that you are unfortunately not quite over her and you would appreciate it if he did not bring him around when you are there.

    Seriously 80% of problems would be solved here if instead of people talking to us they talked to people involved.

  • GonmunGonmun He keeps kickin' me in mah dickRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Hey Dixon,

    Sorry to hear about what's going on. I was in a situation very similar to this, only instead of mutual it was her breaking up with me and then 3 days later a guy backed out of a driveway drunk and t-boned my car.

    The best thing to do is to try and keep yourself busy as others have suggested. I saw that your going to the gym which is a great idea. I did the same thing with a bunch of my classmates and it made me feel better about myself when I was starting to see results. It's also nice to be able to get some frustrations out in a physical way that isn't harmful and if you're with friends all the better.

    As far as the living conditions, really it would be best to get out of there. It might seem like you can stand being around for now but believe me when I say it will only get more frustrating as time goes on. For me, we shared a 2 bedroom apartment and I moved into the second bedroom but after a month it got really bad. She even screwed over my birthday by bringing another guy over and saw me then said she was going to go to his place to "watch movies".

    Not to say the same thing will happen but with her possibly dating somebody else now it can make for very awkward and hurtful situations that you shouldn't have to go through. If there's a way to sub-lease or something you really should do it.

    desc wrote: »
    ~ * swole patrol flying roundhouse kick top performer recognition: April 2014 * ~

  • OremLKOremLK Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    This seems like something you're going to have to weigh personally, because it totally comes down to how you feel. If you can't find someone to sublet the apartment to, then you'll have to decide how much the putting up with the situation is worth to you, financially. I don't think any of us can help you do that.

    But I agree with talking to her, if you decide to stay. Hopefully she still has enough respect for your feelings to cut you some slack for awhile, if you approach it the right way.

    It's probably not reasonable for you to expect her never to bring any guys over for four months, though, so keep that in mind.

    currently playing LoL: Polymath
    a fading melody - my indie platformer for the xbox 360
  • DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Thanks guys again for the advice

    Yeah I'm going to keep looking for someone to sublet to, but I may just get out of here altogether. I couldn't stay here for 4 more months so I think I would just cut my losses and leave. Find somewhere cheap to fill out the remainder of my year.

    I'm going to try to talk to her today to see what she wants to do. It would be easier if we both got someone to sublet our leases as tha would be the whole basement. I would imagine we could find someone at that point. I know I can't expect her not to bring guys over but hopefully we can do something like if the other person isn' there or something for the night. I don't think I could handle having her and another guy right next door to me...at least not right now.

    Gonmun: That is a terrible thing for her to do, I couldn't imagine how that felt.

    I'll post back here to let you guys know how the talk goes

  • GonmunGonmun He keeps kickin' me in mah dickRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Like a rusty knife going in. We were together 3 years and she said that she forgot it was my b-day even though I had asked if we could have a civil meal together the day prior. *shrugs* But, that was almost 7 years ago now. Live and learn I suppose.

    I do hope things go well for you and in all seriousness I hope that you are able to find a place and not be out the money on a lease. Try to do as much as you can to keep your mind off things, hang out with friends, go to the gym, etc. Eventually you'll start to feel a bit better and then from there you can get back into the swing of things. Might seem a bit hard right now but it will get better.

    desc wrote: »
    ~ * swole patrol flying roundhouse kick top performer recognition: April 2014 * ~

  • SmurphSmurph Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Yeah, as a side to what Gonmun said don't try to stick it out if you really are unhappy. Sounds like your lease has an early out clause, and even though it would hurt financially you would probably be happier somewhere else. It's not worth being miserable for 6 months just to save 2 grand or so. You can always make more money but you can never get that time back. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though and she is someone you can get along with after a breakup.

  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    GTFO of that house. I'm trying to imagine having done that with either of the two people I've lived or basically lived with and it's just terrible.

    That sounds like some nasty co-dependency issues on her end, though.

  • DanMachDanMach Registered User
    edited January 2009
    Very good buddy of mine went through something extremely similiar. They dated for about 5 years before hand though.. then they moved in, and broke up 6 months later. They were both still on the lease for 6 more months.. anyways, they generally had a rule of "No dates at the house." and it was abided by all. So no worries of coming home to find your ex sweetie doing someone else. However, they ALSO shared a bedroom.. so even more confusing :P

    ANYWAYS, his solution was straight forward:

    We got really drunk, all the time, for a long time.

    Note: This doesn't mean get drunk, this means finds something that distracts the living crap out of you. Me and him didn't go out to get drunk, we went out to play pool, talk to girls, listen to music, etc.. it just so happened this all occured at bars :)

    So I guess basically, try and a find a fellow lonely guy and just hang out a lot. Its a lot easier to cope if you got someone there to kick you in the ass some when you are down.

    Best of luck my friend, I promise... it never gets easier, its just that the rest of your life will get so very very much better that you don't care.

  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Aye, you need to find a way to make your escape. Can you talk with your landlord, explaining the situation, and convince them to dissolve the lease? Generally they won't, but they certainly won't if you don't at least try to ask them. A small chance is better than a 0% chance, and it doesn't hurt to ask.

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Aye, you need to find a way to make your escape. Can you talk with your landlord, explaining the situation, and convince them to dissolve the lease? Generally they won't, but they certainly won't if you don't at least try to ask them. A small chance is better than a 0% chance, and it doesn't hurt to ask.

    Thanks again guys, feeling a bit better

    I talked to the landlord and he was able to take a month off the lease which is better then nothing I guess, but still if shit hits the fan I'm going to just get out of there. Gonna see how the week goes I guess.

    Talked with her for a while, she said she won't be bringing him back - which is what she said - which is somewhat good. I really just want to get out of there though.

    I'm going to continue to look for someone who wants to acquire the lease, but I don't see that being a very viable option. The landlord wasn't even able to rent out the upstairs

  • OremLKOremLK Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Smurph wrote: »
    Yeah, as a side to what Gonmun said don't try to stick it out if you really are unhappy. Sounds like your lease has an early out clause, and even though it would hurt financially you would probably be happier somewhere else. It's not worth being miserable for 6 months just to save 2 grand or so. You can always make more money but you can never get that time back. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though and she is someone you can get along with after a breakup.

    Again, I think this is something he needs to decide for himself. It's an old, cliched chestnut, but it's true as far as it goes: Time is money.

    It takes time to save up money for whatever it is you want (down payment on a house, hospital bills to have a kid, that new gaming PC). It's just a matter of whether he wants the things that money can get him more than he wants out of a shitty situation.

    And only he can figure that one out.

    currently playing LoL: Polymath
    a fading melody - my indie platformer for the xbox 360
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